“So what did you do this afternoon after I left?” he asked her, looking up through his eyelashes at her as he bit the end off the piece of pizza in his hands.
Lois shrugged and pulled a piece of pizza out of the box. “Well, I was thinking of going for a walk with you to talk about what Polly had said, but you’d already disappeared,” she said, equally offhandedly. “Like usual. I searched the whole neighborhood for you and you were gone.”
“So, what leads did you feel you got from Polly? Are you going to go to that SAVED meeting she was talking about?”
Lois looked up at him, not knowing exactly where she wanted to go with this. Maybe she could just play stupid. He must have thought her to be incredibly stupid to have overlooked so many things in the past. “I wondered what I’d find out from talking to that Michael guy.”
She was so used to taking everything he said at face value. Here he was, leading her along again. He was such a jerk! Then she reflected on what she was doing. What *was* she doing anyway? Who was the real jerk here? He had a secret. She’d found out his secret. He was still lying to cover it up, she was lying to keep him from knowing she had discovered it. She looked at his face. Superman’s face. She looked through his glasses at his eyes. The glasses reflected the action on the television, it wasn’t too easy to see his eyes through them. It never was, was it, she realized? She snapped out of it.
“Want to go with me to talk to him?” Lois asked idly. What a stupid question. They weren’t going to go over there together, she’d already talked to him. One thing about lies, they sure do multiply quickly. She changed the subject when he didn’t answer. “Did you see Superman when you were out today? I see he saved the day again at a big pileup on the highway.” It was time to let him squirm around in his lies, instead. This was a typical question she would have asked him any other day, she thought. Why did it sound so silly now? She took a deep breath and relaxed back onto the couch. This would be good. She didn’t like the hot seat too much. He was pretty used to it, though, she guessed.
“I heard about the accident and took a taxi over there and talked to Superman. Perry’s going to want an article on that, exactly what happened, you know, maybe a follow-up on was truck accidents, tire sabotage, drivers drinking or working too many hours without sleep.” He said, playing along at this foolish game. Maybe it wasn’t a foolish game, maybe she still didn’t know. But she’d been suspicious. Leave no stone unturned, that was Lois. But what about the suitcase? She knew it was his now. What about the fingerprints on the tie hook? She must have found the suits. Yes, she had to know. Did he dare tell her if she didn’t know? What was she going to do with this information? Nobody knew his secret. Just his parents.
Oh, a few people had discovered it over the past couple of years. There was HG Wells, the time traveler. He wasn’t a threat, though. There was Tempus who was supposedly in jail somewhere, or at least in an alternate dimension. Trask had found out, but he had died that day in Smallville when he’d tried to kill Clark and his family. He thought about all the people who had ever found out. None of them were still alive as fate or luck would have it.
“I called it in to the office before I came home. Perry won’t be too upset about us wasting the day today.”
“Wasting the day, Clark?” Lois rebutted him. “Do you think it was a waste of time talking to Polly? Do you think it’s a waste of time trying to find out who Superman is?” She remembered her fairy tale experiences with Superman, why she’d gone to all this trouble today and sighed. “He’s so handsome Clark.” She peeked a sideways look at his reaction. “Don’t you think?” She looked up at him directly and smiled.
He could hear his heartbeat speed up. “Are you trying to make me jealous, Lois?”
“Are you jealous, Clark? I mean you asked me out, but you know how I feel about Superman. Do you think you’re going to get my mind off him?”
‘I'm going to try,’ Clark thought, wanting to edge closer to her on the couch. “Lois,” he began, wanting to talk about his feelings for her, but then wondering if maybe this was a bad time for that. He needed some time that was more romantic than this, some time when they weren’t arguing about her feelings about Superman. He picked up another piece of pizza and put it to his mouth.”
“What, Clark?” Lois asked haughtily, unsure why she was following this silly pathway of conversation. “*Are* you jealous?” She pressed him in that taunting voice she saved just for him.
