Interesting choice to focus on the anticipation, the buildup, rather than the payoff. My favorite line was this one:
Quote
I want her to want a second date, and a third, and a fourth… and a future.
Yeah, you could have written about so many things from this episode, which is why there are so many fanfics based on it. wink So I like that you chose something less obvious. Good job. smile

You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink