Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Everybody kill Tempus, repeatedly

One of the threads was discussing why Tempus isn't dead yet.

I'd like this thread to consist of various writers lining up to do Tempus in, but there's a catch: he's a slippery villain so after you kill him he has to still be alive for the next writer. (You can shoot him and have him rescued by his future self - he's a time traveller, it can happen). You can blow him up but jump into time just in time.

I think of it as sort of like the Pink Panther movie where all the world's assassins are gunning for Kluseau (SP?) but he's just too lucky to die.

Rogue Chip's attack:

RC checked his time coordinates and stun gun. "Strange," he thought, "bringing a stun gun to an assassination. But even though he deserves to die, so this is an execution, I can't bring my self to kill him directly in cold blood. Well time to stun him and leave him to die."

The time machine phased into position just as Tempus finished setting the timer on the bomb and started the one hour count down. RC shot him with a stun bolt that would keep him frozen for 24 hours and phased out of the time stream, satistfied that Tempus would soon be dead by his own hand.

Unfortunately, Superman showed up and disarmed the bomb, seeing it as intended for Lois, who had received a strange phone call for someone named Chip calling her to another location for a scoop.

Thus while trying to save Lois who wasn't in danger he saved the villain instead.

Well these things happen. We'll just have to try again.

Tempus groggily wakes up in the alley next to the building where the bomb was set to go off, his body still tingling from the affects of the stun gun as he sits up and sudden panic setting in as he remembers there *was* a bomb, right?

He hears a soft chuckling from the shadows of garbage bins and trashcans behind him.

"The bomb is gone baby," he hears a low growl, as he turns toward the chuckling, "but that just means I get to have *MY* turn."

A shadow of a figure holding a baseball bat steps forward and breaks both his legs with a well-aimed blow.

That's right, TJgruffs decided to cameo and get revenge and right now Tempus better be wetting his pants in terror, because after she beats him senseless with the bat, she tosses him into a nearby cement mixer parked in a construction zone.

Dusting her hands satisfactorily she cameo's herself out of the story, certain Tempus will either die a slow death from his injuries or be suffocated when they start mixing cement tomorrow.

*NEXT!*

TEEEJ

Tempus, being a fan of the adage that one can never keep a good man down, waited until TJ had left before climbing out of the mixer. He had, of course, exaggerated the extent of his injuries. Sneering, he reflected that these twenty-first century plebs had a lot to learn about outsmarting a 24th-century criminal such as himself.

Not giving his attacker another thought, he focused on his purpose in visiting this time and universe: trying once again to foil Superman. This time, he had a secret weapon, and he hurried to the hiding-place where he had stashed his time-machine, a disused workshop. Excellent; his travelling companion was in the back seat, where Tempus had left him, nicely unconscious as a result of the stunning device Tempus had used on him.

“Wakey wakey, Lexy-boy,” Tempus drawled, shaking Luthor.

“What? Where...? Who are you?” Luthor sat up abruptly, glaring at Tempus.

“Seven years in the future, my friend,” Tempus explained. “You see, you were just about to die - once again - when I arrived and saved your life. And now, you’re going to return the favour and help me dispose of Superman and Lois Lane once and for all.”

“Lois?” Luthor exclaimed. “She’s mine!”

“Well, she can be, once we get rid of Superman,” Tempus pointed out. “At that point, I will be ruler of this universe and if Ms Lane chooses to remain alive I suppose I could give her to my -” He paused, then smirked. “My deputy ruler?”

With a sudden lunge, Luthor sprang from the time machine. “I am no-one’s deputy!” he snapped. Grabbing Tempus’s stun-gun, he aimed it at the time-traveller. “Thank you for saving me. But, unfortunately, you have outlived your usefulness,” he pronounced. “And so kind of you to leave me all your weapons and technology. It will make my task so much easier.”

"Oh, the irony!" Tempus gasped as he fell to the ground.

As Tempus fell, Luthor kicked him until he lay underneath the time machine. Acting swiftly, Luthor unscrewed a gas canister which sat in a corner. Before Tempus regained consciousness, he would be dead.

