Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Merriweather Scores & Comments

I see Lynn posted her Merriweather scores and comments in her fdk folder for the story she submitted. I was very interested, so I thought others might be interested in mine.

It wouldn't make any sense for me to repost my story - I didn't change a thing from the Archive version, except to remove the Author's Note explaining that it was a challenge response. But perhaps contestants who didn't write something new for the competition (and even those who did!) could post theirs here?

I'll use Lynn's helpful headings with the number of questions in each section, and try to copy her formatting for the comments - though something seems to have got a bit garbled in the email, so I can only guess about the comment separations! Some sections seem to have five sets of comments, others three or fewer.

Section 1 - Opening Hook Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Scores: 7, 7, 4, 10

Section 2 - Characterization Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Scores: 5, 5, 5, 5

Section 3 - Plot Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Scores: 8, 8, 8, 10

Section 4 - Setting Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Scores: 5, 5, 5, 5

Section 5 - Dialogue Four questions for consideration, min. 4 pts/max 20 pts.
Scores: 8, 10, 10, 8

Section 6 - Style Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Scores: 4, 4, 5, 4

Section 7 - Mechanics and Pacing Ten questions for consideration, min. 10 pts/max 50 pts.
Scores: 15, 15, 18, 18

Section 8 - Point Of View Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Scores: 10, 10, 10, 9

Total Score: 260/600

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

"Good characterization. True to the show yet a plausible switch from what really happened in the series."

"They stayed almost true to the first season’s characters."

"I especially like how you build tension between the hero and heroine with their actions and narrative. I like how sensitive Lois is to Clark’s feelings"

What are two areas you felt were well done?

"POV is exceptionally well done! The switches were seamless."

"The dialogue was good and the introspection was appropriate to the characters."

"Situation is very believable and characters are faithful to cannon. Changing scenes is done in a very unobtrusive way that works really well to focus on the introspection taking place, but still let the reader visualize where the characters are."

"Good characterization. True to the show yet a plausible switch from what really happened in the series. The vignette has good pacing. I wanted to read more."

"I like the internal dialogue. It gives depth to both characters and makes them real in the mind of the reader."

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

"Try to show and not tell. This is done by using the senses and using strong verbs."

"The use of script format at the opening is a detractor. This is a talented author who should be able to set the scene with a more graceful format that isn’t so choppy. All comments in the remaining sections refer to the story excluding this introduction."

"POV is exceptionally well done! The switches were seamless."

"As you’re writing, remember to show and not tell. This may be accomplished better by changing the Point The first two scenes don’t transition well. I would reword the first sentence on the first paragraph. of View." [Note: this is reproduced verbatim from the email. I assume one comment got pasted into the middle of another.]

"This was a fun read."

What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot,characterization, dialogue, etc.)

"The revelation at the end. Lois crying is not keeping with her fighting spirit."

Note in my defence: Lois certainly didn't cry! I assume the judge misinterpreted a reference to Lois's "sobbing breath".

Anything else?

"Technically and artistically this was an excellent vignette."

"You have a great handle on POV and how to switch effectively and seamlessly!"

What I liked best about this entry.

"It was a good introspection piece."

"The plot is not original, but makes a neatly packaged examination of Lois and Clark’s evolving relationship."

"Very enjoyable to read. I particularly love the part where Lois thinks Clark is going to betray Superman’s secret and chastises him"

"Good use of physical descriptors to convey the moods of each character"


My own comments:
My total was 260, only 20 points higher than Lynn's - there must have been a lot of stories with very similar scores! And that's still way below a "pass mark" - which would be 300 if the questions are marked from 0 to 5, 360 if they're from 1 to 5 as the website says.

Also, the comments didn't seem to be reflected in the scores. For example, two judges commented favourably on the characterisation - yet my scores for section 2 were a completely flat 5/15.

I have to say that if I'd got these scores and hadn't somehow placed second, I'd assume my writing was pretty terrible. I hope new writers, especially, don't find the low scores in this contest a complete ego-killer and stop writing!

So - anyone else prepared to share?

Mere

The thing with vignettes is that they don't have much in the way of plots. <shrug> PWP seems to be in the defination, IMHO. I don't know how I did yet. Haven't gotten a reply from Katrina.

My guess is that scores on a lot of this stuff'll rise when they announce longer story categories.

