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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
So...things are a LITTLE better now. Aren't they? 
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Originally posted by AntiKryptonite:
So...things are a LITTLE better now. Aren't they? AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!   No.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,466
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2013
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Better?  ) But without his powers, Superman had only the virtue of surprise on his side. It wasn’t hard, then, to know what he had to do. Bait, Luthor had called him, so he would bite because Clark was dead--and that was the fate that always claimed bait, wasn’t it?--and Superman was the fish. Once the bait was taken, there was only one course for the fish to take--to fight or die. Ominous. Very, very much so. I really liked the 'bait' and 'fish' thought process. Creatively written  "And I have one for him in return.” He paused long enough for the two men to look nervous, to shift their weight as if to run, then said, slowly and distinctly, “So take me to him.” Eek. Another 'Yikes!'. This is where the pillow was actually hiding part of my face. 'Nervous' would be a huge understatement here. I was so emotionally invested into the story when it got to this part, my heart was pounding! He's actually requesting to be taken to Luthor??? W/o having his powers??? Clark/Superman--what are you thinking? I think I need to add another 'Yikes' here  He’d intentionally chosen a pace that was slow enough they could easily flank him before he reached the elevator--he might be impetuous and impatient, but he didn’t intend on giving away just how lost he was. Performing. Hoping the men will help him to 'perform'. Such an eerie time in the story...heading to who knows what--who knows where. Creepy! The Secret, because if he was giving out capital letters then surely that deserved one too I really like these capital words! Great addition! He drew a line down Clark’s face, and it took a long, pain-hazed moment for Clark to realize that it was not his touch that hurt but the edge of the tinted glass he was using to paint blood along his cheekbone, along his wrist, along the exposed line of his neck, acts of war splashed over living surfaces. OMG! So dark...so mean. SO SO cruel! And the doors burst open, and blue and gold and flesh colors burst into the room, a mass intrusion, the cavalry arrived, and Clark’s eyes were cloaked in green, an aura that touched the whole world, but he knew Henderson was in the lead, a cell-phone in his hand where he’d heard every malicious, incriminating word Luthor had spewed at him. Thank goodness. (Realizing that shoulders now are finally 'down' and I'm starting to relax). But Lois was right there, her fingers working against his side, and suddenly his cape was blanketing him, red blood on red folds, hidden and discreet, and his parents were safe. Red on Red. Camouflage. "No!” Lois snapped at him. But it wasn’t her usual snap of command. It was fractured with doubt, broken with tears, made ineffectual by regret. “No, Clark! Clark!” ???--Ok, you've gotta get this fixed! PLEASE! They have too much to talk about and too much to share with each other. There is a lot of love wrapped into a lot of confusion. Post, please post! Great job--it's amazing... Laura
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Joined: Dec 2012
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 188 |
.... better?? BETTER???  come on!! This is an endless abyss where Clark's body and soul is falling .. and falling... Please!  fix all this!!
Clark: "So what are you saying? I should go crawling back on my hands and knees?"
Martha: "No, honey. Fly back. It's faster!!"
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 188
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 188 |
.... better?? BETTER??? come on!! This is an endless abyss where Clark's body and soul is falling .. and falling... Please! fix all this!!
Clark: "So what are you saying? I should go crawling back on my hands and knees?"
Martha: "No, honey. Fly back. It's faster!!"
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
Can I just add my name to Laura's post? Laura, you did an excellent job of articulating just what I was thinking as I read this. I especially liked the way you described the beginning as down time as it all sinks in and Clark says goodbye to himself. ...and you picked my favorite quotes!  AntiK, what can I say? You are a darn good writer. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Great suspense. The tiny sharp-toothed creature trying to escape from his stomach brought to my mind images of the Spartan boy with the fox. I also really liked the way the phone conversation in the beginning was written. I liked that Lois pretended to mistake Superman for Clark when he first answered. And then this sentence: Lois was a master performer herself, the slightest tinge of dread mixed with palpable surprise and swirled all together with that adoration she’d held for Superman before The Window. And this paragraph: “No!” The denial was so immediate, so broken, so disbelieving that for a minute Superman seriously wondered if he’d hallucinated Lois being in on the Secret. But her perfume still danced in the air and the coffee still sat, cold and untouched, on the counter, and she had always been a good actress, able to twist him around her little finger at her slightest whim. That paragraph in particular was just so sad - especially since it begins in a way which *should* have given Clark hope. Altogether an excellent chapter, although, as others have noted, we are no better off now than we were before. And worse, I already played my "please post early" card! I cannot wait to read what happens next....