Pleased with his afternoon’s work, Luthor let himself out of the workshop and set off to regain his empire.

As he left, however, a slight figure sneaked out of the shadows and went over to the workshop door. She opened it and darted in, immediately spotting the unconscious man lying on the floor half-hidden by the time machine. Grabbing his shoulders, she dragged him outside into the fresh air, where she sat beside him, waiting for him to come around.

“Did you think I’d abandoned you?” Elena murmured lovingly. “Nobody kills my husband if I have any say in the matter!”


Next!

Queen of the Capes lowered her binoculars and frowned. "Dang! Elena's got him! Oh well, time for plan Bee, heh heh heh."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a glass jar with holes punched in the lid. Inside was a seemingly ordinary little bee. "Once this genetically altered Tempus-Eating-Bee is let loose, it will devour Tempus like a locust devours--um, everything. Now to open the----oops!"

Queen of the Capes accidentally tripped, causing the jar to slip from her fingers. She looked on in horror as the jar fell ten stories to the ground and smashed. "Um, maybe the bee's still okay?"

*Groggy, again* Tempus muttered to himself, *getting a little too familiar with that stun thing*

He flinched aside warily as a gentle hand touched his cheek.

"Who...what?"

Elena smiles over him seemingly happy he was aware. "I just saved you from being gassed to death, my Love."

"Who are you?" he squinted up at her.

She smiles wickedly as she rips her rubber Elena face mask off only to reveal herself as TJgruffs.

"YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!!!" she shrieks as she dons a pair of brass knuckles and smashes his nose in. "21st century Pleb, huh!?! Not giving me another thought, huh!?!" she began to pound his face over and over as he weakly attempt to hold her off.

On the other side of the street a bee shook it's bitty little head as it regained consciousness and tried to get it's bearings *Find Tempus,...buzz, Find Tempus* It cleaned bits of glass out of it's wings before buzzing into the air.

"I'm not going to kill you yet!" TJ roared. "I'm gonna save you for Superman to have a go at." she laughed maniacally as she rose to find her baseball bat. Suddenly a small projectile struck the side of her head. Taken aback she jerked around trying to see what hit her. She yelped as she was struck again. A buzzing noise passed her ear tipped her off that she was being hit by a flying insect of some sort and she wildly waved her arms around her face to shoo it away, but it kept coming at her with dogged determination even as she ran crazily down the street screaming her anger.

"I'll get you!! I swear I'll get you, Tempus!!!!"


*NEXT*

TEEEEJ

You guys were taking too long to post. I had to jump in. Please forgive.
TJ

Tempus was quite literally a broken man. He lay groaning in a pile of rubbish in an alleyway just off Hobb's bay, wishing desperately that some kind, generous, preferably insane person would come along and rescue him and aid him in his wicked scheme.

“Pssst...”

Hark!! A whisper!! He turned his head weakly, looking off into the darkness.

“Oy! You! Time-traveller guy!”

A tall figure came skulking out of the darkness. “Tempus?” it said, unnecessarily.

The figure shushed him again as he opened his mouth to retort. “We don't want anyone to hear us – especially not one particular person,” it cautioned.

Tempus peered blearily at the figure. He seemed to be wearing some kind of mask over his head. Suddenly, he swooped, grabbing Tempus under the armpits and hoisting him to sit semi-upright.

“Quiet,” he hissed. “We don't want her to hear us.”

“Her?” Tempus queried, wondering what new arch-nemesis would pop up out of the woodwork.

“The Mistress of Evil,” the voice continued. “The Guardian of the Shears. The Creator of the Sound File. The One. Her.”

“Forgive me,” Tempus managed to choke out, “but isn't a Mistress of Evil exactly what we need right now? Or aren't you aware of my diabolical scheme?”

The hooded figure reached up to remove his mask, revealing that he wasn't a he at all. A shock of copper hair fell to the woman's shoulders. Tempus gasped in recognition, raising a trembling figure to point at her.

“It's... it's...”

She smiled, nodding satisfactorily.

“But aren't you...”

“I am.”

