Note: This is the sequel to Reluctantly Engaged. (The real one this time -- if you missed the Tank-Version, or whatever it's qualified as, you can check
here .) I would suggest reading it first. It is currently available on the boards.
Part One Part Two Thanks to the NC Beach girls for the original idea and encouragement. Thanks to Kaylle for her great help brainstorming and BRing. Without her, this story would still be on my hard drive, wasting away because I was trying to force it to go the wrong way. Amazing how sometimes the simpler solution really is the best one. So thank you, Kaylle.
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Readily Engaged: Reluctantly Engaged II
By Bethy
Rated PG
February 20, 2004
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Lois's hand stilled on the lock as she went through the familiar ritual. Fortunately, this time her left hand ring finger was bare of any gaudy monstrosity. Had it really only been twenty-four hours since she'd come home from a date with – and proposal from – Lex? It seemed impossible that so much could change in so short a time, and yet here she was. Living proof that one man's proposal could open a person's eyes to the love she had for another man.
Of course, she'd just had a huge fight with said man that she loved. But that wasn't her fault. Well, it mostly wasn't. Okay, so it was sort of her fault – but Clark had still way over-reacted to the news of Lex's proposal! Was it her fault that when it came to Lex, Clark was beyond all reason? No!
Though it was possible she could have handled the situation better. Okay, fine, she
definitely could have handled the situation better.
Happy now? she bitterly asked her conscience.
They had been sitting, snuggled together, on Clark's couch. After mutual declarations of love, and some...incredible...mind-numbing...fantastic...unbelievably perfect kisses. Lois touched a finger to her lips. She'd never imagined that kissing could be so wonderful. It was as if he could read her mind – actually, no, better than that. What he did to her was beyond what she could have ever dreamed, so he wasn't reading
her mind. She didn't know how, but he knew the perfect way to embrace her, to make her feel wonderfully loved, cherished, and, yes, even excited.
If only they hadn't fought. She could still be there. They could be kissing some more. Who knows, maybe they could even be doing...more.
Was she ready for more?
She wasn't sure about that, but anyway, it was a moot point. They'd fought. It would be a while before they even kissed again, let alone thought about more. If they even kissed again.
So they'd been snuggled on his couch. Lois had been resting her head on Clark's shoulder with what she was sure was a blissful smile on her face.
“You know,” Clark's voice had broken into her thoughts. “You still haven't told me the story behind all this.”
She should have made something up. Said she saw something on television, she'd found a bridal magazine, Lucy had called to say she was engaged. She should have said anything but the truth.
Lied to him? But wasn't that what started this whole thing in the first place? The thought that she'd lied to Lex by not challenging him when he slipped the ring on her finger? No, she shouldn't have lied to Clark. But she wished she'd come up with some other way to tell him. Some way that would have been easier for him to take, some way to prevent him from going ballistic.
Instead, she'd been stupid. Oh, she tried to soften the blow. “You might not like it,” she had warned him. “Keep in mind that this is what got me to realize I love you,” she'd reminded him. “Ultimately, it's a good thing.” Was she trying to convince him? Or herself?
“Okay,” Clark had said.
Yeah, right. It was anything
but okay.
She had thought for a moment, trying to come up with a way to say it that wouldn't sound so...so...so much like another man had proposed to her. And not just any other man, but the only man that Clark had ever actively disliked.
But where to start? With Perry's Elvis story? No, that didn't make sense even when she knew the situation. It would just confuse Clark. With her conversation with Martha? But how would she get into that without stating why she'd called in the first place?
Ultimately, she went with simplicity.
“Lex proposed to me last night.”
Wrong move.
Clark had stiffened and said, “Luthor...proposed to you?”
“Yeah.” She'd mumbled the words in the direction of her ribcage, unable to look him in the face.
“Lois, you've only been dating him for three weeks. Have you ever wondered what he wants, pushing the relationship so fast?” He pulled back. Partly to face her, perhaps. Partly to avoid touching her any longer, she was sure. “I warned you about him. Don't tell me I didn't. I can't believe you're still seeing him.”
“Clark, you promised,” she warned him, feeling bereft at the loss of physical contact. Her shoulders felt cold without his arm. And yet, it was that shuttered look in his eyes that left her feeling hollow.
