reposting part 17 comments, since i'm not sure if you saw them before.
i really liked this part, wendy, and i'm loving the story as a whole.
the one thing about this part is that at this point in the story, i know more about clark's abilities than he does. so, seeing him go over them one by one didn't tell me anything new. i realize it's all new to lois, and that it's necessary to the plot. the demonstrations are good demonstrations, too.
still, maybe it's just me, but i think it would be better if they were summarized a bit more. write a paragraph saying that he demonstrated his abilities to her, and list the ones he showed. that way, you don't have to spend so much time on information that your readers already know (even if, this being an elseworld, they technically shouldn't). then, you can cover her reaction after that.
just a thought.
anyway, this paragraph was probably my favorite from part 17:
Clark grimaced; probably because he’d been found out, she thought cynically. But then he said, “No, I wasn’t risking my *life*, Lois, but I was risking my safety, and that of my family. I’ve always kept what I can do a secret - and for good reason. But I knew that if I was going to get you out of there, I’d have to use my abilities - and that I probably wouldn’t be able to hide it. So I did make a sacrifice, and as far as my parents’ safety is concerned, that’s worth more than my life.”
it's a good point, that he
was risking something important, and i'm glad he thought to say it. hopefully, the implied problem will stew in the back of her mind. maybe she'll come up with a solution. wonder what that could be...
i also love lois's introspection about how he could be dangerous competition... or a really good partner.
and this line...
“You watch way too much sci-fi on TV, Lois,” he told her dryly
lol!
interesting that the first word he used to describe the space ship was "small." i'd missed that before.
anyway, that's all i've got for now. looking forward to part 18.
Paul
