Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Shattered Illusions

Lois: You're hopeless. The program is mIRC - Jimmy told me about it. Just click onto this site: www.mirc.com - and download the program. Trust me, it's not that difficult to figure out.

When you're all set up, type this command - /join #rescue - into the little bar you see at the bottom of the screen. Then, hopefully, we can get talking... and I can figure out where you are, and rescue you. Don't worry about Superman - he knows the situation. We'll get you out of there one way or another, honey - just hang on.

Anna, thank you for your welcome. It's nice to see that people still support us...

Luthor, I think it's you who 'needs help' as you so eloquently put it. Lois is here, and she and I will figure a way out of this. No matter where you run, no matter where you hide, Superman and I will find you.

I don't know who this actor 'Dean Cain' is, but I can now assure each and every person reading this that Superman's motives are completely and utterly pure. He has no wish to 'take over the world' or 'brainwash your minds' - he's here to help. Luthor is the evil one here - please believe me!!!

Clark

Clark!!! How dare you call me 'hopeless'??? That's just mean!

Anyway, I managed to get your MRCI thing sorted out, I think. And I found this #rescue channel. But you're not there!! And Lex is going to be back any minute...


Lois

Geez, finally found some time to type on this laptop. So much for figuring out the dozen passwords that that rat protects his computer with! Not that "power", "corruption", or "elena" are very hard to figure out, but that pig is too sure of himself for his own good.

Anyway, just back from a little chit-chat with Lexie-boy on that cool software that you found, Clark. It gave me the pleasure of announcing to him what I had done: Lex is now in the bathroom, and will stay there for quite some time, thanks to a generous dose of senna that I surreptitiously poured into his expensive Chianti. His running out of the room and into the bathroom was quite a sight, believe me!

So I'm in his office now, typing on his beloved laptop. The fool had set another lock on his door - and believe it or not, took the time to bolt it before he made it to the restroom - but since when do locks stop me? The trick was to stop laughing while I picked it with one of Lois's hairpins; a hairpin that she doesn't need any more, I'm afraid...

Clark, you have to do something now, though. You've been waiting far too long, my friend, and I'm afraid it will be quite a shock for you when you see Lois. She's... different now. She looks very different. Her hair was short until today, and it looked kinda cool, I have to say. But Lex was a bit mad with her use of his computer, so he shaved her head in an excess of fury.

Okay, I'd better log off. I just heard him flush the toilet so I assume he'll be back and furious in a sec. Wonder how I'll get myself out of that one. Calming him down might take a lot. Maybe I ought to call Nigel and schedule some... private rendez-vous between the two of them. Yep, that's probably the only way.

Catch ya later!

Jack

ps: I've always meant to ask, Clark, and even though now probably isn't the best time for that, do you by any chance own red underwear?

WHAT?!!!! Lois is *BALD*?

Luthor, you skunk!

It's one thing to commit crimes, kill people, and attempt to destroy superheroes, but when you shave off someone's hair---YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!!

Tsk, tsk, tsk....

One takes a little time off for a bit of a holiday, and look what happens.

Ludicrous... Now that was just the word I was looking for when I found this quaint little thread. Here you are ranting about impostors, when you yourself are the biggest impostor of all! Granted, you get points for deciding to impersonate me. It shows excellent taste. It doesn't, however, excuse your befuddled attempt to slander my good name in this universe or any other!

Living in a bunker with rats?

Trusting anyone named "...just Jack..." with a gun around the lovely Lois Lane?

Cutting Lois' hair?!

I think you've proved beyond a doubt that you are not who you claim to be. It's understandable, really. Everyone wants to be like me. It's a burden of fame and fortune. What concerns me most, however, is who you really have locked up down there with you. If it truly is my Lois, then you had better pray that Superman finds you before I do. If it is someone else, then you are in serious need of help. To think you could have mistaken anyone else for the real Lois Lane... Well - yet more proof you are not who you say you are.

I can see why the young woman so desperately wants to part company with you.

Lois, have no fear - I'm sure you will be rescued. I'll start on it immediately. One moment... Nigel, I have a job for you.

Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Lois - don't worry. And Clark? Nice try, but the real Lex is here, and I wouldn't dream of letting anything happen to Lois. Lois, dear, we'll get the best wig money can afford - don't worry. I'll love you regardless of what that monster has done to you.

And "Lex," I feel truly sorry for you, but I must insist you stop this horrible behavior now, before things get truly out of hand. Your actions have discolored my reputation and integrity. I'm already drawing up the necessary legal proceedings to ensure that your actions don't tarnish my good name forever.

Rest assured, people, the Real Lex Luthor is here.

I'm so confused! Will the real Lex Luthor please stand up?

Or will there be a duel at dawn to determine the real Lex?

We could always just dispose of both of 'em.