Laura (who would rather write novels than short stories in any case)

I agree with your assessment, Laura. But then the question becomes: if these points are not appropriate for the very short stories allowed in this category, why are the entries being judged by such criteria?

Like Laura, I'm still waiting for my scorecard so I can post it. But judging from Mere's and Lynn's, it looks like the judges were incredibly harsh in their scoring. Mostly positive comments seem very much at odds with such low scores! As Mere says, let's hope there weren't any newer authors that were hurt or discouraged from writing further.

Hazel

Just as a random observation, I'd point out that this *is* the first go-round for the whole Merriweather process, so some missteps would only be natural. Maybe (some of) the judges were concerned about being too lenient, and went too far in compensating? I expect a lot of this will settle down as they get more practice.

Tough on the writers of this round, though.

Thanks for sharing, Mere & Lynn! Fascinating stuff...

PJ

I'd heard the winners were announced, and was interested to read the scores to see how the system worked. I have to admit, though, I was more than a little shocked at the low scores for your story, Mere! Especially for the story considered the winner. Ouch.

As for this:

I hope that's the case, too. After seeing such harsh scoring from Lynn and now Mere, there's no way I plan on submitting anything.

Thanks for sharing, Mere and Lynn. These make fascinating reading.

Out of curiosity, I took a look at the score sheet for short stories. One thing puzzled me a little - how do you answer questions about dialogue if the story in question doesn't contain any? My solution was to assign a neutral 3 to any questions which weren't relevant - ie, the dialogue was neither good nor bad because there wasn't any, but I guess another tactic would be to assign a 0. I wonder how the judges approached this one?

While I'm here, let me say that I very much enjoyed Jenni's, Lynn's, and Mere's stories. Paul, I haven't read yours yet, but I shall rectify that very soon, and I hope I get a chance to read Allyse's story, too.

Yvonne

Laura said:

And Hazel responded:

I agree, Hazel. I was pretty much wondering the same thing. It almost looks as though a set of criteria for judging each story has been worked out, but the committee has failed to consider that one size fits all won't work for all the story genres they're including in competition.

I'd guess that they might need to consider that and produce a set of criteria that's perhaps a little more flexible and pertinent to vignettes and shorter stories.

I must admit that reading through these posts, when I got to plot, I was wondering how much plot you could fit into a vignette this short. It's no wonder they scored low in that one imo.

Certainly, it doesn't really seem fair to shrug and say, 'Oh well, it'll work out for the longer stories'. I think the authors who submitted vignettes would expect and deserve to have their stories judged fairly on criteria that suits the genre, and an equality in that respect with authors who submit long stories later in the process. It seems only fair, given how much effort they've put in.

But such shakedowns occur when you start something new and I'm sure these teething problems will be sorted out. We've all been there.

LabRat (who's currently working her way through correcting the teething glitches that occurred during the keyword segment of the current Archive project and so has sympathy with anyone trying to work something new )

I posted my scorecard over in my feedback thread, but I'll repost it here so we have them all in the same place.

For those of you unfamiliar with the scoring system, each story is rated on 8 different criteria using a scale of 1 through 5:
5 = Outstanding
4 = Above average; Minor adjustments needed
3 = Average; Off to a good start
2 = Below average; Major revisions needed
1 = Poor quality; Needs lots of work

Each segment consists of anywhere from 1 to 10 questions for consideration, leading to a maximum (and ostensibly, a mimimum) possible score for each section based on the ranking system above. So, for example, Section 2 contains three questions for consideration for a minimum possible score of 3 (lowest ranking of 1 X 3 questions for consideration) up to 15 (highest ranking of 5 X 3 questions for consideration).

Section 1 - Opening Hook Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Judge 1 - 6 pts
Judge 2 - 6 pts
Judge 3 - 10 pts (My best score )
Judge 4 - 8 pts

Section 2 - Characterization Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Judge 1 - 2 pts. (apparently I received at least one 0 ranking to reach below the min. possible!)
Judge 2 - 2 pts. (same here with the 0 ranking)
Judge 3 - 5 pts.
Judge 4 - 4 pts.

Section 3 - Plot Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Judge 1 - 10 pts.
Judge 2 - 3 pts. [to my defense, 1,500 words doesn't afford a lot to develop a plot ]
Judge 3 - 9 pts.
Judge 4 - 10 pts.

