Now THAT’S What I Call ART!
<or>
Why Am I Writing When I Should Be Sleeping?!
By Mary Potts, AKA Queen of the Capes <SongBirdMary@juno.com>
Rated G
Submitted February 2004
Yet another story based on the twins we met in “The Big Debut” and “Louisa and Mark, the New Adventures of the Hulk.” I think I may be becoming addicted to these characters…
Anyway, enjoy. :-)
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“That is the LAST time I let you pick the movie!” Lara shoved her hands deep into her jacket pockets and stomped just a little ahead of her sister. The girls had followed the crowd out into the parking lot and were now heading toward the sidewalk to walk home.
Martha quickened her step so they were shoulder to shoulder again. “You mean you didn’t like Twelve Thirsty Clowns?”
Lara stopped and whirled around to face her. “LIKE it?” She threw her hands up into the air. “Like it? I didn’t even UNDERSTAND it! All it was, was three hours of some guy wearing a Halloween mask and holding a dead chicken!”
“It was symbolic!” Martha said, “The mask represented the facades we all wear…”
“Whatever.” Lara resumed walking.
Martha followed her. “…As human beings; who we are differs from the image we present to the world.”
“He was holding a dead chicken,” Lara muttered.
“It symbolized the economy of the Soviet Union.”
“Why did they call it Twelve Thirsty Clowns, anyway? There wasn’t a single clown in the whole picture!”
“The title was a metaphor. Don’t you get it?”
“What I don’t get,” Lara snapped, “is the fact that I can speak several different languages and dialects, and yet I couldn’t understand anything he said!”
“That’s the whole point; you have to listen to what he’s NOT saying!”
“I can do that at home!”
Martha folded her arms. “You just have no sense of art!”
“WHAT?” Lara cried, “I do SO have a sense of art! Did you forget just who got us those tickets to the photography exhibition in DC?”
“See?” said Martha, “Now that’s what I mean. Photography is not art; anybody and their brother can just pick up a camera and start snapping pictures. Mom and Dad have TONS of photos of us; are you going to say they’re artistic geniuses?”
“Martha, it’s more complicated than that; real photography has a kind of process to it. The light has to be a certain way; you have to decide whether to use color film or black and white…and then there’s subject. Some of those photographers had a really good eye! It’s not just something anybody can do, unlike Modern Art.”
“I beg your pardon? It takes a lot of creativity and talent to do Modern Art!”
“Oh, come on, Martha! A MONKEY could do Modern Art! It’s just squiggles and spilt paint anyway!”
“It is NOT!”
“It is too!”
“Is not!”
“Is too!
“Is not!”
“Is too!
“Is not times infinity!”
“Is too times infinity plus one!”
“Is not times infinity plus---”
“---Wait. Did you hear something?”
The two girls paused on the sidewalk and listened.
Martha nodded. “Mugging. Two miles east.”
“Let’s go.”
They spun into their costumes and, in less than a second, darted to the scene in two red and blue streaks. A large man was running down the street with a gun in one hand and a purse in the other. The girls landed in front of him. He stopped dead in his tracks, obviously not very happy to see them.
“Unless you’re from San Francisco---”
“---We doubt that purse is yours.”
The mugger swallowed and, for lack of a better plan, waved his gun at them. “You kids s-stay back! Hear?”
Martha gasped. “Oh no, Lara! He is going to shoot us! What EVER shall we DO?”
Lara brought a hand to her cheek. “Oh, if ONLY we were---I dunno---bullet-proof super-powered semi-Kryptonians or something!”
“Oh wait a minute, we ARE!”
*****
Martha handed the purse back to the still-shaky woman. “Here you go, Ma’am.”
“Oh, thank you. Thank you very much!”
“No problem,” said Lara.
“LET ME GO!” A gruff voice demanded, “What do you call this?!”
Martha thought a moment. “Hmm, I call it---Creep Tied to Lamppost Waiting for Cops.”
Lara grinned. “Now THAT’S what I call ART!”
The sisters laughed, and were still snickering as they flew home.
THE END.