His eyes narrowed. “Aren't you on some list somewhere? Of... evil people? Don't you have a reputation to uphold? A pledge of loyalty to criminals everywhere?”

The woman laughed maniacally. “That's where you're wrong, Tempus! My loyalty lies with only one villain. And that is – Lex!!”

Tempus rolled his eyes. “Wait, don't tell me, you're going to force me to jump off a building.”

Sara (for that was the woman's name) was busy tying his hands behind his back. “Of course not,” she hissed. Setting a small mechanical device down beside him, she grinned wildly as a song droned out of the speaker.

“I'm simply going to leave you here, with this song playing over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over again. It'll kill you in the end. After all, it drove me insane. Before that, I was a perfectly normal girl.”

He groaned.

“And you know the best part?” she continued viciously.

“What?”

“You have no one to blame but the player of this particular song. Your very own soon-to-be-wife, Evil El.”

She ran off into the darkness, leaving Tempus in despair.

”It's a long way to Tipperary...”

NEXT!

"Up to mighty London came
An Irish lad one day,
All the streets were paved with gold,
So everyone was gay!"

Tempus looked around in despair as the song began to play. This could NOT be happening to him!

"Singing songs of Piccadilly,
Strand, and Leicester Square,
'Til Paddy got excited and
He shouted to them there:"

“Stop, stop, stop!” Tempus yelled to no avail. The song played on. It was positioned just so and quiet enough as to not attract attention, but still loud enough that he could hear it clearly where he was.

“It’s a long way to Tipperary,
It’s a long way to go.
It’s a long way to Tipperary, to the sweetest girl I know...”

Over and over again... He hunched his shoulders, trying to drown out the noise. He talked, he yelled, he whistled, he hummed. He tried to make random words and tunes flow. But eventually, it got to him. His words would change of their own accord. His whistles and hums would take on a new tune. <Sing something you know> He told himself. “Oh Superbaby, new to the Earth. Play with your rock… cause It’s a long way to Tipperary…” <NOOOOOO> his mind reeled as he lost consciousness.

"Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square!
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there."

El sang as she walked down the street. She could listen to this song forever. She knew it so well. In fact, it was almost as if she could hear it now. She paused, listening, then shook her head. That was silly, why would that song be playing in Suicide Slum? She rolled her eyes at herself and continued on her way. <hmm> She thought to herself. <I should teach this wonderful song to My Darling Fiance, Tempus> She smiled, thinking of all the places they could listen to it together (she had several copies of it). She was on her way to meet said soon to be husband, and she hurried on, not wanting to keep him waiting.


Tempus awoke to the song ringing in his ears. He didn't know how long he had lain there listening. It felt like forever, which for a time traveler, was a VERY long time. His mind swam in the song, it was all he knew, all he had ever known. He lulled to the side, acting almost as a drunkard. “It’s a looong waaay to tipp… tippra…tipprararery.” He giggled and some drool escaped, sliding down his chin and pooling on his shirt.

In the deep recesses of Tempus’ mind he pleaded. He pleaded with God, with the fates, with anyone or anything that would listen. <Make the madness stop…> This was even worse than hearing Mr. Goody Two Boot's life story…from Herb. He would do anything. Anything <I’ll be good> gulp <I swear…please>

And then suddenly…a change. It was ever so slight so subtle, but to Tempus it was everything. The radio, having have been taken by Sara from El (where else would she get a copy of the song), was finally succumbing to time. Or rather, the batteries were. It warbled and then died. Finally, finally Tempus was free.

His wounds were no longer bleeding, and the strength that had been sapped from him by the song was beginning to return. He fought frantically to free his hands. His eyes eventually rested on a sharp stone on the ground, and he rolled over and grabbed it with his fingers, using it to saw at his bindings. Success! He stood up slowly, rubbing his redded wrists. He stole a glance at the offending radio. It sat on the ground quietly, its innocence a mockery to him.

He leaned down to pick it up, not noticing the poisoned dart that wizzed by his head, embedding itself in the floor behind him ("Drat!" Breanna said from the 4th story window of the building next door). Tempus bashed the radio against the wall, swearing to kill the next person who sang even a line from that song! Hopefully, that would never happen, not that he didn't want to kill someone over this song. But he couldn't imagine anyone else subjecting him to it, besides the evil Sara. <insert several "revenge is mine, I will get even, blah, blah, blahs">.

