Last time
“Well… I’d done some reading… on the net… about stuff like this… and one thing kind of stuck in my head. Aversion therapy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Aversion therapy is sometimes used with victims of violent crime. You face the thing you fear, and - maybe learn to be stronger in the face of it.”
“Sounds like you could also get even more damaged by something like that.”
“There is a lot of controversy surrounding it… but this is a special situation. Where my attacker is so … closely… identifiable with my soul mate. So… special situations may call for special measures.”
“What exactly do you have in mind here?”
“Play-acting,” she said so softly that Lucy had to ask her to repeat herself.
“Lois… this sounds less and less like a good idea.”
“If I can get Clark to… pretend to be Lord Kal…”
Lucy shuddered, and waved her hands in front of her as if trying to chase the idea away.
“Are you mad? This is a very very very bad idea.”
“I…”
“If you could even get him to agree, which… I know he’d do almost anything for you – but… god… this?”
“What do you think would happen if I could get him to do it,” she asked, her voice and expression vulnerable.
“I … it just seems like you might… see Kal in him… permanently… after that. You could…short circuit this thing… and it … would break my heart if you did.”
“Mine too, Lucy – but I have to know that I can withstand all … the faces of Clark.”
“None of those faces… not even the one named Kal-El – is capable of the horrors that his doppelganger enjoyed committing. So why ask Clark to imitate him… just… wait it out – eventually – you’ll see him angry – at you – all relationships have arguments and fights…right?”
“I know – but…”
“God, Lois… you aren’t deterred… are you? You’re going to do this crazy thing.”
Part 70
“I haven’t decided on anything yet, Lucy,” she said, a tinge of annoyance creeping into her voice. “It’s just something I’ve been mulling over in my head.”
“Lois. Honest to god. Do you want this relationship to fail?”
“Of course not!” Annoyance had blossomed and was fast turning into anger.
“Then why even take the risk?”
“Because. I can’t be … I – do you know if he even dresses in black, I freak out? Because Kal dressed in black? So Clark can’t wear black? He did once, and I freaked out on him… I - I want to be able to see Clark in whatever the heck color he wants to wear – I want him to be in whatever the heck mood he’s in – and not freak out.”
“Lois – from what I’ve seen – Clark doesn’t really seem to get really angry. I mean – I’ve seen him… despair… I guess… when he was looking for you – but he doesn’t… I’ve never seen him in a rage, or anything close to it. I’ll bet he works hard at keeping those feelings under check – because he doesn’t want to scare people.”
“I’ve seen him angry, Lucy.”
“But you said you’d never seen him –“
“I’d never seen him angry at me. I’ve seen him angry before. And believe me, he’s not as… mild-mannered as you might think. There was this one time where Luthor … lured me – I guess – into a vulnerable situation. I wanted to meet with him to let him know I was ending our business relationship and he turned it into a date… or tried… and -he had his driver come get me… anyway – he was coming on a bit too strongly and I wasn’t handling it very well. Clark … Superman… showed up, and … he was angry. Really angry.”
“That was before you trusted him, right?”
“Yeah. It was pretty scary, actually. He was really angry – you could see it in his entire body language… and in his eyes. A controlled anger, but it was anger, and it was – really intense. I’ve also seen him get angry when I’ve talked about some of my experiences in that other world. But he’s always quick to cover it up. He’s capable of it. And I’d hate to ever see that directed at me.”
“He never would… I mean - what could ever provoke him? He hated Luthor – he must hate Lord Kal – but you? He loves you.”
“Well, what if – he thought I was having an affair or something? That can happen in a relationship… something innocent can seem suspicious … and - ”
“Oh come on – that’s ludicrous.”
“Is it? People are suspicious by nature, and … I don’t know… I mean – if I were working late a lot, and with a fellow male reporter – might he not think something was going on – and…”
“Lois, you’re fabricating unlikely scenarios in your head. Clark would never think that.”
“How do you know?” Her voice rang with annoyance. “You aren’t the expert in his psyche, you know.”
“I never said I was,” Lucy said, her voice filling with hurt. “I’m just saying that – you two love each other, you’re both grownups, it’s likely if a situation like that came up, Clark would behave rationally. “
“I guess I just think – I want to – inoculate myself, I guess – against – being … freaked out by him. When I marry him, I want to make sure I’m not going to go off the deep end about anything. You know? So I guess – if I could get him to – maybe… role-play – I can… purge that from my system.”
“Have you talked to Lana about it?”
“No. She’s getting married really soon, and I don’t want to get in her way. I do have to talk to her – about Clark and I – before we go public. Probably today, I’ll give her a call… but I don’t want her to think about anything other than her upcoming wedding…”
“Get honest here. You don’t want her to talk you out of it. And you know she’ll try.”
“Yeah. I guess. Yeah.”
“Well. I … I … I hope whatever you do – it works out well. How’s that for supportive?”
“Thanks. Lucy. Sorry… shouldn’t have burdened you with this.”
“Hey. No worries… I kind of have been doing this to you all our lives. I just worry about you, but you know what you’re doing. I’m sure you’ll do what makes sense.”
“Uh-huh,” she said, her tone disbelieving.
“Not convincing?”
“No. But thanks for trying. You get definite points for that.” She yawned widely and then shook her head. “Wow. I’m tired. I think it’s time for me to turn in.”
“Yeah, me too. Let me get you all set up.”
Minutes later, Lois lay down and tried to will her racing mind to stop racing long enough for her to fall sleep. Her body was exhausted, but she just couldn’t seem to wind down.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, she fell into a fitful sleep filled with disturbing images and memories.
She woke up early, and was relieved that the night was finally over. Wish I didn’t feel hungover. She stumbled to the kitchen after taking care of her more urgent needs in the bathroom and started the coffee brewing.
Lucy stumbled blearily out of her room.
“You’re up early!”
“Yeah.”
“Everything okay?”
“Oh. Yeah. You know… I just had a rough night.”
“Do you want to talk about it or anything?”
“No… I want to run away from it, really. Just… I want today to be normal-day for me. You know – like a made-up holiday. Normal-day. We could have a line of special normal-day greeting cards, along with special normal-day gifts… ‘Hope your day is normal. Thinking of you, in these normal times.’”
“First rule of normal-day is to probably not tell other people about normal-day, otherwise… they’ll be looking at you as if you were anything but normal.”
“Right. Good advice.” She stretched and winced.
“What is it?”
“Just getting old. I slept funny. And now, my shoulder aches.”
“Sorry. It was probably the couch.”
“Runs in our family I guess – uncomfortable couches… Listen, Luce. I’m sorry about being all … grumpy… yesterday. I – I guess you were saying some smart things – and I just didn’t want to hear them.”
“I know. We’ve been here before – only with you saying the smart stuff, and me not wanting to hear it. It’s okay. I hope you still feel like you can talk to me about anything – because no matter what you do, I will support you.”
“Thanks.” She walked over and gave her sister a hug. “Now go back to sleep! I’ll see myself out.”
