I liked the forward progression in this part, HG. I'm a fan of the type of subtle humor you included.
Oh, no. The universe hated him.
...
and
...
Lois did not say, “I know you! You’re Clark Kent, that smarmy Tom Clancy wannabe I couldn’t get a decent interview out of last week!”
I also appreciate the way you've advanced the story without making it drag through the scenes that are already known. Yes, it's a rewrite of the pilot as an AU, but you haven't made me sit through each familiar conversation. Instead, many of the pilot events happen off screen to be recapped in dialogue or in a character's thoughts. Good pacing.
There was no way a superficial character like Clark Kent stood a snowball’s chance in Hell with Lois Lane
Heh. It looks like Clark has forgotten that he doesn't have to be the shallow, superficial character he created. He doesn't yet know how Lois would react to his true farmboy nature - you know, the one that's a really good investigative reporter, who can be strong in his own right against the mighty Mad Dog Lane.
His eyes went back to the city spread out below him. “No, it’s something else. Something I can’t put my finger on. I don’t know what it is. I just have the gut feeling that I need to be here, at least for a while.”
Ha! and immediately, we get the proof of Clark's words. He rescues Lois Lane twice and then ends up with a date with her. He must stay in Metropolis, now.
BJ