Section 4 - Setting Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Judge 1 - 5 pts.
Judge 2 - 4 pts.
Judge 3 - 5 pts.
Judge 4 - 5 pts.

Section 5- Dialogue Four questions for consideration, min. 4 pts/max 20 pts.
Judge 1 - 7 pts.
Judge 2 - 8 pts.
Judge 3 - 10 pts.
Judge 4 - 10 pts.

Section 6 - Style Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Judge 1 - 5 pts.
Judge 2 - 3 pts.
Judge 3 - 5 pts.
Judge 4 - 5 pts.

Section 7 Mechanics and Pacing Ten questions for consideration, min. 10 pts/max 50 pts.
Judge 1 - 18 pts.
Judge 2 - 10 pts.
Judge 3 - 16 pts.
Judge 4 - 18 pts.

Section 8- Point Of View Three questions for consideration, min. 3 pts/max 15 pts.
Judge 1 - 4 pts.
Judge 2 - 7 pts.
Judge 3 - 10 pts.
Judge 4 - 10 pts.

Out of a total possible of 600 points, I got a total of 240 pts.

Here are my comments verbatim. Since my e-mail added breaks that might not be accurate, I might have broken the remarks in wrong places but I don't think it construes the meaning at all:

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

“I did not care for Lois’ characterization at all. She was too bitchy and uptight. Clark came across as wimpy and uptight.”

"Lois is TOO pushy and Clark is TOO wimpy. Their normal character has been exaggerated."

"This is very good characterization of both Lois and Clark. I particularly like the way the author shows that Lois is pushy instead of telling the reader so."

What are two areas you felt were well done?

“The plot was well laid out and the setting immediately established. There was no confusion about what was going on and where it was all taking place."

"Great dialogue!"

"This is a great original idea. A small slice of the day told with a lot of humor that proves a great story can be free of villains or excessive cuddling. The author could have spared a short sentence to show the kid’s reactions so the reader is not wondering about this all through the story. Is the unspoken question at the end intentional? (Did Lois give the kid the $20 or the $1?)"

"The very active descriptions of Lois’ driving and of the water fight are successful at setting the scene without boring exposé of what the surrounding environment looks like. The author demonstrates a very good use of voice for “showing” the setting instead of “telling“ the setting."

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

“Characterization was the only problem I had with this vignette."

"The whole piece just doesn’t make sense and was not appealing at all to me. My favorite fanfic genre is the vignette, but this was too vague."

"The author very effectively shows the action with the senses instead of telling the story. The constant use of active voice keeps the story crisp and fun to read."

"While sentence fragments are fine in dialogue to mimic speech patterns, there are fragments in the introspection that need to be fixed. The author also has a strange punctuation error (period used instead of a comma in the middle of a sentence) that shows up several times and is very distracting – Punctuation:"

{Sidebar here - I think this last remark was in reference to the conversion of my elipses into periods which *would* look very strange in the middle of a sentence.}

What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot,characterization, dialogue, etc.)

"Nothing."

“Overall I liked the setting and plot of this vignette."

"I did not care for the characterization but everything else was superior."

Anything else?

"There is great dialogue to show the byplay between Lois and Clark. The fragmented sentences are acceptable since this accurately depicts speech pattern. Lois’ dismissive style is clearly confirmed by her choice of words. The author effectively manages the use (or absence) of quote tags."

"Remember to keep your characters likeable."

"The writer’s dialogue and pacing are great."

"This was a fun vignette to read."

What I liked best about this entry.

"Great opening hook."

***

My main concern is that my scores don't necessarily reflect the same sentiments offered in the feedback. For example, one judge used the word "superior" yet none of my scores indicate much over average and are indeed well below to downright poor overall. Plus I somehow managed to score a 0 ranking on a scale of 1 to 5, not just once but twice!! Yikes.

As for being judged on criteria that doesn't apply to a particular story subset, I guess I'd be okay with a one-form-for-all-stories IF every writer received the same score in that section. For example, every writer received a ranking of 3 per Yvonne's interpretation - neither exceeds or fails expectations - or every writer receives 0 points in that section since it doesn't apply.

Thanks, Mere, for sharing. I hope others do the same as this is almost as interesting as reading the stories.

Lynn

Ok. I just got an email from Katrina. She apologized for taking so long. Apparently, she's been busy with RL. She also promised to send along my score sheets pretty soon so that I know how well I did. She also said that the sample score sheets on the webpage are outdated, and that each judge could give up to *75* points, making the highest total to be 300.

