*****
Lois became aware of her surroundings slowly, still drifting between sleep and wakefulness. She sighed deeply, content for reasons she couldn't put her finger on. It was still dark, so she concluded that it wasn't time to get up yet and snuggled deeper into her pillow.
There was something different about her pillow tonight, but in her half-sleeping state, she couldn't determine what it was. Then she realized that it was moving, breathing softly. Clark. She wasn't alone. Not only was she not alone, she was cuddled next to her partner, held secure in his arms.
She froze, unsure whether she should pull away. Her head was pillowed on his shoulder, one arm slung across his chest, a leg draped casually between his. Their bodies were completely intertwined. His hand rested warm on her back, securing her to him.
She should have been horrified to wake up and find herself in this position. Instead, she felt a satisfied grin stretch across her face. She stretched lazily, enjoying the way her body felt next to him.
Clark stirred slightly, shifting his weight and pressing them even closer together.
Lois drew her hand up slowly from where it was draped at his side, tentatively exploring the firm planes of his chest beneath his well-worn T-shirt. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, a voice told her that what she was doing wasn't right, but in her dreamlike state, she was helpless to stop herself from acting out the subconscious fantasies she had been harboring for so long.
Her ministrations slowed until her hand was just resting on his chest, her fingers tracing tiny random patterns.
Reluctantly, she began to pull away, not wanting Clark to wake and find her draped across his body. She moved slowly, trying not wake him. But as she lifted her head from his shoulder and began to untangle their legs, his arm tightened around her waist, and he made a quiet protesting sound. Lois looked up and smiled tenderly at his concerned frown and furrowed brow, then smoothed the lock of hair from his forehead.
“Don't leave,” he whispered sleepily, drawing her back to him. “Stay with me.”
Lois closed her eyes and tried to swallow the lump in her throat as her chest clenched at his simple words. He was asleep, and there was no way that he knew what he was saying, but just for a moment she let herself believe that he was talking to her; that it was her he wanted to hold all night.
She felt so right in his arms. She would just lie there for another minute, then she would move to her side of the bed. Yes, just one more minute, she told herself as she snuggled closer. She closed her eyes, enjoying the comfortable feeling of just being safe in his arms. Within seconds she was asleep again.
*****
Clark woke up smiling, reliving the dream he'd had that night. In it, Lois was cuddled close to him, touching him gently. It was a dream he'd had many times, but this time had been more real than the others. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine she was still there….
Gradually, he became aware that the dream was actually a reality. Lois lay beside him, her head nestled just below his chin, her soft hair tickling his neck.
He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent and reveling in the sensation of holding her so intimately. His arm was curled around her waist holding her to him. For a second, he had the horrifying thought that he was holding her against her will. But he immediately realized that all evidence was to the contrary. She was more relaxed than he had ever seen her, one leg thrown over his own, her hand resting over his heart.
She began to stir as if sensing him looking at her. Her eyelids fluttered open, and he found himself lost in her eyes.
“Good morning,” he whispered, transfixed by her doe-like gaze.
She pulled back slightly, resting her weight on her arm. Her brows furrowed in confusion, and for a second, he thought she was going to jerk away from him, horrified at how close they were.
Instead, she dropped her head back to his shoulder and groaned softly, “Please tell me it's not time to get up yet.”
“It's still early,” Clark said, trying to suppress his laughter. He reached up to stroke her hair, hoping she wouldn't wake up all the way and realize exactly where she was. “Go back to sleep, sweetie.”
The endearment was out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. He'd got in the habit of using them over the course of the week, and they came naturally now, especially at moments like these. But, as much as he hated to admit it, this was all too good to be true. Lois wasn't his girlfriend. She was only cuddled up close to him because in her dreamy state she didn't realize exactly what she was doing, and the only time he could get away with calling her "honey' and "sweetie' were in public – as a means of perpetuating their game – and when she was too far asleep to realize what he had said.
This was all going to be over far too soon. His stomach churned and his jaw clenched as he thought about the implications of that. He couldn't imagine returning to a life without her. He simply couldn't do it. He'd have to try harder. He'd have to find a way to make her fall in love with him.
He pushed the thought from his mind and concentrated on enjoying having her in his arms. He stroked her hair and settled back into the bed, intent on enjoying what time he had like this….
When Clark opened his eyes again, he was alone in the bed and he could hear the shower running. Their late-night cuddling still seemed like a dream, and he wasn't entirely sure it had been real. But he could still smell her shampoo on his T-shirt, and he could almost feel her in his arms.