Straightening his clothes, he walked off heading for a restroom where he could clean up.


{NEXT}
(A/N I forgot this was a kill tempus story..was having too much fun torturing him...so I threw in the dart..literally... oh, and no offense to those who like the song )

Tempus walked into a restaurant. It had been a difficult day and he could use some extra energy.

He sat on a table, ordered chicken, potatoes and a bottle of water and decided that, until the food came, he could go use the restroom.

~*~*~*

It was Anna's first time in Metropolis. After many disagreements with her parents, they had finally let her spend a week in the big city of the United States.

As she walked by a restaurant, she stopped to check her hair in the glass. This wind was rather annoying.

However, something caught her eye, behind the glass.

<Is that Tempus?>

She watched the man carefully. Yes, it was Tempus. He was talking to the waiter. Then, he rose and headed to the back of the restaurant. Maybe to the restroom?

She entered the restaurant and followed him. Yes, he was going to the restroom.

<Hmm... This is very interesting...>

She took a look around. No one was watching. She opened the door.

Tempus had already entered one of the cabins.

She walked past them. Aha! There were his feet. First cabin on the left.

<I need a plan,> she thought.

All of a sudden, an idea struck her. It was crazy, but it could work.

"Hey! You! In there!" She started banging on the door, pretending to be panicked.

The door opened a few seconds later. "What?" Tempus asked, furious.

"Don't you know you're not supposed to use this toilet? The green monster awaits!"

"The green what?"

"The green monster! Look in there!"

He bent his head over the toilet. "I can only see my..."

His sentence was cut in the middle. Anna had pushed his head right into the toilet. Not that she was very strong, but she had caught him off guard.

He tried to scream, but he couldn't. He tried to take his head off the toilet, but he couldn't either. First, because Anna was still pushing him. And second... because he was stuck.

He was waving, kicking and doing other similar moves with arms and legs, hoping to get unstuck or, at least, hit Anna. But she had strategically chosen to stand beside the toilet, so that he couldn't reach her.

She watched him slowing down, until he completely stopped moving.

<He must have drowned,> she thought. <Excellent.>

Pleased with herself, she exited the cabin, the men's restrooms and, finally, the restaurant. She still had a lot of things to see.

~*~*~*

AnnaBtG.

The waitress held the chicken and potato order as long as humanly possible. Some people. So rude. Still, it made for a nice meal.

After dining alone, and lingering a bit-- it had been a long day and she had a houseful of kids to hurry home to, sink full of dirty dishes, chores to do. But not before she finished hers here.

With a heavy sigh she cleared the table, found the mop and bucket and headed off towards the least pleasant job in the place. The ladies room was as clean as ever. Women just generally being the more thoughtful, careful to aim of the species. But the men's...She shuddered. <Get it over with quickly, earn your pay, go home...>

Resolute, she pushed open the door. And was greeted by...well...by a man apparently...growing out of the toliet.

"Well, this is just not right," she pronounced stoutly. She pronounced everything stoutly, that was just her way. Good because no one argued.

With a little floor wax and some muscle- she did yoga 5xs a week and was a toned,limber little thing- she pried him out like a cork from fine champagne.

Not that she would know, exactly. She tended to prefer the Ripple...anyway, out he came. Dead. Surely.

But then, he gasped. He gurgled. He spewed.

<Oh, man. I am gonna have to clean that!>

"Who are you?" he asked wetly.

"You never came for your chicken and potatoes," she answered through narrowed eyes. He looked familiar, that man from the toliet, unsettlingly so.

"I guess I should thank you," he drawled.

It was that drawl that did it.

"Why wouldn't you thank me?" she demanded stoutly. See? This is her way. "I saved you. You might have drowned."

"Oh, I did drown," he smiled slowly. "Good and drowned. Absolutely, completely. Drowned, that is."

"But then...how? I mean, here you are...?" This time with a bit of uncharacteristic doubt in her voice.

