“Thank you for everything you’re doing for Lois. And my boy.”
He didn’t respond at first and she could feel his modesty. “You’re welcome, sir.”
“Oh please, call me Jonathan.”
“Jonathan.”
The moment got awkward. Clark stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and kicked some of the hay around on the floor. Jonathan cleared his throat. Lois was glad when Martha piped in.
“Who’s hungry? I can have lunch ready in a few minutes.”
***
Part 4:
Clark was nervous as they rode the elevator up to the newsroom floor the next morning. It was the same lobby, the same elevator, but they were headed to a whole different newsroom than he was used to. They’d gone early, so he would be able to adjust to his surroundings before dealing with too many people.
She took his hand as the doors opened, though he wasn’t sure if it was for pretense or to bolster his confidence. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he calmed some. He could feel that she was just as nervous. They walked hand in hand down the ramp to her desk and set their stuff down.
He heard her speak under her breath to him. “That’s your desk across the way there.”
He followed to where she’d indicated with her nod and saw a desk just like his, except this desk had a picture of Lois on it. He smiled wistfully and nodded.
“We should go talk to Perry now, let him know you’re back. So to speak.”
He hesitated only slightly before slipping an arm around her waist as they headed for Mayor Whi…Perry’s office. Here comes test number one.
Once inside, he closed the door after them and they both sat across from Perry. Lois grabbed his hand again.
Perry looked at him plainly, but there was a hint of something else in his eyes. A little gleam perhaps? “Welcome back, Son.”
“Thanks, Chief.” the words were a little awkward on his tongue after so many months of having his Perry as Mayor. He hoped he sounded natural.
“Everything okay at home now? You’re pop okay?”
“Yeah…yeah, my dad’s doing much better.” Why did he feel that Perry had meant more by that question than he’d let on? He shook the feeling and continued. “I was able to get a lot done for him around the farm.”
“That’s good, Son. So, you ready to get back to work now? I’m not gonna cut you any slack anymore, ya hear?”
“Yes, sir.”
“That goes for you too, Lois.”
“Sure, Perry.”
Clark started to get up, but Perry spoke again. “And by the way, when the heck are you two gonna get hitched? Don’t you think it’s about time?”
He hadn’t been expecting that one at all and by the feel of Lois’ hand squeezing his, she hadn’t either. He was grateful, though, when Lois fielded the question. “Yeah, Chief, but we’re not in any rush. Clark just got back and all. We’re just waiting for the right time.” She looked over at him and gave him a loving smile. “Right, Honey?”
“Right.” And for extra measure, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries, he raised their hands and gave hers a kiss.
“Well, alright you two, git on back to work.”
They got up to leave and he guided Lois out, his hand on the small of her back as he hoped a loving fiancé would do. Once they were safely outside Perry’s office and back at Lois’ desk, he whispered to her, “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, that’s why you’re here.”
“Sorry.”
She chuckled and smiled. “Now that’s just like Clark. Always apologizing for apologizing.”
He shared in her good humor and gave her a crooked smile. He was glad she seemed to be doing okay with this.
A woman paused in front of them. “Welcome back, Clark. Glad to hear your father’s doing better.”
“Uh…thanks,” he heard Lois’ low voice again <Maria>, “Maria. Me too.”
“Well, I’ll let you get back to work.” she turned to go, and threw a “Glad to have you back” over her shoulder as she walked away.
He turned to Lois. “So, maybe we should get working.”
She nodded and jotted something down on a scrap of paper. She handed it to him and spoke under her breath. “Here, you should check…your…email and voice mail to see if any sources have contacted you.”
He looked at the slip of paper in his hand, presumably Clark’s passwords. He was a little taken aback by the trust this implied, but also realized it was a necessary gesture as well. “Thanks. I’ll just,” he rose and motioned towards Clark’s desk, “go and do some catch up at my desk.”
“Okay, Honey. Let me know if you get any hot tips.”
