Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge Clark Kent 101- Rules to Live By

Waite a minute. Is Kent healthy? I mean he's all the time going to the dentist, the doctor or the bath room, never mind the video store and post office.

<chuckle> He must not be. After all, look at how many prescriptions he has to have filled.

Joy,
Lynn

I finally figured out why Kent is at the dentist so much: he loves junk food.

Now there's a humorous story waiting to be written. Clark gets kryptonite poisoning which results in his losing his powers for a few months. During that time, he gains weight and gets a toothache. Of course, by the end of the story, he'd be full powered and trim again. But in the meantime, he would be subjected to his first ever dentist appointment and would have to work out at the gym.

He'd get to see how the other half lived.

Joy,
Lynn

Originally posted by SJH:
(All I changed was the Rule # when transferring from the Rules for living with Lois thread)

Rule #44: Ethics lesson: While it is acceptable for you to x-ray his butt to check out his underwear; please remind him, it is not acceptable for him to x-ray your butt to check out yours. Nor for him to suggest that he could x-ray through your non-lead-lined clothing.

Today's double standard, brought to this list from Deadly Chakram's addition to the Rules for Lois list.

<That would be me, laughing so hard that I am crying>

I hope you don't mind but I'm moving this over to the rule for Clark over on the Lois Lane Rules side.

If you wanted to rewrite this rule for Lois, perhaps this change might work: If Lady Zara comes to town and you've got Superman's powers (i.e. you're Ultra Woman), best if you stay away from her. Clark won't like if it you kill anyone, even if they deserve it.

Just another reminder for the confused.

THIS list is written by Clark Kent for Alt-Clark on best way to woo Lois, keep her happy & safe, and stop her from driving Clark crazy (if possible).

As opposed to:

THIS (as in the one you are currently reading) list is (I'm assuming) the same for Lois Lane (or Alt-Lois) for managing Clark/Superman (alt-Clark). (My assumption is based that I only started the other list, not this one. )

#46: Never say anything bad about small town people - you might be insulting his parents.
#47: Don't let him stop you from anything. If you do it anyway, he'll just go along.
#48: You'll learn that "flyboy" is one step up from "farmboy".
#49: Let him do the household chores. They'll get done much faster, and leave more time for much nicer occupations.
#50: Never try to give him a hickey.
#51: Don't believe everything he tells you.
#51a: If it's a lame excuse, don't believe it.
#51b: However, if what he tells you sounds rather outrageous, it's probably true. (Like him being able to order breakfast in over 200 languages, or him having learned ballroom dancing from a Nigerian princess, or your fiancé being a criminal mastermind...)
#52: If you want to save money on airfare, steal his glasses and take a good look at his face.
#53: Don't jump to conclusions when you find your boss in Clark's closet. :p
#54: Trust me. He's not interested in Cat Grant.
#55: Don't steal Clark's story - you will regret it.
#55a: If you do steal his story, avoid the Metropolis Sewage Reclamation Facility like the plague.
#55b: If you don't, at least pack enough mosquito repellant to last you a life time and be sure to have some clothes at work that you can change into.
#56: When he gives you a completely strange suggestion for a leading question in an important interview - just go with it. (Even if it's about baseball.)
#57: Don't worry about introducing him to your family, they won't be able to scare him off.
#58: If there's something you don't want Clark to know, don't tell Superman about it - they're close. Very close.

Well, she can try...

#59 - If Clark happens to get shot in front of you, please note the absence of any blood. Now, think long and hard about what that means.

#60 - If Clark is ever sick, be very, *very* worried.

#61 - Do not let Clark train to duel in your apartment unless you *like* having the place look like World War III.
#61a - If you *do* allow the above, please be sure to remove your fragile/irreplacable items.

Rule #62 - Keep away from Jason Trask, Bureau 39, faux EPA agents, and lie detectors.

Rule #63 - Keep away from Lex Luthor; Clark might try to heal Lex if he gets shot. Best to just let Luthor die. (Just trust me on this one.)

Rule #64 - Keep away from Perry's son, Jerry White.

Rule #65 - Keep away from anyone with the last name Newtrich.

Rule #66 - Patience is a virtue. Remind him to spin *out* of the suit before getting amorous.

Other than in SLV does he ever forget this?

Rule #67 - Clark has his own set of "rules" (code, creed, whatever) that he lives by:
#67a - Thou shall not kill a human (no matter how much they deserve it).
#67b - Thou shall not harm a human (no matter how much they deserve it).
#67c - Thou shall be honest (unless trying to hide one's secret identity, especially from anyone named Lois).
#67d - Thou shall follow the laws of the land (unless working with Lois on an investigative reporting assignment).

No, but that was almost an epic disaster.

Rule #68 - Clark may be able to speak 347 languages fluently, but his accents can be quite bad.