Last Time...
She reached out to him, her eyes locking with his, and held his hand. She pulled him gently along as she walked over to the couch.
“Sit with me?”
“Okay,” he said, his voice a little huskier than before. She did strange things to his head.
She sat down, and pulled him down gently next to her. He dropped down at her side, and she immediately nestled in against him. Encouraged, he placed an arm around her shoulder. She felt suddenly warm at his touch.
“Mmm. I … I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how we kissed,” she said, suddenly unable to look at him while she talked. “It’s all I can think about. All I can … it replays over and over in my mind, and I can’t … I can’t even imagine thinking of something else.”
“It’s been on my mind too.”
“I … I was hoping we could have a… re-match?”
Part 52...
He tightened his arm briefly around her shoulders in an affectionate squeeze. “You bet. But don’t you want to talk about the auction?”
“Oh. Yeah. That.” Her voice darkened a bit. “Carissa won.”
“I'm Sorry. Leyna couldn’t be here. She’s overseas covering a story.”
“I know.”
“She called and apologized, but I didn’t get the message until after the auction. “
“It’s okay, Clark. Really. I’m okay with it.”
“Good – because…”
“Actually. I’m lying through my teeth. I’m not… I’m not okay with it. I mean – god… it’s Carissa – the most beautiful woman in … well – “
“Not in the world. And not in Metropolis. You are orders of magnitude more beautiful than Carissa.”
“Please, Clark – you don’t have to – appease me… I -“
“I’m not making that up. You really are, Lois. If you had chosen her line of career, you’d have made a huge success of it – you’d have eclipsed her.”
“I… “
“I’m glad you didn’t. The world needs people like you, Lois – championing for what’s right… but… you could have. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Oh… Clark.”
“I … I’ve never been interested in her, Lois.”
“But you’re going on a date. And that’s different from just seeing her at parties. You'll be alone with her.“
“We’ve been … we’ve been alone before, Lois.”
“You… did you date her?” Dread trickled into her heart. Was Carissa an ex… lover?
“Very casually.”
“Casually? Casually? What does that mean? I mean – “ She was getting flustered. She stood up abruptly, and took a few steps away, not willing for him to see her like this.
He came up behind her, and gripped her shoulders, gently turning her back to face him, despite the possible explosion of panic that his touch might bring.
“Please, don’t …” His voice was supplication.
His touch had sent shivers of anticipation and apprehension through her. She forced herself to calm down, so she could finish this.
“But Clark… how can I compete? I mean – “
“It was nothing. We spent a few evenings together. But it really wasn’t anything.”
“My… my dad had a lot of… meaningless friendships with women, Clark. I know that things that aren’t anything can still be something. Nothing can still have the power to destroy… happiness, and destroy families. Oh… god… I was worried about with you dancing with her, when you couldn’t dance with me- but… now – it’s so much more than that, isn’t it? I mean – you’ve… you’ve… I can’t do that! Not yet – and… I – “
“We haven’t,” he said, firmly, guessing what she meant. “I never made love with her.”
She couldn’t look at him, this whole conversation was upsetting her so much, but she knew she was wrong to be feeling this way. What happened before their relationship was none of her business.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I …”
“Lois, why would I lie?”
“To make me feel better?”
“I wouldn’t. I would never lie about something like that.”
“You never… really? You never…”
“Lois – I don’t know how much you and Lana talked about my relationship with Lana – but… I mean – you do know that …”
“I know you were never… that … close… you were waiting for marriage… right?”
“Right.
“Because she wanted to. A lot of women do – and you were willing to wait. I admire that about you – I really do – but…”
“She wasn’t the one who wanted to wait. I was.”
“Oh… you…you were? But… after you broke up, and after the woman you thought you loved left this universe – didn’t things change? Didn’t you just… give in to… the… the urge?”
“I didn’t. Lois. I didn’t. Yes… I did almost give up on meeting the right one after Lois left, and after I failed to find you. I did. But, I still had hope. Hope that somehow I would meet you, despite it all. You were the woman I was meant to be with . I believe that wholeheartedly. I waited for you, Lois… even before I knew you, I was waiting for you. And… I… I’ll wait for you for the rest of my life. Well… that is, if you want me to wait.”
