I threw some of you for a loop!
And, honestly, I didn't see that coming. Well, I saw it coming, belatedly and with a bit of nail biting, when I was reading comments on the previous part. The 'We're married' and 'you owe me a lot of anniversary presents' conversation went over a bit differently than I expected. (Part of the thrill ride aspect of posting, that's for sure.)
I used the 'presents' line to show what Lois has called 'distancing.' A habit of hers, and just a small signal she was pulling back from the intense truth.
Also, the fight down the stairs, her vehement objection to Clark seeing what she had. Bread crumbs, really, leading to her state of mind. But nothing pointed and nothing directly said.
And, thus, it has taken six parts but we have reached my storytelling Kryptonite. (And, no, Wendy, it's *not* the commas. Or... not
only the commas.) It's under-telling. So fearful am I of overstating anything, I tend to lean the opposite way.
That said, we *will* get inside Lois's head... erm... soonish. And I hope, once there, it will be satisfying enough to account for what looks like an about-face on her side. If not, though, do let me know! I've mulled over adding a few lines here and there, but I'm still undecided.
Now, have I said
Thank you? Because, holy cow, thank you!! Your comments are so smart and so fun. I really appreciate the time and attention you are giving this.
A few things:
how come Silas has to spend two years working at the museum? There are so many thousands of descendants, why would anyone have to be 'forced' to work there? Surely someone would want to. Just a thought.
A good thought, too, Chris. And... I'm not saying.
But that's an excellent catch!
Also this:
is there something in the ex-DP building that masks their souls? Is that why they haven't been found yet? If they leave the building for any length of time, could they be tracked?
and this:
And then I thought, maybe they're getting lost amid the family members (all that Kryptonian DNA floating around)... or maybe there's interference from the contemporary incarnation of the soul mates?
Both of those are so good. And... I wish like all heck I'd thought of them! Really, I whimpered a bit and considered some heavy rewriting.
The only thing I don't get is how everyone notices that Lois looks exactly like Lois, but no one seems to notice that Clark/Superman looks exactly like the originals. How could Silas not have commented on that?
Love this observation! Have been waiting for that to come up. All eyes are on Lois and her amazing resemblance, and there's Clark Kent standing right there and... nothing. I have a theory as to why, and it gets hinted at in this next part.
And the other thing... about the soul tracer malfunction... Perhaps it was programmed so that the current incarnations wouldn't interfere... so basically, it just doesn't work for this time period, because... well, why would they need it to?
Ah. Well. I have no comment on this. Just... it's smart, isn't it? Maybe we should all sit back and admire it a bit?
And then this, because is made me laugh!
Oh boy!!!! /me scoots clo... falls off the chair... picks herself back up and reads on...
Sara, thank you for your amazing feedback that reads longer than the story parts! I don't know how you do it!
And thank you, too, to a certain teacher/lurker for her wonderful comments.
Ok. If you're all still with me, part 7 is on its way.
I'd love to know what you think, good and bad.
CC