One more day. This was the last day of the conference. The speakers were only scheduled until noon, and there was nothing else until the dinner cruise that night. Then tomorrow they would board a plane and head back to Metropolis; back to the lives they led before Paul dropped in unexpectedly, turning their world upside down.
Unfortunately, sometimes upside down was a lot more pleasant than right side up.
*************
"This was a great way to wrap up the week," Lois said as she leaned against the rail, gazing across the water. The famous monuments stood tall in the distance, illuminated by the lights of the city and the glow of the moon.
The world seemed far away as they glided down the Potomac listening to the sound of the waves lapping against the boat and the muted voices of the other passengers wandering around the deck.
On the other side of the deck there was a dance floor and a bar. Most of the passengers had congregated there, leaving the other side of the deck peaceful and private for the few who wandered around taking in the scenery.
"It's beautiful out here," Clark said, moving to stand behind her. He slid his arms around her slim waist and she leaned back against him.
Clark couldn't help but wonder at the familiarity of their movements. Even when Paul was nowhere to be seen, they played the part of lovers naturally. There was no awkwardness, just the comfortable feeling of two people meant for to be together.
He tried to convince himself that they were only staying in character and that when they boarded the plane for Metropolis tomorrow, the charade would end. His chest clenched and he realized how hard – how impossible – it was going to be to go back to normal. For a week he had lived the life he had dreamed of for so long. He had allowed himself to fall victim to his own game.
He realized now that for him this wasn't about Paul. It never had been, really. Yes, he had wanted to help Lois. But this was more about allowing himself the luxury of a dream so long denied.
When he touched her, held her, kissed her…he wasn't thinking about the need to convince anyone of anything. He was thinking about her. The woman he loved. The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
But he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life with her. He had one more day, and then it was all going to be ripped away from him. The magic of their vacation would be gone and soon they would settle back into their comfortable routine of platonic friends.
He'd heard the trite advice that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all a million times, but for the first time he realized just what it meant. This was the best week of his life, and as much as he was going to spend the rest of his life paying for it, it was worth the cost. He wouldn't trade one moment with her.
The thought of going back to Metropolis – to real life – made him ill. How was he going to be able to work with her again? How could he see her and not touch her? How could he spend all day with her, hear her voice, joke with her, care about her…and pretend that this week never happened?
He didn't want to pretend that it had never happened. He wanted it to be real. He had to be prepared to take a chance tonight, he told himself. It just might be his last chance. She was so close. She'd let her guard down with him, and this trip had been a dream come true for him. She was acting as if she was his girlfriend, and it wasn't just to save face. The last couple of days had been much more than just a ploy to make her look good in front of Paul. Most of their most intimate moments had taken place far from any thought of Paul.
Lois turned in his arms, resting against the railing. She looked at him questioningly, then reached up and stroked his cheek.
"You're awfully quiet tonight," she said softly. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm fine," he whispered, knowing it was lie. He was losing her, and it was killing him. He took a deep breath and his mind whirled as she filled his senses. She was so close, pressed along his entire body. One of his legs was wedged slightly between hers, and his arms circled her waist, resting on the railing. Her other arm rested on his, her fingers stroking his arm gently.
"Thinking?" she asked, and he nodded slightly. She looked deep into his eyes, and his heart lurched as she asked breathlessly, "About what?"
If he had been thinking clearly, he would have given her one of a million plausible answers. There was any number of things he could have been thinking about. But he wasn't thinking about any of them. He was thinking about her…and about how much he wanted to kiss her.
"Clark?" she whispered.
Without another word, without another thought, he closed the short distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. She responded immediately, relaxing against him and sighing softly in silent invitation.
Clark tightened his grip around her waist with one arm, crushing her enticing curves against him. The other moved up to splay at the nape of her neck, tangling in her hair and holding her to him as he deepened this kiss. Her hand moved from his arm to his chest, resting over his heart, while the other snaked around his neck, her fingers threading through his hair.
Their lips parted, and they both gasped for air. Clark pulled away just long enough to take in her ruffled hair and kiss-reddened lips before leaning in for another kiss. His lips caressed hers for a moment, then moved to trail kisses along her neck.
Somewhere deep inside, a voice whispered to him, reminding him that he shouldn't be taking advantage of her like this. She didn't feel the same way he did, and to her this wasn't real. Besides, they were in public. He should definitely stop.
Then she sighed and tilted her head to give him better access and the voice disappeared, replaced by the desperate voice praying this was real. Perhaps finally – finally - she loved him. Finally, she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He pressed another kiss to the hollow of her throat and felt, as well as heard, her breathe his name.
"Well, well," a drunken voice broke in. "What do we have here?"