"You see in Utopia-" he began smugly.

"Oh, nuts," she gasped. "You're...him."

"Am I?" He arched a brow.

She took a long steadying breath. Shook her head like a weary sage. "Come home with me. I have something for you." She spoke quietly but her tone brooked not nonsense.

Of course he went.

Her kids greeted them with a clash of friendly noise at the door. Hugs, kisses, scraped knees, frantic reports of the day's events all given before they were two feet inside.

Tempus shrank back, but she had him. Too late. And with the assistance of her boy scout son they had him tied to the Lazyboy.

"What is this?" he demanded shakily.

"These are my kids," she offered. "Cute, right?"

"Oh, god," he mewed weakly. Like a kitten really.

"Jillie," she prodded, "this is Mr Tempus. Can you sing for him? Jesus Loves Me? Don't forget the adorable lisp, ok?"

On cue, Jill- the youngest, round-cheeked, red-head- took up her song with earnest gusto.

"All the verses," her mama reminded her.

"Please," Tempus pleaded. "Please...no. Just..kill me outright."

"You didn't recognize me before," the woman said with a steely grin, removing her support hose and the hairnet on her head. "Been waiting for you a long time. I know it seems ungrateful, you won me a Kerth and all..."

"You're going to do it, though, aren't you?" he asked with pitiful dread, a small tear slipping from one evil eye.

"Cindy Lou get your butterfly costume and your tap shoes," she called out by way of an answer. "Bucky get ready to recite the 'I have a dream speech,' just like you learned."

"You're going to..." He couldn't seem to bring himself to say it.

"That's right, Tempus. Just relax. It's no less than what you deserve....warm and fuzzied...to death."

fade to black
~ ~ ~

hope not too long

Right before the children could start, a window opened in the room, and a girl with long, purple hair stepped out of it. "Sorry, CC, but I'm afraid that I can't let you do that." The girl shook her head regretfully, then leaned down and started whispering something in Tempus's ear.

A slow, wicked smile spread over his face. "God, I *love* irony," he said. "That's the best idea for disposing of those irritating goody-goodies yet."

"Well, Cousin Tempus," the girl said with a grin. "I couldn't let them kill you off; I need you to fulfill my nefarious plan... so Lois and Clark can stop you."

Tempus chuckled as the girl leaned down and untied him. She activated the window, waved to CC, and pulled him through. The two temporary partners in crime landed in a small apartment near the local university. She handed the device to him and walked out the door. "You're on your own cuz," she called over her shoulder.

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

~*~*~

What? You expected me to kill him? What's the fun in that?

What the purple haired girl didn't know was that a certain, technologically unchallenged, individual had tampered with her device.

~*~
Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

As Tempus activated the device, a temporal cause-ality loop formed around the wicked evil man from the future.

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

click!

...

"That's for what you put Lois, Lane and the Clarks through..." whispered the golden pale skinned android as he activated his communicator. "One to beam up."

He disappeared into a shimmering cone of energy, satisfied that revenge had be served cold, just like it should be.

~@~
James

"Captain's Log Stardate... Computer, please, fill in the appropriate stardate... We have been sent to the distant past to correct a temporal anomaly believed to be caused by Mr. Data's morally challenged brother, Lore. We are currently in geo-synchronous orbit around the dark side of the moon. Transporter Chief Miles O’Brien has successfully transported a human male from the epicenter of the anomaly and is holding him in the transport pattern-buffer until time stabilizes"

~*~

"Hey, Miles!"

"Hi, Wesley. What do you have there?"

"It's a tracking device. I misplaced some nanites..."

"That's really interesting, Wesley. Could you excuse me for a minute?" He opens a comm-channel. "Captain, time has stabilized. Shall I proceed with the transport?"

"Make it so," Captain Picard ordered.

In the transporter room, Wesley's tracking device began to chirp, though the squawk was quickly drowned out by the song of the transporter.

"Miles!" Wesley gasped, "You just transported my nanites!"

"That's impossible, the human was never on the ship."

"But, the tracking device showed them in the transport pattern-buffer."

