Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Shattered Illusions

Dear reader, I come heralding an apology. The deceitfullness of some people continues to amaze me.

I have only just spotted the post that was previously here, and well, I am appalled. It is obvious that that post was not made by me. I would never be so trivial and childish.

Unfortunately, my last session responding to some people's post was rather hurried, and at the end of it, I'm afraid that I made the mistake of neglecting to 'log out' as it were, and consequently... this One of my...minons, for want of a better word, decided that it might be amusing to post as myself, deriding the impostor and 'Kaethel' [rather childishly, if I may say so] and neglecting to mention the fact that I was not the one making such derogatory statements. He has been...disposed of, and I imagine that I shall not make such an err in judgement again. Thankfully, Jack is much more trustworthy, and keeps my counsel loyally.

I apologize to anyone who may have been somewhat confused by this post. Rest assured, gentle reader, that it was not me, that the true Lex Luthor does *not* lose his temper so childishly, and that I would not have presumed to insult somebody who is not in control of her actions. Special apologies to Nqoire, who replied - I trust you will find that I am not arrogant, seeing as it was not me who did this.

"it takes one to know one"? lex, you are slipping. even so, i'll admit to cheerful insanity. it's been good for me so far.

debating loki and mistletoe and stuff with you might have been fun, but i can understand that you've got more important matters on your mind. so, if you'd rather leave off that topic, we can just move on.

thanks for your suggestion re: dr carlin, but, personally, i've always felt that dogs do a much better job. they're great listeners, very sympathetic, available any time, never say "i'm sorry, the hour is up," charge a lot less, and have warm, soft fur. you've never had a dog, though, have you? darn shame. come to think, you're more of a cat person, aren't you? i wrote a story about that once.

back to psychology for a moment...

now, i haven't had any professional training, but when someone starts talking about how people should walk "into My light," the words "god complex" come to mind.

as for dean cain... he's an actor. best known for taking prominent roles in rather mediocre movies. you say he can fly? sorry, ripley, i don't believe that one.

oh... i know what the problem is. dean starred in a show about lois and clark a few years back. it was based on events from your universe, or one close to it. focused mainly on lois lane and clark kent, but you and superman were recurring characters. dean played clark kent, but they also had him playing superman for some reason. probably the budget. superman didn't have that much screen time, really, so i guess they figured that if they just had makeup and wardrobe do their best, the viewers wouldn't mind the double role. anyway, that's where the batman thing came from. it was kind of a joke.

i'm not sure what to make of this lois lane posting now, but i do hope that she (and the lois in your universe, if they are two diffent people) are both okay. not sure what i can do to help either one, really. i am friends with the clark kent of a universe, but it's a different universe than yours, and, truth be told, i don't know what he could do, either.

lois, if it is you, what can we do for you?

Paul

Oh, great, he's gone again! Paul, please believe me - it IS me! He's got me prisoner down here in this horrible, damp cellar, and I have to get out! Please, can you find Clark for me? But tell him not to bring Superman. I'd rather die than have his death on my conscience

Look, *he* always goes out every evening at around the same time - 10:37 pm. Regular as clockwork. He thinks I don't realise, but he forgets that I've won three Kerth awards and you don't get those without being observant. He's usually gone for around twenty minutes. That has to be enough time for Clark to get in and rescue me! Just tell him... Luthor's security code is six digits - 5413

Wohee, you have a serioues arrogance problem. Where is Dr. Carlin when you need her? We've got:

Delusions
God Complex
Arrogance Problem
A Possible Case of Schizophrenia
Bipolar Disease type III
Revenge Problem

Anything else to add to the list?

Nqoire (wondering how Luthor enjoys being a mental nutcase)

Lex,

I'm so[rry I could not have responded to this sooner. Due to a small disagreement between the military and I over exactly what "end of contract" means, I was unfortunately held for a few hours.

I do almost wish your claims of Dean Cain being Superman were true, but alas, it isn't. He is just a simple actor, earning his keep out in Hollywood. I know your views of the "boy in blue" are not favorable, but the world is is in sad need of a superhero right now, between disasters both natural and unnatural. The world is not black and white, and it's those shades of grey that can help us. If, in fact, Dean Cain were Superman, we would have noticed by now, considering how closely watched most actors are by the media.

