Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Original Fiction Dementia - Chapter One - Comments

Hey Phoenix

Since I'm spending a few days home, I decided to use the time to finally catch up on some stuff. Your writing has been recommended to me by a couple of friends, and so today I ran into your latest story.

What strikes me first and foremost is your way to create an atmosphere for your story. As I was reading, I could see everything very clearly in my mind's eye. I could almost feel the cold of winter and hear the sounds of wilderness around Dekani. When she was worried (like when she was drinking water), I was listening out for sounds of danger, too! So you definitely pulled this reader into the universe you created.

I shuddered at the scene where she eats human flesh, because you made it so real it was disturbing. I don't mean that in a bad sense, by the way! Of course Dekani isn't aware at all that eating her peers is a taboo - as you mention in the scene in question. And in her world of fear and hunger, there's no reason for her to let that one thing stop her. I was fascinated with her universe and the way you described it.

I can't wait to see more from you!

Kaethel

Kae got in before me, Phoenix, and she said what I was going too. Your writing is so atmospheric that, even though this really isn't my kind of story, it drew me in all the same. You draw Denaki's character so well that I can actually see her doing what you describe. And the world you paint with your narrative sounds very real to me as well.

I take your point that no-one else has seen this, and I know that you know you still have a few problems with spelling and grammar - but your skills there are a lot better than they used to be. Keep working at it, because you have a great deal of talent.

Nice work!


Wendy (who says that it was very nice to see Phoenix yesterday, and that it's not surprising that she was in a bad mood since she was in a lot of pain. )

EEEEE! You like it! I'm grinning my head off on this end! Wow! Again, Wendy, I'm sorry for being so anti-social when you visited, glad to see my ramblings didn't scare you off. Ah! I'm just wanting to run around in circles here! I'm so happy!

Enough exclimation marks, girl. ::Starts running in circles.::

Wow! Honey, this is awesome. There are too many parts to mention all of them, but the line about 'almost sad' at the end of Dekani's section blew me away.

I like Nakomi also. I'm really looking forward to reading more about him.

Mom
who is very, very proud of her daughter's abilities!

P.S. BTW, to the other readers, I will say that my daughter is very well-adjusted and really doesn't do gruesome things around the house!!