Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments and suggestions: Finding Clark Kent (part 3)

You know how it works. Comments, suggestions, thoughts, speculations, constructive criticism, etc. go here. Whatever you've got on your mind that's related to this story (and particularly this part), type it up and post it!

TOC

Paul

/me rubs hands together gleefully

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. The drugs were as expected, and the FDA will take care of that issue. Lex is dead (ooh, he must've ticked off Mindy! never a healthy move); perhaps Lois might want to investigate that a bit -- maybe cash in Bobby's owed favor?

And those guns and the increased gang activity must mean something. Plus that "crazy" behavior makes me think that the drugs on the dock aren't the only drugs involved here. Do any of the "guys who know guys" Lois knows have gang connections? Or is she going to have to depend on Bobby for info on that too? Or, worse yet, decide she needs to find some gang members to chat with herself?

Paul, this story is great fun! Have fun in Florida -- at least you'll get a chance to warm up a bit!

Like Rivka (and all the other readers), I'm having fun with this story, Paul.

I can't seem to think of many suggestions as to what to do, though.

I do think Lois was a bit premature in telling Officer Sawyer that the drugs on the boat were not connected to her case. Gang violence is up, and the police suspect some sort of new drug is affecting the gang members. Otis Flannegan was "acting strangely" and seemed to be under the influence of drugs, although none turned up on the autopsy. (hmmm, maybe some sort of new drug that doesn't turn up on autopsies?) This, together with a clandestine night-time unloading of (admittedly, over-the-counter) drugs from a ship owned by CostMart.

Of course, we the readers know that CostMart's own Mindy Church is behind Superman's disappearance and Lois doesn't. Lois does know about the CostMart-Intergang connection, though. So I would think that, at the very least, her mind would be churning away trying to find connections here.

Also, I am suspicious of the green crystal found enbedded in Otis' hand. It was assumed to be from a beer bottle, but I would think Lois (and the police, now that they know the whole story) would suspect it was kryptonite. My only problem is, even if it *is* kryptonite, so what? That serves to validate Bobby's story, but doesn't seem to get us any closer to finding Clark. Aaaarrgh!

Luthor's death is interesting, of course. But it is premature to give suggestions for Lois regarding this, since the story leaves off before Lois even finds out he's dead. Hopefully, when she learns the news, she will ask questions and try to find out all she can about the circumstances of both his escape from prison and his death.

Sorry, I'm not being much help here. Well, since I can't give suggestions, let me at least give some positive feedback. Great story so far! I'm looking forward to reading everyone else's suggestions, and seeing what you do with part 4.

- Vicki

Great work, Paul!! This is getting more and more interesting.

I don't have any good ideas this time. If Lois only could find out who murdered Flannegan. There has to be a connection. I agree with Vicky, the green crystal in his hand probably is kryptonite. Maybe she could suggest to test it in StarLabs. The results can at least tell her if it is worth investigating this murder furter.

Perry knows, doesn't he?

Since I don't know what to suggest this time I'll just wait for the poll. Keep up the good work!

Ines

Good post!!

More soon... but have fun in Florida

Jose

Hi,

Great part.

She got the message.

More soon, please.

MAF

very very intriguing....sudden trip to florida? no seriously, this segment raised more questions than answered old ones. I am very curious to see how this is going to go...

Well, I just got into Florida a little while ago, and decided to stop in and see what was happening here. I'll respond to comments and such later, but there was one thing in particular which I wanted to address:

Lois does know. She got a call from Henderson that they'd found a body, and it would be all over the news. Cut to Clark, and he hears a news story about Lex's body having been found. I thought it would be more fun to leave you wondering "whose body?" for a few paragraphs, but I was hoping it would be clear that the call was about Lex. Do I need to fix that?

I've been thinking of editing the last part from Lois's POV anyway, to make it clearer that it picks up a few hours after the call. She's still shocked, but it's been a while. I'll see if I can find a better way to phrase that bit, and maybe add in something to make it clearer that Henderson's call was about Lex.