“Sure.” He began to walk away and hesitated. He thought he should give her a peck on the cheek or something, but he chickened out and just headed for Clark’s desk. He was still a little off balance by the whole situation. Settling down at ‘his’ desk he was thankful that the computers were the same as in his universe. He flipped the switch on the power strip and grabbed the phone to check Clark’s voicemail while he waited for the system to boot up.
***
She watched him from her desk. Many times over the past few months, she’d stared at that desk, willing Clark to appear. Wishing that this whole ordeal wasn’t real, that Clark would just be there, like he always had, gazing over at her like she was the only woman in the world. And now, he *was* there, but it wasn’t him. It was a different Clark, but he still looked at her the same. Whether it was part of the pretense or his misplaced feelings for her, she couldn’t discern. This was harder than she’d thought it would be. She had to build that wall back up around her emotions. This was how it had to be. She could handle it. She was Mad Dog Lane.
Mostly.
She moved a hand to cover her stomach. Her baby. Clark’s baby. Mad Dog Lane had never wanted a baby. But *she* did. She’d ached for one. And now… well, it was funny how her life had turned out. She’d gotten everything she’d ever wanted and everything she never knew she’d wanted. She just couldn’t have them all at the same time. Had she done something to deserve this? It was almost comical what fate had planned for her. Maybe this was a test. Though to prove what, she didn’t know.
Clark caught her watching him and smiled. She grinned back at him then focused back to her computer screen. It was blank. She flicked the power switch on and decided she ought to check her voice mail too. This was going to be a *long* day.
***
Perry sat quietly at his desk and sent a silent thank you to whoever was listening. Clark was back. He actually looked damned good too, a little dispirited, but good. He and Lois appeared to be happy, but he didn’t get that same feeling from them that he’d had in the past. Maybe it was just pretense for the rest of the newsroom. After all, according to them, Clark had been just a few states away. Even still, he could feel in his gut that something wasn’t right.
He suspected that Lois was pregnant. In fact, he was almost certain, but for some reason they’d chosen not to announce their wonderful news. He wondered what the hold up, the hesitation was about. He knew without a doubt that both of them wanted this baby, but they weren’t acting like it. Clark should be ecstatic, thrilled. But he’d seen his eyes and that joy of finding out you were a father for the first time was absent. Maybe she hadn’t told him yet. He’d only been back for a day, but…
Perry shook his head. Only time would tell.
***
Clark followed her out to her Jeep and climbed into the passenger’s side when she unlocked the door. She started the engine after they were both settled. She’d turned the air conditioning on, but the silence inside the vehicle was stifling.
“So,” Lois started as she pulled into traffic. “Um, did you want to stay at Clark’s place? I have the key and the rent’s paid for…if you want to. I mean, obviously you won’t stay in a hotel and well, if you want to, you can stay with me, but my couch isn’t that comfortable. You probably figured that out last night and…what?”
She’d caught him staring and he smiled. “Do you always talk so fast?”
She smiled and ducked her head a little before focusing on the road again. “Clark always accuses me of babbling.”
“Like a brook,” he chuckled.
“Yeah.”
It was cute, though it was probably something she did when she got nervous. She was nervous around him. But not that nervous. He couldn’t feel it and for some reason that made him sad. “Clark’s place is fine. As long as you don’t mind. If you don’t think he would mind.”
“Uh, no. No, it’ll be fine.”
“Okay.”
She was silent after that, though he was thankful this time the silence was not uncomfortable. Clark took the time to think about what a drastic turn his life had taken in that last 48 hours. He’d gone from being just Superman – and sometimes Clark Kent, the guy who could fly – to simply Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet and fiancé of Lois Lane. It was almost like being transported back in time, instead of across it. Back to before Lois had shown up. Except this time it was…different. Worse? Better? He didn’t know. From what he’d seen, this Metropolis was cleaner, safer. And there was a Lois in this Metropolis. That was better.
And worse.
