Wow, that was harsh grading! I know I loved this story. It makes me think three or four times about ever submitting something for any literary contest. I got into writing because I thought it was fun.
Even though it was a very short story, it got me going in a different direction. I thought Lois was going to be utterly thoughtless about the charitable aspect of the car wash, but you redeemed her right at the very end.
Like Hazel, I was also expecting a revelation as Lois sees the S outlined behind his wet shirt.
As for characterizations, I thought both were spot on for mid-season 1. The near-miss on the kiss was classic.
