Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Clark Kent 101- Rules to Live By

Turnabout is fair play. If Lois gets her own instruction manual (See the Lois Lane 101 thread ), then so should Clark.

And to start it off:

Rule #1 - He may be super, but he isn't perfect.

Rule #2 - He can be incredibly stubborn. At times, you need to be even more so. At other times, you need to swallow your pride and go along with what he wants. The trick is to know which time is which.

Rule #3 - His heart is always in the right place, but that doesn't mean his head is.

Rule #4 - He's a lot more than a simple hack from Nowheresville.

Rule #5 - He's not as absentminded as all of his "I forgot..." excuses would have you believe. Look closer!

Rule #6 - Do I have to spell it out for you? Hello! Duh! Clark Kent is Superman!

Rule #7 - If you ever need help trying to understand him, just ask Martha.

Rule #8 - If you see him cock his head like a bird, be prepared for him to take flight.

Rule #9 - He may be (nearly) invulnerable physically, but he is very vulnerable emotionally. Handle with care.

Anyone want to see if we can reach 100 rules?

Joy,
Lynn

p.s., Just an aside: Tomorrow starts a new semester for me -- one that I anticipate being insanely busy. I'll probably become very quiet on the MB again for the next few months. :-( I'll try to drop by as time permits.

Rule #10 - If he tries to break up with you for your own good, don't let him get away with it.

Rule #11 = Keep him away from any rocks that glow green. Or red. Or any other colour, for that matter.

Rule #12 - Always let him go first. He'll feel more manly, and you'll be able to check out things from behind.

Rule 12a -- Make sure he doesn't have his fingers crossed.

Rule #13 - Keep away from people named Mayson.

Rule #14 - A kiss/declaration of love is a good way of keeping him in Metropolis when it looks like he's going to run away.

Rule #15 - Failing #14 - look into microchipping/Lojacking him. It'll make him a lot easier to find.

Rule #16 - Ask youself if any of his lame excuses *really* make any sense. When in doubt, investigate. If it sounds too bizzarre (ie Cheese of the Month club) it probably isn't true.

Rule #17 - You can use "lunkhead" as a term of endearment with him.

Rule #18 - For sex, just feed him pasta.

Rule #18a - When following the above rule, be warned that he may be insatiable. He *is* Superman, after all.

You'd be surprised: Cheese of the Month Club

Rule #19 - He is not schizophrenic, he just has a bad habit of talking about himself in the third person.

Rule #20 - He is not schizophrenic but he can get jealous of himself. Don't pine over him when he is wearing the suit.

Rule #21 - Never give him a plain, monochromatic tie.

Rule #22 - If lunkhead side of him becomes out of control, call in the big guns: his mother.

Rule #23 - 1000 watt grin is exceedingly helpful to increased libido...daily use is recommended

Rule #24 - Deep copper brown gaze has been known to cause swooning...also recommended daily...several doses




TEEEEEEJ

Rule #25 - If he runs off on you in the middle of a conversation, take a deep breath. It's not you and it's not him. It's someone needing help.

Rule #26- If Clark Kent dies in front of you, make a call to his parents in Smallville for advice. Hopefully they'll give you a little solace in a way you may not realize.

Rule #27 - If you are not ready to accept his proposal, be sure to emphasize that "not yet" does NOT mean "never."

Joy,
Lynn

Rule #28- Never, ever let him push you away, especially when affected by Red Kryptonite. He needs your help more than ever on those occasions.

Rule #29- When New Kryptonians arrive to have him come with them, be supportive but make sure he knows where you stand on the decision.

Rule #30- When Clark is injured, be worried. Very worried.

Rule #31 - If approached by an older English gentleman claiming to be HG Wells, and Clark decides to follow him, don't hesitate to go along. Chances are you've done it before and you'll do it again.

Rule #32 - Clark is your soulmate. Knowing that may save you a lot of grief on down the road and make forgiveness easier to find.

Rule #33 - Yes, forgiveness will be necessary in your relationship. Refer to rules containing the words "lunkhead" or "stubborn".

Rule #34 - Clark is a v... very patient man. Patience, however unlikely, may be necessary on your side as well. Keep that in mind before jumping his bones. It may just save you.

Rule #35 - Though he may seem be two sides of the coin, he's very jealous of his Super side. Make sure you let him know that you love his Clark side more. (repeat as often as necessary)

Rule #36 - When going anywhere outside of Metropolis (and sometime within), please take him along with you.

Rule #37 - If he seems to be psychic, it's only because he has super hearing and he's been listening in on your conversations.
- #37B - Never say anything outloud you wouldn't want Clark to hear (unless you know he's safely out of town).

Rule #38 - Be careful what you inadvertantly wish for, unless you really, really want it. This applies to (but not limited by): snow from the Andees, huge bars of Swiss chocolate, pearls from Japan, or enough French cheese to last you a year.

Rule #39 - Clark may wear leaded glasses only when he is in his civvies, but his rose-coloured glasses never come off.

Rule #40 - For best results, place into direct sunlight.

Rule #41 - Keep a 2X4 (or other heavy, blunt object of your choice) handy at all times. You never know when he may say or do something stupid and needs some sense knocked into him.

Rule #41b - Or remind him that he's Superman.

Too true! Of course, you could always just chuck him off a roof if he forgets it... which is actually quite a big possibility.