Better because he felt calmer, more at ease, more…himself. But at the same time, she reminded him again that there was someone out there who would have completed him, who would have understood and accepted him for who and what he really was. Someone who no longer existed. God, this was going to be hard, pretending to love someone he thought he might actually love.
And he loved her for all the wrong reasons. He had to remember that she wasn’t his to love. His mind understood, but telling his heart would be a whole different challenge.
“Clark?”
Her voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Yeah?”
“We’re here. You looked like you were a million miles away.”
“Close.” He looked out the window, realizing that the car had come to a stop. “He has the same apartment?”
“Yeah. I didn’t think about that. Guess I don’t have to show you around then.”
He smiled at that. They both got out of the Jeep and headed up the stairs to Clark’s apartment. Lois let them in with her key. She found the light switch and Clark was transported across time again. It was uncanny how similar it looked.
“Sorry, it’s a little dusty. I meant to come over and clean, and well…”
“It’s okay. Nothing a few seconds won’t fix.”
That got a smile out of her. “I guess it would be most logical to go ahead and use Clark’s clothes too. That way Perry won’t have to wonder where you got the money for a new wardrobe. You dress a little differently than Clark from what I remember. Um…there’s no food in the fridge, but we can go shopping later if you want. I know you don’t need to eat. Clark likes to though, so maybe you do too. I don’t know…I’m babbling again, aren’t I?”
He grinned at her, “That’s okay, it’s kinda cute.”
She blushed, but then looked slightly uncomfortable. “Okay, well, I guess you know your way around, so…is there anything else you need?”
“No. Thank you, Lois.”
“I’ll pick you up for work tomorrow at eight.” She paused at the door like she was unsure of what to do next.
“Goodnight, Lois.”
“Goodnight, Clark. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He watched the door close and locked it behind her, though he followed her with his eyes to make sure she got to her car safely. He watched until she pulled away from the curb and he turned to take in his new surroundings.
There were a few differences now that he looked closely. The couch was in the same place, but it was slightly different than his, as was the entertainment center and the television. He moved to the mantel and touched the old football that was sitting there. The same as his. As was the stand underneath it – Smallville High 1984 Champions. The picture next to it, however, was foreign to his world. It was of Lois and *him*. They were both dressed up – Clark in a tux and Lois in a dress, her hair swept up, exposing her neck. The other Clark held Lois in one arm and…he zoomed in…a Kerth Award in the other. So he had won one too.
Clark turned back to face the rest of the apartment and there they were, all the little gems that separated him from this Clark. Hints of Lois. Pictures of her and them. And suddenly, Clark felt like an intruder. A voyeur. How was he going to stay here for weeks? Hopefully not months. It wasn’t right. He sighed. Well, it had to be or he had to live with it. Literally.
He plopped on the couch and laid back. The bed was just too personal. At least for now. Besides, the couch was comfy. Too bad he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He stared at the ceiling, foreign to his own, but still comforting in a strange way. He wondered how Lois was feeling.
***
Lois felt miserable. She’d managed to get changed and crawl into bed, but she couldn’t sleep. She opened the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a hardbound journal. She’d bought it a few weeks ago, but hadn’t been able to use it. Now, she needed it.
It was your mom’s idea to keep this journal. She said it would help keep me sane while we wait for you. I didn’t take her advice right away, you can probably tell by the date. I guess it was too painful, thinking about writing to you when you can’t respond. But something happened that I felt you needed to know about. I know you can’t read this now, but I hope that if you come back, it will help you fill the void of your absence. It’s been three months since you left, three months since the first time we made love. Clark, we made a baby that night. I wish you could be here. I know you want this even more badly than I do. I don’t think I ever told you that – that I would have given anything to carry your child, have your baby. I didn’t realize what I’d been asking, I didn’t realize I’d be giving *you* up. As much as I want this baby, I don’t think I would have made that deal. It just isn’t the same without you. I can only imagine what your reaction would have been. In my mind and in my dreams, I can see your beautiful smile, taking up more of your face than I’d ever thought possible. Oh, Clark. I know how you’ll feel. You belong here now, more than ever. I know you always doubted it before, but now you don’t have to anymore.
