well, since we've got this lovely original fiction section, i thought i'd try out one of my own...
this is a bit different, though. it's a play i wrote a few years back (before the matrix came out, btw). i submitted it to dramashop, a campus theater group that does student-written 1-act plays every year. it got chosen for the short list, but didn't make the final cut due to lack of director proposals.
i might resubmit one day, if i ever get back to school. so, i thought i'd post here and see what people thought. all FDK is welcome, especially if it's constructive.
anyway, the posts are going to be a bit short because the last 2 scenes are really short. i'll post them together, but to keep things from being too unbalanced, i'm going to cut the first scene into small-ish pieces. i'll post about 8 pages per part, but, this being a play, that'll be shorter than usual. hope you don't mind.
I Can't Believe It's Not Real Life
by Paul-Gabriel Wiener
The setting- Geothermal Pizza, a pizzeria in the outskirts of Los Angeles. The audience faces the storefront, and there is a counter with a row of stools along one of the side walls. Behind the counter is a kitchen area, which features a haphazardly built oven with pipes sticking out at odd angles. Booths line the opposite wall. The restaurant is decorated eclectically, with at least a tip of the hat to every major trend since the 60’s. Wildly colored candles and a smattering of lava lamps illuminate posters of the 80’s, love beads and peace signs cover a slick new monitor for an order-by-internet computer, and an old disco ball dangles lazily from the ceiling. Door beads should be hung appropriately, if available. Otherwise, there needs to be a bell or other audible signal when the door is opened.
Raincloud: 60, a gruff, plump, hearty, old hippie. The owner of Geothermal Pizza.
Snow: 19, His surfer son.
Nick: 35, a conspiracy theorist.
Amy: 18, An aspiring actress, new to L.A.
Dave: 29, a shy, bookish professor.
Scene 1:
SNOW, wrench in hand, is struggling with some of the pipes on the oven. NICK is casually skulking in a booth in the far corner, carefully not starting suspiciously at the audience.
SNOW
<in a bad Scottish accent>
I canna hold it much longer, Captain!
RAINCLOUD
<Offstage>
What?
SNOW
The damn oven is trying... hey! Friggin’ pipe! No! Don’t come loose! <A small jet of steam shoots out of somewhere in the oven> Dammit! <grunts, takes a deep breath> The oven is trying to go bust again! Looks like Stan’s got more steam than usual to blow off today. I’m going to vent it into the sauna. If I can just get to the release valve... <a hissing sound is heard>... Ya know, I must have been wasted or something when I stuck that puppy all the way back there! <Deep breath> Ok. Now, all I have to do is put this hunk o’ junk back together. Then, I can get the steam going, wait for it to get good and stoked, make some dough, and maybe I’ll be able to shoot some curls before the day’s over. Some days, I wonder why I waste my life here when I could be communing with the waves. <Enter Amy. The clack of the door beads draws Snow’s attention.> On the other hand... <To Amy> Hey, welcome to Geothermal Pizza! Can I getcha anything?
AMY
Hi. Uhm, could I get a slice of pepperoni? And your autograph.
SNOW
Pepperoni? Sure. <Puts the wrench down, washes his hands> Wait, you want my autograph, too?
AMY
Yeah. I collect autographs from everyone I meet. I figure if I keep doing that, especially in this town, eventually one of the people in my autograph book will be really famous.
SNOW
Huh. That's a cool idea. You really think I could become famous, though?
AMY
Why not? It has to happen to someone, right?
SNOW
Well, yeah, I guess. Ok, sure, I'll sign your book. Just let me finish washing this oven grease off my hands.
AMY
Hey, thanks. So, what’s with your oven?
SNOW
Oh, that thing? Turns out we built the place on a small geothermal vent. It opened during construction. So, instead of blowing a bunch of cash on an electric oven, I convinced my old man to let me build Stella.
AMY
Stella?
SNOW
Well, the vent’s a steamer, so of course we had to call it Stanley. Then my sis, Serenity, well one day she’s on break- she goes to Berkley- anyway, she comes by and I tell her we named the vent, right? So, then, she goes “you’re going to need to name the oven, too.” I’m like “whatever.” She named it Stella. Not much of a name for an oven, but she says something like “if it’s getting steamed because Stanley’s blowing hot air , it’s gotta be Stella.” So, Stella she is.