He pulled the pizza back from his mouth. “Yes!” he blurted. “There, are you happy? What do you think it’s like for me, always hearing how wonderful Superman is? Is he there beside you to listen to your problems? Does he get you refills of coffee at the office? Does he keep you from jumping into puddles without checking the level first? How hard is it to swoop in only at the call for help?” Clark stopped, got up and headed into the bathroom.
Lois was shocked. She was glad he had left the room. She expected to hear the door slam, but she didn’t.
Clark sat on the edge of the tub, his elbows on his knees, his cheeks on his palms. She was so much trouble! She was so blind! She was so…so…. He couldn’t think of what to call her. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He took off his glasses and spun into his suit and looked at himself again. He noticed her fingerprints on the edge of the glass where she’d opened the medicine cabinet. He opened it and scanned the bottles of aftershave. They were polka dotted with her prints. He took one down. The lid had her prints on it, too. He scanned around, nothing else did. So she’d checked out his aftershave, too! He closed the cabinet door and scanned down to the cupboard beneath the counter. Her prints were on the handles, too. He opened the doors, but didn’t see any prints on the cleaner containers.
He pursed his lips and put his hands on his hips, looking back at himself in the mirror. Shoot. She had really searched his place. Had she found the suits? He knew opening the suit wall made enough noise that she’d hear it. He’d have to wait until she had left to find that out.
Why had he just told her he was jealous? What if she didn’t care? But she’d said ‘yes’, she’d go on a date with him. She did care. Did she just care because she knew he was Superman now?
He splashed water on his face and buried it in the soft towel hanging on the rack. ‘Help, Superman!’ he wished he could just yell. It was so much easier saving the day than trying to figure Lois out, than trying to talk to her! Why didn’t he just come out and ask her if she’d found out he was Superman yet? He couldn't do that. He wasn’t sure he wanted her to know. On top of that, he didn’t know how to tell her. He’d never told anyone before. He’d been keeping this secret for his whole life. Keeping a secret eats at you, he’d heard someone say once. It does. It eats away at you. You build walls to surround it. You learn ways to defend those walls. You dig moats and trenches to keep every drop of investigation away from it. It becomes so huge it nearly consumes all your time, all your energy, at least when someone gets near it. It would help if he were just the commander of the army, if there were soldiers all around the walls who could let him know what was going on. Maybe that’s what his senses were for.
“Clark?” Lois was knocking on the door. “Clark, I'm sorry,”
He dropped the towel he’d been soaking up comfort from and opened the door. Her eyes were red and watery. She was really sorry she’d upset him like that, driven him so far that he’d lashed out at her. She threw her arms around him and hugged him. Clark put an arm around her waist and laid his other hand on her soft dark hair, stroking it gently, then leaned his face against the top of her head. She smelled so good. She felt so warm, so remorseful, so sincere.
“I'm sorry, too, Lois, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. It’s just,” he hesitated, “ I’ve been bottling up my feelings for you for so long, it’s just so hard.”
He stroked her head again and hugged her, turning his head to kiss the top of hers. “It’s alright, Lois,” he said as she sobbed against his chest.
She thought about what he must be feeling. He’d always been there for her, her best friend, so naturally she’d shared her romantic fantasy about Superman with him. She’d swooned over Superman from the first time she’d met him, which just happened to be on the second day she and Clark had worked together. Boy, he’d carried this pain for a long time. This pain must have just been a part of their relationship, something that went with being friends with Lois Lane.
They had a lot to talk about. They’d not been open with each other. What an understatement! He’d been hiding his secret as well as his feelings. She’d been hiding from a relationship with a real man, not just a superhero. Perhaps the superhero was safe to fall in love with, in some way. They let go of each other and walked back to the couch. Clark sat down first, and Lois sat beside him, resting her head on his side while he put his arm over her shoulders. They didn’t talk. Neither of them knew what to say. Lois was feeling guilty for snooping in his apartment. Clark was feeling bad for yelling at Lois, for lying to her, for being her fantasy man.
