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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217
Kerth
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OP
Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
Lana!!!  We'll she was the only that could help without giving away the secret...  Jose 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994 |
Lana, Lana, Lana...What I wouldn't do to have a trapdoor under you for you to drop through. Kevin's been shot!  The curse of Superman lives! Well, this could have gone better, but then where would Tank's WHAMs be??? James
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part. More ASAP, please. MAF 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047 |
Oh dear..poor Kevin! At least Lois and Lana took out the bad guys! This so good!! ~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269 |
When will Lana be portrayed as something OTHER than a bitch??? (or an airhead, in the case of Smallville)
In the comics, she is the sweetest person alive.
Her bitch persona started in Tempus Anyone? episode and has carried forward since then!
Anyway, bring on the next chapter ASAP
Chris
"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
An interesting instalment. I've been sporatic in my reading and commenting on this story. Mostly it's been a matter of time, but also, I don't really care about what happens to Kevin. It's not that he isn't a well drawn character, it's just that I don't care.
I see hints that Kevin and Lana might hook up eventually. Especially when his powers don't come back.
Lois' falling so hard so fast for Clark is a bit out of character, but she still has the spunk and fire that we've all come to love about the gal.
We'll have to see how things turn out as an awful lot of people know Clark's secret now. Hmmmm, maybe Lois will use it as a the story that gives her the big break she needs to get into the Planet.
Tank (who reminds Chris that seeds have been set in the comic books for Lana to try and worm her way back into Clark's life)
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 452
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 452 |
Ann, I really started enjoying the last few sections of this story. I think the Bureau 39-ish bad guys were well done, and I've really enjoyed the nail-biting villain plot. If critique bothers you, please skip the next section, which looks like a quote. I used that format for easy skipping over. Like Tank, I had a hard time getting into the story, especially the first two parts. One of the reasons was that I didn't care about Kevin either--not because he was a poorly drawn character, but because I was reading for L&C, and he wasn't either one. One way to deal with that kind of problem is to write much shorter, more succinct scenes for characters outside the continuity, alternated with scenes from our main characters' POV. That can keep you from losing the interest of readers who want to read about L&C.
The other problem I had was that the first two sections moved very slowly because of the huge backstory dump from Clark's POV, especially when so much of it dealt with Lana, whom I'm also not interested in. Beginning the story with the scene in which Kevin got his powers and feeding in the necessary backstory as Clark would naturally think of it would have improved the pacing.
End critique. I disagree with Tank on Lois being out of character because she fell so fast for Clark. This Lois hasn't experienced either Clyde or (it looks like) Paul, and there was nothing in the series that ever indicated that she didn't fall in love quickly before she was so disillusioned about men and relationships. Moreover, the speed at which she fell for Superman actually supports her instantaneous connection with Clark, whom she immediately saw as a magical rescuer. And even in Requiem for a Superhero, she behaved in the same sort of star-struck way toward Lex when he 'rescued' her from the boxing promotor who was threatening to shoot them. So I think you have adequate precedent for her behavior, particularly given her age and lack of romantic cynicism. BTW, I really enjoyed L&C's date, especially the flying. It was a nice balance to then have Lois show Clark a view of the ocean that was more powerful than an airborne view would have been. My favorite part of the story so far was Lois's avowal of her determination to find Clark. It reminded me of our Clark's assessment of her in Family Hour: something about she sits down to think, eats a little chocolate, and then the seas part. When are you posting part 14?
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 73
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 73 |
Thanks you, everyone, for the comments. And no, critique does not bother me, and I certainly appreciate any words of advice to help improve the writing. When will Lana be portrayed as something OTHER than a bitch??? (or an airhead, in the case of Smallville) Well, better ANYTHING than how she's portrayed on Smallville  In this case, this universe IS the Universe from Tempus, Anyone, so it follows that she would be the same character. I'm just trying to be true to that bit of canon. It would kind of be interesting to see how the Lana of the real LnC universe is different. Maybe she's...not as pushy. And, Shelia, I'm very humbled that your first post on these boards is on my little opus. And thanks for the critique. Guess I never thought about ordering those scenes differently - I think I was more interested in establishing the characters we were dealing with right off the bat. I appreciate the fact that certain readers aren't interested in original characters, and I thank you, Tank and Shelia, for fighting past that. But Bolt IS in the title, so I figured that he needed his due  Thanks again! More...right now. AnnN.
To thine own self be true.
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