Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Merriweather Scores & Comments

Just wanted to add that Artemis posted her scores, too, on Zoom's mbs. If I were more competent, I'd do the link thing but...

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The story I submitted is When You\'re Sleeping .

I still haven't fully understood how the grading system works. The number in parentheses is the highest possible mark, and the following numbers are the marks given by the judges? And how do I calculate my total score?

Anyway, here's my scoresheet.

SECTION I: Opening Hook
Total Points: (10) 5, 8, 5, 9

SECTION II: Characterization
Total Points: (5) 5, 5, 3, 5

SECTION III: Plot
Total Points: (10) 8, 10, 7, 10

SECTION IV: Setting
Total Points: (5) 5, 5, 5, 5

SECTION V: Dialogue
Total Points: (10) 8, 5, 8, 10

SECTION VI: Style
Total Points: (5) 3, 5, 5, 5

SECTION VII: Mechanics And Pacing
Total Points: (20) 10, 13, 18, 19

SECTION VIII: Point Of View
Total Points: (10) 8, 10, 10, 10
________________

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

"I love hopeful Clark, willing to take a risk."

"I liked that Lois and Clark were both very much in character."


What are two areas you felt were well done?

"L&C are very in character."

"The writing flows smoothly. It was effortless to read."


What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

"This ends way to abruptly. Is it
part of a larger work?" (The answer is no)

"Mechanics brought the scoring down. A lot of
paragraphs could have been combined to make stronger paragraphs. The choppiness of it was a bit distracting. Also, eyes don't wander---gazes wander."

"Try to incorporate more of the senses into your
vignette to bring out more emotion from the reader."

"More tension in the opening hook would grab the
reader better."

"I enjoyed this vignette because of the tenderness."


What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)

(There weren't any comments here.)


Anything else?

"From the first sentence: "Clark's eyes
wandered around the empty newsroom." NO, NO, NO! Eyes do not wander. They stay put. <g> The gaze wanders."

"Tighten up the paragraphs. That was the only problem with the vignettes."

"Overall a really delightful vignette. Very well done."



What I liked best about this entry.

"This was a really fun, lovely vignette. I like the way the story flowed and the freshness of the idea. The author was able to express all of Clark's emotions and never once descended into clichés. This was very good."

(I'm not sure whether these comments belong to more than one people. I couldn't tell whether there were line breaks or not in the email format.)

What, in my opinion, need more work.

"This is told and now shown. It's flat. Perhaps you could show more of Clark's emotions."

(Same as above.)

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

I make your total score 247, Anna, so well done! I remember that vignette, and I liked it very much.


Wendy

Very good, Anna! Especially since English is your second (or third or fourth ) language. Not to nitpick the judge, but I sure have read "eyes wander" in a whole lot of stories.
To summarize how Wendy got your score:
The number in parenthasis is the total for each judge. So the total possible is 4 times that number since we had four judges. The system works for any number. Simply total the four other numbers for each section and that is your score for the section.
Congratulations!
--------------
So, for completeness, here's my scores:
Here's the link to the story. Honeymoon in Tahoe
The comments are really helpful and I can't disagree with the criticisms. I will watch my transitions from now on. So here they are:

Section 1 - Opening Hook

SECTION I: Total Points: (10) 7 4 5 10 = 26/40

Section 2 - Characterization

SECTION II: Total Points: (5) 5 4 5 5 = 19/20

Section 3 - Plot

SECTION III: Total Points: (10) 7 8 5 5 =25/40

Section 4 - Setting

SECTION IV: Total Points: (5) 5 5 2 5 = 17/20

Section 5 - Dialogue

SECTION V: Total Points: (10) 7 7 10 10 = 34/40

Section 6 - Style

SECTION VI: Total Points: (5) 4 2 3 5 = 14/20

Section 7 - Mechanics and Pacing

SECTION VII: Total Points: (20)12 8 20 20 = 60/80

Section 8 - Point Of View

SECTION VIII: Total Points: (10)5 10 8 10 = 33/40
TOTAL = 228/260
Note that these totals have changed from what Meredith posted above.

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?
Love the honeymoon phase.
characterization of both Lois and Clark to canon.
I like that I can identify with the hero and heroine.
The characters are real to me, fully developed. I also love your narrative


What are two areas you felt were well done?
Great setting - very unique and different than the
usual Metropolis or Smallville setting. And I love Clark in "tour guide" mode.
The piece has woven a beautiful love story. The
elements come together seamlessly. The craft has been well learned. (ed. Thank you, thank you whoever you are)

I loved the imagery unveiled through the setting and the love the hero and heroine have for each other. The dialogue was realistic and characterized, and the
revelation at the end showing two normal people eating pancakes was perfect. The theme of a husband/wife relationship ran like a strong current throughout this piece.

I can't find anything I would change.
I love this vignette
The description of the area was very
well-defined. The story was well laid out.

What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.
Too many POV changes for a piece this short. All that headhopping kept me confused. Also try to show and not tell.
Some of the phraseology was awkward and/or impossible.
"It was a short flight until she felt the ground
under her feet again" makes no sense and "He landed in the trees behind the Pancake House" makes you wonder how they got down from the trees. This is something that seriously diminishes the story.
While the story is very believable, there is no hook to encourage the reader to stay involved. While the writing style is very good, the descriptions of the setting are take up far too much of the story and encourage the reader to skim to find dialogue.

