Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Clark Kent 101- Rules to Live By

Rule#69 Clark,sweetie, those little black box things with wires sticking out of them are explosive devices,not fresh veggies. You dont have to swallow them.Also not a good idea to set on one- an explosive device or fresh veggies.

I think this (#69) belongs in the Lois list.

Nope. It belongs here. Lois Rules are rules about living with Lois. This rule, although speaking directly to Clark , tells Clark not to eat bombs... or sit on them --definitely about Clark. It doesn't really help him with Lois.

Huh? All other rules in this list are for Lois on how to live with Clark. This rule, however, is for Clark on how to live. (With or without Lois.)

LJK, Perhaps we (or Lynn who started this list) can recommend an edit to make it work for this list.

Maybe edit the voice to Lois's or change it to have her say, "Tell Clark:

Does that work better for you?

Or do we need this be Rule #1 of a new List. "How to be the Best Superman Ever" as compiled by Clark Kent's friends? (as this one could easily have been submitted by Martha.)

Gee, I didn't I want the guy to hurt himself is all.If changing something works-why not?

Although I prefer the humour in the original phrasing, the following phrasing would conform more to the other items on this list. Will it do?

69. Clark may confuse those little black box things with wires sticking out of them with fresh veggies. If so, remind him that they are explosive devices and he doesn't have to swallow them. Also remind him that it is not a good idea to sit on one - an explosive device or fresh veggies.

Joy,
Lynn

edit: I see Virginia beat me to the punch, and her version is closer to the original than mine. (Although I must admit that when I first read the rule, I heard Martha's voice, rather than Lois', giving that advice.)

Rule #70 - Remind Clark he needs to take a day off every once in a while.
- Ways to distract Clark into taking a day off from his Super duties:
#70a - take off a day from work yourself (Take a deep breath. It's okay; you can do this. The world probably won't end),
#70b - go with him to a deserted island and bet him he can't use his powers for the day,
#70c - marry him,
#70d - visit Smallville,
#70e - rent a harem costume

Rule # 71 - It takes a lot for Clark to have a bad day. His bad days tend to be worse than everyone else’s.
71a - Make sure you remind him that it's not his fault when someone dies.
71b - Stay with him. He really doesn't want to be alone, even if he says he does.
71c - Hold him until he feels better.

Rule #72 - If Clark (or Superman) seems not to care anymore, check surrounding area for red glowing rocks.
#72a - See Rule #65.

#73 - Clark Kent may be a mild-mannered reporter, but that doesn't mean he'll allow you to walk all over him...(at least, not all of the time).

#74 - If you ever steal his story, he *will* get even. And you will not enjoy it. See #73.

#75 - Before condemming him for keeping secrets from you, walk...err fly...a mile in his shoes. A red Kryptonite laser will do the trick.

#76 - It's best if you keep Dr. Klein on speed dial.

#77 - When told that you are incompatiable for reproduction (and you both get a serious case of sadness), remember and remind Clark that Superman's descendants will found Utopia. Even super smart scientists can be wrong!

#78 - Keep an eye on Clark. He has a knack for getting in trouble when his powers are lost (for various reasons.)

#79 - Green glowing gems are never a good fashion choice.

#80 - Lois, don't bother bringing your own coffee to work anymore. Once Clark learns your preferences (read: the first time he sees you make/order a cup), he will always have a cup waiting for you.

#81 - Pretending to be a married couple and shacking up in the Lexor's Honeymoon Suite can be more fun that you ever dreamed possible.
#81a - It will be more fun if you decide to share the very large bed.
#81b - He *is* Superman, and *will* hear you if you decide to sleep in the bluff.

#82 - Clark will allow you to crash at his apartment any time, day or night, regardless of if you are too tired to go home or if some lunatic is trying to kill you. Feel free to take advantage.

#83 - The only thing deadlier to Clark than Kryptonite is you. Please handle his heart with care. It's extremely fragile, even if he is totally, physically invulnerable.

#84 - It sounds like a movie cliche, but in the case of Clark, a sneeze really *is* a sign of a terminal disease. Feel free to call in the big guns - your father.

Rule #85 - Clark is a good dancer, whether ballroom, the two-step, or country line-dancing; therefore, if he invites you to dance, the answer should always be "yes".
#85a - He also has a style of dancing that's all his own.

#86 - Clark is highly vulnerable to magic.
#86a - Keep away from hypnotists.
#86b - Keep away from illusionists.
#86c - Keep away from anyone who knows anything about magic. You just never know what might happen.

#87 - Clark speaks 347 different languages. Lois Lane is not one of them, especially in the beginning. You may have to spell things out for him.

Rule #88 - Just because every blonde in the universe (and at least one other brunette) is attracted to Clark, doesn't mean he's interested them. Once he meets you, he'll never be able to look at another woman that way again... even if it seems to you he is.

To all the contributors to this list:

Just wanted to let you know that Lois Lane 101 Handbook posted today on the Archives and we've already gotten a 2 thumbs up review from a reader. She's begging for the Clark List to be finished and submitted soon. We better get cracking!

Okay, we left off on #88. Who has a #89?

#89 Ask Martha to show you the rejected outfits, you'll be thanking your lucky stars that he went with the one he did.

Does anyone have a good way to make this less about the outfits and more about Clark?

What if Lois were to ask Clark directly if there was one thing he would change about the outfit? Or something like that. Maybe... If Clark could change his uniform would he? Ooooh. How about...

The next time Clark gripes about some aspect of his uniform remind him of how much worse it could have been.

Does that work?