I am glad you took my advice and was able to, um, persuade Lois to get some exercise. I'm sorry it didn't work out so well, but I ask that you do not put the suggestion aside. Perhaps some fresh air and sunshine would do some good? While I'm sure Lois is perfectly safe down there, and seems to be in good spirits, spending all the time underground is not a good thing. Like a flower, even Lois needs the sun.

Lois,

If it is the you that you claim and Lex disclaims, I ask that you remain calm. I asked that Lex get you topside to get some fresh air. I think that some sunlight on the surface would do you some good. (stupid pen )

Trust me.

I must impress upon you once again the falseness of this fiendish scheme that Superman and this crude imitator of my Lois have cooked up between them. Rest assured that I do not leave my love on her own for prolonged periods of time, and when certain... business... has to be conducted above ground, a mutual friend of ours happily agrees to keep her company, with a large and scary-looking gun in case one of the rats turn vicious. So there is no possibility that she would be able to have some time at my laptop - even if she did manage to somehow bribe or incapacitate the guard, my laptop is encrypted with a multitude of enigmatic passwords and combinations, so she would not be able to access either the Internet or my own personal files without knowing them - which she does not. In any case, my man would have told me if she had been fiddling with anything - he is very reliable, a guy I picked up on the street - short, brown hair, boyish features, yet very mean when he has a big heavy gun in his hands. His name is Jack - just Jack.

Has the alien influenced you to the point where you would believe that I could be stupid? I wouldn't leave my precious laptop within three feet of Lois - the probabilities of her somehow dropping it, spilling a drink on it or submerging it in water are just two high. Look what happened to her own laptop - currently taking residence with the empty bottles and dead bodies down at the bottom of Hobb's bay.

Dear Ms. Impostor: No wonder your post is so jumbled and confused. You've obviously got a split personality.

1. There is no such thing as a cellar underneath a train station. A cellar is a basement under a house or block of houses. Please do stick to bunker. It's better English.
2. I have no intention of killing Superman. What I do want is to find the Kryptonite and use it against him to a point where he is simply incapacitated. Then I can bound him over for trial and hopefully, conviction. The state of New Troy has capital punishment - I shall let the Law take over and do what is fit.
3. 10:37? My dear, you are clearly confused. a) My love cannot tell what time of the day or night it is, it not being very sunny down in a bunker b) As I have stated previously, I would not leave my love alone for such a long period of time. Jack keeps her company.
4. Ahem. Even if that thing about my security code were true... you've only listed four of the alleged six needed. I suppose those blackouts can wreak havoc on your memory, huh?

I think we've pretty much verified that it's clearly not my own Lois who is writing this. I am compiling a list of every author out there who could possibly be rambling on so incoherently, and rest assured - I will discover who is doing this, and when I do, I will try my best to convince them to come around to my way of thinking. It may take time, effort, and a good deal of stress on my part, but nonetheless! I shall do it.

Just to put the reader's mind at rest about the truthfulness of 'LoisLane's' story, I can verily say that Lois is now sitting beside me, in the same place. It is almost 9:00pm where I am - I will be staying closer than ever to her now, for fear that she is somehow trying to deceive me. The companionship around her has since tripled - so nobody need worry about somebody trying to take her away from me.

Paul: I am not slipping. I am truthful. And thank you for admitting your precarious state of mind. It sure clears up a heck of a lot of things for me.

Your attachment to dogs is rather worrying. Filthy, smelly, messy animals who would sooner bite your nose off than lick you. I would be careful with my choice of animal - perhaps a muzzle would be effective? (for the dog, not you, though come to think of it...)
Have you ever tried to pour your heart out to the nearest ficus tree? Most of my more brilliant ideas and/or moments of reflection have come while I was pruning such a plant - most therapeutic, let me tell you.