Given that, 240 isn't half bad...

Laura (who hopes to get at least as good a score)

That certainly makes the world of difference!

I hope that in due course, the website will be updated so we can see what the numbers mean. This contest is chiefly about the opportunity to get feedback, so it would be useful to know the wording of the questions. I don't mean to nag, though - I'm sure we all appreciate what an enormous commitment of time this is for all the Merriweather officers!

So, if we assume that the scoring system remained the same and only the numbers of questions changed, we can tell how many there must have been in each section. Reposting my scores and Lynn's on that basis:

Section 1 - Opening Hook Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 7, 7, 4, 10
Lynn: 6, 6, 10, 8

Section 2 - Characterization One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 5, 5, 5, 5
Lynn: 2, 2, 5, 4

Section 3 - Plot Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 8, 8, 8, 10
Lynn: 10, 3, 9, 10

Section 4 - Setting One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 5, 5, 5, 5
Lynn: 5, 4, 5, 5

Section 5 - Dialogue Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 8, 10, 10, 8
Lynn: 7, 8, 10, 10

Section 6 - Style One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 4, 4, 5, 4
Lynn: 5, 3, 5, 5

Section 7 - Mechanics and Pacing Four questions for consideration, min. 4 pts/max 20 pts.
Mere: 15, 15, 18, 18
Lynn: 18, 10, 16, 18

Section 8 - Point Of View Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 10, 10, 10, 9
Lynn: 4, 7, 10, 10

(I'd just like to point out that while the numbers appear in the order they were given in KatrinaLee's email to me and in Lynn's post, there's no reason to assume the judges are in the same order in the two sets of figures in each category, in other words that the judge who gave me 9 in POV gave Lynn 10. In fact, there's probably no guarantee the order is even the same throughout one email.)

Well - I have to say, that's considerably more encouraging!

Mere

Thanks, Katrina, for getting back to me last night! I reposted the listing of scores, including both of mine, with Sunrise, Sunset listed under "Allyse." As Mere says, there's no guarantee that the first listing in the different scorecards match up to the same judge, or even within each scorecard.

Section 1 - Opening Hook: Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 7, 7, 4, 10
Lynn: 6, 6, 10, 8
Allyse: 5, 9, 5, 10
Hazel: 8, 9, 10, 10

Section 2 - Characterization: One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 5, 5, 5, 5
Lynn: 2, 2, 5, 4
Allyse: 2, 5, 1, 5
Hazel: 4, 4, 5, 4

Section 3 - Plot: Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 8, 8, 8, 10
Lynn: 10, 3, 9, 10
Allyse: 3, 9, 5, 5
Hazel: 10, 4, 5, 9

Section 4 - Setting: One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 5, 5, 5, 5
Lynn: 5, 4, 5, 5
Allyse: 2, 5, 3, 5
Hazel: 5, 5, 5, 5

Section 5 - Dialogue: Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 8, 10, 10, 8
Lynn: 7, 8, 10, 10
Allyse: 2, n/a, 10, 3
Hazel: 8, 10, 5, 8

Section 6 - Style: One question for consideration, min. 1 pts/max 5 pts.
Mere: 4, 4, 5, 4
Lynn: 5, 3, 5, 5
Allyse: 2, 5, 5, 5
Hazel: 4, 5, 3, 5

Section 7 - Mechanics and Pacing: Four questions for consideration, min. 4 pts/max 20 pts.
Mere: 15, 15, 18, 18
Lynn: 18, 10, 16, 18
Allyse: 15, 20, 15, 18
Hazel: 15, 12, 15, 18

Section 8 - Point Of View: Two questions for consideration, min. 2 pts/max 10 pts.
Mere: 10, 10, 10, 9
Lynn: 4, 7, 10, 10
Allyse: 8, 10, 7, 10
Hazel: 9, 6, 10, 9

Here are the comments for Sunrise, Sunset , with the caveat that the e-mail made it very unclear exactly who was saying what. I might have added two judges' comments together, or split one judge's comments apart.

1. What did you especially like/dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

"To be honest, I’m not sure who the hero and heroine of this story are."

"The introspection was interesting."

