Goosebumps, I thought, look a lot like pimples. Maybe they were. I couldn't remember anything detailing such phenomena in the many dusty and disused science text books in my apartment. But then again what would it say 'Goosebumps-relative of unwelcome pimples (the plague of adolescence)'? No I din't think so.
My mind had been taking such useless flights into boring topics for precisely two hours fifteen minutes and...looking at my dainty, 'i blew my wage packet on it' expensive watch...thirty seconds... thirty one, thirty two. Kill me already! I groaned inwardly as the incessant droning, I had been trying (trying being the operative word) to ignore, permeated through my defences like the unwanted junk mail I could never filter. Insisting that I should buy the latest coffee express machine or join 'lovers united' dating agency.
As if I'd ever believe the tripe they feed me! No man was 'tall, dark AND handsome' no matter what the profile said. Well from my limited misplaced experience on a drunken, lonely night with only a click between losing my tightened inhibitions and making a complete idiot of myself. 'No wouldn't want to make a complete and utter idiot of yourself would we?' the irony!
"That's when I left the pharmaceutical business and started my own...are you listening?" the heavy duty fog that had been built up now slowly lifted. Rolling my eyes and plastering a smile with practised ease, I rejoined the somewhat long one-sided conversation.
"Of course very interesting." there was a pause as he wavered assessing the sincerity of the statement, luckily I discovered I was missing my calling in life as an actor. Or he was a dumb as he definitely sounded. I favour the second.
"Yes well I wouldn't exactly say, well ok maybe intersting not many have credentials like mine and."
This was insufferable! I couldn't sit and listen to this twit any longer someone save me, I mean look at me. The lights were slowly dimmed at a now laughable attempt to stir romantic feelings in the diners. Nope no romantic feelings stired here. No flicker or flame. I glanced around giving up on this deadbeat, he had sounded cute online but don't they always. Tall, dark and handsome in this case hads turned out to be medium, pasty and nerdy. Shoot me now.
I had officially entrered brain dead territory I was nibbling on my nails for goodness sake. I stopped that when I was five, ok six. I was a nervous child. As I venemently attacked the innocent manicured nails. They seemed to cry in protest 'not guilty, not guilty' ok i was seriously loosing it. I had to find an escape route. I scanned the room with trained eyes, door too far and he'd try and take me home, powder my nose? lame excuse and I've used it too much already. Then I saw the perfect excuse, "Harriet!" I screamed in a falsely delighted tone that amazed and deafened even my ears. The tall flame haired woman whipped around. Gritting my teeth, I counted myself in and beamed. If only scotty could see me now, Beam me up...
"I haven't seen you in ages!" My companion-using the loosest possible term-looked stunned as I cut him off yet again. Standing up I quickly introduced them and grabbed Harriet. "Where are you off to?"
She looked momentary confused. Understandable, poor girl, I'd seen her earlier today at the office and I absolutelly hated her with a capital H. She stuttered then realising my silent plea gave me the death sentence. Leaving me emploring my creator as to what I'd done to deserve this.
"Hello" addressing Mr.I'm so boring I'm practically horizontal, "So your the guy she's been estatic about meeting, hi I'm Harriet" While they made the pleasantries I imagined the death rays penetrating her, the evil witch. Ok so I'm constantly teasing her at work, I beat her to every story, ok yeah I give her caffeine when I know it makes her jumpy. Ok fessing up I locked her in the copy room, but hey jury there's two sides to every story, it takes two to tango and all that jazz. I admit I can't remember my side but I'm sure there was one!
After my mental court room had adjorned I found Harriet sweet talking my companion, wash out mouth now, saying maybe he should take me home I looked ill. Yes! Harriet you goddess divine, then I saw the evil glint. The Harriet horror. What had she said when I zoned out, damn the inner voice! Sometimes it would never shut up.
He smiled, in a smile that I'm sure in his mind signaled some seductry intent completely wasted on me. This was going to be a tough night.
I slumped into my chair as Harriet glided away positively glowing with success. Yeah well I still beat you to every scoop! I thought pettily, it didn't work to rejuvenate my spirit, ok think copy room screaming, oh ok I feel better. Honest I'm not evil!
As he passed me my coat I stood up straight and tall and listened to the bell round two.
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Ok so I think of dating in sporting metaphors. Is that a masculine thing to do? It might explain the negative effects its been having on my love life. Think Mike Tyson after a souffle and wine. That's my date.
Exactly.
I may over exaggerate but noone fits the bill. Yet.
I mean I haven't even had one success yet. Sad and pathetic I know. I'm a career woman, self professed. I go home to Ben & Jerry's the love of my life. At least it never disappoints, unless the store forgets to refill. No dog, no cat, fish all died. Are you getting the picture? Non-dependent, independent, any dent suffix you want. That's me. Miss Leave me alone with my tub of rocky road and I'm fine-Me. But when I sometimes, occassionally sit down and think, I do do it! I think I could have someone here right now and share that thought or laugh about that together. I sighed. Mistake.