Sci-Fi explainaition:

Our universe is currently in the middle of a paracelestial crossfire, recieving signals from multiple universes spanning an infinite macrocosm of worlds that are different, yet in many ways alike.

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

So anyway, who ordered the truck-load of arsenic? You can put the crates down there, boys. Thankyou.

Clark? Are you out there? Um, you better work fast, buddy ... not only do you have to find the bunker and get her out, but now you've got two Lex Luthor's trying to keep her for themselves.

Good luck. I think you might need it.

Your worried biggest fan,

Kathy

Lex, methinks thou know'st thou art an onion eyed, fool-born, ill-nurtured, toad-spotted foot-licker.

(My English teacher gave me a list of Shakespearean insults and I'm testing them /me bites my thumb at lex)

Well hey there.

CK asked me to help him in his search for Lois. It seems Superman is having some trouble locating her and her captor Luthor. As the only contact he seems to have with her is through the computer and internet, CK thought I could help.

After all, I can find out anything with this lovely machine. Just a few hours of digging and I've already learned lots of interesting stuff.

First of all, we seem to have two Luthors here. There are only records from one Lex Luthor in this world. So one of them is an impostor. Which one is hard to tell at this point, they have both covered their tracks very well. Of course I'm still working on that. But I'm not happy at all about Lois being locked up somewhere.

I've noticed a recent movement in locations, so the research isn't going as fast as I'd like. I'm trying as hard as I can without sleeping too much. Poor CK is so worried, I just have to do whatever I can to help him.

He also pointed my to this threat. I must say this contains quite some useful information. I have to get back to work soon, but I just wanted to let know I'm on it now and it won't take long anymore.

So, Lois, hold on. You're rescue is nearby. And great work you're doing down there, Jack. I'm impressed, my friend.

Hold on, I think I just found something, have to get back to work now.

Jimmy

I'VE GOT IT!!!! I don't know why I didn't see it before; it's so simple:

Lex has developed a SPLIT PERSONALITY!

However, since he is so egotistical, his 2nd personality is him instead of someone else!

QotC, what an inspired idea!! You're probably right.

AnnaBtG. (wondering whether Lex would dare harm "Lex"... let's hope so <G>)

I have to apologise to anyone who is keeping up with the thread, and to all those people who logged into #rescue that evening and helped me try and rescue Lois... and to Jimmy and Jack, of course, for keeping you all on tetherhooks... but I'm here now, and I just have to say:

Lois isn't where she said she was. I searched the whole place, top to bottom (Superman helped) and found... nothing. Not a shred of evidence to prove that anybody had visited the place in the last twenty years, let alone taken a woman captive there recently. I haven't seen Jack for the past ten days. I've searched all of the other places that Lex may have been likely to take her, but... nothing. My search has come up blank, and now... I'm desperately worried that he's done something bad to Lois - worse than cutting off all that beautiful hair (don't worry, honey, you'll soon be back to your former glory. Hair grows.)

If anyone has seen her around...? I remember some people being extremely helpful in #rescue... if somebody knows where I could find her, or how I could get in touch, I'd be so relieved... Jimmy, are you out there? Have you found *anything*?

In the meantime, thank you, Kathy, for your good luck. No matter which Luthor I'm talking to here, the result will be the same. I'll find Lois, bring her home, and then Superman will deposit him - or them behind bars. For a long time. So take this as your due warning, Luthor[s] -- I will find her, and bring her home.

Clark

I, too, must also apologise for the lapse in time. Due to some really childish pranks pulled by certain members of my staff, I was... otherwise engaged for quite some time. You may rest assured that said members are no longer in my staff. That, and the fact that I've been busy... relocating, meant that this thread was slightly neglected - indeed, if it were not for the timely spotting of Mr. Kent's post, I would not be aware of the recent changes at all.

Mr. Lex Luthor -- I must admit that I am quite sorry to have to contradict you, as you seem quite a nice person, but I really have to insist that you stop this frankly ridiculos impersonation of me. It's laughable, really, for you to ask me to cease acting as you when in reality, it is you yourself you should be talking to... Jimmy, I'm glad that I can help on this point. Now you know for certain who the real Lex Luthor is.

Jack: I have already spoken to you about your deplorable behaviour.

Julie: Well, I'm honoured that you should choose to imitate Mr. Shakespeare, who was, as we all know, a man of great genius. However, I caution you in your choice of character - you are directing the quotes at the wrong person.

QoTC: Thank you for the funny joke. It certainly made me smile.

As for you, Mr. Kent -- do stop your whining, Lois is perfectly safe. I do admit that shaving her head was not the wisest of moves on my part, but as you so learnedly pointed out - hair grows.

I am now in a place of safety - neither manservant nor loyal [hah!] counsel are in my presence - only my beloved and I. Need I say that I am deliriously happy?

~Lex.

Clark!!!!

Where have you been???