AMY
<Chuckles> I guess so... <beat> Wait. Did you say you built it?
SNOW
<By now, he’s finished scrubbing his hands, but instead
of getting her pizza, he starts gesturing at the oven>
Yeah. Wasn’t too hard. Capture the steam, direct it to the oven, let it escape out the back when the pressure gets too high. Hardest part was getting the temperature control to work. That stuff comes up at a few hundred degrees, and we need the oven at 350-400. Then, inspiration struck. We use just enough steam to keep the oven hot, and send the rest into the back room. The steam slowly escapes from there, but in the meantime, you’ve got yourself a free sauna. Not a bad deal, huh?
AMY
I suppose not.
SNOW
You wanted pepperoni, right?
AMY
What? Oh, pepperoni. Yeah. And a milkshake.
SNOW
We don’t have milkshakes. I mean, who orders a milkshake with a pizza? Uh, that is...
AMY
No, you’re right. They don’t go. I just wanted something to sip decorously.
SNOW
Excuse me?
AMY
I need to practice sipping decorously, and there’s nothing better for it than a milkshake.
SNOW
<Stares blankly>
AMY
It’s how you get discovered around here, isn’t it?
SNOW
<Begins cutting the slice>
Oh. Wanna be an actress, eh? That what brings ya to the good ol’ City of Angels?
AMY
Is it that obvious?
SNOW
<Pauses, looks up>
What?
AMY
That I’m not from L.A.
SNOW
Well, you don’t act like the natives, and besides, I kinda figured I know all the cool chicks around here. A babe like you walks in, it’s a safe bet she’s new.
AMY
Thanks, I think.
SNOW
Sure, whatever. So, what’s your name?
AMY
Amy.
SNOW
Hey, Amy. You can call me Whitey.
AMY
Whitey?
SNOW
<Steam starts jetting out of the oven again, unnoticed>
Well, my dad’s this hippie, so he named me Snow. Changed his name to Raincloud years ago. Whatever. So, anyway, kids at school used to call me Snow White, and when I started surfing I went by Whiterider- getting up at the crest of the wave and all, and of course you’ve got the Hasslehoff thing going. Now, everyone just calls me Whitey.
RAINCLOUD
<Still offstage>
Snow, are you trashing the hippies again?
SNOW
Oh, great. Here it comes. Another friggin' lecture on the virtues of flower power. Spare me.
RAINCLOUD
Snow, you've just gotta learn to understand. The hippies-
SNOW
Yeah, yeah. I know, Dad. Look, I've got a customer, and I'm still fixing the oven... I don't have time for this now, ok?
AMY
Fixing? You mean it’s not supposed to be shooting off steam like that?
SNOW
Like what? Oh, damn. <Drops the pizza cutter, grabs the wrench, and dashes to the oven> I was patching it back together when you popped in. Haven’t got it all hangin together yet.
AMY
I see. You know, maybe it's none of my buisiness, but you really should respect your father more.
SNOW
Respect? Him? He's my father, and I love him and all, but how am I supposed to respect the guy when he's still clinging to some crazy... religion or something... whatever you want to call it... that died out before I was born? Ah, forget it. I don't want to get into that. Look, since you’re looking to get into the biz, Nick over there is a writer/director. He may be able to get you a part.
AMY
Really?
SNOW
You think I’d kid you about something like that?
AMY
Where is he?
SNOW
In the corner over there, where he always skulks.
AMY
Huh, I didn’t see him. What’s he doing back there? And why’s he dressed like that?
SNOW
He’s a little... eccentric.
AMY
Hmph. Eccentric? I should have guessed.
SNOW
He’s convinced that he’s a character in some play.
AMY
Oooookaaaayyy...
SNOW
It’s why he did the whole movie thing.
AMY
Huh?
SNOW
He thinks there’s some conspiracy or something. He got into the biz to try to become an insider and find out about it.
AMY
Gotcha.
continued in
Part 2 you can comment on this part
here.
