This looks like this is going to be a very enjoyable story! I'm looking forward to the rest of it.
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Just be patient- the rest of the story gets better!
I hope you aren't putting yourself down here--Part 1 is very good. If the rest gets better it's going to be fantastic.

Vonceil

Johnny was a chemist,
Now Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H two O
Was really H two S O four.
--Lab safety limrick--