Of course you didn't find me! You delayed so long that you gave Lex time to clear out the entire place and move me somewhere completely different! And do you think it's completely beyond his powers to make it look as if no-one's been there for years? You should have brought Superman with you - he'd have been able to see through that!

I don't know why the heck it took you so long. Superman I can understand: I saw a newspaper Lex left lying around - the Metropolis Star, would you believe?! - which said that he was helping to rescue victims after a tornado in Mexico. But you... WHERE WERE YOU??? Jack even managed to leave a door unlocked for you!

And now, Lex has killed Jack. I'm sure of it. I haven't seen Jack since the night you were supposed to rescue me, and I know he wouldn't have abandoned me. He just disappeared, and the next time I saw Lex he was looking very self-satisfied. That was just before he grabbed me and bundled me into a wooden crate for the 'move'.

Anyway. I can't stay long, because I don't know when Lex will be back. I think he's gone to sort out someone who's claiming to be him - I have no idea what all that is about, but he was muttering something about an impostor and that he would make sure the guy didn't get away with it. But he won't be long. He never leaves me for long. The only benefit of being in this place is that it's only him and me so when he's gone I'm alone.

So, I suppose you need my help again to find out where I am. I think we're out of the city - anyway, I can't hear any sound of traffic, so either that or we're very well soundproofed. And given when Lex left half an hour ago I could hear birds as soon as he opened the door, I think we're in the country somewhere. Probably high up - I might have been in a crate, but I'm sure we were climbing on the way up here. The crate slid all the way to the back of the truck - I hurt my ankle and shoulder, and they're still sore. Not that Lex will call a doctor or anything.

Oh, and whenever Lex calls for takeout it takes ages to get here.

We're not underground any more, but the windows of this place have been painted over. And the exterior walls are brick - old, heavy brick. This isn't recently constructed. The heating's old as well - not central heating.

Clark, please come and get me soon!! I can't fight Lex off much longer, and my ankle and shoulder make it worse. I think the longer it gets the less averse he is to... forcing me.

Don't let me down again!! I'm scared, Clark...

Lois

Lex,

I mean Lex member #599.

I know we haven't been properly introduced, but I'm sure you won't mind me calling you Lex.

As usual, I'm a bit late in adding my 2 cents here, professionnal life kept me soo busy (I'm sure a business man like you knows the drill). Still, I don't get why you're so upset and obsessed with bringing down "a certain guy in blue".

After all, what would a hero (heck, a god), mythologycal or else -let's call him 'Superman'- be without a good vilain character to measure himself to, without a devilsh opponent who'll bring out the best out of him? Let's call this evil counterpart Lex...I leave the member #number up to you .

What can I say? Maybe I'm an hopelessly romantic but for some abstract reason (and despite your extreme taste in the haircuts you granted Miss Lane with) I can't picture you as the 'arming or killing Lois' type of Lex (too bad, 'cause I really could use your advices in that field). Greek tragedies are great, but that would be ridiculous.

I won't blame your typos, after all, even the best reporters have some (take Lois, for example). But I only know a few countries where is spelled that way. As a matter of fact I...*gasp* *gasp* *re-gasp* (/me almost strangled myself at what I just implied) NO?! I must be wrong! (/me then calms down) Oh, I got it, it's one of your tricks, but I won't be fooled so easily! I mean, surely a high ranked strategist like you wouldn't be that predictable. You wouldn't give yourself so easily away...it would be so non-intelligent, so low-thinking, so not geniously brilliant, so...not you.

When you first talked about rats, I assumed you were hiding in the former Metro Club basement. But I had to dismiss the thought, again you wouldn't be that gullible (or would you?)

Anyway, it was a pleasure to meet you, Lex.

Carole (who finds rather hilarious that Metropolis hottest news team ended up with a "cub reporter" status <g>)

PS: By the way, I got the weirdest truncated email. It says

PPS: Lois, you mentionned countryside... could it be possible that you're being held captive in (/me shivers at the thought) ... Smallville?

Carole, I'm not sure what you mean about 'fiancée' being spelt that way in only a few countries; it's the recognised, correct English spelling (UK, US, Irish, Canadian, Australian etc) version of a word we stole from the French. How else might it be spelt?

Re. Lois's location, Smallville is way too far away for her to have been taken there by road - she mentions travelling by truck. I'm also not sure that she could have survived in a crate for longer than a fairly short trip, so a plane journey is impossible anyway. She also mentions climbing, ie driving uphill - my guess would be that she and Luthor are somewhere in the hills/mountains outside Metropolis.

So, Clark, start looking in the hills beyond the city! And get Superman on the job too - you both seem to be being very slack here. Anyone would think you don't want to rescue Lois!


Wendy

Oops! my mistake! Thanks for your reply and pointing that out Wendy .

But tell him to be careful if this Kryptonite threat is for real...

Carole

Actually, it's the less common spelling in the US. The more common spelling is fiancé.