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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Oh, CC, it's amazing to have you back here with a story! And what a story it was! Oh, wow. The very idea of Lois - er, Lisa - and Chip Klark (now that name should go down in history!!) taking out a second mortgage to be able to pay for and fill shopping cart after shopping cart with their purchase of thousands of handmade Superman briefs, with Lois's name beaded on the back on them with genuine crystals from Angora.... CC, you're killing me!!! It was fabulous!!!  Ann
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Really, really fun  I especially loved all the parts about Martha. ROTFL! Welcome back, CC! And I agree with Ann, Paul is the hero of the week  See ya, AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Woo-hoo! I'm a hero! Do I get something for that? An award? I do? Ooo, it's a box! I wonder what's in it! It's bright. Very bright. And that looks kind of sparkly. Cool! And it's... A pair of red briefs. Thanks, guys. You shouldn't have. Really. But, er, anyway...  (Though I was briefly hoping that there would be other super heroes... Never mind.) But, wait... you're telling me they bought all those briefs, and they're never going to use them?? Or maybe they do, but I'm just looking in the wrong folder... And hey!! I want to see where they tell Martha! And where Martha sheepishly explains that there aren't many people who do hand-made briefs and uhm... Thanks for the influx of cash, but does this mean she should stop? Or maybe not. (But someone should tell her that those stones on the inside sound awfully uncomfortable...) "Dessert before the..." But... uhm... "too rediculous"?? Okay, who told you there was such a thing? I want names!! So, uhm, what I'm trying to say is... that was a really fun laugh out loud story! Thanks for posting!! Paul Still cherishing fond memories of last week...
When in doubt, think about penguins. It probably won't help, but at least it'll be fun.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,110 Likes: 42
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,110 Likes: 42 |
You won't believe me if I say I loved every word, will you? Which is a shame, really, because it's true. Call me a crazy groupie, but I love every word you write. In fact, if you happen to notice some tall brunette someday going through your recycle bin and stealing your discarded scraps of fic, pay her no mind... *cough* So, as I was saying... I'm going against my usual MO here and I'm not going to "comment as I go" because... well, first off, I was laughing too hard - seriously, laptop kept trying to slide off my lap when I was half doubled over, then there was the knee-slapping and the hand clapping over the mouth. (Hmm... maybe you should put a warning on the story: Caution - Reading may involve rigorous exercise). Anyway, the other reason is that I'd really have to quote everything, or damn near, at least. I will, however, quote one little bit: “What are you going to tell her?” he heard a voice suspiciously like his own ask.
Rats.
It was his voice. Not that it meant anything. He was a reporter. He asked things. Investigated stuff... Classic CC Stuff! You ought to trademark it, really. Oh, and while I'm here... just wanted to say thank you because I'd been DYING for another CC fic.  So... when's the next story, eh??  Sara (who apologises for the non-sensical rambling, but hopes she got her point* across) *The point: CC ROCKS!!!!!
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Posts: 94
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 94 |
 FinLi
Clark: "Can I have a rat chief? Can I, huh? Please?"
Perry: "Clark, do you want me to send you to the dark room?"
Clark: "The dark room?"
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
CC, this is absolutely hysterical. I just so love your Lois - and Clark, too, of course - but especially Lois. She just cracks me up. You can give us all the FLAN you want if it's as funny as this.  LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Hilarious! And I'm going to second Paul's hero nomination. Dave
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Oh my goodness! You owe me a new monitor. And, just so you know, Diet Pepsi through the nose hurts. A lot. That had me laughing so hard I cried. Just... awesome. I wish I could write comedy like that. To me, it's one of the hardest things to write and, most importantly, write well. The bit that Dave quoted was my favorite part. And this: “Uh... no,” said Clark faintly. “We didn’t. Know that. That is.” And then he fell silent, lost in implications he just... didn’t care to be lost in. At all. *rotfl* There were really too many great lines and paragraphs to quote them all. Please tell me there's more where that came from.
Fanfic | MVs Clark: "Lois? She's bossy. She's stuck up, she's rude... I can't stand her."Lana: "The best ones always start that way.""And you already know. Yeah, you already know how this will end." - DeVotchKa
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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ROFL--this is a riot!!!! I *really* had to crack up at this part: “Hey,” he said, on the heels of that thought. “I understand what we’re doing here, but what about everyone else? Why on earth would all these people need--?”
“Halloween parties!” Lois’s face was suddenly burning as red as the horrid shade on her head. “Ok? It’s all for Halloween. And I don’t think we should dwell on any other possibilities.”
“Deal,” he vowed, getting the picture. “I won’t. Halloween is... a big holiday. People really... enjoy it.”
Don't point. You make holes in the air and the faeries escape.