“Promised what? To listen? Well, go ahead, I'm listening.” He crossed his arms as if to say, "and it better be good.'
She shivered as she remembered that look in his eyes. Yes, it was even worse than the loss of physical contact. Unable to face her own couches – they were uncomfortable in the best of times, but in comparison with Clark's couch, and without him,
especially without him, they were just unbearable – she went to the bedroom. She wanted to be close to Clark. Since that was impossible at the moment, she settled for the next best thing. She changed out of her jeans and t-shirt into an old, faded Kansas State sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts. Foregoing her normal nighttime routine, she curled up on top of her covers with the stuffed bear Clark had won her at the Smallville Corn Festival. If she couldn't have Clark, at least she could have what Clark had given her.
“Clark, please,” she'd said, trying to be forceful enough to show her earnestness, without being overbearing. “I love
you, remember?”
His face had relaxed a smidgen at that. Maybe she should have stuck with that line of thought. Murmured sweet nothings in his ear. Kissed him senseless so that the next time Lex's name came up, Clark was too dizzy to care. But had she done that? No. Stupid, Lois, really stupid.
“So...what?” he'd asked, cautiously. Still not moving back towards her, but softening that blankness in his eyes. “You told him, "I'm sorry, but I've just realized I'm in love with Clark'?”
One look at her face had been enough to enlighten him to the truth. He sprang up from his seat. “Don't tell me you said yes to him!”
She blushed in memory, just as she had blushed then. “No! Not...exactly.”
“What? Exactly.” Clark had folded his arms, brooking no nonsense.
His uncompromising attitude had caused something to snap inside of her. It wasn't like she didn't have just cause. After all, she'd been through more emotional upheaval in the past twenty-four hours than she'd experienced in...years. Maybe forever. It wasn't like it was every day that she got proposed to by the third richest man in the world, only to realize she didn't love him, and what was more, to realize that she was in love with her best friend and
work partner!
No, it wasn't like she didn't have just cause.
But that still didn't mean she should have said what she did. It didn't mean she couldn't have found some better way to phrase it, a better tone to use.
A tear slid down her cheek. How could she have let loose like that? Simple. She was Lois Lane. Queen Babbler and Tantrum Thrower. Every word she'd shouted was now scorched into her memory.
“What was I supposed to say, Clark? I was surprised! No, I was
shocked! I was speechless. I know, I know, it's hard to imagine me speechless, seeing as how it's never happened to me before and probably will never happen again in this lifetime, but it's true! And when Lex slid that stupid ring on my finger, taking my silence as a yes, what was I supposed to do? Take it off? Throw it in his face?”
“No, Lois. N-O. No. Two letters, one word. No. You say it to me all the time!”
“But I didn't
know what I wanted! What if I decided I
did want to marry him?”
Oh, why had she said that? Lois stifled a sob. Why on earth had she told Clark that she had thought she might have wanted to marry Luthor? Right after she told Clark she loved him. What kind of two-timing tease was she?
Clark's expression had turned stony, as well it should have.
“I can't believe-- I just don't-- How could you have even
considered marrying that bas--monst--thing?”
And that's when she'd said it. Yup, that's when she, Lois Lane, had made the stupidest mistake of her life. Her mouth had gotten into plenty of awkward situations in her life, but this one topped them all. What had ever possessed her to
say that? No wonder Clark went crazy. What man wouldn't, if the woman he loved, and who professed to love him, said what she had said?
“Watch how you talk about Lex, buster,” she had said, “because,
technically, he's still my fiancée.”
Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why, oh, why, oh,
why had she said that? "Technically he's my fiancée'? Yeah, that's the way to calm him down. Tell him she's engaged to another man. Uh-huh.
Lois felt like she'd made incredible progress with her emotions and her daring to go further into a relationship with Clark. And together, they'd reached a mutual understanding of love. And those kisses... Finally, Lois quit holding back and just gave in to the sobs. Was that the last chance she'd ever have to experience those wonderful kisses with Clark? Or joke with him? Or cry on his shoulder? Or run to him when the crackpot of the week decided he wanted to kill her? Had she, in the space of a moment and single, idiotic comment, ruined things between them forever?
She sobbed harder, pressing her face into her teddy bear. Please, no. Please don't let everything be ruined. Please.
