Last time, in part 46...
“Still want the lift? I mean – a cab might still get you there in good time.”
She smiled at him slowly, and he felt his heart skip a few beats. “Trying to get out of it?”
“Yeah … nothing doing, right?”
“Yup – you aren’t backing out on me now.”
“Okay. Okay – I’ll get you there, and then I can come back here and be lazy,” he joked. “Are you ready?”
She smiled tightly. “Yeah,” she said, her voice revealing some of her nervousness.
He walked over to where she was standing, and reached out his hand to hold hers. She moved her hand into his, her eyes connecting with his all the time. He saw the mix of feelings in her gaze. He could feel that she was afraid, afraid that the contact would be disturbing to her, afraid that she would have a bad flashback – but also he saw the warmth, the friendship – and that something else that was defining their relationship as more than just friends. He gave her hand a very gentle reassuring squeeze, and he walked with her towards the balcony door.
For her part, she appreciated that he had done that – walked with her hand in hand. It made the closer intimacy of flying together easier to contemplate. She smiled as she realized just how hard he was trying to put her at ease. He was an unselfish and caring person. And he was hers. That was the biggest miracle of all.
“Okay. Ready?”
“Ready…” Why does my voice have to sound all breathless like that? I sound like a teenage girl. Yuck.
He let go of her hand, and slipped his arm around her waist – he did this quickly so that she wouldn’t have time to build up any anticipatory fear in her mind. Tightening his hold, he lifted off from the ground.
Part 47
The sensation of Clark's arm around her waist had been not terrifying - at least not until he tightened his hold. Had he left his arm lightly around her waist, she might have been able to move past some of the worrisome sensations it evoked and tried to revel in the other feelings that it would also likely produce. Good feelings. Warm feelings. But he couldn't just hold her lightly as they flew - part of the mechanics of the process dictated that he tighten his hold. She knew that - knew that he couldn't hold her loosely and risk her falling.
So why wasn't she able to tell her body that. She felt that panic and bad memories had gripped her, and she was unable to relax against him. Desperately she begged her body not to reflect her inner feelings. She didn't want him to know that she was afraid, especially after what had happened between them this morning.
The problem was that although it was Clark Kent's arm around her, and he wasn't doing anything even remotely threatening or menacing, she kept having flashes of that other place. Lord Kal grasping her arm roughly, slamming her against a wall, or pulling her in so that the space between them decreased and she was trapped against his body. She remembered that awful helpless feeling - the sense of impending doom … knowing that he was going to do her harm. She felt like she could feel his lips on hers, she could taste her own blood - bitter and metallic, and she remembered the horrible and explosive pain of his body driving into hers. She remembered the sound of his voice - so much like Clark's and so very different.
She squeezed her eyes shut against the memories, and then, very hesitantly opened them up, tilting her head up a bit to see his face. She felt fortunate that at this moment, he wasn't looking at her - he was looking down, scouting for a good place to land. She was able to observe him without being observed. She looked at his face, and once again marveled at how he could look so much like Kal and so little like Kal at the same time. If she were in a room with the both of them, identically dressed, would she be able to tell them apart if they didn't say anything? She was sure she could - Lord Kal wore his cruelty like a cloak. Everything about him - the way he looked at her, the way he spoke, and even the way he moved - all these things had been done with deliberate intent. Intent to dominate, to show power and possession. There would be no mistaking who was who, if she were ever in a room with them both. But thankfully, that would never happen. She shuddered involuntarily at the thought, right as they went in for a landing.
He landed them in a very desolate alley and quickly switched over into his street clothes.
Still aware of her too-fast beating heart, her increased respiration, and the very panicked look in her eyes, he looked at her anxiously, trying to gauge if she was okay.
“I’m sorry,” she laughed feeling stupid. “I know that we did that already – and I feel really idiotic making such a fuss…”
“It’s not stupid at all,” he assured her with a smile. “Flying is very up close and personal. Of course that would bother you. “
She looked around and winced. “It’s kind of … creepy here…”
“I know. But it works for the whole discretion thing. I thought I’d just fly overhead until you got safely to your office – so you won’t be alone – I won’t leave until you’re inside the building. Is that okay? If you want door-to-door, I can do so… willingly – but – “
“No. Thank you. This is the right thing to do. I’m sorry for seeming to criticize you…”
“You didn’t. It is isolated, and it’s disturbing. I know that… dark creepy alleys bug me too. “
She smiled. “Thanks for being my bodyguard.”
