It’s been a very long time since I last posted anything, at least in English. And the truth is, I didn’t mean to post this, but… This story was originally written in Spanish for Jose’s Bday. Sas decided to try to BR it <VG>, which was fun, since she can’t even spell HOLA right… wait, she learnt to do that <g>. So, I promised to send her a translation. And that’s how this got here. For those of you who still don’t know, Sas and Tricia are waaay convincing. Anyway, here is this short something. I hope you guys like it.
As usual, a very big thank you to Tricia, for being an awesome BR and for all her encouraging comments. And to Sas, for making me forget a piece of bad news with some very nice FDK. You’re both great!
Cris
NEVER FINISHED THAT DANCE
The first few bars of ‘Fly Me To the Moon’ softly came from the CD player and Frank Sinatra´s warm voice soon filled the room. Lois swayed slowly to the beat of music, losing herself in the song, as the events of the last few days crowded her mind.
Though she was sure that she’d never lose Clark, the blonde DA’s presence disturbed her. It wasn’t only that her lack of subtlety when she insinuated herself to Clark irritated her. No, it was more than that. Because worse than the woman’s attitude was the fact that Clark did not seem one bit disturbed by her evident gall. She would have never thought her shy partner could be attracted to that kind of woman. Maybe it was that same shyness that kept him from openly rejecting that Drake woman. Clark always behaved so cautiously, trying not to hurt anybody. Even when it was inevitable, he always searched for the best way to put things, always tried to be the perfect gentleman.
Yes, that was it. He was only trying to be nice.
Her conviction, however, lasted mere seconds. That nagging voice inside her, determined to attack all her insecurities, decided to reveal its ugly head once again. Funny how that stupid conscience of hers seemed buried where professional issues where concerned; it had long ago chosen to attack Lois where it hurt her the most. It made all of her doubts surface, bringing up the vulnerability she tried so hard to hide from the world. Because, after all, who cared that her private life was a federal disaster? Her career was more than satisfactory; many people spent their lives trying to achieve half as much as she had in less than a decade. She didn’t need anything other than her professional success to be happy. Or did she? And if Clark found Mayson’s attitude far from disturbing… if he felt flattered by it… there was nothing for her to worry about. If anything, his happiness, that something – that Mayson- made him happy, should have a similar effect on her. As his friend, it was her job to support him, wherever his decisions might lead him. There was no other possible attitude, more so after the way she’d reproached him for his behavior where Luthor was concerned.
Feeling slightly guilty, she remembered how she’d refused to listen to his explanations and even accused him of being driven by jealousy.
Jealousy. That had been the only plausible explanation for her. He had of course denied it. Not too vehemently, true, but it hadn’t been necessary. Time had after all proved him right. Plus, now that she saw things from a different perspective, she couldn’t help but wonder... Well, wasn’t it reasonable to think that her relationship with another man, criminal or not, could hurt him? Didn’t he have a right to feel jealous? Hadn’t she felt jealous when she’d seen him kiss Mayson?
<<Wait a minute... I’m not jealous! I only worry about him, that’s what friends do. >>
Her brief efforts to persuade herself were unsuccessful. She didn’t need the annoying voice to tell her she was being cynical. It was one of those reactions that had become almost instinctive with time; one of those defense mechanisms destined to protect her feelings from any and all threats. She swore to herself long ago that her mind and her heart were and would always be hers and no one else’s. No one, specially no man, would have the privilege of tearing her hopes and dreams apart. Never again. And she’d stuck to it… until Clark showed up. Against her will, the defenses she’d so carefully put up had began falling, ever so slowly, and by the time she’d been aware of it, there had been nothing but rubble left. It was so easy to trust Clark, so simple to lose herself in the emotions reflected in his eyes. If she hadn’t met him, she would have never been able to believe that a man could defend the most perfect virtues with such conviction. Truth, loyalty, friendship… they weren’t only words for her partner; they were a way of life. Violating those values would always be something inconceivable for her sometimes naïve partner.
When Lois focused her attention back on the music, ‘Fly Me To the Moon’ was long over. She walked towards the CD player to change the song, but about to push the button, Sinatra’s voice stopped her:
‘So deep in my heart that you’re really a part of me.
I’ve got you under my skin.’
Love definitely seemed such a wonderful thing when sung with such tenderness. The aggressive Lois Lane, formerly known – and proud of it- as Mad Dog Lane among her coworkers, felt forced to admit that finding true love had to be amazing. And she wasn’t thinking about a fairytale kind of love; she was only imagining someone able to feel for her what Sinatra sang with such devotion. Someone who could value her personality, and, at the same time, able to stimulate her, to challenge her. Someone she could talk to about everything, trivial or not, who understood and supported her, a task not always easy. Someone… like Clark.
