Among all the other fun stuff, I especially loved the reference to Charlotte's Web (or whatever). I only know the second movie (featuring Wilbur and Charlotte's three daughters - and, of course, another web with spelling) and then only in German, but... Well, it had me in stitches. Your reference, not the movie.

The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)