Great start! I'm glad you're writing! Can I make a suggestion? Oh, I should introduce myself. Hi, my name is Jen and I open my mouth whenever possible. I consider talking a hobby.
Everything sounds just fine the way it's written, but if you want, you don't have to put things in parentheses.
"Well, maybe being different from everyone makes it hard for him to fit in."
(He tried hard not to be too obvious).
Stuff like that can be tagged on to the end...
"Well, maybe being different from everyone makes it hard for him to fit in." He tried hard not to be too obvious.
For example. But if you like it the way it is, don't change it!! It's only a minor suggestion from a loopy artist. I look forward to the next part!
One last thing: /me glares at Stella. She better not horn in on Lois & Clark LOL...I know I know, RAFO (ray-fo). I like saying that out loud LOL.
Jen
President of The Crazy Artist's Club