Paul

I can't speak for anyone else, but I understood that the body referred to in the phone call was Lex. That's why I suggested Lois investigate it.

Paul,

No, you do not need to fix anything. I understood that the body Henderson was referring to was Lex's, and I'm sure everyone else who reads the story will understand, also.

When I read Clark's POV and realized it was Lex who was killed, I had a thought that went something like "Oh! This is the body Henderson was talking about! I can't wait to go back to Lois' POV and read the rest of her converstaion with Henderson, and see what kind of details he gives her about Lex's death. Maybe we'll get some more clues!"

I guess that thought stuck in my mind, and when I finished the story I had it in my head that we were still half-way through Lois' phone conversation. I've just gone back and looked at the story and it is clear that conversation is over, so yes, Lois knows about Lex. Sorry for the confusion, but the problem was with me, not your story.

- Vicki

Another great section, Paul! This is a marvellous experiment, and you're doing a terrific job with it!


Wendy

Cool part Paul.. You're doing a great job, this is really fun!

~Liz

Okay, ordinarily, this would be poll time, but I think I'm going to do something a little different this week. Like I said, we're kind of between things. There haven't been too many suggestions this time, and the ones that are here are fairly sensible and straightforward. Not much to really debate. I'm also here in Florida with limited time to write or get online. Given all that, I've decided to skip this week's poll. I'm just going to get to writing. That'll at least give me a chance to post part 4 on time.

So, I'll take this opportunity to briefly respond to comments (please do feel free to keep posting, of course, and I'll try to take any additional suggestions under consideration as I write).

Rivka, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Good to hear. Thanks for your suggestions. Interesting thought about non-Bobby street sources. I'll see what I can come up with.
(Grumble, grumble... more names to make up... <sigh> )

Vicki, I'm sorry about the confusion, but I'm glad it got straightened out. I'm happier with those few sentences now anyway, so I'll leave the change in. Thanks for getting me to look back at it. I probably shouldn't have skipped the rest of Henderson's call. At the least, you should have known what happened. Basically, he didn't have any more information for her than was in the news report (which is why I'd skipped it), but he did promise to keep her updated. He'll be in touch tomorrow with the autopsy report, which I should have let you know. Sorry about that. Thanks for your comments, and I will be keeping your suggestions in mind as I write. (BTW, yes, they were helpful, so don't put yourself down!)

Ines, thanks for writing in. I hadn't really given much thought to having the crystal tested. Maybe I'll work that in. We'll see. As for Perry... Does he know? Maybe, but if he does, he's not telling.

Jose and Maria, thanks for posting. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the story.

Marnie, lol, yes, sudden trip to Florida. Can't tell you why. I can, however, assure you that it's all perfectly legal and in no way suspicious. We're just here to visit my grandparents. There are no smugglers involved. Sure, we happen to be visiting both coasts and staying by the ocean in both places, but we will not be transporting any illicit goods or meeting with anyone from any boats. Especially not boats from other countries.

Wendy, thank you! It's good to hear that you like the concept, and I'm gratified to know that you appreciate the execution, too.

As for Flannagan, I don't know that it's the US spelling. I didn't know there was an official spelling. There aren't really many "offcial" spellings here. Too many people from too many different backgrounds, many of whom were given their names by immigration officias who didn't know what to do with names in other languages... Anyway, what happened with this one is that I decided to use a name from the comics to make things easier on myself. I knew it had to be someone not so nice who worked in the sewers, so I searched for the identity of the Batman villain "the ratcatcher." That's how they spelled it, so that's what I used. <shrug>

Anyway, the MPD is already on that case. Not that there's much to go on, but they're looking...

Thanks for your other suggestions. I'll definitely be using some of them.

Liz, thanks for your continued encouragement. It's certainly appreciated.

Now, I should be going. I've been on for quite a while now, and Mom's gone to sleep. I really shouldn't be disturbing her anymore.

Thanks again to everyone who posted.

Paul

Paul
good segment
ditto others
merry

Thanks, Merry. Good to hear you're still enjoying it.

Off to post part 4 now.

Paul