FOR FUTURE REFERENCE
By Sara
Rated G
This fic was written in a frenzied rush for Pam Jernigan on her birthday, in thanks for the support she's given me recently, and to 'thank' the boards and their creator, Annette, for the wonderful times they've given me during the year of their existence [I know there's some horrible grammar in that last sentence; bear with me, I'm tired <g>] Thanks so much to Sas, who read this in double-quick time and provided me with near-instant feedback, and to the FoLCs on IRC who answered a few questions I had and nagged a bit into the bargain
Happy Birthday, Pam and boards!!
~&~
For Future Reference
~&~
Have you ever fallen in love? Have you ever felt that thudding in your head and that choking in your throat? Have you ever felt like your mouth was filled with sand, your tongue impossibly dry as your brain searches desperately for something clever to say?
And here's the corker; have you ever felt that within three seconds of meeting the object of your affections?
I have. I'm a cliché, I'll admit it. I'm the living, breathing proof that love at first sight exists.
Of course, I didn't
realise it at first. Not completely. I didn't have a name for the emotion that was filling my chest at the sight of Lois Lane's face. All I knew was that I liked it, and I wanted more. Even if she viewed me as nothing more than a scab on the face of reality, I was determined to learn more about her.
As the days and weeks went on, the feeling grew, and eventually, after many hours of soul-searching, I knew what to call it. It was like a monster engulfing me at the time, but looking back, I can see how muffled it was. It was the proverbial candle-in-the-window-on-an-autumn-evening. But still, it was
there, and it was a heck of a shock to the alienated Kryptonian who once thought he was incapable of loving! With the knowledge of absolutely *nothing*, I set out on the rollercoaster that is Lois Lane. For a long time, I waited and wanted to reach a destination, but I'm smarter by now. I just sit back and enjoy the ride, because I know that it's half the experience.
It's often scary. Heck, it's *always* scary! The whole time I've had a whooshy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like at any moment I could be thrown out into empty space. But it's a lot weaker now - and it's not as bad as others. It's nothing compared to the one you get when you climb to a very top of the track, you've had three hotdogs and a Diet Coke already, and the ride drops suddenly. I've had that feeling a few times, too - specifically during the Luthor Chronicles and the chapter with Dan of the Hideous Hawaiian Shirts - but so far, I've always stopped short of the stage where I throw up in fizzy multicolour. Thankfully, may I add.
It's certainly been hard. There have been times when I've nearly screamed in frustration because the train is going too slowly. There have been times when I'm just plain terrified I'm going to fall out altogether. I've been stupid enough to undo my seat belt and nearly get off, of my own free will, more than once. But the whole thing has been so thrilling, so exhilarating so far that more often than not I'm riding with both hands in the air screaming "Whoopeeee"*. And somewhere along the way, my love has graduated from a candle in the window to a blazing, raging, eternal fire.
I would do anything for her. I would fetch the moon on a string for her. I would fly into space and pluck the brightest star, I would search in the depths of an Amazonian rainforest for a flower for her - with or without superpowers.
Super. Superman. Another bump on the ride. I got so riddled with guilt, so disgusted at my cowardice, so laden with worry, that in the end I chickened out and told her over the phone. Gabbled, "LoisI'mSuperman" and dropped the receiver. She didn't speak to me for weeks after that one. Not until I rescued her from a gang of armed thieves, in fact. And when she *did* begin to talk... whoa. Hell hath no fury compared to an angry Lois Lane.*
D'you know, I even love that about her? I love her energy, her passion, her fire. I love the thing inside of her that makes her so furiously, *stubbornly* independent. It's like she stands up every morning, faces the sun, flings her arms wide and yells "Go on, world, take your best shot." It terrifies the living daylights out of me, but I love her for it all the same.
And the ironic thing is, the world really
did take it's best shot. Actually, it took a heck of a lot of best shots. And I'm not even talking about all the times I've plucked her out of the jaws of death like some overgrown meringue. It was the world that landed her with an alcoholic mother, a dependent sister, and a father who didn't give a damn. It was the world that threw that string of failed relationships at her. It was the world that made her afraid to live - to love.
She's
conquered the world. In more ways than one.
You might be wondering, at this point, why I'm doing this. Why I'm confessing my love to a sheet of paper that won't be read by a soul for years. I just want to make you understand exactly,
exactly, what Lois Lane is, and what she was. I want you to feel some infinitesimal degree of the love I feel for her. I want you to know what an amazing woman your mother is, Leah, and I hope that when you're grown enough to read this letter and understand the sentiments in it, you won't need it to realise that. I hope this isn't any kind of an eye-opener or revelation for you. I hope it's not too late for you, like it nearly was for me.
If you learn nothing else from her in the next eighteen years or so, learn how to seize life firmly, with both hands. And learn how to love. In the eight months we've been aware of your existence, you've received so much of it already. And in the four hours, twenty-nine minutes and thirty seconds you've been a breathing, physical being, I can see that your Mom has left her legacy in you - because you're the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life. In any case, I know you have her lung power, because you nearly shattered the glass in the hospital windows just now. Superman could have heard you miles off.
So today, the day of your birth, know that we love you. And in twenty years, when you're leaving home, when you're going to college, when you're getting married, whenever - I'll give you this. When the time is right. And I hope it'll make some sort of difference to you, no matter how tiny.
Till then, with all my love, today and always.
Clark Kent.
5th May, 1996.
~&~
(c) Sara, 9th April 2003.
Happy Birthday, Pam and Boards!!! 
*This quote is not mine. It was taken from a book by Marina Baker, and the full thing is - "You just have to learn to ride the hormone-fuelled rollercoaster with both hands in the air and screaming "Whoopeeee!" She was talking about being a teenager, but I think it served its purpose here as well
*Neither is this one - it was taken from a play by William Congreve, "Mourning Bride" at the end of Act 3, Scene 2, and the original quote was - "Heaven hath no rage like a love turned to hate; nor hell no fury like a woman scorned". [And thanks to Karen, the queen of Google, for figuring out where the quote originally came from!!
]