Thanks for letting me guard your body. ”No problem.” He looked around, making sure it really was safe to leave her, and then he looked back at her. “I’ll see you tonight? Right? Are we still on – or… do you need some space…”
“No! No – space… I want to… get together tonight. I really do… I mean – after all – you’ve got that thing on Friday – and tomorrow night I’m seeing my family – so this will be my only chance to see you for a few days. You don’t need space… do you?”
He smiled. “Not at all. I’m glad you feel that way. I - I’ll get your car for you, if you like – I’ll give you a call and let you know where it is…”
“Or you could come up to see me at the office and tell me in person.”
He looked at her intently. “Do… do you want me to do that? Come visit you?”
She smiled shyly. “Yes… yes, I think I do – but only if it’s convenient. If you are too busy – “
“I’ll come,” he said, with a smile. “If I can’t – I’ll call you – but I doubt I won’t have a free moment. That rarely ever happens.”
“Okay,” she smiled back.
“Before we attract any attention,” he said, “I’d better go.”
“Right. Thanks again.”
He smiled at her, and then he took off, hovering high up in the sky, watching her make her way to work. There was no way he was going to leave her to handle any emergencies until he was sure she was all right.
After he saw her enter the building, he used his x-ray vision to ascertain that she made it safely to her desk. Then, he turned and flew off, intending to get her car taken care of. He figured he’d wait a few hours or so before coming to see her with her keys, not wanting to seem overly eager to see her again. He wasn’t trying to play any mind games with her, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her either.
Later that day, he walked in through the doors of the newsroom feeling a strong stab of nervousness. He wished, for the zillionth time, that his attempt at a secret identity had been successful. He was very awkward with his celebrity status.
He braced himself for the onslaught, and just as he had expected, as he walked in, he was immediately descended upon by large numbers of his former coworkers.
"Clark! Hey - good to see you man!"
"Clark, long time no see - are you coming back to us?"
"Hey - Clark - nice job with that asteroid! Did you bring any asteroid rocks back home?”
"Hi, Clark," drawled Cat, give him a deliberately provocative smile.
He smiled at his friends, glad to see them, but also, perversely, wishing that he could have come in and not attracted so much attention. At least they were calling him 'Clark' and not 'Superman' - had to be grateful for small favors.
Lois had been working busily at her computer, but she had immediately switched out of work mode the minute she felt his presence. And she had felt his presence. Even before the first 'Clark' rang out in greeting, she knew he was there. Her gaze zeroed in on him and refused to waver.
He was engaging in social banter with people who had been friends and colleagues, and who were now admirers as well, of this strange alien who gave so much of his time and life to helping their planet. After his rescue of the planet earth from the deadly asteroid, his popularity was at an all time high.
Glad to see my articles didn't have any lasting damage. Lois was happy that Clark was so well-loved, but it contrarily made her feel a little out of sorts. Maybe because she herself always felt that she had to try so hard. She had many attributes that people would automatically associate with popularity... she was intelligent, she was dynamic, she was beautiful and she was athletic. But... she was also very neurotic, and as a result, had grown a caustic personality as a defense mechanism which tended not to draw a lot of people to her side. She was admired, but it was usually from afar and many of her admirers would have been highly unwilling to admit that they held her in high esteem.
Cat Grant was one such person. Lois was her hero in many ways...a mentor of sorts. Lois had broken through many a glass ceiling in the world of high-powered journalism - not via her sexual appeal, although that definitely helped her open doors... but rather, because she was tough as nails, and never took no for an answer. While her beauty made it less likely that people would turn from disgust at her aggressive behavior, it was her talent and determination that made her the reporter she was.
Cat would never admit any of this to Lois - because she was also afraid of her. She knew that Lois held her in contempt, and it would be a huge blow to her own ego to have someone who felt that way about her know that she longed for their acceptance. So instead, she had frequently soothed her hurt feelings by poking little needles into Lois's carefully preserved defense system. Lately, the fun in that had waned... since coming back from god knows where, Lois wasn't exactly the same person. The skill and the drive were still there... but there was something almost...broken... about her... and poking sticks at her felt more like an act of cruelty than anything else.
