A/N: :rolleyes: Well, here's another one. Not that anyone's reading this anyway...
TOC Joseph and Richard: Scene 3"Stop fidgeting" Joseph chided as he swatted Richard's hands away from his new uniform. "You'll draw attention to yourself."
"I'm a private," Richard claimed as if that explained everything. "Many of them aren't used to a uniform yet, either." They had just stepped out of the castle doors after a long night of sleeping on the hard floor. Uber had done his work well. Joseph and Richard now were almost invisible in the throng of soldiers patrolling the castle grounds. Joseph's uniform was actually his size, and Uber had gotten rid of the family crest that had been on his left shoulder.
"Did they have to make them so stiff?" Richard nitpicked as he pulled on the collar. "How do they expect anyone to be able to fight with clothing this stiff?"
"The clothing would loosen after a few hours of training," Joseph remarked lightly. He watched Richard's expression change to a worried frown in amusement.
"But we're not really soldiers," Richard asserted almost pleadingly. "We just need to get out of here."
"Soldiers who go to border patrol without training," Joseph stated calmly, letting the situation itself show how ludicrous the idea was. Richard sighed and looked extremely sorry for himself.
"At least you'll learn how to actually use your sword," Joseph comforted with a smile, and started to walk towards the training grounds, around the back. Richard blinked, and scampered after him, spluttering.
"What makes you think…?" Richard heatedly muttered at the back of Joseph's head.
"Being able…" Joseph continued as if Richard hadn't said anything.
"I'll have you know…!" Richard made an attempt at an imitation of an insulted Pabian.
"…to draw your sword," Joseph again bulled through as if there was no interruption.
"I…"
"…is…"
"…you…"
…not enough." Joseph finished firmly, not once looking behind him.
"…damn." Richard put his hand to his forehead in defeat.
"And another thing," Joseph stopped, turned and poked Richard in the chest. ('Ouch!' Richard rubbed his chest, his face injured.) "When someone asks you your name when you're in enemy territory, don't tell them!"
"Okay, okay," Richard threw his hands up in surrender. "So, what is your name anyway?" Joseph glared at him. "Oh, come on! You know my name. Besides, we're partners."
"Partners?" Joseph's tone had dipped into almost unfriendly territory.
"Yeah," Richard nodded enthusiastically. "You saved me from the dungeon, and almost certain torturous interrogations. Where they try to make me talk about something I have no idea about. And don't forget we have to make it to the border without being caught."
"Don't you mean away from the border with Uber's cousin?" Joseph inquired as they started walking again.
"We don't really have to get her, do we?" Richard asked tentatively.
"We could just ignore the dungeon, I guess," Joseph pretended to consider. "Spending the rest of my life running away from the queen's guard, won't be that much of a consequence," Richard looked completely deflated now.
"But we don't have to stay with her," Richard suddenly exclaimed, a smile back on his face. "All we have to do is release her, and she can find her own way home. She got there by herself, didn't she?"
"Hmm, he did say to rescue her," Joseph consented in a low voice. He turned to Richard and stopped walking, "Does rescue include taking her back?"
"Oh, I'm sure it doesn't," Richard said with a straight face before breaking out into a smirk.
"No, I didn't think it did," Joseph nodded, and started walking again. They continued in silence for a while before Richard suddenly stopped walking.
"Hey," Richard complained, pointing at Joseph accusingly. "You didn't tell me what your name is!"
"No," Joseph feigned incredularity, even as the sarcasm dripped off his tongue. "Shocking!" Richard sucked in a large amount of air, his eyes alight with injustice.
"You dodged an issue!" Richard was aghast.
"A name isn't an issue," Joseph muttered lamely. Richard looked like he was about to dispute, but stopped when someone clapped him on the back.
"New are you?" the newcomer asked friendlily. He watched Richard's horrified impression of a guppy, and chuckled, "Don't worry, you're not alone."
"I'd need training too," Joseph admitted, ignoring Richard looking much happier about the whole thing. "I'm very rusty, and we have orders to help with the western border patrol."
"Border patrol?" the newcomer quirked an eyebrow and lead them past other soldiers in the middle of their own training. "You won't really need training for that. Most men down there haven't even been trained properly," Richard's head snapped up hopefully. "But you'd be better off knowing how to defend yourself," Richard's head hung in remorse.
"That's been bugging me," the newcomer continued thoughtfully, ducking one soldier's wild swipe of a stave. "Maybe we should send someone along with you, to get them trained up." Richard sent Joseph a worried look; Joseph quickly shook his head warningly. Richard gulped and continued walking in silence.
An hour later, Richard lay on his back, panting and sweating hard. He groaned in pain, rubbed the sweat out of his eyes, and off his forehead.
"You seem a little out of condition, my friend," the newcomer commented as he leaned on his stave and looked down at him. Richard groaned again. Joseph panted hard next to Richard, but was glad he wasn't on the ground, yet.
Joseph was sure that the man in front of him was going to take him to his limit. In the last hour, Joseph had discovered a lot about this remarkable man.
Sergeant Sopintyre, as they had learnt was his name, was not a man you wanted as your enemy. It wasn't that he was a scary person, or even a mean one. Joseph just had the impression, that he could fight his way out of any situation. He was just so good! Any weapon handed to him; he seemed to know how to use it to its best advantage.