"The situation is realistic, but the only hook is to find out whose POV this is. It is very frustrating that this is never answered. Is this an LnC story? The characterization is beautiful, but nothing ever connects it to the genre. I assume the story is about Martha and Jonathan, but nothing in the story ever indicates this. The scene could easily be used for an infinite number of communitites outside the Superman universe without any alteration."

2. What are two areas you felt were done well? Tell why.

"There’s lovely imagery in this piece (…with the sun as it gives its final curtsey at the edge of the world.)"

"The rhythm of the story was incredibly well done and the softness of Martha’s thought was well expressed. First person present tense is very hard to handle effectively and this author manages to do so well. I especially like the lyrical writing style of the author of this vignette. I felt the pulse of nature connecting the hero and heroine. I like how the writer portrayed the happiness found by the hero and heroine in the beauty of sunrise and sunset in comparison to grueling farm work. It was poetic and inspiring."

"I also thought the writer got inside the hero’s head, understanding his goals, motives and conflict. I felt his need to see the sunrise to start his day. I like the philosophical musings the Point of View character takes the reader into. It’s a peaceful, pleasant journey."

"This writer has a great feel for Mother Nature. The setting connected with the characters in a deep, meaningful way."

"Great descriptions."

"A beautiful story."

3. What are two areas you feel need work? Tell why – suggestions?

"I’m not so sure it needs work mechanically, but it needs more in the way of explaining who it is, what is going on and when it’s happening."

"Watch the punctuation."


5. Anything else?

"It was well written. I gave it the maximum score for mechanics and pacing because it met every criteria for that category."

"What I liked best about this entry. Very sound mechanically. Good grasp of writing. It was an interesting introspection piece."

"What, in my opinion, need more work. Is this part of a larger body of work? I have no idea if this is Lois and Clark, Martha and Jonathan or someone else. Is this perhaps set years after Nightfall and the outcome wasn’t as positive as on the show? It’s well written, but very vague."

Comments for The Evil Stepmother\'s Manifesto , with the same disclaimer:

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

"I love the characterization in this piece. Both Lois and Clark were very in keeping with their characters on the show. Both kept in character."

"I especially liked the traits you gave the hero and heroine to make them real. I loved how you moved them through the scene. The story flows well."

What are two areas you felt were well done?

"Very good maintenance of POV. Interesting plot; I loved the fairy tale hook. Very good touch."

"The dialogue was excellent and the scene was exceptionally well done."

"Story jumps right into the action and pulls the reader along/"

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

"Work on eliminating adverbs. Use stronger verbs"

Anything else?

"Overall I gave this vignette high marks because it easily met the criteria of each of the categories but on the whole I was left feeling dissatisified."

"The vignette seemed to be the beginning of a longer story and it seemed that I, as the reader, was given only the prologue."

"What I liked best about this entry. I felt it was a terrific story. The characterizations were spot-on, the dialogue was definitely in character and the sequence of events rolled effortlessly. I also liked the fairy tale hook; it was so creative."

***

So, what do I think? I think that I am very very glad to discover the change in the points system, and the comments do seem much more in keeping with the scores now. I do wish Katrina had announced the change in scores *before* sending out the scorecards, so that no one would have needed to experience unnecessary distress. But everyone's entitled to some growing pains.

I'm honored to receive an Honorable Mention, but not entirely sure I've actually earned it. My score for that story was 214, while my other fic earned 234. Lynn had 240. I'm hoping Katrina will clarify this for us.

On a final, personal note, I enthusiastically agree with the judge that suggested I might want to go easy on the adverbs.

Hazel

Oh, wow, big difference in knowing that the possible points is half of what was posted on the website!! Like I said in my feedback thread:

I just couldn't figure out, though, how I might have misinterpreted. Now I understand! Thanks for clearing this up.

And like Hazel, I'll be interested to learn what qualifies a story for honorable mention. Perhaps it's not based on points awarded but some subjective criteria determined by the judges?

Lynn

Hazel, both times I've added up, I've got 244 for your score. Of course, some days I can't remember how many fingers I've got... but you might want to check again.

Mere

Great job to all the winners!

Just out of curiosity, I added up the scores and got:

Mere: 260
Lynn: 240
Allyse: 214
Hazel: 244

malu
(if the scores were added wrong, then blame Excel )

If this is the case, how did "Allyse's" story place but Hazel's didn't? Is there a criteria for winning that's used besides score?

