|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Well, I know it's a bit weird, but let me know what you think.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
lol, Shayne  Great vision of this future "utopia" and I like the way you use it to explain Tempus's first few unplugged days. And once he gets out of this cell, he'll be ready for more elaborate strategies. Cool. PJ
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,269 |
That was different! "Headnet" - what a scary thought that is! Yikes.
And we thought Big Brother was bad.
You could do a sequel to this..........
/me loves sequels!
Chris
"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,099
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,099 |
Ooooh. I like! Very thought-provoking, Shayne. I've probably said that way too many times already, but the idea of Utopia has always disturbed me because I feared it would be like what Tempus describes in your piece. I particularly like the idea that he lost all sense of reality. But I've got a complaint! This would be so fantastic in a long, convoluted story where you'd show us Tempus's character through several scenes of the kind! I know you've been very busy lately, but by all means try to find sometimes to feed your hungry readers a long story where you give us that kind of revealing scenes. Kaethel
- I'm your partner. I'm your friend.
- Is that what we are?
- Oh, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are.
~ Rick Castle and Kate Beckett ~ Knockout ~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,047 |
Very nice.
I like the different premise!
~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great story.  MAF
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
Cool, I like. Ending packed a good punch for me. JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,587
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,587 |
Very clever premise! I'm not sure I agree entirely with Kae. While I would certainly like to see a longer Shayne-fic, this works really well as a short. Sort of a quick one-two punch. 
Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you, like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly.
- Under the Tuscan Sun
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
Shayne A fantastic premise!  Tricia 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
Nice, Shayne!
An interesting, thought-provoking view of Utopia. Maybe Tempus isn't that bad, after all?
I, too, think it works great as an one-parter.
But keep writing nonetheless!
See ya
AnnaBtG. (computer addict - literally speaking)
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 244
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 244 |
Excellent, Shayne!  Mere
A diabolically, fiendishly clever mind. Possibly someone evil enough to take over the world. CC Aiken, Can You Guess the Writer? challenge
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,380 Likes: 1 |
Now that's a real "short-story"; one that says a lot in a very few lines and really packs a wallop.
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
I really appreciate the feedback. Chris, Headnet is a scary idea, but it's only a logical extrapolation of today.
We've all known people who seem to have cell phones permanently attached to their ears, and now phones are more and more being connected to the web. I've seen parties with younger people where everyone was talking on their cell phones to people not there and no one was 'in the moment'.
Helene, I'm not sure the story could be maintained throughout a longer format. This story is devoid of much of Tempus's usual sense of irony and humor; that could be explained as mental exhaustion for the moment.A larger story, though would have to change.
Anna, always remember the source. Tempus doesn't like to think that he's all bad, but then, most people don't. As Maria says, people can justify almost anything to themselves so they can do what they want.
Thank you all for the feedback. It's been a while since I've had any. Of course, I guess I have to write for that to happen...
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994 |
Very nice!
Sort of a twist on Minority Report and an episode of the Outer Limits where everyone was connected to the internet via a hardware in their head.
An interesting spin on things.
Much better than what I have been working on for more than 3 years, which will probably never see the light of day...
James
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 317
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 317 |
Awesome Shayne! Loved it! I like having new ideas for why villians do what they do and that just made so much sense
Marns
~pobody's nerfect
|
|
|
|