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Apr 2003
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I don't wander into the Challenge Folder very often. Big mistake. Huge. I'm glad I happened by today... To get CC to post a new story...Paul, I'm down on bended knee thanking you for this truly excellent challenge. Now to dust off my newly-polished CC button... ![[Linked Image]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v383/paintingshadows/Randomness/CC1.gif) This is, not surprisingly, terrific stuff. I've been trying to figure out what part(s) to quote, and I just want to cite everything as favorite moments! So since I have to quote something - because I almost always quote something - let me choose...hmm...this wonderful moment: “I do know, you overgrown Boy Scout. You leave us no choice. We’re buying them. Even if we have to take out a second mortgage!”
“A second…?” He dropped the pile he was holding. “Have you lost your mind? We can’t afford that. Let’s just…take a deep breath. Get some perspective. We are talking about underwear here. Underwear! It’s nothing…”
“Easy for you to say! You’re not the one whose name is splashed across it. In sparkly, shimmering, glittering for the entire world to see, letters!”
“Easy for me to say! Easy for me? Whose backside are these things meant to be on? I thought I was Superman, but it turns out I’m just a pair of cheeks. A kinky, flashing, flying billboard!”
“So we’re agreed. A second mortgage. And the names and numbers of every last person who has ever purchased a pair.” This was just fabulous. Filled with the kind of humor that we love in a CC story, terrific L&C banter, and a number of ellipses for those of us who love them. I adored it all... Kathy (who unfortunately can picture Clark as a blonde, since Dean bleached his hair for a movie a few months ago, and I DON'T agree with Lois that he would look good as a blonde. Good thing that there were no desperate cries for help while they were at the store...)
"Our thoughts form the universe. They always matter." - Babylon 5
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Ahahaha! What a riot. And the only place I can laugh is inside this little white box because I'm hanging out with my roommate right now, and she'll think I'm on crack. Well, she already thinks that so why add fuel to the fire right now. Man "Lois Lane" stitched onto the butt was just the last thing I expected!  Jen
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Holy Cow! What a riot!
James
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Nov 2003
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 Marcy
(Elrond's blessing at the departure of the company from Rivendell)
"Farewell, and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you.
May the stars shine upon your faces!"
-Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jul 2003
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You guys are just far too good to me!!
Thank you so much for your generous and fun comments. For the 'crazy groupie' and the CC-button!
To Ann, Annabtg, Paul (yeah, I did like the idea that Martha is CEO of her own cottage industry), Sara, FinLi, Lab, Dave, C_A, Dorawen, KathyM, Jen, James, and Marcy, thankyouthankyouthankyou.
You absolutely made my week!
CC
You mean we're supposed to have lives?
Oh crap!
~Tank
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Oh dear, snicker...snort, oh my, I really shouldn't have read this at work. Where's my ibruprofen? My sides hurt now from trying to hold back hysterical laughter so my workmates wouldn't think I was insane. Ha ha ha! This was great CC! Thanks for the laugh!
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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CC This is absolutely fabulous. Just hilarious!  I love it. I hope we see lots of new CC stories on the boards soon. Tricia 
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
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Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you, like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly.
- Under the Tuscan Sun
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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I just discovered this. So funny! Tears, there are lots of tears.
And why, pray tell, isn't this on the archive?
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jul 2006
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I think I've finally read everything over at the archive, so I decided to see what was over here that I hadn't read. I had to de-lurk to comment on this story. It is Absolutely Hilarious!!! Fantastic work. I perhaps should have refrained from reading this while at work, but I'm used to getting strange looks anyway.
Great story!!
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Posts: 63 Likes: 1
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Aug 2023
Posts: 63 Likes: 1 |
hahaha this is too funny. I can not stop laughing.
Last edited by CarolD; 10/04/23 08:53 PM.
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Posts: 9,085 Likes: 39
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,085 Likes: 39 |
Hi CC! Someone somewhere mentioned this fic in the past couple of days so I had to go and dig it up. Of course, now I can’t figure out *where* said mention tool place. This fic has absolutely no redeeming qualities. In fact, I’ve spent the last two days trying, with no success, to scale back the level of ridiculous it reaches. Therefore, discerning readers who find FLAN unsettling should take note. And run! The other way. ![[Linked Image]](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/189/Why_So_Serious_Banner.jpg) In the middle of that crowd, in the middle of a long, long line—which wrapped twice around a building just as gray as the sky—stood Lois Lane and Clark Kent. Love the evocativeness For today, for this outing, they were firmly in the roles of Lisa Loon and Chip Klark. I do wonder if “Loon” includes double meaning. LOIS: He did not just call me a loon, did he?  Lois/Lisa was tensed also. Ready, Clark/Chip knew, to mow down anyone in front of them who didn’t move quickly enough Just like when she’s driving! “You’re changing the subject.” He put a friendly arm around his wife to better adjust her flaming-red wig. /cock eyebrow/ Wife? Season Four and beyond? , “Yeah, uh, about that…”
“Oh no.” Mental alarm system spiking to life, he tightened his hold and turned her towards him. “This is just a stake-out, isn’t it? It’s not going to be bad, right? Tell me.” Is it a chocolate fudge place? . “No. No way. You’re not. You can’t. I promised your mother, Chip!” /Scrunches forehead/ Now they were getting somewhere. Though he wasn’t crazy about the place they were getting. Not if it included disguises, a stake-out in the middle of a large crowd, and his mom. They need to buy an edition of the Met Star! “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Super Market!” A man with a bullhorn stood on the threshold. “Now, there’s plenty here for everyone. No pushing. Just move in an orderly fashion up and down the aisles; they’re clearly marked. Someone will assist you in the dressing rooms.” Huh? He pried her fingers from his with careful ease. “This chicken is flying home. I’ll meet you there.” This is good CC Aiken stuff! And you never archived it  He scoffed inwardly. She’d tell his mom? Good grief. That particular threat had lost its effectiveness when he was eight years old. His fake-redheaded partner could say whatever she wanted to say, to whomever she wanted to say it. It made absolutely, positively no difference. Me thinks he protests too much! “What are you going to tell her?” he heard a voice suspiciously like his own ask.
