I'm glad Lois fessed up. And I'm glad she told him she doesn't want him to change, to feel weird, or suddenly declare his undying love for her. (Although I don't know how much good that will do, since he's already acting weird.) I also understand why she'd want to rebuild those walls around her heart. She's only trying to defend herself, not to frustrate or cut herself off from Clark. It's not only natural, I can't think of any other way for her to remain mentally healthy in this kind of marriage.
But while it is true that people cannot decide beforehand those to whom they will be attracted, we can decide whom we will love. Lois had decided to love Clark because of the kind of person he is, not because he's good in bed or because he helps her make cute babies.
Love isn't a feeling. Being "in love" is, and it's a wonderful feeling. I don't know anything that can beat it, although becoming a parent is pretty close to being even. But we can't live our lives on our feelings or our emotions, and that's what Clark has been trying to do. He's tried to keep his feelings for Lana alive as time has gone by, and he's close to learning that his love for Lana was never the grow-old-with-and-die-holding-your-hand kind of love. It was always about the feelings and reactions they elicited in each other, and never the patient, kind, tender, forgiving or the other's failures, no scorekeeping of wrongs done, no recounting of flaws kind of love. I doubt that Lana, despite her stated desires and intentions, could have stayed married to Clark for very long, even if he had been able to hide his powers from her. She would eventually have insisted that certain things (career, lifestyle, location of home) go her way.
He's been showing that kind of love for Lois lately. The backrubs and foot massages, the touches of heat judiciously applied, his assurance that he'll protect her and their children, his care for her mental and emotional state, all point to a love for Lois in Clark's heart.
Mind you, he's not where he should be. He's still not to the "forsaking all others till death do us part" point. He hasn't decided to let go of Lana yet (although I think he's close), and he absolutely has to do that. And, most importantly, he mustn't expect any of those "benefits" unless Lois initiates the occasion, and she's even less likely to do that now than before. Clark, I suggest that you buy some locking steel boxers to wear to bed. Just make sure you warm them up before you cuddle close to Lois.
Maybe now he'll stop thinking about leaving after the five years are up. Maybe now he'll tell Lois he doesn't plan to divorce her. Maybe he'll promise to stay with her no matter how many blonds throw themselves at his feet in the future. And maybe Lois' depression will ease a bit if she knows he's not leaving just because a time frame has expired.
And maybe my foot is in my mouth or my finger is in my ear, too. You know I'm reading, Carol, or I wouldn't be commenting. Keep them coming! (The chapters, I mean.)