All she wanted to do was cry herself to sleep and hope that she'd wake up in the morning to find everything miraculously fixed. But she couldn't let herself do that. She had to face what she'd done and figure out how to fix it.
Because she knew two things: She loved Clark. And it was a love unlike any she had ever known. Wait, make that three things: She wasn't going to allow herself to lose that. Him. Whatever.
Resolutely, she wiped the tears away and blew her nose. And returned to her memories. Painful as they were, she needed to reach the end of the evening before she could decide what to do.
After her (incredibly beyond stupid) comment, all the blood had drained from Clark's face. She had never seen him so pale. His expression was one of shock...and the deepest pain she could ever imagine. “Well, then,” he had said, his tone almost devoid of any feeling, “maybe you should just go to him then.”
No. No.
Clark. Don't. Don't push me away. Anything but that. But, once again, had she said that to him? Of course not. Instead, she'd retreated into the safe haven of anger and replied, “Fine!” And with that, she'd marched right up the steps and out his door. Straight out of heaven and into hell.
“Fine!” Clark had called after her. “Just go ahead and get in bed with the devil!”
In any other circumstances, she would have had to have the last word, but as she slammed his door, it was all she had been able to do to keep the tears from coming then and there.
But she refused to give into them now. She'd had her moment to wallow in self-pity. Now it was time for action.
She recognized her part in the fight. She'd been an idiot, but it was too late to change that now. She just hoped she could figure out a way to fix the damage her words had caused.
But what about the damage his words had caused? He had hurt her, too! What gave him the right? After all, if he hadn't overreacted to the news of Lex's proposal in the first place, she never would have felt the need to say what she did!
Why had he reacted so extremely, anyway? She knew Clark didn't like Lex, but this went beyond anything he'd ever said or done before. Yes, he'd warned her that he didn't trust Lex, but tonight Clark had called him the devil. A
thing. As if monster wasn't strong enough for what Clark thought Lex was.
She shook her head. This didn't make sense. This was
Clark. Clark, who never hated anyone. Clark, who always looked for the good in people. Clark, who got along with everyone. Clark, who'd probably never held a grudge in his life.
But he hated Lex Luthor with such venom that he compared the man to the devil.
What could have caused such a deep hatred? And how could she have not noticed it before?
Well, she'd never exactly told Clark that she was engaged to Lex before, either. But still...
She tried to think back to remarks Clark had made about Lex. Nothing specific came to mind. She just had a general sense of dislike and distrust. She'd always chalked it up to jealousy, similar to Clark's jealousy of Superman.
But that didn't make sense, either.
Clark didn't get jealous. Except for with Lex and Superman. Yet, Clark didn't hate or distrust Superman.
Oh, she was so confused!
But one thing was clear. Clark Kent was the most decent man she'd ever known. Even before she'd realized she was in love with him she would've admitted that, and without too much prodding. With that in mind, who did she trust more?
Clark? The only partner she'd ever been able to stand working with? The guy who knew exactly how she took her coffee and was even nice enough to make it for her half the time? The one who edited her copy, supported her crazy hunches, made her laugh and brought over pizza and movies when she was down or scared because another psycho was out to kill her?
Or Lex? The man who assumed she'd marry him without even waiting to get her input on the matter? The man who impressed her with extravagant displays of wealth and flattery, but never bothered to try to see past the mask of Lois Lane, reporter?
Well, that was a silly question. Of course she trusted Clark.
So if Clark Kent said that Lex Luthor was evil, shouldn't she give him a little credit and at least give him a chance to explain himself?
She would. That was exactly what she would do. She would go straight back to his apartment and demand-- No. No demands. That kind of attitude was what got her where she was right now, and she didn't much like that place.
She would go to Clark and humbly ask that he explain. She would hear him out and then go from there, remembering that he was both the man she loved and the man she trusted.
Tomorrow.
Chicken.
I am not! she protested.
It's almost three in the morning! I can't barge in on Clark in the middle of the night.Never stopped you before.
Good point.
Besides, if she was still up agonizing over this, odds were good that Clark was, too. She got up, pulled some sweatpants on over her shorts, grabbed her keys and her license and left.
One way or another, she was going to get this resolved. Tonight.