Something else happened. I’m not sure how to say this, but remember the alternate Metropolis? The other Clark Kent? Well, he’s here. H.G. Wells brought him here. He’s supposed to protect your identity, keep the public believing that you and Superman are two different people. I guess this means you won’t be coming back for a while. H.G. Wells told Clark that his presence here was to secure the future. Utopia. Turns out the people found out and reacted kind of like I did, but they weren’t able to forgive you.
Clark being here, this wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for when I was wishing for you to come home. But if it helps our future, our child’s future, then I can bear it. It won’t be easy, seeing him everyday, wishing he were you. Your love. Our love, will get me through. It has to.
***
Clark woke early the next morning. He’d been able to doze off for a few hours, but at five a.m., sleep had eluded him again. He made it thought getting up and taking a shower without a second thought to his surroundings. It was only when he was standing in front of the closet with a towel around his waist, that he became uncomfortable. This wasn’t his closet. These weren’t his clothes.
But that was okay. He could do this. He’d been doing it for nearly twenty years, putting on someone else’s clothes, pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Lana had always said it’d be better that way. And because of what his dad had always warned him of, he’d believed her.
He sighed as he picked out an outfit for the day. He wasn’t looking forward to stepping back into his old lifestyle, but he was looking forward to seeing Lois again. He glanced at the clock. 6:07. To hours. Maybe there was something good on TV.
***
At 7:48, the doorbell rang. Lois. He opened the door and smiled at her. “Good morning.”
“Morning. I know I’m early, but it looks like you’re ready anyway. Shall we?”
“Sure. Just let me…” He fumbled in his pockets, not finding his keys. Of course. “Uh…never mind. Let’s go.”
He followed her out the door and waited while she locked up. When she was done, she held out the keys for him. “Here, I made you a set. I figured you could use them if you’re staying for a while.”
He took the keys and dropped them in his pocket. “Thanks.” It seemed inadequate considering, but… He pushed the thought away and let her preceded him to the car.
***
It was nearing lunchtime when Clark finished up the article on the mayor’s press conference Perry had assigned to him yesterday. The mayor had wanted to thank the citizens of Metropolis for the decrease in crime since Superman’s departure. Clark himself was relieved that the city seemed to be taking care of itself for the most part. He was having difficulty as it was, ignoring the car accidents and such. But at the same time, he was itching to actually *write* something. Investigate something. Uncover greed or corruption. He sighed. He didn’t really want to see any crime happening, but the lack of it left him too much time to think.
He’d only been here a few days and he supposed he was adjusting well. He’d only slipped up once and used his heat vision to warm up his coffee. Lois had caught him and had given him a warning look. Thankfully, it was nothing like the looks that Lana had given him. Lois was just concerned about his...well...Clark's secret identity. Eliminating the public use of his powers was easy, it was this faux romance that was giving him trouble. He was never quite sure if he was overstepping his boundaries. Lois continually reassured him that he wasn’t, but it was still awkward.
When he had been with Lana, he’d never really been openly affectionate. He’d never had the overwhelming urge to kiss her right then and there. He’d always been able to restrain himself until they were in private. Even then, anything physical had been somewhat mechanical, forced, if only in the later stages of their relationship. He wondered how long he would have put up with Lana if Lois hadn’t shown up. Would he have actually gone through with the wedding? Glancing over at Lois, he felt grateful all over again that she had found herself in his universe. Yes, the entire Lois situtation still caused him a great deal of grief, but really, he was better off than he had been. His heart was just a little…well…a lot worse for wear.
He watched her as she typed furiously and he smiled briefly. On the ride into work, he’d kept stealing glances at her, trying to figure out where she had hidden all the pain and grief. He was amazed and worried at the same time. He knew all too well what keeping everything bottled inside could do to a person. Though he knew it couldn’t be true, from all outward appearances, Lois looked feisty, determined, and happy.