I do not have a 'god complex' as you call it. I find your sense of humour strange, not to mention hazily insulting. Kindly desist from drawing conclusions on my mentality that are vague and not particularly useful in future. I appreciate it not at all. I am trying to save your world here, and this is the gratitude I get.
You are right about Dean Cain. He is an actor - he acts every day in the role of a normal man, as true and unbiased as any of us. Behind the façade, behind the show, is a true-blue alien. He did act out his autobiography on television for a number of years - you are right on that score. Unfortunately, not one of the viewers picked up on what he was doing, what he was trying to tell us - that he is really an alien from another planet, with freakish powers. You should be thanking your lucky stars that I am here to enlighten you.

Rest assured, Paul, that my Lois is indeed 'okay'. No need to ask the impostor what you can do for her - unless you have a degree in Psychology, I can imagine that it won't be very much.

Nqoire: I am saddened to see how far the alien has gotten in influencing you. You are obviously not in control. I know none of your 'list' of 'problems' affect me... are you trying to tell me something? Perhaps you have a mirroring complex?

Karen: Your post is interesting. You would have noticed, you say? Classic denial symptoms. You should have noticed. However, you did not notice. This is very important. Rest assured that I am not setting out to make your life any harder - on the contrary. Refer to the points I have made earlier about 'Dean Cain' and be happy.

On the other hand, Lois does not need the sun. I have plenty of artificial lamps around the place - she is just fine, thank you very much. I appreciate your concern, though.

Karen, this 'LoisLane' person who is mocking my intelligence so cruelly is NOT my love. Trust me. I grow ever closer to finding out the TRUE identity of this person - and when I find it, I will expose it, and you people can laugh at her.

And if this person replies to this thread for the rest of the weekend, you can be doubly sure that it isn't my Lois. I will be with her every waking minute - you can be assured of that. She will have no chance to post ANYTHING - not even if she wanted to.

~Lex.

Keeping Lois in a bunker, wanting to send Superman to capital punishment...

It's your own words that suggest that you are not a good person, Lex. I'm so sorry.

And, btw, if Dean Cain *is* Superman, how come Superman has NEVER appeared in public? Not as a saviour, not as a ruler, not as anything.

Oh, wait, I know! HE'S NOT SUPERMAN!!

Please, get back down on Earth, Lex. It's rather annoying to see you posting such untrue things.

AnnaBtG.

Phew! Jack's keeping *him* busy for a few minutes so I can get here again. Has anyone had any luck yet in finding Clark? Please, you have to get him to come and rescue me. PLease! Tell him I never wanted Lex. Tell him it was always him I loved!

Lex is delusional. Can you tell? All this raving about some actor called Dean Cain being Superman... I really think this last time he rose from the dead he wasn't quite all there. He seems to have lost his grip on reality.

Can't you see that this is why I'm so scared? Clark, please, help me! I'd try to rescue myself, but he's keeping me chained up - I can't even go to the bathroom on my own! But, Clark, Jack is on our side. He'll help you!

Hurry!

He's coming back... gotta go...

Lois

My dear Mr. Luthor,

greetings and salutations.

I've allways been fond of conversing with someone of great intelligence. Of course, since you're here, I suppose you'll do just as well.

Now, now, no need to scowl like that. I only mean that in jest. Of course, you know what they say: Many a word said in jest holds a grain of truth. Although your statements about Dean Cain do reveal something about your mental capabilities, I must say, I'm quite disappointed in you...

In all your dealings with Superman, you seem to have never realized that Kryptonite is ten times more effective on Superman when it is wrapped in lead.

But then, even the greatest have their failings.


EDIT: Just an after-thought; if you're really so intent on bringing Superman to justice, why not contact one Bruce Wayne of Gotham City? Last I heard, he seemed to be on the side of rightness; and his resources might prove useful. If your love knows him, then I'm sure she'll agree that explaining your plan to him would be quite helpful in seeing to it that justice is served.

hello again, mr luthor. i'm writing this time because i was wondering if you could clear something up for me...

how many people are down there? is it just you?

is it just you and lois?

is it just you, lois, and jack?

or is it you, lois, jack, and a bunch of (usually) faithful minions (who would, i'd have thought, have counted at least as much as a desk or an armchair...)?

so, can you clear that up for me? i'll even be nice and not ask how many of your minions have real, tangible bodies.