She took a deep breath, taken aback by his admission.
“You… are you saying you… you love me?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying. But… you don’t have to … feel threatened by it – okay?” His voice was suddenly nervous. “I’m not the kind of person to … impose myself on someone…If you ever decide you want to end this – even if you want to be with someone else – it’s okay… I mean – it’d be awful for me – but I wouldn’t… turn into a…. a monster over it.”
“I know –I know – please. You don’t need… I just… I … “
“It’s weird to hear that from me – isn’t it? This early on …”
“Not weird.. Wonderful. It’s… wonderful. I… I’m pretty sure I love you too,” she admitted, not able to look at him as she admitted it. “ But… I… I don’t…. I didn’t…”
“I know you aren’t ready for any kind of deep commitment…”
“Can we sit down, again?” She didn’t want to have this conversation while standing.
He returned to where they had been sitting, and she sat down next to him again. She looked at her hands a long moment, and then, finally, screwing up the courage, she lifted earnest eyes to meet his.
“Actually... I was going to say - I was going to say that I’m not… you know. Not a virgin.”
He waited, in silence, knowing she still had more to say.
“I mean… I know – you know I’m not a virgin… what I’m trying to say – is… I wasn’t…before. I didn’t wait… I guess… I didn’t wait for the ‘right’ one. I… I kind of feel badly about that… but then, I also think that if I had been waiting, then all I would have known would have been… Kal… and his… brutality – so… so – it’s good that I didn’t – “
“Lois. Your past relationships – those are in this past… and I don’t regret them, expect for any pain you may have felt as a result of them.”
“Thank you, Clark… I guess I feel that – you waited, so – you … you deserve to – and then – there’s the fact that I’m so… I mean – don’t you worry – that we won’t ever get that close?”
“Lois. I believe very strongly that we are meant to be together. That we are soulmates. I really do feel an amazing and unbelievable connection to you. I think things will work out for us.”
“You think we’ll end up…”
“Yeah. I do. And I think – we’ll be happy together.”
“I hope so,” she breathed out, feeling slightly lost under his conviction. “I worry sometimes… I – “
“You know – there’s no need to try to push yourself to do anything…”
“I know. I do know that. And I’m really… glad you feel that way. But – I still feel funny about not being able to.”
“I just love being with you.”
The inevitable pause came upon them, and after a few moments, he reached over and stroked her hair gently with one of his hands.
“So… you mentioned a re-match?” he asked her, his voice sounding so sensual again.
She licked her lip nervously as he said that, feeling once again that spasm of fear and anticipation. The sight her doing that sent a shockwave through his entire body.
“God… when you do that,” he groaned, unwilling to stop himself from the utterance.
“Do what,” she gasped breathlessly.
“That thing you do… with your tongue… and your mouth. Your… beautiful mouth. It’s so… sexy, and … I really want to kiss you.” His voice was deeper now, and over-toned with the desire he was feeling.
She felt a spasm of fear go through her. Like this, he did remind her more of … well – not so much of Kal – but rather… he reminded her less of himself. His easy going manner wasn’t as evident, and she felt like prey caught in a predators gaze. And yet – she knew that this kiss would be incredible, like before, and that he wasn’t a predator – he was a loving and caring partner who wanted to give her pleasure. She was torn with ambivalence. I want him to show me that he is attracted to me, otherwise, I get all insecure. But when he does, I get scared.
She swallowed nervously. “I… “
“Shh. It’s okay.” he whispered, and he leaned in carefully and kissed her. By far this was the most amazing kiss yet. His lips on hers were careful and gentle, but he seemed more sure of himself than before. He increased the pressure, and she felt her lips parting under his. Hot waves of warmth flooded her as she felt the tip of his tongue flick against her bottom lip, and she gasped against it, opening her lips further.
As she did that, he pulled her close in against him, her body touching his, as he deepened the kiss.
His tongue gently danced with hers as he continued to kiss her, his free hand moving to caress her hair.
She was feeling a whole host of things. She was excited beyond belief by the sensual pressure of his kiss. He kissed like a dream – and this was bringing her to levels of desire that she had never ever felt before with any other man. And yet – it was an openly passionate and sexual kiss. She felt a squeeze of nervousness at the sensuality involved, and darts of fear were poking at her, piercing the haze of desire.