Sorry I'm late in posting here. I've been pretty much completely AFK for the past week. Thanks to those who already posted their scores. They make for a very interesting read. It's nice to see how my stories compared to others, and I'm greatful for the opportunity to see the judges' comments/FDK.

In the same spirit, I'm posting now to share the scores for my two stories.

First up, there's Flying Free, my response to the post-9/11 Fluff Challenge. (The idea of the challenge was to write a bit of happy, sappy, plotless WAFF to help brighten our spirits after the period of mourning.)


SECTION I
Total Points (10) 4 + 5 + 8 + 8 = 25/40

SECTION II
Total Points (5) 5 + 4 + 3 + 4 = 16/20

SECTION III
Total Points(10) 5 + 6 + 7 + 10 = 28/40

SECTION IV
Total Points (5) 5 + 3 + 5 + 5 = 18/20

SECTION V
Total Points (10) 10 + 5 + 10 + 9 = 34/40

SECTION VI
Total Points (5) 3 + 4 + 5 + 5 = 17/20

SECTION VIII
Total Points (20) 10 + 13 + 20 + 18 = 61/80
________________

Total Points = 199/260

Hmm. That's odd. Total is 260, which was Mere's second place score. ... Oh, I see. It looks like, due to a transcription error, I didn't get the scores for section VIII (aparantly mislabeled here as Section VII). So, this story earned more than the 199 points shown here. Somewhere between 4-40 points, it seems.

Comments on this story (pasted exactly as shown in the email I recieved, except for some minor reformatting to make them more readable on the boards):

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

The writer captured the emotional bond between Superman and Lois in the characterization and swept me along through their journey. The writer got inside the hero and heroine’s heads in an engaging manner.


What were two areas you felt were well done?

Very good use of analogy (Clouds shaped like Keebler elves) was fun to read and the brief introspection moved the plot nicely rather than drag it down.

Not original, but great little fun vignette that is free of unnecessary clutter. Simple and enjoyable Progression of dialogue is very well done. Internal and External dialogue of Clark’s is well balanced and fun to read. First person/present tense can be very hard to maintain. This author does a good job using this format. I only found one obvious sentence structure problem, but it seemed to be there to add flavor to the internal dialogue and worked well.

Internal dialogue is funny and enjoyable to read. (Nice subtle reference to the different powers of the Chris Reeves version.)

I love the writer’s voice; it’s an easy, lyrical, flowing style with vivid, original metaphors.

What I liked about this entry

I like the writer’s blending of the physical and spiritual side of Superman and Lois’s. The way he likes her with all her flaws, showing the depth of their feelings for one another. He didn’t mind that she was “a mess” and she didn’t mind that he was “Clark.” The love story was touching. His flaw the “goofy grin” was great for showing how he felt about the relationship

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

The beginning was overly simplistic and there were too many commas in the first paragraph.

Watch your use of adverbs (lazily, wonderingly, steadily). Adverbs tend to tell the story instead of show it. Try using stronger verbs instead. Also,there was some awkward phrasing (i.e. …I focus on my ears, listening with all my concentration.)
Watch the punctuation a little more

What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)

“ ‘I focus my ears’ is nonsensical. I understand what the author means but it could have been said in a different way.”

Anything else?
“A very good little vignette that turned out to be surprisingly well done. It was a wonderful, whimsical vignette.

What I liked best about this entry.

It was a fun revelation piece that didn’t disintegrate into plot-stopping, angst, weeping, or screaming on the part of Lois. There was just sheer joy at flying together and being in love.

Add character flaws to increase tension in the story.

I enjoyed this story and hope to see more of this writing some day.

As stated earlier, I like that Lois and Clark (or Superman as the case may be) are so comfortable with each other. Lois is confident in herself so that she’s not TOO upset over no makeup and sweats. I also LOVE the Keebler elf simile. And the reference back to it later on is very good. And I honestly laughed out loud at Superman’s thought “Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery, such as big mouth, while under the intoxicating influence of Lois Lane.” Brilliant!

What, in my opinion, need more work.


----------

I also sent in another, more recent story -- The Envelope.