lois, i'm still not sure what we can do for you from here, but, as long as you can grab a few minutes or so with a laptop that has internet access, why don't you email clark?
Paul

well, lex hasn't responded yet, but i wanted to take a sec to address the people in his employ. i don't know how much you guys read this thread, but hopefully one of you will notice (or someone will show it to you).

i just wanted to point some things out to you.

your boss is working out of a bunker underneath a train station because, by his own admission, that's the best he can do for himself these days. he mentioned that he has a desk and an archair and that he had rats for company, but neglected to mention you in any way. he's also working against superman, who will not be pleased to see what has happened to lois lane. i'm sure you know how big blue gets about people who put lois in danger.

so, you're not as important to him as his chair, and he respects the intelligence and conversational capabilities of rats more than he does yours. he trusts some kid he found on the streets more than any of you. he probably can't pay you, whatever he's been promising. he thinks nothing of killing one of you for no greater crime than making a few childish remarks in his name. his behavior, as far as i can tell, has been, shall we say, erratic. at some point, probably sooner rather than later, he's going to face off against superman, who, to put it mildly, will not be pleased.

are you sure you want to be working for this guy?

if i were you, i'd quit. now. just pick up and leave. cut my losses before things get worse. for good measure, i'd take lois with me and hope that bringing her to safety and freedom will put me back in superman's favor. much better than having to face him sometime down the road, knowing you've kept lois from him and just hoping he's not still upset about that.

think about it.

Paul

Why hello, Lex

That is, if I may call you Lex. Rumors have reached my ears about you owning a significant chunk of a research corporation in Delaware. I've heard that they have provided and still have information for you on the destruction of your nemesis. Some of the rumors concern your apparent resurrection... Is it true?

And may I talk to Lois? I've been worried about her ever since I found your post.

Laura (who has her ear to the ground)

Dear Anna: I must say, I am very disappointed that you do not seem to understand my point of view. Wanting to send Superman to capital punishment is a worthy trait, considering all the evilness that he has inflicted on the world. Nevertheless, rest assured, I am a good person - just rather unique, and one whose ideas are often cruelly disparaged.

I must bring a point I made earlier to your attention:

So, you see, Dean Cain is simply biding his time, waiting for the right moment in which to strike. Whether this moment is in a day, a month or a year, I do not know and have no way of knowing, so I have chosen to warn you ahead of time, and try to bring you around to my way of thinking before he decides to reveal himself, and sucks you all into his vile trap.

Dear Ms... whoever you are: Thank you very much for the warning about Jack. I am having him watched, and should I note anything suspicious, then he will be swiftly and severely... fired. Also, I must tell you that every time you rant on about nothing in here, I have the security surrounding my Lois tightened... just a little. Not saying that there is any remote chance that she is doing this, but just in case.

Queen of the Capes: You seem to think that I am somehow dim-witted. I do know quite a bit about Superman - unfortunately for you, that also includes the knowledge that lead is the only known substance that he cannot see through. I would imagine that it would shield the rays of the Kryptonite from him, rather then amplify them. Nice try.

Your point about this 'Bruce Wayne' is interesting, to say the least. However, I cannot find a place called 'Gotham City' on any map. Are you quite certain that you have the name right?

Hello there, Paul. In response to your question - at the time of my initial post, it was only my love and I taking residence in this place. Later, as I managed to convince some of the residents of *my* world of Superman's evilness, I was joined by Jack and friends. There are quite a few... the only ones I can remember now, though, are Jimmy, Joel, Skip and Skin. The others all look somewhat alike - and besides, a man such as myself does not need to know the names of ALL his subordinates.

Good idea for the impostor to try emailing that uncultured hick, Kent. However, it will not work - mainly because the real Lois is not using a computer, and, even if she were, Kent would not be able to even begin to guess what to do. So the issue is null.
Laura: Your query is true, though I have yet to hear from the dedicated scientists working there. I am sure that in time they shall provide the nuggets of information I need to take Superman down.
As for your second question, I am afraid that I cannot permit that. There is already a person masquerading as my love - I do not need to go to the trouble of having another 'LoisLane' around and complicating matters. In any case, rest assured that there is no need to worry. She is perfectly safe, thank you for your concern.
I hope that we are not getting off track from our primary objective here. I see that there is already a slight improvement on the attitudes of people. I pray that we shall see more advances before our time together ceases.
Lex.

