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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Interesting part. "Of course, the bulk of Metropolis doesn't know what *I* know, do they?" she continued recklessly, sweeping a hand around her. "In this apartment, you scorned me, derided me, humiliated me, and flew away afterwards, leaving me to cry without a care in the world. Or have you forgotten?"
The mask was crumbling now -- she could see the lines of care, of worry, straining at the corners of his eyes.
"No, Lois, I haven't forgotten." It was said quietly, blandly.
"Then don't you *dare*," she spat out, "Don't you *dare* stand there and ask me what I was thinking when I called you a liar. Don’t you *dare* try and tell me that I was wrong, that I misjudged you, that I'm being too hasty. Don’t even begin to try and explain what you did. Don't try and run back the way you came, brush what you did to me under the mat and pretend it never happened. Don't even *start* to think that I'll just let it go like that, that you can go back to being the adulated idol in my eyes."  She is not the only one confuse. I'm confuse. :rolleyes:  Why Superman didn't notice that she coudn't have done that mess in seconds she arrive from TV protest and she definitely don't fly. Why is so important for her to question Superman the way she did. Like she believe he was a murder.  Now poor Clark is worth not. MAF
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Posts: 3,454
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454 |
Yes, I'm afraid that I have a problem with this section too, Sara.  Much as I love your writing, and much as I've been enjoying this story so far, I think it's far too much of a coincidence that Lois would start saying exactly the same sort of things as her double has been saying out on the street, just at the right time and just to the right person. There were lots of things she could have said to Superman, but to accuse him (or almost accuse him) of failing to save Lex Luthor right then, right after her double had done the same, required just too much of a leap of credulity for me.  I could imagine, for instance, her asking him whether he'd known the truth about Luthor and if so why he hadn't told her. That, I would think, might be her first question, and it would still work with her still angry with Superman. Had he wanted to humiliate her further? That would be one reason, she might think, for not telling her the truth about Luthor. (I have to say, too, her excuse about wanting closure or to 'say goodbye' didn't really ring true for me either). But, as it is, I just can't believe that they had that fairly lengthy conversation and Superman's flown away still convinced that it was Lois out on the street - and that Lois didn't realise they were talking at cross-purposes. I'm sorry to be negative, Sara, especially when - as I said - I've been enjoying this story. But this section just didn't convince me, and what's worse is that I suspect that it may be a pivotal one. Wendy 
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Really intriguing and well written.
I really enjoyed this part, and hope you write more soon.
Silence is violence. End white supremacy based violence
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
Wow!! Impressive!! Jose 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
Sara, some powerful writing here. You've really showcased the emotional upheavals in all their rawness. The inner turmoil is relentless. I do think you are treading dangerously along that line of angst for angst sake. I have to agree with Wendy that some of things presented didn't quite make sense. I was a bit lost following Lois' chain of logic (or illogic) from the 'why he didn't save Lex' to the 'why he rejected her declaration of love'. It seemed to hinge on her believeing that Superman could allow a man to die because he hate him, yet she claims she doesn't think he would do that. Maybe that needs to be clarified a bit. Also, the whole argument at the end would be cleared up if Clark admits to his secret identity, which, I got the impression, that he was ready to do. We need to know why he doesn't want to 'settle' things by telling her the truth. Powerful stuff, but a tad confusing for some of us who aren't quite as immersed in the inner workings of super angst  . Tank (who thinks it would have been fun if Clark brought up the Lois meeting on the street, then Lois really would have thought Superman was nuts)
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 767 |
Sara
interesting part
but I also agree with Wendy
more
merry
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Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Ok well it was powerful, but I am kind of lost also. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: May 2003
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Wendy, Tank, everybody - thanks for commenting Unfortunately, I didn't spot the plot problems existing in here before posting - you guys made some good points, which hadn't crossed my mind before, and I agree on some counts. Another reason why I'm so so so glad this a WIP and not a finished piece - it would have really, really sucked if I had the story all written at this point Pending further negotiations with my betas [translation - helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp, Rat, Roger, Sas!!!!!!] I'll be working on this over the next few days [aiming to have this smoothed over within a week, if these relentless, blinding headaches decide to quit ] and I really do hope that what I come up with makes sense this time. My head's just going round in circles at the moment, so it may take a while... but I'll hopefully get there in the end. Sara
Death: Easy, Bill. You'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.
Meet Joe Black
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