Scoring for that story was as follows:

SECTION I
Total Points (10) 10 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 39/40

SECTION II
Total Points (5) 1 + 5 + 4 + 4 = 14/20

SECTION III
Total Points (10) 3 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 32/40

SECTION IV
Total Points (5) 1 + 5 + 5 + 4 = 15/20

SECTION V
Total Points (10) 9 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 38/40

SECTION VI
Total Points (5) 1 + 4 + 4 + 5 = 14/20

SECTION VII
Total Points (20) 8 + 15 + 20 + 20 = 63/80

SECTION VIII
Total Points (10) 2 + 8 + 10 + 10 = 30/40

Total Points = 245/300

Comments for this story (again, pasted exactly as recieved except for formatting tweaks):

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

“I did not care for Lois’s characterization. I felt she was too shrewish.

They are very in character.

Excellent use of characterization with personality quirks pulled from different episodes. I especially like the inferences to Lois’ inability to cook and the amusing ways this is demonstrated instead of told.

I especially like the trust the hero and heroine have for each other in this piece. It’s a great woven theme.

What re two areas you felt were well done?

Good character realization through internal dialogue.

The humor of the burning waffles after a tense inner dialogue with the heroine lightened up the scene for the reader appropriately.

Great character action in keeping with the Lois and Clark show.

The writer used an original plot in a great blend of the craft elements to write a well-developed story

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

The writing was too choppy and the settings were not well established. I wasn’t sure where it took place.

Work on the use of ellipses. I’d use the ellipsis less and sentence fragments more. A fragment is perfectly allowable in fiction for effect and impact. You did a great job maintaining POV except for one spot …rescuing people in danger of drowning, and Clark-only-knew what else.” You are in Lois’s POV, yet this seems to pop out and into Clark’s POV.
{Note: That section seemed clear to me as being in Lois's POV. She's imagining what Clark is up to, as evidenced by the somewhat tongue-in-cheek phrase "Clark-only-knew what else." I'll have to review that section of the fic more closely later.}

I would have liked to have seen more physical description of hero and heroine to increase romantic involvement of the characters.

I would have liked to have had more of a sense of the atmosphere of the fair, so a tad more description of the scene.

What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)

Anything else?

What I liked best about this entry.

I liked that Clark stayed in character. He kept his secret until Lois needed to know rather than rather than give in and tell her when she demanded to know.

What, in my opinion, need more work.

Great melding of two episodes. Also there was some great imagery here “…as if these things were somehow magically aware, they all tiptoed quietly away to give the lovers a moment of privacy.” Beautiful metaphor.

Even though revelations are not new and the “always running off” subject has been addressed many times in stories, this is a fresh approach that is both funny and waffy. The way the different episodes are tied together rounds out the plot very nicely.

All digressions are well done and a necessary part of the story. I enjoy Lois’ thought processes after she opens the envelope, but feel it could have been better rounded out if the author has shown what Lois was feeling in addition to what she was thinking.

___________

So, that's all I got. Thanks again to the judges, the Merriweather Committee, and Katrina for their time and effort. I really appreciated the opportunity to see the judges' detailed analyses and comments.

I'm curious, however, about Allyse's (or did you mix up the two sets of scores, Hazel?) score of "N/A." Since the minimum a judge can give is 1, does that mean that Hazel and I tied at 245? Or does the N/A really count as a 0? Was there any reason given for that score?

Paul

Paul, I just skimmed through "Flying Free" -- I seem to have missed it the first time 'round, although I was kinda occupied at the time. A very sweet little story! Loved "de-treed." The revelation at the end was a bit abrupt for me, but it was quite a charming little fic.

Thanks for posting your scores. I think it's very interesting to see the scores and the judges' comments. Despite discussions going on elsewhere, I've been enjoying these post-mortem discussions very much. I do hope Jenni will post hers, and that LauraBF will change her mind.

Regarding the "n/a" -- technically, "Sunrise, Sunset" contains no dialogue, although the entire story is essentially Martha's voice. One judge decided that the "voice" was real enough to get a 10. A second judge gave me a 2, which is the minimum. A third gave me "n/a." I guess it's a matter of the judge's... well, judgment.

Hazel

Having just read the comments Paul has posted and recalled those posted by others as well, I'm struck by how much time the Merriweather judges have taken with the stories. Regardless of how some aspects of the awards have been handled, I don't think we can doubt the care with which the judges approached their task and the usefulness of their comments.