Miles begins pushing buttons before making his report. "Captain, the transport patter-buffer has been emptied, but I am unsure where...or perhaps, with the anomalies, when...the human has gone. Mr. Crusher believes he may have been accompanied by nanites. Perhaps they destabilized the transporter."

From the comm-channel, Captain Picard responded, "Mr. Data has just informed me that the space shuttle 'Enterprise' is expected to swing around to this side of the moon momentarily. We will have to retreat for the time being. Please continue the investigation, Mr. O’Brien. Picard Out."

~*~

Tempus looked at the device and grinned. This would be *fun*.

Click!

He felt a strange tingling sensation from head to toe and heard a musical chord. He shook his head to clear it, but a sharp jab in the ribs soon distracted him. He slapped his hand down to hold back the blood.

“A bayonet? Those ghastly clothes! What is this? Some kind of war re-enactment?”

“Oy! Somebody tell the Cap’n I got’m! And this one’s ramblin’ off about war. Any war will be too late for you, mate. The Cap’n intends to make an example of all escaped prisoners.”

“I’m no prisoner, you cretin!”

“What a load of brown-eyed mullet! No prisoner, huh? Everyone in Australia is ether a prisoner or a guard, and you ain’t no guard.”

He jabbed Tempus forward with the bayonet. “Now, you’re going to the hole.”

~*~

Elisabeth

"Oof!" Tempus fell backward. "Now you listen here, you unwashed cretin--" he began to rant, really ticked now. People had been trying to dispose of him the ENTIRE day (it could have been two days, actually, he'd lost track at this point) and he was really getting tired of it.

On the other hand, the bayonet the guard had pointed at him looked rather sharp, and the decidedly unfriendly expressions of the whole detail went a long way toward convincing him to back down-- for now, at least. "Oh, fine." Besides, he could always engineer a jailbreak later.

At that moment a commotion broke out behind the guards. They turned toward the disturbance only to receive individual shocks from a stunner device-- held by none other than H.G. Wells. "Tempus," he called, "as much as I hate to say this I have to take you out of this time. History could be damaged by your presence here. And don't think of trying anything, or I'll stun you-- I do learn, you know."

So it was that Tempus found himself in Wells' time machine, where he surreptitiously altered the time/space coordinates while the goody two-shoes writer was making sure the guards were unharmed. When the machine arrived in a back alley of 1998 Metropolis, Wells was shocked. So shocked, in fact, that he wasn't able to stop Tempus from escaping the time machine and running from the alley.

"Well, that was stupid," murmured the writer with a small sigh.

******

Tempus opened the door to his hotel room with an exhausted sigh. Even evil geniuses like himself had to sleep sometime, and it had been a LONG day. He moved to turn on the light switch.

What he did not notice was the amused smirk of the woman watching him from the door of the bathroom. Altarian grinned widely as he he reached for the switch, and watched him jerk slightly.

A dazed expression appeared on Tempus' face. He looked around the room for a moment, appearing confused, then spotted the woman. "Oh, my, do I have the wrong room? I'm sorry..." he said, shaking his head slightly. Then he turned and left the room.

Outside the hotel, Tempus noticed an old woman who appeared to be struggling to pick up her bags and cross the street. He immediately ran up, picked up her bags, and helped the lady cross without being run over. The woman was a bit surprised-- this was Metropolis, after all-- but then brightened. "Why thank you, sonny! What a friendly thing to do! What is your name?"

Tempus cocked his head at her. "My name is John Doe," he said after a moment, "and I'm a nice guy..."

Altarian laughed heartily. God, she *loved* irony.
(next)

A/N: I thought of this a little while ago, and I was actually surprised to see that no-one had done it yet. Come on, crew, let's see if we can get this thread going again...

"It's just here," said the old lady, reaching into her handbag for her keys as John Doe struggled with her heavy bags. She opened the door and beckoned for him to go in, shutting the door behind him. "And now for your reward," she added, starting to cackle.

"I don't need a reward," said Doe, turning, as the old lady added "Thicken!" Suddenly he felt like he was embedded in Jello, unable to move. The old lady's face seemed to morph, along with her clothing, revealing an attractive redhead in her late teens.

