Welcome! It's always good to have a new writer. Especially if it's going to be nfic. And your story looks like it might head in that direction...
I pretty much liked the beginning - especially the floating bit - and can't wait to find out where it leads.
Apart from my comments, I can also offer to do some beta-reading for you. Unlike Jessi, I'm strongest in spelling (unless there're typos involved), and I know some grammar. Since I'm not a native speaker of English, I lack a little in everyday sort of stuff, like slang or some such. But I think that, between the three of us, whe should be able to make things work quite nicely.