Initially, I was suprised to see the comments and scores posted but it has been interesting to see the consistency across the judges' comments, and also to see those few examples where there was some difference in perception. (for example, whether or not "Martha and Jonathan" should have been actaully identified in Sunrise, Sunset)

The scores are all very close really.

c.

Thanks for the comments, Hazel. I'm glad you liked it. I had fun putting it together.

As for the revelation, that was a problem for a lot of people. A fair number didn't even understand how it happened.

Not sure what I can tell you about it, though. As it says in the archive description for the story, it surprised even me. Looking back at the story, I don't think I'd have chosen to put it in. Somehow, though, it wrote itself, and I have a standing policy of not interfering with stuff that comes up like that when I'm writing.

Basically, I started with the challenge idea. Write something happy and carefree. Okay. I remembered a favorite story from the comic book "Astro City." It was issue #1, and the story title was (coincidentally) "In Dreams." It was a first person present tense story about a superhero who isn't quite Superman and how much he enjoys flying. There were monsters and battles and emergencies and all sorts of other stuff, but I came away from the story with this lovely and truly WAFFy feeling about how it must feel to be able to fly.

So, I set out to recapture that feeling without using any of the actual elements of the story I'd read. I put myself in that mood again and went to the keyboard to see what came of it. "Okay, Clark. Here's your motivation: You're flying, you're happy, you don't have a care in the world. Life is good. Ready? Go to it!" Everything just unfolded by itself from there. I did not expect Lois to show up, but, like Clark, I can't say I was surprised when she did.

So Clark took Lois flying, and somewhere in there, she let go of her inhibitions and recognized him through the soulmates bond or something (which I generally don't like to write about). I was very surprised and confused when it happened, but Lois and Clark insisted that it had. Who was I to argue?

I don't think it really made sense to anyone, but as I was writing, I just couldn't see the story without it. Besides, it gave me an ending. So, there it is.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but that's the only way I know how to explain things.

Anyway, thanks for the explanation about the "n/a." I'm still confused about how it should be counted, but the consensus seems to be zero rather than one. I can see arguments for both, really. Personally, I'm not sure what I'd have done. Doesn't seem fair to peanlize you for the fact that the story didn't need dialogue, but it doesn't seem right to reward you for clever banter that wasn't there, either.

Maybe a 5/10 is the fairest way to go about it (which is basically what you got, on average), but that's not quite right, either. Not if you consider that with the contest so close those "missing" points could make a huge difference in placement. Maybe there isn't a truly fair answer.

All of which goes to say that it's very hard to be a judge. So, thanks again to the judges for all their hard work.

Thanks, too, to those who posted their scores so that we could have this discussion. As I've said before, to me this was the best part of the whole thing.

Paul

I'd like to thank everyone who's posted their scores and comments here. It's been fascinating for me to read. It would be more fascinating still if I knew the questions (the actual questions, as opposed to the samples on the Merriweather website) to which the judges were allocating scores, not so I could pick the scores apart but so that I could have a better idea of what's being judged. I'm sure the questions are very good and probing and very useful, and that they'd help all of us as writers to learn more about the craft of writing.

Katrina, M-Com, if you're still reading this, this is why a lot of us would like to see the full question-sheets - not so that we can complain that you're asking the wrong questions, not so that we can appeal scores or anything like that. But so that we can learn from this exercise, an exercise you'll see that entrants have been describing as useful and a learning process.

Sure, there are scores and comments I would disagree with, just as there are scores and comments I'd agree wholeheartedly with. That's in the nature of this kind of judging exercise. I drew a comparison in another thread with the Booker Prize (for those who haven't heard of it, it's the most significant literature prize in the UK, awarded annually and televised). There are years when I've thought the winner was incredibly well-deserved. There are years when I've wondered what the judges were smoking. Tastes in writing, and even answers to analytical questions like these, are always subjective, which is why several judges is a necessity.

I would agree with those who say that the judges appear to have taken their responsibilities seriously. Some have clearly taken care to offer good, constructive feedback; if one or two could have offered a bit more specificity in what they said, that's something they've no doubt learned from the exercise. It's always hard to know how much or how little to write the first time you mark written work - and I say that with sixteen years as an educator behind me.

If the glitches which have caused such concern in this first round can be worked out and M-Com can regain people's trust, I'll look forward to seeing future scoresheets posted here. Thank you, Lynn, Meredith, Hazel and Paul for being so generous and brave as to share your results with us.


Wendy