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
No Lois. Bad enough he’d already singled her out by taking her to the cruise ship--he didn’t fool himself that word wouldn’t eventually get out about that no matter what they made Luthor believe today--but for him to do anything but give her the interviews he’d given her before would be dangerous in the extreme. There would be no partnering up on investigations, no desks side by side in a newsroom, no lunches taken together, no late night stakeouts, and the Daily Planet hadn’t been gone so long that a life absent of those things seemed normal.
But worse, worse than anything else, there would be no hope. No hope of romance in the future, of soft looks and shy touches and wondrous kisses. No hope of more friends or Kerth awards or casual relationships formed with coworkers or people he interviewed or neighbors in an apartment complex. Ouch! Lois means so much to Clark that the separation is painful. Even with the DP gone they could make a life together, but to lose the Planet and Lois? It is more than he can bear. But Clark was dead, and without Clark, Superman was only a blue suit and red cape now stained with so much blood it was too heavy to wear. The apartment was gone and so was the closet, and there was nothing left.
He slipped into an abyss with no end, and all dreams ceased. I can actually see Lex cutting Clark face. The situation will get better! Right Anti-K? 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,466
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,466 |
“No!” The denial was so immediate, so broken, so disbelieving that for a minute Superman seriously wondered if he’d hallucinated Lois being in on the Secret. But her perfume still danced in the air and the coffee still sat, cold and untouched, on the counter, and she had always been a good actress, able to twist him around her little finger at her slightest whim.
Vicki posted:
That paragraph in particular was just so sad - especially since it begins in a way which *should* have given Clark hope. Another great part--I loved the line 'But her perfume still danced in the air and the coffee still sat, cold and untouched, on the counter, and she had always been such a good actress, able to twist him around her little finger at her slightest whim.' Just so beautifully written . And so descriptive--the perfume, the coffee. The words really paint a picture of the scene... Thanks for the compliment, Vicki  ...and you are so right--AntiK,you are a darn good writer . It is very hard to walk away from this story btw postings. So.... Might as well beg again: Please?   Pretty please? Please post soon... Laura
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
OMG... AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!
So... Superman is close to death or dying.
Clark Kent is officially dead.
Things don't look good.
Fortunately, Lois is there, and we know that she'll never let Clark die if she can help it. She'll pull him back from the brink.
Hopefully.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Ummm...very descriptive answer, Virginia. So...I take it you're enjoying the story?  I didn't envision the Spartan boy when I wrote that metaphor, Vicki, but it does apply, doesn't it? And I love how you said that about Clark hearing something that SHOULD give him hope and reading sadness into it instead -- because really, without Clark Kent, that's what happens to him. Posting tonight -- doesn't count as early, but at least it's here, right? The loss of the Daily Planet is really hard on Clark, Morgana! I've read lots of things that focus on how it affected Lois -- and loved them -- but I wanted to show how much it affected Clark too, to lose the one place where he'd felt accepted and whole as a human. That line was actually helped along by my beta, Lynn, so thank her for that one -- I think I had 'perfume touched the air' and 'the coffee still sat, cold and untouched,' so she helpfully pointed that out, and I had to rewrite it a bit. Very glad I did now too!  It's such a compliment to hear that it's hard to leave the story -- thank you! Lois does have a knack for pulling off the impossible, Iolanthe! I sure hope she can do it again! Thanks, everyone! I really enjoy hearing all your thoughts and reactions!
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