<gasp> I *knew* it! <suspicious> You wouldn't, by any chance, have a penchant for *black* cars, would you? And I'm guessing that you're part of a secret organization based in Africa whose sole purpose it to acquire more wealth regardless of the method.

I guess it's time for me to contact an old friend of mine who is running from said research corporation...

Laura (who is sneaking off into hiding, herself so that she can warn Superman.)

Oh... oh... oh my goodness! Lois, is that really you????? Where are you?????? Lex has you??????? Has he hurt you??????? How can I find you??????

Luthor, if you're reading this, be warned. Both Superman and I are looking for you, and when we find you (and we *will* find you) you'll have a lot of spare time on your hands to spend reading books and plotting evil schemes. In a 9x4 cell.

Lois, can you get a program called mIRC? If you can, then try and log onto a channel called #rescue on Sunday after six o'clock, and maybe we can figure a way out of this. Have you any idea where you are, or how I can get to you? Both I and Superman are desperately worried about you, honey... we just want to bring you home. I still love you, Lois, don't you know that? I never stopped. I couldn't stop if I tried. Please, try and do that and we'll figure a way out of this. I promise, I won't rest until Luthor is behind bars and you're back in my arms, where you belong...

~Clark

Clark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Clark! You found me!

Oh, I miss you so much! You have no idea...!

Look, I've only got a minute. *He's* gone again - I think Jack managed to slip some senna in his wine, just to buy me some time. What's this... MRIC thing? Clark, you know me and technology. If I can point and click, I'm fine, but if I actually have to make the computer DO anything, I'm hopeless! Oh well... maybe Jack will have heard of this MCIR thing.

He's coming back! And he's not happy! Clark, it's SO good to talk to you again! And I know we'll be together again soon. I trust you - and I know you'll keep Superman away for me. Won't you?

Your one and only love,

Loi

Ah, L'amour!(sp?)
It *does*? Are you entirely sure?

Why, Mister Luthor! Are you implying that I would attempt to trick you? *adjusts halo*

Ah, Gotham; I've never actually been there, but I've heard it has quite a night-life! I imagine you'd fit in very well with the people at Aarkham. They're a very lively crowd; one of them is a real Joker.

You seem to have no idea of how gossip works in our world, Mr. Lex. So, I will bring to your attention a point made by Karen earlier:

And, welcome, Clark! If you need your help, we'll be right here
AnnaBtG.

WHAT???????????????????

Okay, this has gone beyond a joke. I can grudgingly accept one person masquerading as somebody else from my dimension, but two? This is just... ludicrous!

Mr. Kent, even if you were really from my universe, just how do you propose to rescue Ms. Lane? I hardly think conversing with an actress who you believe to be her is going to help. In any case, Ms. Lane does not want to be rescued. Ms. Lane is quite happy where she is, thank you very much.

Thank you very much for mentioning the time, the date and the place in which you will attempt to rescue Lois. Quite obviously, she will be transported from the bunker to a place of safety, with me, on or before this date. Just as a precautionary measure.

Also, thank you 'Lois' for mentioning Jack's indescretion. I have had him... replaced, so there is no fear of anything like that happening, ever. His surrogate is quite obviously loyal, so there is no possibility of betrayal there.

Queen of the Capes: I am afraid so. Lead does indeed shield Superman from Kryptonite's influence, worse luck. Thank you for the tips on Gotham. If I ever manage to locate it, I must visit - it sounds intruiging.

Anna - let me bring up a point I made earlier -

People are remarkably blind when they want to be, Anna. No matter what the circumstances, or person, people are going to see what they want to see. In this case, all you people saw a simple actor, out to earn his living. Not one of you detected the evil hiding beneath.

Once more, I beg of you not to be blinded by these impostors, these shams. Do not let your eyes be blinded by side issues here - remember why this thread was started in the first place. I simply want to have a positive influence on the community as a whole, to convince them of Superman's many indiscretions. Is that too much to ask for?

~Lex