Rats. See? “Martha’s just tired. Tired of having to sneak out of town to find blue spandex whenever it goes on sale. Tired of repairing the wear and tear. The water spots she can’t get out of the red silk. It’s a lot of work. We need spares, half a dozen, ready-made. And the Super Market is the place.”
“Mom really said that?” He glanced nervously towards the line, pitching his voice low. “She could have told me. I can sew. It’s just that she’s always done it, so, I didn’t think…”
“Don’t beat yourself up. You can’t help it if you’re really hard on those suits.” Poor Martha! Also “All those vats of acid,” he murmured. “Underground lairs covered in dust, rat vermin, and who knows what else. Smoke damage, bomb debris, and what was it last week?”  Now I feel guilty for Lois once taking a box cutter to the suit in her time of particular need. “It was toxic slime. Are you implying something, by any chance?”
“No. No. Not implying. Just thinking out loud here. Wondering. Maybe if I didn’t have a certain reporter to look after, I’d still be in the original suit. And it’d be like brand new.” Oh boy. Why on earth would all these people need--?”
“Halloween parties!” Lois’s face was suddenly burning as red as the horrid shade on her head. “Ok? It’s all for Halloween. And I don’t think we should dwell on any other possibilities.” Do they also sell Ultra Woman suits? And black Kryptonian wear? “Where exactly did you see that advertisement, Lisa? I hope you don’t mind me asking. There’s so much about you I don’t know.” Oh boy. Let’s see. It’s the very late nineties… article in LFI on “How to add the spice back into your girl?” “Measurements?” He tossed Lois a mournful look, which she pretended not to see, just as thoroughly as she was pretending not to hear. It was as if she had… reverse superpowers. “Your bestseller?” No longer deaf and blind, Lois broke-in. “You actually have a bestselling… brief?”  “Stop right there,” Lois said, cool menace in her eye. “We’re the customers, and the customer is always right, right? So… let’s move it, lady.” I just keep grinning. Might start having cramping in my cheeks, though. And just as promised, they were filled with briefs in every size. Regular ones for performers of a large persuasion and padded briefs for performers who are only of moderate size. L-O-I-S L-A-N-E.
Her name. The letters- eye-catching and glinting under the lights- were waving right before his eyes.
“The bestseller,” trilled the saleswoman in whose hand the Lois Lane banner flew. “Oh, I wish you could see your faces.”  “Why is my… Why is Lois Lane’s name sewn onto the back of Superman’s underwear?”
Clark tensed. That had been asked quietly, almost conversationally. And that was bad.
The saleslady, not seeing it, not knowing about the quiet, and the badness it foretold, laughed. . “So, since you people believe that tabloid article, you thought it would be nice to decorate Superman’s butt with a married woman’s name?” “Exactly. We don’t. So we’re buying them. All of them. Every. Last. Pair.” Eep? ‘Lois will throw me under a bus if I interfere’ moments. Isn’t that dangerous? To the bus, I mean. I want the manufacturer’s head on a shiny, genuine crystal platter…” LEX:  “Then look the other way while I steal them!” “Easy for you to say! You’re not the one whose name is splashed across it. In sparkly, shimmering, glittering for the entire world to see, letters!” /Points at witness/ Next day, Met Star front page: Lois Lane’s Meltdown! “Ah…no. No. We’re not… two anything. We’re just… it’s a… hard time for us. Uh, we have issues and deep-seated… complex… emotional things. We’re just…not.” He shook his head. “I don’t think this will save our marriage, do you? The costume and roleplaying and… such?” So … suddenly has to return the adult video about Lois Lane joining the mile high club? “The important thing,” Lois was explaining, slurring only slightly, “is that we stayed cool. Calm. We didn’t blow our cover.” I don’t think she ever got entirely over the amnesia thing. “Maybe it can wait,” Clark/Chip told his sleeping partner, his eyes scanning the room. “At least until we find the phone.”
The end. Very cute FLAN! No go and archive it!   Michael
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