At this current moment, Cat's eyes were on Lois. She saw how Lois had turned into a statue the moment Clark walked in the room. She had seen Lois's reaction around Clark - as Clark, and as Superman - she had seen her freeze up on many occasions - only then, it had been obviously a fearful reaction. Now, it was very different. Lois was staring at Clark like that, because she had no choice. It was obvious to Cat that at this moment in time, nobody else in the room existed for her, but him. This wasn't fear. So what was it? Could it be love? How could Lois have gone from one end of the spectrum to another? She expertly trained her eyes on Clark to see how he would react to Lois.
Clark looked over at Lois, aware that she was also looking at him. He was afraid, almost, to make eye contact - afraid that a huge goofy smile would overcome him, and he wouldn't be able to hide how he felt. He wanted them to be able to talk to each other without it being incredibly obvious that something was going on. Come on. Just act normal. Act casual. Come on. You can do it.
"Hey, So... what brings you by," asked Ralph, one of his least favorite former coworkers.
"Oh... actually - I wanted to talk to Lois about something."
"What's the deal with you two? She acted like you were the scourge of the earth when she resurfaced from the dead, and now, you guys are the best of friends?"
"Yeah, I guess so," he said, refusing to give any more information.
"So - I mean - she's really hot... but... I mean - come on... you can have anyone you - "
"I'll talk to you soon, okay? I really need to talk to her, and you never know when someone might suddenly need me..."
"Oh. Yeah - well - of course. Next time then – “
"Definitely."
Lois felt her heart stop, as his eyes connected directly with hers. He approached her desk with a very disturbing ease and calmness. Damn him. How dare he be so calm - I'm a total mess. Is he really calm? Or is he a mess inside too? She was well aware that everyone in the newsroom was now openly staring at them.
Nobody in the newsroom had ever asked her about her articles, or the impetus for them. Elena Lutz hadn’t even brought it up again – having made her stance clear during their initial interview, and Lois had not encouraged anyone else to broach the topic. So now they were all staring, trying to figure out the mystery behind Lois, her antipathy towards Clark, and their current friendship. She felt a strong urge to yell out: Take a picture! It lasts longer. But then… in a newsroom full of photographers – that wasn’t so much of a sarcastic rejoinder, as it was an open invitation.
"Hey, Lois. How are you?" He smiled at her, feeling like an idiot. Oh god. We are on display. Fishbowl city.
"I'm doing well," she said, a huge grin splitting her face. Ouch. It hurts to smile this wide.
He came in closer, grabbed a chair, and pulled it in close to hers, and said in a low voice, only for her to hear: "I brought your keys. Your car is down on 5th, at the corner of Baker. Not too far.”
“Thanks,” she smiled, feeling incredibly shy once again. “I – I… you… it has gas in it, right?”
“Yes,” he said. “Come on – I wouldn’t – “
“I know – I know – it was a stupid question.”
“You are incapable of asking a stupid question,” he said back to her, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Just doing stupid things like forgetting to refill my gas tank,” she smiled.
“Hey – it gave me an excuse to see you this afternoon – so I’m not complaining.”
“You don’t need an excuse,” she said, her eyes directly shooting into his. It felt to her like they were almost flirting. Which is what they were doing. Not almost. Exactly. And here, in front of a newsroom full of reporters, not to mention the city’s most talented gossip columnist.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said back to her, feeling the same thing she was feeling. “You… you do know that we’re being watched…”
“I’d have to be blind not to know that,” she laughed. “It’s really obvious. It’s a good thing they don’t have your hearing – or even your telepathy – because then – the gig would be up.”
“Hardly a fate worse than death.” The words slipped out before he could yank them back, and he sent her a silent look of apology at the possible pain his words may have given her.
She looked at him with narrowing eyes.
“Clark… don’t you want this to be a secret?”
“I want… what you want.”
“So… if I wanted to tell people…”
“Then… I’d still want what you want.”
“But…” she was getting frustrated by his lack of answer. “Clark – how do you feel about it?”