Clark pulled away from Lois, jarred back to reality by Paul's intrusion. And then he realized what must have happened. She hadn't been responding to his kisses because she loved him. She had seen Paul approaching and had used this as a final opportunity to cement their image as a perfect couple. He felt his world crash around him as he realized that it was still nothing more than an illusion.
"If it isn't the two little love birds," Paul continued. "You know, maybe I was wrong about you, Lois. You looked like you were getting pretty hot with Kent there."
Clark tensed automatically, infuriated by Paul's callow comments. He started to say something, but stopped abruptly when he felt Lois' hand come to rest on his upper arm. "He's not worth it, Clark. Just ignore him,” Lois whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.
Paul was already distracted, ogling a woman a few feet away. "Catch you guys later," he said. "I've got to find some action of my own. Don't want to spend the last night alone, you know."
Clark shuddered in disgust as he watched him walk away. He turned back to Lois, not sure what to say.
"Let's not think about him," she said. "It's a beautiful night, and we were having a wonderful time until he showed up. Let's not let him ruin this."
Clark nodded, but couldn't help but wonder when the "beautiful night" was interrupted for her. Was it the moment she saw Paul, or the moment their kiss was interrupted? She had been a willing participant in the kiss, physically, if not emotionally. There was no doubt of that. But he didn't want just her physical participation. That would never be enough. He wanted all of her. He wanted her to love him with the same all-consuming passion that he felt for her. For just a moment back there, he had allowed himself to believe that it was possible. Now, he wasn't so sure. He would have loved nothing more than to believe that she hadn't seen Paul until he had. But his back had been to the rest of the passengers, and she would have had a clear view of anyone approaching. He would have sworn her eyes had never left his, but she was the most observant person he'd ever met. It was hard to believe that Paul's approaching didn't factor into her response to his kiss.
"I've lost you again," she whispered, bringing him back to the present. "Where do you go when you do that?"
"You haven't lost me," he replied. "You could never lose me."
She smiled and reached to brush a strand of hair from his forehead. "Dance with me? I love this song."
He smiled and moved toward the dance floor, a steady hand on her back guiding her to him. He pulled her into the crowd of people swaying to the sultry ballad and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.
She sighed and relaxed into his arms, resting her head on his chest. Clark closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath as his hand began to stroke her back gently.
"You look absolutely stunning tonight," Clark whispered, his fingers tracing the low v of the material on her back. "This dress is incredible."
He felt her smile against his chest and was relieved he hadn't overstepped his bounds. "I'm glad you like it," she replied softly. "I bought it this morning. I don't normally wear red, but I saw it and in a boutique while I was out window shopping and thought you might like it."
"I love it," he replied, his pulse picking up. Was she suggesting that she wore the dress for him? Did some part of her crave his admiration the way he craved hers?
Her hand slid inside his jacket, gently massaging his side, then running down to his hip and back up again. "You look pretty incredible yourself. Thank God you don't wear a tux to work everyday, not a single woman in the building would get anything accomplished. They'd all to be too busy drooling."
Clark laughed and shook his head wondering if she would be among the group of women drooling. She was the only one he wanted to impress. His pulse sped up as her finger continued to caress him through the thin material of his shirt. Her intimate touches and words could be meant only for him. There was no one else there to witness their interaction.
************
Lois let her fingers glide over the firm planes of Clark's upper body, exploring the contours encased in the soft cotton of his tuxedo shirt. She snuggled closer, nestling her head against his chest. His smell – the aftershave he had bought on one of his travels and the fresh scent of fabric softener mixed with his own, personal flavor – encased her, making her fell safe and comforted. When she was like this in his arms, she felt safe in a way that she couldn't duplicate anywhere else.
She closed her eyes briefly, listening to the soft music. Clark's grip around her tightened momentarily and his head dropped to rest against hers. She heard him sigh contentedly and felt an answering sigh slip from her lips. For a moment it seemed as if time had stopped and she was frozen in one perfect, beautiful moment.
This was the best week of her life, she realized. Being like this with Clark was like every fantasy she'd ever had, come true. Clark was the sweetest, most incredible guy she'd ever met. He made her feel so special. The way he looked at her, the way he listened to her, the little touches and caresses. And being like this in his arms was like paradise.
She didn't know why it had taken her so long so see. But now that she realized what she had, she wasn't going to give it up without a fight.
She nestled her head against his chest and let herself pretend this never had to end. That Clark would always hold her like this, always be there for her. That he was really her boyfriend, and not just playing along.
The rest of the night passed in a blur. The spent the rest of the cruise dancing, stopping only after the ship had docked and all of the other passenger had left. They had to be ushered off the dance floor.