Please. Please. Let me not panic.
He felt her tense a little, and he knew that he had pushed a little further than she could go at this moment. He pulled back a few inches, ending the kiss, and looked at her with eyes that had gone dark with his own desire.
She felt a sharper jolt of fear at the look in his eyes, and forced herself to keep her gaze locked on his. Remember. This isn’t Kal!
“Are you okay?” There was a very sensual edge to his voice.
“Yeah,” she whispered breathlessly. “I… I – I’m okay. I – a little scared – but… definitely… okay.”
“I won’t go further than you want me to,” he assured her, his eyes never leaving hers. “You can stop this at any time.”
Fear gripped her again, as she wondered how far he would go if she didn’t stop him. After all, she had asked him to take control. Should she not have done that?
“How… how far… are… you going to go?” Her voice was breathless again, and she inwardly cursed herself for not being able to talk normally.
“That’s for you to decide,” he said. And then he leaned in again and kissed her again.
Feeling urgency in his actions, her desire temporarily went into hiding as fear took a hold of her. She pulled back, and he immediately released her, breaking off his kiss. His eyes were so dark now, that his expression was inscrutable.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I Just feel…. I feel – like… you’re… I … “
Tears began to form in her eyes, and she silently cursed herself again for not being able to control them.
In the face of her tears, his manner changed immediately – the sensuality he was exuding was replaced by urgent concern.
“Did I hurt you? Are you all right? Did I go too far? I’m sorry !”
“No. No! No – You didn’t. You didn’t… I just got scared… it’s stupid – it’s silly – I – “
“You aren’t stupid or silly. Please… what’s wrong?”
“I felt… I felt lost… like you weren’t here with me… you… you seemed so different… and I don’t usually see you like that.”
“I seemed … like him?”
“More like him than before – but only because… I’m used to seeing that side of him – the side of him that’s… feeling… you know…”
“I… “
“But you aren’t like him – when you’re… kissing me. You aren’t like him at all… it’s just … an association that my mind makes… and then it… scares me. I guess I felt … like I was alone in this. I don’t feel that way when you’re like you are now.”
“Maybe we should just ease off a bit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”
“I don’t want to stop this. I don’t want to take backwards steps!”
“But it isn’t going backwards – it’s just going a little laterally or tangentially – or – “
“No!! I – I can’t help how I feel – but I don’t want to just stop. I want to challenge those feelings. Sometimes I might get like this – but I don’t… I still want this… I want you to kiss me again. Please. Will you?”
He looked at her a long moment, and then reached out to brush some of the moisture of her face. It was an impulse born from tenderness, but she flinched and he stopped in his tracks.
Did she think I was going to hit her?
“That was stupid of me,” he said. “I should have – Did you think that I was going to hit you?“
“No. No – I didn’t think that. It’s just… he used to … like it when I cried… and when I did – he would do that… brush away the tears – gently even… it was a sick twisted thing of his… parody tenderness… right before inflicting more pain.”
“Oh. Lois.” Unable to bear it any longer, he reached out and pulled her into a close embrace. This one had no sensuality attached to it – he merely wanted to offer her comfort.
She melted into it, and rubbed against his back with her hand. “I’m okay. It’s over. I’m not there anymore. He can’t hurt me, and I know that.” she reassured him.
He released her and shook his head.
“You went through so much hell. I just can’t believe it. “
“Kiss me again, Clark.” Her voice was deliberately sexy.
He looked at her hesitantly, and then, after a long moment, leaned in, and gently kissed her again, this time, keeping it very light.
She gripped his shoulders, and moved so that she was pressed against him, trying to encourage him to deepened the kiss as before. She pressed her lips into his with more force, parting her lips on her own volition. This time, she darted her tongue out to lick at his lip, and he tightened his arms reflexively in response, a low groan in his throat.
His action thrilled and scared her all at once, but she persevered.
He broke off, breathing hard.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay,” she said with a very encouraging smile.
He pulled her close again, and started to kiss her with increasing passion. His lips broke from hers, and kissed along her jaw bone. She gasped at the way that made her feel, and then, he started to kiss down the side of her neck.
