Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Lois Lane 101 - Rules to Live By

#67 has already been taken. I'm changing this one to #70.

/pst: DC, have you been hacking onto my hard-drive? The Little Things is the title of my St. Patty's Day story. See, I told you that you inspired it.

Oops! Thanks! I changed my numbering.

Nope, I can assure you that I haven't hacked your hard dive. My muse has been virtually whipping me to grind out Contractually Bound.

Can't wait to your your St. Patty's Dat one!

Shouldn't that be #71, as #70 is also taken?

Anyway, I'll continue with rule
#72: If you need to stop Lois in rant mode, just kiss her.
#73: If Lois needs a new plant for her desk, get her a cactus.
#74: Never ever hide your boss in your closet - she'll get the wrong idea.
#75: Lois always gets her way. Don't try to stop her, just go along, and you two will be fine (with a little super help).
#76: If you like Lois with long hair, don't introduce her to Tank Wilson.
#77: Before you have to leave for NK, get Lois and fly her through a thunderstorm, that should keep her safe for a while.
#78: Keep her challenged.
#78a: If you want her to do something she wouldn't usually do, make it a challenge.
#79: Don't bet against Lois. She wins. Always.

According to my master list we are missing #71 (DC went back and changed her orginial duplicate #67 to #70), then #80. Confused?

Okay, next submission should be Rule #71 and the next one after that #80.

It's a good thing Tank has an Interdimensional Time Machine, otherwise how would Alt-Clark know who he was?

Rule # 71 Lois' favorate colors are red, yellow and blue. Go large on the blue.

She does not carry a pistol, but lock picks, a Swiss army knife, maybe a billard ball or two , a tennis racket,golf clubs,an assortment of board games and a stolen DA's beeper in her purse, which is why she travels Superman express. She will never get pass airport security.

It's probably why bad guys never want to be hit by her briefcase, either, and why she's so strong.

I'll going to put this observation down as Rule #80.

Only 20 (or 21 if we decide to go to 101) left to go! Great job, everyone!

#81 - If Lois starts to open up to you about her feelings, STAY AWAKE regardless of how tired you are at the moment. Trust us, it's worth it.

Yep.

#82: When both of you start talking at the same time, let Lois go first. (After all, you were raised to be a gentleman.)

#83: Before you move in together, install a smoke detector in the kitchen.

#84: Regardless of #83, Lois does rate 5 stars in the kitchen.
#84a: She also rates 5 stars on the ceiling or any other place you can imagine.

I better stop now, before my mind is completely in the gutter.

Lois is in need of a good lock smith. Or maybe she should just close her windows.

This should be Rule # 85.

/pst. Why would Clark suggest that Lois should close her windows? Doesn't he like to visit her via the window? Or is he referring to Scardino coming in through the window? Or Ryan pushing her out the window? Just for clarification.

#85a – Not to bar Superman, but because other men either try to sneak in through or to toss her out open windows.

Holy red cape! Good point.

Rule 86. When all else fails refer to rule 10 which refers to rule 2.

Rule 87. When rule 86 fails refer to rule 55.

Rule 88. When rules 86 and 87 fail, combine those rules and serve Lois a hot fudge sundae.

Rule #89 - Probably best if you just keep Lois away from all very (millionaire/billionaire) rich men.
#89a - Lex Luthor tried to break her.
#89b - Bill Church endeavored to kill her.
#89c - Spencer Spencer aimed to make her his sex slave.
#89d - Bill Church Jr. tried to blow her up.
#89e - Patrick Sullivan wanted her for an ancient Druid sacrifice ritual.
#89f - Tim (and Amber) Lake sought her for their collection.
#89g - Randy Goode attempted to ruin her reputation.
#89h - Lex Luthor Jr. tortured her and tried to bend her to his will.


Please feel free to add any others I missed.

#90: If Lois has lost her memory, don't give up.

#91: Before saying "I do", check Lois for hints of the broken ankle (or any other formerly broken bone/scar) she told you about.

#92: Keep Lois away from any kind of blonde. They won't get along. (Linda King, Lana Lang, Tony Taylor, Tony Baines...)

I was just going to add something along the same lines. You also forgot Mayson Drake, Tiffani, (with an "i"), and Penny Barnes. The "Tonys" are actually "Toni" with an 'i' too, otherwise we might have to include "Big Tony" (who I don't think counts as a blonde).

Actually, if we include many of the other bad gals: Miranda, Amber Lake, Barbara Travino, Lena Harrison, Gretchen Kelly, Bonnie "Clone" Parker, Claudette and Katherine Wilder, Mindy Church, Lucille Newtrich, Lisa Rockford, Vixen, and that double Arianna Carlin made of Lois was initially blonde too... there's a proportionally large amount of blondes in the mix. Is it recommended to be blonde or to bleach one's hair blonde to be a bad woman in Metropolis?

#93 - Never imply, suggest, or hint that anyone (especially Linda King) is a better reporter than Lois, even if she got scooped. Just accept as fact that there is no one better. Trust me on this.

#94 - Never lie or omit anything from Lois. She'll find out about it sooner or later and you'll be in the doghouse. She's got more spies, informants, and sources than Alice. Plus, she knows guys who know guys.

Really? I thought she was one more removed: She knows a guy who knows guys who knows guys.

Joy,
Lynn

Oh, right. Thanks for the correction, Lynn.

Corrected:

#94 - Never lie or omit anything from Lois. She'll find out about it sooner or later and you'll be in the doghouse. She's got more spies, informants, and sources than Alice. Plus, she knows a guy who knows guys who knows guys.

Only Six or Seven more Rules needed! Any more ideas?

Rule #95 - Remind Lois she needs to take a day off every once in a while.
- Ways to distract Lois into taking a day off from Daily Planet:
#95a - take off a day from work and Super duties yourself (Take a deep breath. It's okay; you can do this. The world probably won't end),
#95b - bet her that you can go longer without using your powers than she can without working,
#95c - marry her, (Lois Lane, not a clone, not some New Kryptonian lady, her - See Rule # 91)
#95d - take her to Smallville,
#95e - (extreme case - use only in a dire emergency) ask Lois to get rid of some green K for you. Preferably in the Bermuda Triangle (then keep a long-distance eye on her. Who knows what kind of mischief she might get herself into while there?)

Almost there. Come on! Just a few more to make 100!