"At least your friend here isn't on the ground, yet," sergeant Sopintyre confirmed Joseph's suspicions good-naturedly. "That reminds me, what are your names?"
"I don't have one, because my parents couldn't afford it!" Richard blurted out in a rush before Joseph could get a word in. Joseph glared at him.
"That's okay," sergeant Sopintyre laughed. "I'm sure we can find a name for you," he turned to Joseph. "How about you?" Joseph jumped and dropped his stave.
"I…uh, F-Fron, sergeant, sir" Joseph stuttered the first name that came into his head even as he cringed at himself. He was surprised to see sergeant Sopintyre cringe as well.
"Please, don't do that," sergeant Sopintyre requested sadly. "Call me Swifty, everyone else does."
"Yes, sir, Swifty," Joseph nodded, ignoring Richard's sniggers. Joseph was surprised at himself. Why was he acting like this? It was ridiculous! Swifty was a nice guy, why did Joseph feel so weary around him?
"No, it's just Swifty," Swifty corrected firmly. He bent down, picked up Joseph's stave, and handed it back to him, "You dropped this."
"Thank you, sergeant, Swifty, sir," Joseph couldn't stop himself from saying. Richard cracked up laughing, since he was already on the ground, he took full advantage and rolled around to his content. Joseph sent Richard an injured look as he retrieved his stave.
"Is he like this all the time?" Swifty asked Richard in a confused tone. Joseph felt himself slump dejectedly. Now Swifty thought he was touched in the head!
"Always," Richard answered, trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face. "We've wanted to send him to a home for people who've missed their appointment with death, for ages."
"That's not t…!" Joseph started to dispute, blinked and turned to Richard. "Where?"
"Where people who've missed their appointment with death," Swifty answered instead. "You know, where they're not all there in the head, because half their soul has passed over. Lots of people believe that's why it happens."
"Oh," Joseph nodded, interested in this information. He suddenly realized that they were getting off-topic, and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Swifty. I guess I was just overwhelmed with how much you know. I'm alright, really."
"Well, that's good news," Swifty breathed in relief. "There's only one person that doesn't call me Swifty around here. One right pain in the…"
"Sergeant Sopintyre," a voice called in an irritated drawl. "I want to talk to you!"
"…speak of the devil," Swifty grumbled to himself.
"Sergeant Sopintyre, did you hear me?" a short woman, whose eyes looked like they hadn't gotten enough sleep, stood with her arms crossed arrogantly. Joseph stared at her; he'd never seen a woman that looked more masculine in his life.
"Just a moment, dear," Swifty called over his shoulder tauntingly. "I'm just teaching the children a new game." Richard sniggered, with Joseph right along with him.
"I don't remember seeing these men report to me," the woman ignored Swifty's taunts completely. "New recruits are supposed to report to the person in charge!"
"Oh, come on," Swifty retorted almost childishly. "They're here to train for two months, and then go down to border patrol. Not to sit down and trade niceties you all know are lies."
"Two months?!" Richard blurted loudly. Swifty and the woman turned to Richard in surprise, and Joseph's hand went to his forehead. Richard realized he'd said too much, and tried to repair the damage, "I…uh, um. Well…he…" he pointed to Joseph. "…I…" he pointed to himself pathetically.
"He just wanted to protect his queen as soon as possible," Joseph scraped a story off the wall. Now Richard's hand went to his forehead.
"Well," the woman breathed. "You shouldn't be ashamed of it, young man," Richard's head snapped up in surprise. "If we had more men with that attitude, that'd be wonderful. Congratulations, private. I hope you were paying attention, sergeant Sopintyre."
"Yes," Swifty answered. He looked at Richard shrewdly. "A little closer then you did, I'm sure," Richard gulped. "You do have a point, though. More men need to be trained to look after the queen, or, the potential queen. We need to change the men's attitudes."
"What are you up to?" the woman asked suspiciously, her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips.
"Just aiming at raising the soldier's spirit," Swifty answered innocently.
"Oh, and you're just mister team spirit, are you?" the woman asked skeptically.
"You don't think I have spirit?" Swifty asked, trying unsuccessfully to look injured.
"Not since you spiked the punch at the last Erastide party," she answered stonily.
"Oh, yeah!" Swifty exclaimed in remembrance. "I remember that night. Well, half of it…really…"
"Are you going to tell me what you're getting at, sergeant?" the woman interrupted him in irritation.
"Oh, it might be good to change some attitudes at the border," Swifty muttered evasively.
"Are you applying for the job?" the woman asked. "You want to go to the border for a specific reason, sergeant Sopintyre?"
"Soldiers attitude change," Swifty said as if he were talking to a child. The woman's eyes blazed in anger. Joseph found that he was holding his breath, suddenly terrified of this small woman in front of them. "It's not like you want me hanging around here, anyway." The woman's eyes dulled, and then lit up again as the realisation of the situation hit her.
"Permission granted," the woman consented almost happily. "Effective immediately, sergeant. You may leave as soon as you are able." She spun on her heel and marched off without noticing Swifty's sigh of relief.
"Now," Swifty turned on Richard and Joseph. "Why do you need to get to the border so quickly?" Joseph sighed, and Richard slowly stood up, his face lost. Joseph shook his head in defeat, and whacked Richard over the back of the head.
"Ouch!"