Her hands on him tightened hard as the familiar conflicting feelings surged through her, and she tilted her head to give him better access. A moan escaped her throat as she felt desire coursing through her in sharp waves.
I’m getting carried away by this
Encouraged by her sounds, he rested his lips at the base of her throat. He darted his tongue out to gently lick her right on the pulse point. That simple and very sensuous gesture heated her up even further. She felt her entire body starting to burn with an urge to get even closer to him. Blood was rushing to various areas of her body, making her crave a more intimate contact with him.
She gasped out his name.
He lifted his head. “Too much?”
“No! Clark! God – don’t … don’t… don’t stop!”
He moved in again, and resumed what he was doing, he tongue tracing lazy and torturous circles around her pulse point. She felt her body responding – tightening and loosening up all at the same time. She was embarrassed and elated to find that she was becoming highly aroused.
He moved his lips back up, and ended up nipping at her ear. She shuddered at the pure desire that now had her in it’s thrall. God. I want him. The thought surprised her – she was in the grip of a ferocious passion – and she hadn’t expected to ever feel anything remotely like it again. It scared her somewhat – just as his passion had scared her earlier.
He returned to her lips, and pulled her in for another soul-destroying sensuous kiss, and this time, his hand slipped under the thin fabric of her top. She felt heat where he touched her, and she wondered at how a simple touch could feel so hot. Dimly she was aware that there was something she needed to tell him. But she couldn’t really think or focus anymore, and decided not to worry about it.
His hand moved up her body, and she stiffened a little.
He broke off a bit.
“Is this okay?” his voice was a sensual murmur that sent shivers down her spine.
“Yeah,” she gasped, completely out of breath from her passion. “Yeah!”
He kissed her again, and as he did so, he gently caressed her bare skin, moving his hand over the very sensitized zones of her body.
She made a strangled sound in her throat, and he paused for a moment to see if she would push away.
He was losing control. Her reactions, the sounds she was making, and the sheer sensual pleasure of holding her, kissing her, stroking her skin were all driving him wild. He was on fire, and he was finding it really hard to think of anything other than the simple and strong desire to bury himself in her body and find his way to completion. He had never felt like this before. It scared him.
He broke off his kiss, and looked into her eyes. “We have to stop. We have to stop now.” He was gasping out the words.
“Why?” She was floating on a haze, lost, and unable and unwilling to even contemplate putting a stop to this.
“I … I can’t…. I – I feel like I‘m close to losing control.” His voice was now a growl, and that feral sound finally registered with her. She felt a thrill of fear run through her at the idea that he would or could lose control. That fear, as before, was linked inexorably with sensual excitement. I wonder what that would be like. That thought floated up in defiance of the fear in her that was warning her to heed his words – to stop this now, before it was too late. The old Lois was afraid of Clark out of control, while the sensually awakened wild woman inside her was almost eager to meet with her equally wild mate.
“I… I – “
“I’m sorry,” he gasped out again. “I didn’t think… I would… I – I didn’t think I could get like this – feel so out of control like this… it’s never happened to me before… but if I don’t stop now – I might not be able to – I might not even be aware you want me to – I feel like my mind is clouding over, and I can’t think of anything but making love to you,” he confessed in a heated rush. “I can’t let that happen!”
She nodded, her throat dry. “I… I don’t want to stop – but – I – I don’t know if I’m ready for – I don’t think I am – and – “
“Shh,” he said, gently stroking her face with his hand. “I know. I know. And that’s why… I stopped – I have to stop – while I still can.”
“So you don’t want to stop?” Insecurity laced her voice, and his eyes darkened again, making her feel a shiver inside.
“I want… nothing more… at this moment… than to kiss you senseless. To press you back against the couch – to feel your entire body pressing against mine – to join with you in the most intimate way possible,” he growled. “And I want that… now!”
“Oh,” once again, all she was capable of was a breathless gasp.
“Is it okay that I told you that?”
She nodded her head mutely. She was feeling a very heady combination of fear and desire, and she wasn’t even sure she didn’t want the scenario he had just described to happen. Her body wanted to blindly arch towards him, to entice him further into a primitive rhythm, but the part of her that had been through a hellish ordeal was holding her back.
Words bubbled through her mind, and ached to burst out and be heard: Stay. Stay the night. Make love to me.
[tbc]