"You cold, I could er give you my coat?" Arg! If he wasn't so wet that would be chivalrous. I hate chivalry!
"No I'm fine" Ok, so I was shivering now he mentioned it, but I was fine. He looked perplexed, woops tonal check might have forgot to act that time, "really fine not cold. At all" Not reassuring but firm.
"What's the problem? I see... you want the arm, not coat. That's cute" OK now I'm seeing not just red but I'm giving new meaning to technicolour.
"Excuse me?" he smiles not knowing he's just fueling the flames, look out she'd gonna blow.
"Cool babe, I get it" he leant in and I probably resemebled a rabbit in headlights, no way was I kissing that bloober fish. Moving away fast. He didn't appreciate the jesture, or non-jesture. He tried again where by some fancy manouvering I got under his arm, hadn't the man heard of deodroant? Yuck.
"What are you doing?" He sounded nearly hurt. Not near enough. "Me? What am I doing?" Ok calm non raising voice. "ME!" ok inner voice is on holiday.
"I've had enough! you reek, you are a lousy conversationalist, and you went to slobber your fish pucker on me!" He looked bemused then angry. Oh oh! He floundered to speak then turned for the car, I ran after him. No I wasn't regretting my words, I needed a ride back.
He slammed the door as my heel clicked faster against the pavement. "Wait I need a ride" he laughed and pulled away.
"You pig! I was doing you a favour, pharmaceuticals *please* bores the hell off me and any girl!" The car was turning now and I felt my rage build. How dare he leave me-vulnerable lady-in the dark street!
"Pig! Stinking stupid pig! Sexist-babe! Come on please what you think I'm that desperate? I've had better passes from my DEAD fish!" Ok harsh and irrelevant as the car was gone, but I felt marginally better.
"Wow you really told him" I whipped around, another mistake. I really tot them up. Ah! The heel gave way and in a split second I was on my tush. Legs in air. AND a tear down my stocking. Great. I fumed. Try and stop me.
"What do you think you're doing?.." I trailed off as my vision cleared and I stumbled up to see, Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome. Yes girls he exists and god did he look good. Suddnely self conscious, I faltered.
"Go on" he urged "Don't stop on my account." I nodded, what was I doing, "Yeah well what were you erm doing sneaking up yeah..." I trailed off again. "Yeah" Pathetic, I shook my head. What had happened to Miss Eloquent Journalist when I needed her.
He smiled infruinately "sorry what was I what?" I felt a fresh fury erupt, what was he doing smiling at me, it wasn't funny!
"Sneaking up on me? I could have kicked your butt from here to, to, very far." Realising I was making this worse and I literally had no heel to stand on, where was it anyway? I looked around "That's if I had my heel" I glanced up from my search to see the point in question in his hand. "This heel" I grabbed for it, his hand pulled away and I stumbled and lost my balance, again. As I felt a strong, very strong, *focus*, hand guide me back up apologising in a sincere voice, I felt my pride scream in protest. I yanked myself away loosing my balance agian. He still held on. I righted myself and brushed my dress down, which was now dishelved and dirty. "Uhm, Thank you can I have my heel now?" Score one, yes I sounded more in control-not that I ever wasn't. He passed it back, and I started to walk, well hobble, back towards the restaurant. Why me? Why? WHy? WHY? I mean anyone else, but No, Could it possibly get any worse. Ask a stupid question...
A slightly drunken couple tumbled along, Harriet. NO way was she seeing me like this. I with my quick thinking assessed my escape. In true fashion, it wasn't quick enough. I jumped and landed in the flowers. Groaned and pulled myself out of view. I looked at my rapidly swelling ankle. Was this WW3 tonight? This was ridiculous, this date had turned from boring to Indiana Jones remake. Me in the starring role. Just as I thought I was carrying inconscipuous off, the infruitating gorgeous man peered over the bush.
"Not that it's any of my business, but I'm guessing your not supposed to be there and you look like you could use a hand." He reached out the now familiar hands to aid me. Now I took my time in looking at him. Vantage point changes when looking from a flower bed and in my current condition I wasn't in a hurry.
He had chocolate brown eyes, that danced with mirth. Probably laughing at me. His lips were tinged with a red that ladies would envy, but didn't make him look feminine. He had a tanned skin, that I could now make out in the light from the restaurant. He had slightly unruly hair, a dark shade it was still a little too dark to determine what it was, and the jaw was strong as an ox. Great a looker and I look zilch.
"It's not" I replied after the lengthy silence. He looked confused then asked "What's not?"