They cuddled in the back of the cab on the way back to the hotel room whispering occasionally, but mostly just enjoying being together. When they reached their room, Lois flipped on the radio and watched as Clark took off his bow tie and undid the top button of his shirt.
“More comfortable now?” Lois asked with a smile.
”Yeah, that's better.”
“Actually, that's a good idea,” Lois said, slipping out of her shoes. “That's much better.”
They stood there for a minute, not sure what to do next. Lois was tempted to run away or change the subject. But she forced herself to hold her ground.
“Dance with, Clark,” she whispered, holding her hand out to him.
He smiled and took her hand, tugging her to him. They danced along with the radio for awhile, holding each other close. Finally, Clark leaned toward her slowly and brushed his lips against hers. Her heart hammered in her chest and her stomach did somersaults.
He pulled back just far enough to look into her eyes and whispered her name.
And she knew. She was in love with him. She couldn't deny it anymore. She couldn't ignore the signs any longer. He was the best friend she'd ever had. He was everything to her. How could she have been so blind? How could she have not seen that he was the best thing that ever happened to her? How could she have allowed herself to fall in love with him?
He wasn't in love with her. She wanted desperately to believe that he was. He'd told her that he was in love with her once, and if only she hadn't been so blind, she would have taken the precious offer of his love when it was still on the table. But he'd taken it back, telling her that it had just been a desperate attempt to stop her from marrying Lex. She had no doubt that he cared about her, maybe even loved her in some way, but he wasn't in love with her. This was still just a game to him. He had played along, and now maybe he was a little caught up in the game. They'd had a wonderful week together, and the cruise tonight had been wonderful and romantic. He was attracted to her, and she was a willing participant in their flirtation. He was enjoying himself, but he wasn't in love with her.
Yes, they were alone now. They were alone in their room with no one was there to witness this show. The pretense was over, but it still wasn't real for him. Not the way that it was real for her. He might even believe that he had feeling for her now, in the heat of the moment. But tomorrow it would all be gone.
"Lois," he whispered again, breaking into her reverie. He looked deep into her eyes, stroking her cheek. "Is everything all right?"
No. Of course not. How could everything be all right when you'd just realized you were in love with your best friend, and knew he didn't feel the same way? She gazed back into his eyes, and for a moment she could almost believe that it was love she saw there.
She wanted him then, more than she'd ever wanted him before. More than she'd ever wanted any man. Maybe he didn't love her, maybe he never would. But he was here, and he made her feel beautiful and wanted.
Things could never go back to the way they had been before this silly charade began, and honestly, she wasn't really sure that she wanted them to. At least now she knew what she wanted. It wasn't something she planned, it didn't make any sense, but she there was no denying it. She wanted him, needed him. She was going to lose him. Their friendship would never be normal again. It was too late to go back now.
He looked at her questioningly, and she felt her stomach somersault as she looked into his eyes. If this was the last night that she would have with him, she wanted something to remember. She wanted to have this night to remember, when she thought of him. One perfect week. One perfect night. One perfect love.
"Lois?"
She launched herself into his arms, threading her fingers through his thick hair, and pulling him to her. Their lips met and melded together.
Bliss. It was a familiar feeling, kissing Clark. She'd kissed him before, but this was so much better. There was no reservation this time. He moaned softly, and slid his hand around her neck, holding her to him. His lips moved softly over hers, tasting her timidly. But then she moaned softly, parting her lips in invitation, and he could hold back no longer. His tongue slipped between her lips, exploring her mouth before coaxing her tongue to join his. They tangled together, touching and teasing.
His other arm went around her waist, drawing her closer. She relaxed in his arms, surrendering completely to his kiss.
They pulled apart reluctantly, gasping for air.
"Lois, I-" he started huskily, but was cut off when her mouth joined his again. He deepened the kiss, threading his fingers through her hair and pressing her to him. She reached up and pushed his suit jacket from his shoulders. He pulled his hands from her hair and shrugged the jacket to the floor. His hands moved to her waist, trailing up her sides, caressing her through the soft dress she wore. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she relaxed against him.
Danger, Lois thought as their kisses escalated in intensity. He was going to break her heart worse than it had ever been broken, and he didn't even know it. Before she knew what was happening, Clark had swept her into his arms and was carrying her to one of the chairs, sitting and settling her in his lap. She went limp in his arms, surrendering herself to the feelings he was stirring in her. Never before had she felt this way. If Clark could make her feel this way with just a few kisses, imagine….