"I know you!" said Doe, "but you're... a fictional character, from that vampire show. Willow something."

"You never heard of parallel worlds where fictional characters are real?"

"Ummm..."

"Now let's see, your aura shows you're under some sort of spell. I'll start by removing that." She waved her hand again, and suddenly Tempus remembered who he was.

"Thank you," said Tempus.

"Oh, it's not for your benefit," said Willow. "Some time traveller blood is just what I need to power me up to deal with my goody-two-shoes doppelganger." Her face twisted again, eyes yellowing and fangs descended from her upper jaw, and she advanced towards him.

Tempus screamed and, feeling the thickening end, backed towards the window and threw himself out. He remembered as he fell that the apartment was on the eleventh floor...

Tempus was contemplating how much it was going to hurt hitting the pavement from eleven stories up - then again would he even live long enough to actually feel it? When out of nowhere a black flying object came streaking by through the air.

As it passed underneath him, he reached out a hand to grab hold of one of the wings. The craft - he wasn't exactly sure what it was, it looked like the shape of a... bat - flew down towards the ground at a frightening speed. Tempus closed his eyes, praying that the pilot knew what he was doing and they weren't crashing.

The bat-shaped-wing slowed abruptly and landed with feather-light precision on the street below them. The canopy popped open and a man in a black suit with a black mask, black cape, and pointy ears came crawling out.

"Who... who are you?" Tempus managed.

"I'm... Batman."

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!" came an ear-piercing maniacal laughter. A hideous looking man with white skin and green hair - and a purple suit to boot - was driving towards them in a hideous purple and green car. The window was down and he chunked an object out at them.

As weird as the object looked, Tempus recognized it nonetheless, mainly because of the countdown timer that was showing as the *bomb* rolled to a stop.

A bomb!

Five, Four, Three, Two, One...


(Sorry I couldn't help myself and I didn't want this magnificent thread to die... come on!!! Someone else give it a whirl...)

*PLOP!*

Wait, Tempus thought. 'Plop'? Why 'plop'? Why not 'boom'?

He dared open his eyes. A little flag had popped on top of the bomb. It was red, and read 'KAH-BOOM!' in big yellow letters.

Not at all amused, he threw the fake bomb away and started to head away.

As he crossed the road, however, he didn't notice the bus that was rallying down the road, since its driver, upon realizing that the brakes didn't work, had promptly fainted...

-----

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

All Tempus could do was stare as the bus hurtled toward him. He didn't see the drunken figure staggering toward him.

The man grabbed him, just as the bus hit, and a moment later there was a flash of light.

Tempus blinked, and found himself in a large cavern. Behind him was a wall of flames.

The drunk beside him stood up, and Tempus blinked. He looked like a minor twentieth century film star...but Tempus couldn't recall who. It was on the tip of his tongue...Adam somebody...

Whoever he resembled, the man looked like an idiot.

"Sorry about that, man. I'm Nicki."

"Where are we?"

"We're at my dad's place." The man had the grace to look embarrassed.

"And where..."

"My dad's the Devil." Nikki admitted.

It was then that Tempus noticed the long line of damned souls, and the demons standing over them with whips and pitchforks.

"But I'm not dead!"

Nikki shrugged, and turned to go.

Tempus shrieked as he felt something pierce him in the backside.

A seven foot demon with the head of an *** stood grinning at him.

"We've been waiting for you for a long time, boy..."

"Ah, the irony." Tempus muttered to himself. This DIDN'T look like it would be fun.

As Tempus was bracing for the pain, Superman swept in and saved him from the cult called "Hell Impersonators."

Superman took him back to H.G. Wells, who walked him back to the time machine.

While they were on their way, Tempus failed to notice a slight prick in his arm, administered by Woody. The serum would make his body function as a Kryptonian.

As they got back to the time machine, Tempus overpowered Wells(Herb really needs to be more aware of Tempus' plans) and went off to find Kryptonite so he could kill Superman. After he got it, he opened the lead case to inspect it, and, already weak from hunger, fainted at the pain.

Woody watched, laughing at the irony.