‘I’ve tried so not to give in.
And I said to myself: This affair, it never will go so well’
Wait. Someone like Clark? That was ridiculous. She and Clark were friends… very good friends, but definitely nothing else. And even if her feelings did go beyond that, she would never endanger their friendship to explore a bunch of feelings which would be bound to become the thousandth federal disaster. And no, the fact that Clark was unlike all the other men that had at one point or another been a part of her life made no difference. That he would never be able to hurt her, at least intentionally, was unimportant. That a few months back he’d declared his love for her in the most simple and at the same time honest way she could imagine didn’t change anything. Even if she was hopelessly in love with him.
‘But why should I try to resist when baby I know so well…
that I’ve got you under my skin.’
Though she’d felt tempted to deny it for the umpteenth time, she stopped herself. A new appearance of that familiar voice was not necessary. That was it, wasn’t it? What other explanation was there? For goodness sake! The reporter in her would have drawn that conclusion with half the signs. And it wasn’t the first time she actually dared to admit those feelings. If her stupid partner hadn’t taken back his declaration! Ok, so she was in love with Clark Kent for good and it had taken Mayson Drake’s annoying arrival for her to finally be honest with herself and, most importantly, with Clark. She only hoped it wasn’t too late.
Barely a few seconds later, her hands were on the phone and as soon as she’d taken the receiver off the cradle, her fingers dialed the all too familiar number. Lost in her thoughts as she was, she failed to notice the soft knocking on her window and gust of air that preceded it.
“Lois?”
A little startled, she turned to face her visitor. “Er… Hi, Superman. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, come in.”
With one of the expressions she’d seen so many times before, Superman tried to apologize. “I didn’t mean to scare you. If you’re busy, I can come back another time.”
Her eyes wandering from Superman to the receiver, she tried to articulate a somewhat coherent response. She moved the hand with the receiver, in a gesture that right away felt obvious, almost ridiculous. “No… I was…”
“Calling someone?” He failed to hide his smile.
Tearing her gaze away from his, as her cheek turned red not too subtly, she answered, “Yes. I was trying to talk to Clark, but he’s not home. I guess he’s still with Mayson at the dance. Anyway… I left early, so… It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t important.”
He looked at her, slightly worried. “Lois, are you ok? Why were you calling Clark? Because if it’s urgent, I could find him for you.”
“No, it’s nothing, really. No reason to bother him.”
“Lois…”
“You’re going to think I’m being silly, but…” With a shyness many would have been surprised to see in Lois Lane, she went on. “It’s just that Clark and I... we danced together earlier and…” How did you tell the man you’d been throwing yourself at for over a year that you were calling his best friend because you’d realized that your life without him made no sense? How could you tell him that you knew that your feelings for him, the powerful hero, had never been real? That you’d never felt empty at the thought of going through everyday without his support? And most of all, how could you explain those feelings that no matter how hard you tried, you could not rationalize? Though maybe that was the mistake, because there was nothing rational about love. That she had definitely learned, hadn’t she? She’d spent the last few months fighting her feelings for Clark, and they’d done nothing but become more intense. At least now she knew that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The mere thought of a future with Clark, of mornings in which her first sight would be his face as he lay still asleep, of cold winter evenings cuddled together on the couch, was enough for her to feel a complete sense of contentment. And it was then, in that very moment, that she realized that it didn’t matter what she said to Superman, that the only important thing was that she talked to Clark. They’d already lost so much time thanks to her insecurities; she couldn’t let anything or anyone stand between them anymore. “Well, there’s something I need to tell Clark. I wanted to do it now because I’m afraid I’ll lose the courage I’ve been able to pluck up if I don’t and…”
The superhero’s face went from worry to confusion and finally to understanding as the meaning behind her words sank in. A smile took over his face. “In that case, Lois, I think it’s not me you need.”
“No, wait. I didn’t mean that. You don’t have to leave.”
“Don’t worry, Lois. I should get going anyway.” And with one last smile, he turned and flew out her window.
When minutes later someone knocked softly knocked on her door, Lois was still standing in the same spot, with her gaze lost among the stars. She couldn’t tell how many times her visitor’s fist had hit her door before she finally reacted and moved to open.
“Clark, what are you doing here?”
“Ah… I saw Superman and he told me you were looking for me. Is everything ok?”
“Yes, it’s just that…”
“It’s just what, Lois?”
A shy smile and a bright red on her cheeks, she extended her hand until it reached Clark’s. “We never finished that dance.”
The End