“I have no reason to want to hide our relationship. Granted, one could say that your life would be in additional danger being associated with me- but I have to feel that at some point that – it’s just going to be obvious… at least – I hope it is – “ he flushed, and looked down. “I keep doing that – getting myself caught up in verbal blunders.”
“You didn’t! I- I just want to know – I mean – other than my being in danger – do you have any objection to letting people know about us?”
“None whatsoever.” His eyes were back on hers, and they seemed to be reading her soul.
She was caught off guard by the sudden intensity of his gaze, and she felt a little lost. She felt like she was losing her grip on where she was. The effect he could have on her at times was very unsettling in a way that was vastly different from the unsettled feeling she felt when she thought of Kal.
“Oh….”
“But I don’t want you to rush into – not on my account – if you don’t want people to know just yet - “
“I – I just don’t know what I want,” she blurted out. “I kind of… I asked you to bring my keys by – because I knew… it would… you know – plant the seeds… I guess I kind of do want people to know.”
“But you aren’t sure,” he asked perceptively.
“Yeah,” she said, with a small self-mocking chuckle. “ I mean – I’m really – I want everyone – I want them all to know- but I don’t want the press to watch us like hawks – I don’t want them wondering about why we never kiss,” she said, flushing at her own words. She looked away, embarrassed. “Lois Lane, the cold fish. I guess – I don’t want to hear any jokes about how you’d have to be super-human to withstand the ice in my veins – “
“Do people actually say that about you?” He was horrified.
“And this was before. Before Tempus.” She laughed, but the laugh was not happy.
“You don’t have ice in your veins, Lois,” he said. “It’s obvious from how you write that you are a person of deep feelings. Anyone who’s failed to see that is … is – blind… I guess… “
She smiled at him, looking at him square in the eyes again.
“Thanks,” she said. “I needed to hear that. Someday I’ll tell you about my federal disasters – also known as my romantic history. But – I guess I have to go to work, and if Cat does one more ‘fly-by’ my desk, I might have to kill her.”
“Got it,” he said, trying hard not to laugh at her last statement. “Look, I’ll see you tonight, Okay? 7? Want to come over? I’ll make you dinner,” he said in a deliberately tempting fashion.
She grinned back. “Sounds great. I’ll see you there.”
He stood up, with easy grace, making his movements slow enough not to startle her. He didn’t want her to have an unconscious physical reaction in front of all her coworkers, knowing full well that it would rankle at her.
Lois watched as he left, joking and talking with friends as he did. She marveled at his comfort and ease. She knew that it bothered him to be treated differently by people – to be fawned over and treated as someone to covet, rather than just another one of the gang. But at the same time, he didn’t let it show – his outward appearance implied that he was in control, relaxed, and not bothered by any of it. She wished she could do the same – but it just wasn’t in her nature.
She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, and she knew she was being watched. She turned and saw Cat looking at her, with a small smile playing on her face.
“Cat… what can I do for you,” she said, forcing herself to be professionally courteous.
Cat narrowed her eyes in a way that reminded Lois of the feline she was often compared with, and shook her head.
“Nothing,” she said with a smile.
“Come on, Cat… we both know that you have something to say.” She gave up the pretense right away, almost annoyed that Cat had failed to respond as she had expected.
“What’s the point, Lois?” Her response had been a challenge, and she saw Lois flush red. Score.
“Cat…”
“Look, Lois – never mind… I make it a point not to write about Clark unless I know everyone else has the same information. He’s a friend – and he’s done far too much for all of us for me to want to make things bad for him.”
Lois flinched. Was Cat digging her about her articles?
“I don’t want to make things bad for him either,” she said quietly. “I’ve stopped… I’m sure you’ve noticed.”
“Lois – I didn’t mean that. I know you wrote those things because you believed them to be true.” Cat’s voice was sincere. She wasn’t sure why she was telling Lois these things.
“I did. I don’t anymore. We’re friends… okay? Is that so hard to believe – that he would want me as a friend?”
“No, Lois,” she said. “It’s all good.”
Cat turned and walked away, and Lois had the uncomfortable feeling that Cat had gotten the answers she was seeking. She stared after her for a long moment, and then, still feeling like eyes were upon her, she forced herself to focus back on her work.
[TBC]