~~~~{~}~~~~
“Lois? What are you doing out here?” Clark's front door opened behind her and only his quick hand stopped her from tumbling into the apartment. He hadn't been there when she'd arrived, but she couldn't bear to go home again. So she decided to wait. Sitting on the stoop, leaning against his door, she must have fallen asleep.
She turned bleary eyes up to his worried face. She really hated to wake up after she'd had a hard cry. Her eyes felt all crusty and her throat hurt and she needed to blow her nose again. And she was sure she looked a mess.
But she couldn't forget why she'd come here.
“I need to talk to you.” Her voice sounded like a croak.
“Oh, Lois.” His gaze was soft and sad as he helped her stand up. Her left foot remained asleep and she lost her balance, falling into him.
He reached out to trace the tear tracks on her cheeks and for a brief moment hope flamed in her heart. Clark opened his mouth and she was sure he was going to apologize. But then he swallowed and his expression closed up.
“Don't you think we said enough last night?” Through his hard words she could tell he was in as much pain as she was. And that gave her the courage to say no.
“No, Clark.” She gave a humourless chuckle. “Oh, we said plenty. But not the right things.”
She took in the circles under his eyes, the stubble on his chin, and knew his night had been as rough as hers.
“Oh, Clark, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw, the only clue to how tightly he was reining in his emotions. “But you did.”
Lois closed her eyes to keep the tears back. “Please, Clark, can I just come in and talk to you? I promise, no yelling.”
He stared at her for a moment and then wordlessly stepped back to let her pass. He let her choose a seat on the couch and then moved to a separate chair. Nor did he offer her anything to eat or drink. Yes, she had hurt him. Badly.
But he hurt you, too, a little insidious voice said. She squelched it. Yes, Clark had hurt her. But grudges and resentment had ruined her parents' marriage. As they ruined friendships. And somebody had to offer the olive branch, even if they'd both been wronged. And she loved Clark enough that she was willing to be that one. She couldn't lose him.
“The first thing I need to tell you is that Lex Luthor is not and never has been my fiancée.”
Clark looked up, surprised at that. “He's...not? But last night...”
“Last night I was angry. And hurting. But that doesn't excuse what I said.” She paused, trying to figure out how best to phrase this. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of the night before.
“When Lex proposed to me--”
“So he did propose!”
“Please, Clark,” she begged. “Just let me finish. Please.”
After an interminable silence, he nodded.
“When he...you know what, I didn't answer. He slipped the ring on my finger and took my silence as a yes. But I did not accept his proposal. No, I have not given the ring back yet, but that's because I spent the entire day trying to figure out what I felt for him, which, long story short, led me to realize I loved you. And so I came over here, and...you know the rest. Believe me, Clark, returning his ring is the very next thing on my list. But I needed to talk to you first.”
Please believe me. Please accept this. Please.“What did you want to talk about?”
He didn't seem to be warming up to her at all, but at least he wasn't kicking her out. For the moment, she'd take what she could get.
“Clark...could you tell me...why do you hate him so much?” She was so nervous that she babbled on without giving him a chance to answer. “I mean, you don't hate anybody and when I realized that last night I thought you must have a good reason for hating him so much and I love you and I trust you more than anyone I've ever known, so shouldn't I trust you on this? And so I just want an explanation and I promise I'll listen and not defend him, because to tell you the truth, he's kinda slipped down to the level of "not-worth-my-time' in the past two days, but obviously in your book he's even lower than that, lower even than scum, I think, so I just wanted to know... Why?”
Clark sighed. “I don't have proof.”
He was going to tell her. He was really going to tell her! “That's okay.” She was afraid to show too much emotion. She didn't want to scare him off. She needed to hear this.
Clark fiddled with his glasses and refused to look at her. At last he said, “You say you trust me more than anyone you've ever known?”
“Yes.”
“More than...” He hesitated. She waited. “More than Superman?”
What did Superman have to do with any of this? “Clark, Superman is an incredible person, but...I don't know him the way I know you. And he doesn't know me the way you know me. And so yes, I trust you more than Superman.”
Somehow that helped him make his decision. He whispered, almost so low she couldn't hear him, “I trust you, too.”
Then he looked up at her and said, “I hate Luthor because he's been trying to destroy me since I arrived in Metropolis.”
TBC on Wednesday
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