She needed to touch him. Needed to touch his bare skin. She fumbled with his tie, yanking it roughly out of the knot, and slipping it from around his neck. She tossed it aside, and made quick work of the buttons on his shirt. Her fingers finally made contact with the bare skin of his chest, and he let out a moan from deep within his throat.
"Oh, God, Lois," he murmured, moving to trail kisses along her cheek and neck. She tilted her head to the side, giving him freer access, and moved to kiss his shoulder as she brushed the material away.
His hands moved frantically over her back and shoulders, then down her arms. He traced the straps of her dress with his fingertips, then followed the neckline to where it plunged in front of her.
"Yes," she whispered, her heart pounding. He moved his hand to the side, brushing lightly across her breast. She arched up, pressing herself more firmly into his hand.
She was out of control, she realized belatedly. This was going to escalate, and she wasn't going to stop it. She wanted him, wanted him like she had never wanted anyone else. Consequences be damned. She'd deal with her broken heart later. It was too late to stop now, anyway. Even if she put a halt to this, their platonic friendship was gone. At least she'd have one night. One perfect night.
She placed a hand on either side of his face, and gently raised it to meet hers. Their lips came together again, nibbling and teasing for just a moment before deepening the kiss once again. His arms went around her again, finding her zipper. He stopped, then retreated, moving to caress her back again.
She pulled away and looked into his eyes, confused.
"Lois, we don't have to.… We can take this slow. There's no need to rush."
"Please," she whispered, bending to kiss him gently before pulling back again. "I want you, Clark. I need you."
She couldn't bring herself to tell him that she loved him. If he knew that she loved him, he might get all noble and try to put a halt to things. He would never knowingly hurt her. No, it was better that this just remain about passion and mutual attraction. Leave love out of it all together. Her lips cooperated, ceasing to talk and moving back to join his lips, but her heart rebelled, screaming its love for him.
She reached behind her back and yanked at the zipper. The dress went limp, sliding down her body, and exposing more of her skin to him.
Lois shifted on his lap, moving one leg to straddle him, and pressing her body flush against his. She shrugged the straps from her shoulders, allowing the dress to puddle at her waist. The low backline of the dress had necessitated that she wear nothing under it, and so she was naked to his hungry gaze.
He pulled her to him again, his lips tugging at hers. His hands roamed her body cupping one breast in his hand. She gasped and let her head drop back, savoring the feelings he was creating. He kissed her again, his lips trailing down her pale neck. Her hands made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, then slid inside to caress him. His skin was soft and smooth, covering the firm muscles of his chest. She'd seen him without a shirt before, and had longed to touch him like this. She pushed at the shoulders of his shirt, attempting to move it out of the way to give her unrestricted access. When she whimpered in frustration, Clark complied, shrugging the shirt off, then quickly wrapping his arms around her again. She rocked against him, pressing her body closer to his.
"Lois.… Oh, God…Lois," he moaned, lifting his head to kiss her again.
She pulled away, and slid from his lap. His looked up at her confused and a bit dazed..
"Lois?"
She stood, letting the dress fall to floor. She extended her arm and waited for him to take her outstretched hand. He smiled, reassured, and stood quickly, taking her hand and tugging her to him
"Make love to me, Clark," she whispered, unbuttoning his pants and lowering them over hips, releasing them and letting them slide to the floor.
He kicked his pants aside and kissed her gently, then scooped her into his arms again. He walked a few short steps and laid her carefully on the bed. He stretched out beside her, kissing her and stroking her softly. She reached up and slid his glasses from his face, smiling to reassure him when flinched. She reached out and placed them on the nightstand, then lifted her face to kiss him again.
She tugged him over her, needing to feel his weight on her, to assure herself that this was really happening. She writhed beneath him, circling her hips against him eliciting a moan as he moved up to capture her lips again. He pressed his hips against her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. Lois ran her hands down his back then slipped them between their bodies tracing the waistband of his briefs. Clark gasped, his mind reeling from the sensations her hands were creating. "Oh, God, Lois. I love you," he whispered against her lips.
Lois froze. Memories of past lovers who'd used a false profession of love to get her into their beds flitting through her mind. Not Clark, please not Clark. She could deal with the fact that he didn't love her, though she knew he would break her heart. But she couldn't deal with him lying to her, using her. Honest. Clark was honest, had always been honest with her. If she lost that now….
Clark pulled back, worry evident in his face. "Lois, honey, what's the matter? Are you ok?"
"Don't, Clark. Please, just…you don't have to do that."
He was visibly confused. "Do what?" he asked, stroking her side again.
"You've already got me," she whispered, struggling to keep her emotions in check. "You don't have to tell me that you love me to get me into bed."
*********