What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot,characterization, dialogue, etc.)
Some of the dialogue was very clichéd
Anything else?
On the whole it was an interesting "travelogue" piece.
Very original and shows great promise as a longer
story. I'd like to see a story set in this locale with L & C as either visitors or reporters.

What I liked best about this entry.
Overall, I love the snapshot of their new life
together.
It was a great travelogue piece and the area was very
well done.

What, in my opinion, need more work.
Consistancy of style. Changes were choppy and the
transistions could have been smoother.
---------------
So I think I'm low man on the pole, but the feedback was valuable to me. I just posted the story here and on Zoomway's boards, but it is part of the "World Tour" anthology by M.L. Thompson.

Artemis

I'm really confused now. If Anna had 247 as her score, she outscored Paul and Cindy (who also didn't place). So how come she didn't place? It seems that what we need most from the M-Comm is accuracy. What good is a certificate for winning if it's changing hands every day? From my tally, the score is:

First place: Jenni (263)
Second place: LauraBF (250)
Third place: Anna (247)
Honorable Mention: Paul and Cindy (tie with 245)

Who really won in each of these slots?

Yeah, since the possible is now 260, I'm confused too. It would be nice to have that cleared up. All I know is the e-mail that came to me included the possible for each section in the parentheses. Those numbers clearly didn't match what Meredith posted. That had a total of 600. I just know I'm way below the others. It doesn't bother me that the scoring system changed from what was on the Merriweather site. But the system should be the same for all authors. Surely they would realize we would post our scores and compare them. We're human, after all.

Artemis
I see the sample scoring sheet for short stories is not longer on the Merriweather site. The sample for long stories has a total of 230 possible points. So 600 points for a short story seems like a big stretch. But whatever the points, for me the written comments was the most valuable.

Thanks for the help, FoLCs And for your nice comments, too.

Really, it seems like there have been many problems with the scores. Let's hope they will be solved soon. The Merriweathers can be such a nice addition to our community.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

But, Artemis, if Jenni got 263 then the total can't be 260...

I think I'm more confused than ever about this!


Wendy

Artemis, I added up the scores you listed, and got 228/300. The totals look the same as everyone elses (40, 20, 40, 20, 40, 20, 80, 40).

Oops. I added that total many times, too. I guess I always skipped the last 40.
So that makes way more sense. It is 228/300, which makes Jenni's score make sense. Definitely is better than a total of 600 points, which seemed huge for a tiny vignette. But these still differ from the totals Meredith posted above in that they are half. Which is fine. Now I'm not confused anymore. Well, except by Anna's score. I also wish the Merriweather site called it "a judged addition to the Kerths" rather than an alternative. There certainly is no ban on doing both award systems.

Artemis - who has put in her Kerth votes early!

I'm going completely off topic But is it just me, or does that comment seem nitpicky and obnoxious? (I don't mean that the judge is being obnoxious, I just mean that it's a comment I've been given before and I never feel it's really valid.) No, eyes do not actually wander, but this is hardly the only time we don't write exactly what we mean. The reader knows what is happening and somehow "gaze wandered" never sounds as nice to me. I know, that's completely subjective, but having it corrected all the time does get on my nerves

Is it just me?
Kaylle

Not just you. I see the point of the correction, and agree with it technically. But I use the phrase, and have seen published authors do so as well. It's an expression.

I think it's just this judge's personal bugbear. <g> We all have them; we all have something that just drives us absolutely crazy when we're editing. For me it's this:

"Yes, I think so-why not?"

For me, there are few things more pointless than using a dash and not putting spaces either side of it. The point of a dash is to separate out the text. If you use it as above, without dashes, there is no space. Which makes it completely redundant....

/me hauls in a deep breath, stops hyperventilating, and slides the soapbox back under the desk.

Whether the judge's comment is a valid grammatical correction is another thing entirely and I'd have to disagree with the correction, myself.

'Eyes wandered' is used not just in a ton of fanfic I've read over the years, but published novels too. A very, very common expression and imo perfectly acceptable.

There are a ton of similar phrases that when you really examine them make no sense, but which are used so commonly, day to day, that they've become the norm anyway. I believe this falls into that category.

Besides...my eyes move. <g> Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, they can wander around a room.

LabRat (who once read a hilarious Star Trek fanfic mocking all these expressions which sound so normal - until you put them under the microscope...)

I think I read that fanfic too, Labby! Ages ago. I don't suppose you have a link . . . ?

And I absolutely agree about the dash. It's bad enough that em-dashes are relatively difficult to insert (outside of Word, at least). But if you're going to use one (or two) hyphens instead of the em-dash (which I do as well), at least put spaces around 'em!

Ooohh...this "eyes wandered" thing really strikes a nerve. I've been working really hard to "retrain" myself to avoid those wandering body parts problems. Things like:

Clark's eyes bored into Lois's, making her squirm.

OR

Lois held his eyes while licking her lips, telling him wordlessly that now was the time to kiss her.

In both instances "eyes" isn't correct but rather "gaze", except I'm so used to using "eyes" and "gaze" interchangeably that it is hard to stop.

So seeing that several of you forgo the "rule" in favor of just using a common expression is reassuring. Perhaps it's okay to have wandering eyes on occasion.

Lynn

Redundancies annoy me to no end. I especially hate "he/she thought to himself/herself" and "he/she nodded his/her head" It drives me nuts! I mean, who else is a normal human being going tho think to? His cat? Now, if it's science fiction with telepaths, it's understandable, but otherwise! And what else can you nod? Your elbow?

Laura