They sat for a long time pretending to watch the game. The pizza was nearly gone, the jug of juice was empty. Lois liked leaning against Clark. He was so good to her. He felt good when she was beside him, trusting him, content with whatever their relationship was.
“So where are we going?” she asked when a commercial interrupted the action, looking up at Clark’s face.
“What?” Clark responded, looking down into her soft brown eyes. “When?”
“On our DATE!” she said with emphasis, poking him in the ribs and finally smiling.
“Oh, that,” Clark said smiling.
“Yes, *that*!” Lois said raising her eyebrows.
“Do you want me to just surprise you or do you want to decide with me?”
“Surprise me!” she said, leaning back into the comfort of the warm nook she’d made for herself under his arm.
“Oh, but what should I wear? I mean, I’ll wear something really nice, we’re not going to something casual right? I mean, unless you want to.” She paused. “I'm babbling again aren’t I?”
“It’s okay, I like hearing you babble,” he said, laughing with his eyes, which made her smile.
“Well, let’s see, we could go out for dinner, and maybe take in the symphony, or maybe go dancing, or maybe, well, I'm not sure yet.” He smiled. I’ll surprise you.
She patted his side and grinned, “Yes, you surprise me, Clark Kent. You’re good at surprises.” She yawned and looked at the gold watch on her wrist. “Oh my gosh, it’s getting late, I’d better get going,”
Clark took his arm back down and leaned forward, looking at her as she stood up. “Lois? Why did you break into my apartment?”
Her countenance fell, “Clark…I'm sorry. I just had to know. I kept looking at the picture and thinking about the letters on that suitcase. I just had to find out if CK stood for Clark Kent.”
“You forgot to lock the door, you know. I always lock the door, except to the balcony. You also dropped this in the bathroom.” He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her.
It was her list of similarities between Clark and Superman. She took a deep breath and took it, looking over it. Then she quickly crumpled it up and stuffed it into the pocket of his mom’s pants that she was wearing.
“Lois, we’ve got to talk,” Clark said holding her shoulders with his hands.
“Clark,” Lois began. “I had to find out.”
“And did you?”
“Yes.”
She reached out to hug him and his arms went around her, holding her closely. “Oh Clark!” she wailed, tears streaming down her face. As the floods subsided enough to speak she sobbed, “I feel like I’ve lost my two dearest friends in the whole world. The Superman I loved doesn’t really exist, and now I don’t know you anymore!”
How it tore at him when she cried. He wanted to move heaven and earth to mend her broken heart. “Lois,” Clark began slowly when her body had stopped shaking. “I'm so sorry. I just couldn’t tell you. It’s so dangerous for anyone to know. I couldn’t take that chance with you Lois. I was going to tell you eventually, when I was sure you’d stand by me forever, once I knew for sure you loved me as much as you loved Superman. But you wanted to know now.” He let out a big sigh. “I'm just so sorry.”
She sobbed hard again, holding him tightly.
“Can I take you flying?” Clark asked, wanting to comfort her. She nodded against his chest. He peeled her arms away from his waist, backed a step away and held up a finger. “Watch this!” He spun into his suit while her mouth fell open.
“Wow, I knew you were fast, I mean Superman, but I had no idea you changed into each other like that.
“Here.” He scooped her up and flew up into the night sky, higher and higher, above the clouds until the stars surrounded them. He sat on the cloud and held her on his lap. “Lois?” he finally said. “Will you keep my secret? My life as Clark Kent depends on it.”
She nodded and held him close until he tipped her chin up and looked into her eyes. “I love you, Lois Lane.”
Their lips met tenderly at first, but the pent up emotions of the day exploded within it. When they finally separated to look into each others’ eyes, they had left the cloud far beneath them.
End