Clark tore his gaze away from Lois and fixed it on her picture on Clark’s desk instead. Now *that* smile looked genuine. Had his Lois been like that? Had she ever been that happy and carefree? Had she ever had that look of love in her eyes, meant only for the man behind the camera? Had she found love and happiness before she died? Or had she died without ever knowing her true love? Was *he* really her true love?
He wondered if Lois would notice if he took one of her pictures with him when he went home. It would be nice to at least imagine, to pretend that his Lois was the one in the picture. And that he was the one behind the camera.
A beep from the computer pulled him back to reality. Email from Perry telling him his story was fine and that he should take his beautiful fiancé to lunch. His mouth twisted at that. Time for role playing again. He grabbed his coat and headed for Lois’ desk. “Sweetheart? Are you hungry?”
She seemed shocked momentarily, but recovered quickly. “Sure, honey. Just let me save what I have so far.”
“Sure, Hon.”
***
She wasn’t sure whether to cry of scream. Or maybe both, though it aggravated her that she obviously couldn’t do either now. He was laying it on a little thick with all the terms of endearment, wasn’t he? Or maybe she was just overreacting. But it hurt, hearing Clark’s voice and those words only to remind herself that it wasn’t real. It was all for show. And this most certainly wasn’t her Clark. But she couldn’t bring herself to be mad at him. Maybe it was that charming grin that reminded her of Clark. As they walked arm in arm to the elevator she wished that her heart could forget and just pretend. If only for a little while.
Inside the elevator they both dropped their arms awkwardly and rode in silence to the lobby.
“Where did you want to…”
“What are you in the mood to…”
They both smiled oddly at having spoken at the same time.
Lois spoke first this time. “There’s a little deli just around the corner.”
“Sure.”
The deli owner, whom she and Clark knew well, had welcomed Clark back and asked them when they were finally going to tie the knot. She’d tried to ignore the little stab of pain as she’d smiled and told him they weren’t in any hurry. Lois waited until she and Clark were seated with their sandwiches to break the silence between them. “So, do you think it will get less awkward?” She gave him an unsteady smile.
“I hope so. Lois? Are you sure I’m not doing too much? I don’t want to step out of line.”
She hesitated a moment before answering. “No,” she sighed. “It’s just all a little overwhelming right now. But I think anything less would be suspicious.”
He nodded. “Lois, I’ve been wanting to tell you, I wish I weren’t here under these circumstances, but it’s good to see you again. You were a really good friend to me. I never got to thank you for all you did for me.”
She smiled and felt a little more at ease. Friends. That was easier to handle. “You’re welcome. Though I’m sorry about Lana. I didn’t mean to…”
He was shook his head and cut her off. “No, it’s better, trust me. Lana was keeping me from being myself. I wasn’t really happy with her.”
From what she’d seen, she knew it was true, but he’d also left a lot unsaid. Sure she’d ‘saved’ him from Lana, but she’d also given him a new burden to bear. Though he hid it well, she could tell he still felt so alone. “I’m sorry about…her…about your Lois.”
He shrugged solemnly. “It’s okay. Nothing you could’ve done about it. It’s not your fault she’s…gone.”
They were both silent for a moment before he spoke again.
“You know, I looked for her. All over Africa. I even talked to her sister. But I couldn’t find her. It was stupid, I guess, after so many years and all, but…”
“No, Clark, it wasn’t stupid. It’s love. And I’m sorry that you had to find it this way.” Lois ducked her head. “I know it’s my fault.”
“Don’t, Lois. There’s no one to blame here. It’s okay. I’ll get by. I’ve done it before.”
“Your parents?” It wasn’t really a question.
“Yeah. You know, it was really great seeing Clark’s parents. Do you think they would mind if I visited again?”
“No. I don’t think they’d mind at all.”
***
tbc...