"Your business." He again was momentarily stunned then burst out laughing. Which, remembering Harriet was around the corner I panicked. Mistake. I shoved my hand over his mouth, causing him to cough.
"Sorry, sorry I had to oh sorry" I muttered to him, useless explaining he probably already thought I was barmy. Actually why had he come back to help me? The inquistive journalist inside was interested. The I-want-ice-cream-comfort was saying home. Ok then let's go- only an hours walk from here. No problemo. Right. I straightened the best I could.
"I have to get going," I explained, "Work tomorrow, and " he cut me off, still coughing lightly, god that was cute. FOCUS,
"Where? you can't go like that and tomorrow's Saturday." I didn't have time for this I had to go. My feet already hurt, imagine tomorrow! I had to cover the mayor's speech, my feet were really going to protest. ok Going. I backed away "I really have to go."
He looked temporarily shaken up, he fumbled for words, "I have, well if you want, I could, I don't mind" I had no time for this I hated babbling it was like flat soda, totally unbearable and very annoying. "Spit it out" I snapped maybe a smite to rudely.
"I was just saying I could escort you home, where do you live?" he looked genuine, but the cynic in me wanted stats. Muggings, rapes, murders proppeled through my mind. Ah what the heck! He was gorgeous and he hadn't seemed a threat so far. If so I could handle it, compliments of Tae Kwon Do twice a week.
I nodded and rallied off my address. Giving the reins to someone else isn't something I normally do lightly, but I was very tired and felt faint. The adrenaline buzz I'd been on was waning. I wavered. The strong hand man caught me and hoisted me in the apparently strong arms he also had. My mind was hazing over, and I felt the darkness envelope all my senses until my eyes closed on the stranger. "Wait!" I shouted, causing him to nearly drop me, "I don't know your name? Shouldn't I know your name?" I felt the tide pull me back and sleep was very welcome. "No you don't need to know my name beautiful" he replied. The last thoughts before I was dragged down were why on earth wouldn't he tell me and he called me beautiful, thanks but really! Gorgeous man but was he a goosebump or a pimple, what was he? OK I must be tired...
A Gorgeous man carrying me home what had the world come to?
*************************************************************
The first thing I noticed was the warmth, then that I was softly enclosed in a blanket that my mother had given me for Christmas. Yum, warm at last. nice and...WARM! "What the hell!"
I screamed. Footsteps pounded on the wooden floor that covered my whole apartment.
"What is it?" The gorgeous man stood in front of me, oh my, he was very well toned. He blushed noticing my look.
"Why are you here!?" I asked in a uncharacteristic screech, I coughed.
"Well, it was late actually early about four when we got home," my stomach lurched that phrase, how well, homey.
"I thought you needed nourishment after last night so I cooked you breakfast it's in here" I dazedly followed through, I sat, then stared at the meal. He looked nervous. "If you don't want it it's no trouble.." I rushed to reassure him,
"No, no, I just don't, I'm not used to someone being here, in the morning" I said explaining. He looked puzzled, then smiled.
"No boyfriend, tut tut. beautiful girl shouldn't be all alone." I felt the familair burn "I'll have you know!" Then I noticed he was laughing at me Why the cheek! I lunged at him, and he fell surprised onto the rug.
"I surrender" he groaned after I tickled him to death. And that groan when directly...woah tiger. I jumped up.
"So what is this then? How did you make breakfast when I know I have nothing here edible?" I babbled I know shame on me, but hey I was a little scared.
He had recovered and replied "I popped down to the shop, you only had ice-cream..." I blushed ten shades of red, i don't know why, not like he knows. I mean theres a code every woman knows ice-cream signals sad, depressed, lonely single woman. But no man clicked, damn ok one man did. "So how often you scoop?" What? Not what I was expecting how did he know i was a...oh. funny. I grimaced. "Funny" I repeated this time aloud. He grinned. Annoying, gorgeous man. He looked shocked. Did I just say that aloud? Oh dear. What have i done? Great scare every man off..
"Beautiful, annoyingly independent woman." fine my turn to be stunned wahey. I shook my head and saw the road we were going down, uh uh. "What it's true" I smiled, "Not that I don't agree but I'm independent not annoyingly, I like it that way." I let that hang in the air.
He slowly began to put on his top and jacket. Ok mistake. I watched him smile at me despondently and go to leave. The door closed ok be strong. ah what the heck. "WAIT" I ran breathing heavily "God you walk fast, phew, erm" i looked at him not knowing what to say then "but I've been thinking I want to change-my name that is.. Miss co-dependent maybe I dunno about double barrels uhp" I was cut short as those lips crushed against mine. ok rough, ok nice, very nice. As he pulled away he was grinning. Wow what a day and it was only, oh damn "Work!"
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