I read your story and really enjoyed it. I think it's very impressive the grasp you have over the English language...especially if you're self taught. I went through years of French in elementary and high school and I totally suck at it, so anybody who can learn another language, especially on their own has my admiration. That said, there are some grammar problems and whatnot (obviously) but they don't really hinder the enjoyment of the story (and it is very good). If I wasn't a student I would offer to beta for you, but as it is I just don't have the time. Awesome job on your first fic and I hope to see more
