Well, I cheated on my latest story. It's Lois and Clark.
But don't tell my classmates.
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tattle!
I walk in the door, finally home from work, and Brian waddle-runs towards me. I scoop him up and hold him high over my head, flying him around the foyer for a minute before I settle him on my hip.
"How's my little man today?"
"Daddy!" He throws his arms up as he yells.
I tickle under his arms, and he squeals and wriggles with laughter. I walk with him into the kitchen to find Lois.
"Uh, oh. Mommy's cooking," I say conspiratorially to Brian.
"Hungry," he whispers back, matching my tone.
"You're right. We're gonna go hungry."
He talks and he walks, and he is only 1... Boy, he is a Superbaby!
Brian squirms a little against us after a moment. "Bir-day."
I step back reluctantly and focus my attention back on Brian. "That's right, little man. Tomorrow's your first birthday, and you're gonna have a party, aren't you?"
He nods enthusiastically. "Choc-ate!"
The kid knows the pleasures of life already! “Choc-ate” Aaaa… Cute!
The soft, dim light flickers along the walls, chasing shadows of rabbits from the lampshade around the room. The rabbits blur instead of hop, running futilely in circles towards a nonexistent destination. Are they chasing or fleeing?
I loved this metaphor!
The rabbits taunt me now, as if they're playing some sick game of monkey in the middle, but I don't know what it is they're keeping from me. In an instant, they sink deeper into the wall. Someone's turned the hall light on. Lois is awake.
Those are very scary bunnies...
Her voice, just as soft as it had been those nights, pulls me back to the present again. "Are you coming to bed?" she asks. I can't tell if it's annoyance with me or the strain of so many sleepless nights in her tone.
Oh boy, she is just seeking for comfort. She needs you, lunkhead!
She looks at me tenderly, I imagine, and turns on her side to face me. "I did some laundry today," she says softly.
Oh, you had me crying! I loved the way you finished the story, nice ending!
I tried something I've never tried before in this story – actually two things: writing in first person and writing in present tense. They both scare the wits out of me. *g* I hope my first attempt is passable.
I don’t know why you are so scared, I loved it! The fiction reads beautifully! Your first person was really good!
