Digging for Dirt
By Mary Potts AKA Queen of the Capes
Rated: ???
This is technically a Lara and Martha story…It’s the same universe, but it’s told from a different viewpoint.
BTW, here’s a list of the Altiverse stories so far (In chronological order):
Digging for Dirt
Mysteries of Life
Louisa and Mark: The New Adventures of the Hulk
The Big Debut
Now THAT’S What I Call Art
And now, our feature presentation:
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Careful…Quiet…Don’t let them know you’re here…You know, it’s really hard sneaking around the home of a guy with super hearing; one twig-snap and I could be history. That’s why I always check first to make sure he isn’t home. The first time I did this I didn’t check, and he ended up catching me red handed. I’m lucky I didn’t end up on the moon!
I press my back to the wall and inch my way to the window. I quickly steal a glance inside. It’s the kitchen; Mrs. Kent is in there busy feeding the twins their lunch. Or at least she’s *trying* to feed them. Wow, that one kid has a really good throwing arm! There’s a TV on the counter showing Superman helping with the earthquake in China. Looks like he won’t be back for a while… I duck down just as a spoonful of strained peas hits the window.
Okay, Superman’s out of the way, and the wife’s occupied. It’s time to get a scoop! I make my way over to the trash-bin and carefully ease the lid off. All right, now, what have we got?
A banana peel… Some coffee grinds… Ugh! Diapers… Hello, what have we here? Three used tissues… Is Mrs. Superman sick? Funny, they never said she was sick… so… it must be something they don’t want anybody to know about! Now, obviously they wouldn’t pull such a cover-up if it was just the common cold, so it must be something terrible! Walking pneumonia? Maybe… Cancer? I think I’ve got something here! I can see my headline now: ‘Mrs. Superman Has 6 Months to Live!’ Wow, Buddy is going to love that!
Now, what else have we got? More tissues---hmm, make that “3 Months”… Empty jars of Goober baby food--- “Beef and Broccoli Surprise”? I don’t even want to know… Grocery bags… Yesterday’s Daily Planet… Unidentifiable green stuff… Aah! Cockroach! Cockroach! I wonder if they know about this horrible infestation? Imagine, the city’s superhero forcing his family to live in filth! But then, I guess with his wife having such a short time to live, he probably has other things on his---
---Mind… That’s strange… I’ve been doing this long enough to know that usually around this time of the month there’s an empty Tampox box in here. But where is it? Oh, wow! Not only is she fatally ill, she’s pregnant! Let’s see… first she had twins… so this time, she must be having triplets! Hang on a second…what’s this box? “Equalize Maxis.” Hey, I’ve never seen *this* in their garbage before! It must have come from…some…other…woman!
I don’t believe it! What a scoop! ‘Superman Has Torrid Extra-Marital Affair After Learning Fatally Ill Wife is Pregnant With Triplets!’ Buddy will love it!
Uh oh, someone’s on his way back who *ain’t* gonna love it. I better scram; I put the lid back on the bin and vamoose. I can’t wait to talk to my editor; he’s definitely going to want to put this on the front page! And maybe we can even do a side-story about the Super Cockroaches…
