Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Original Fiction COMMENTS: Elvesbane- Prologue and Chapter One

Okay, thought I'd take a shot at this original fiction thing.

This story is one that I started working on about 15 years ago. A while back I dusted it off and rewrote some of what I had started and continued a little farther. I have about three chapters worth written.

The problem is... do I occasionally play with this again, or just let it die the death of innattention that it deserves?

Tank the Retired (who reminds everyone that this is not Lois and Clark, and it was written previously so it doesn't count against his retirement)

cool start, tank. elves are always fun to play with. i'm interested in this prophecy. hero and bane, huh? there's a happy life for you...

was somewhat amused that you managed to include a rough haircut in the prologue, but i guess that might be a coincidence.

i like the set-up so far. sounds like tristan has a rather unique set of friends. i'm assuming the prophecy relates to him? the name would be apt...

speaking of names, i also find "teri" and "louki" interesting, though for different reasons. any particular significance to either, or would that be telling? i'm guessing that "teri" predates the show, but am i supposed to be thinking about a certain asguardian trickster? especially curious given the name tristan.

really like the introduction of ralph.

still, i can't help noticing that you've changed back to "tank the retired" from "tank the resting" and that this is not a story about lois going to a previously lois-less universe. this is a problem. unless you want to work on both?

if you do, i'd like to see more of this. one small request, tho... it would be nice if you had someone go over this for grammar and punctuation. i know i'm not the most careful guy around when it comes to posting, but i try to be careful when writing a story. all those periods where there should be question marks, misplaced commas, inconsistant verb tenses... minor things all, but i find each one jolts me a bit out of the story. just a suggestion.

anyway, i definitely like the story so far. good set up, nice flow, interesting characters. looking forward to part 2.

Paul

I rather like it too.... the premise is interesting... and since watching LOTR, elven folk has become my favourite magic folk.


metwin1

Thanks for the comments.

Yes, I am a pretty bad grammarian, which is another reason why I haven't written much outside of Lois and Clark in recent years. No beta readers for original stuff. It's also why I would never be able to beta for anyone else.

Paul, as you guessed, the name Teri in this story is just coincidence. I just liked the name and thought it would work well for a female cat person. Louki on the other hand is a definite 'nod' toward that certain Ascardian trickster. I intended for the character to have a mischievious and somewhat playfully insolent nature.

As for the haircut. It just works well for the story. I've found that the act of cutting a woman's hair allows one to present a dramatic moment of assault and a certain degree of defilement without resorting to a lot of actual physical violence. It also works well in context of the common perception of elvin vanity.

Ralph is obviously the comedy relief. I had to do a lot of research on bad puns and jokes for his character. (I bought a small book on bad jokes).

I've only a couple more small chapters written which I may post here (after I've looked them over a bit to see if I can catch some of the grammar problems), but I have worked out a skelatol outline and have written some backstory. I've also laid some groundwork for a possible sequel if I choose to bring it that far. (Fat chance of that).

Tank the Retired (who is comfortably still retired since Kae is wise enough to not involve herself in the haircut challenge... maybe she feels sorry for the old man)

Ha! Tank, you don't actually believe I'm going to let you slink into retirement, right? No way! Hang on a second. As soon as I'm finished with those preps for school I'll get to your case.

Kaethel

It's definitely interesting. Reminds me of playing AD&D back in my college days.