When I first posted this story, last July, it caused a very interesting debate I can't even begin to say how much I liked
Taking into account the FoLCs' opinions, I reworked on the story and here I present it now
A big number of people I have to thank:
ChaaBreh, Maria, Simona and Jose, for posting their feedback
L, CC Aiken, ethnica, James, Roo, Pam and Tricia for participating in the debate and giving me their opinions.
Wendy and Kaethel, for giving me tips on how to write introspection
and for being so supportive.
Carole, for believing in me and encouraging me. This story is for you
Sara (skfolc) for BRing it and being very helpful all along the way. Thanks, Sara!
And, finally, all of the people above once again, for your nice words about my work
I hope you like this effort of mine.
The title is taken from the song "Still Loving You" by the Scorpions (lyrics by Klaus Meine, music by Rudolf Schenker). You can find the lyrics
here (and, btw, if you like rock ballads, you should really try listening to this one).
All kinds of feedback are welcome
See ya,
AnnaBtG.
P.S.: Sorry for the five short parts. I know it's a lousy arrangement, but it didn't seem to work any other way.
-----
Merry laughter could be heard from the living room of the house on Hyperion Avenue. Clark and his son, Jon, were sitting on the couch, having fun with stories from the ‘Lane and Kent’ past – the ones innocent enough to be narrated to a five-year-old. It was a nice opportunity for Jon, because he always enjoyed these stories and his mother, for some unexplainable reason, never had the time for them.
“That’s when they named Mom Dirty Dog Lane?” Jon asked.
Clark’s surprise didn’t prevent him from breaking into more laughter, even louder this time. “Mad Dog, Jon, not Dirty Dog,” he managed to explain between deep breaths. “And no, it wasn’t then. She already had the nickname when I met her.”
Jon, however, was already distracted. Taking advantage of his father’s mental journey to the past, he crawled out of his arms, grabbed one of the cushions and threw it at his face.
“That’s how you want it?” Clark teased. “Then, you’re gonna get it!” He grabbed the cushion and threw it back at Jon. Soon, they were engaged in a rather interesting cushion-fight, lots of laughing and the occasional ‘threats’ to each other.
This didn’t last for long, though. The door opened and Lois came in, a couple of bags in her hands. She stared at them in amazement for a moment and then spoke up, leaving the bags on the floor. “What do you two think you’re doing?”
Clark froze, pillow in hands, and looked around. Indeed, the living room didn’t look as it did before Lois went shopping. All the cushions were on the floor, the rug was no longer positioned accordingly to the couch – both rug and couch had been moved – and it was a real miracle how that vase on the coffee table was still in place, although the flowers did look a little less fresh than earlier.
Jon, from the corner of the room, threw another cushion to his father, which hit Clark right on the forehead.
“Jon!” Lois warned. “I’ve said, no pillow-fights! And especially not in the living room!”
Jon’s face darkened. “We were just playing...”
“You could just do a puzzle...”
“I *hate* puzzles!”
“You don’t! You have a closet full of puzzles!”
“Yeah, but I don’t *like* them!”
“Jon!” Lois was seriously beginning to lose her patience.
He just glared back at her, very angrily.
“Go upstairs,” she ordered.
Still angry, he stomped up the staircase.
“But he likes puzzles...” Clark heard Lois mutter to herself. He had been watching the scene silently, feeling it wouldn’t be proper to interfere. Yet, his heart was breaking inside, as he watched one more variation of the quarrels that had by now ended up to be an everyday phenomenon in this house.
After Jon left the living room, Lois left the confused look aside and got ready to scold Clark. “Your son is really, *really* spoiled.”
Her sharp voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he turned to face her. He knew another battle was coming, but for some reason he felt the need to defend himself against her accusation.
“*You* raised him,” he reminded her, in a faint tone of irony.
“Then, you should’ve raised him yourself,” she said harshly.
“I didn’t have the chance,” he firmly said. “I barely even see him.”
“Two hours a day is your idea of ‘barely’?”
“Well, in comparison to your *twenty*-two hours a day, yeah!”
Lois frowned. “Why don’t you just leave?” she said, gesturing to the door.
“My two hours haven’t passed yet,” he said bitterly.
“Maybe, but it’s *my* home now, and I don’t want you here.”
“Fine,” he said coldly.
-----
She couldn’t take it anymore. That was too much!
She grabbed a cushion from the floor and fell on the couch, furious at herself.
What was wrong with her, anyway? Why have another fight over such a trivial topic? Not that long ago, had she found them like this, she’d have grabbed a cushion and joined the fight. Now, instead, she was being mean and spoiling their fun. What had changed? What had changed her so much?
She squeezed the pillow and felt tears welling in her eyes. She knew the answer, of course she did.
The divorce. That was what had changed her. Not having Clark. Missing him, oh, missing him so badly...
‘I can’t do this anymore, Clark. I can’t handle all these responsibilities. I’m a journalist, I can’t be a wife and a mother at the same time. I need free time, I need my freedom. I have to go.’
‘No, you don’t have to, I’ll leave…’ he’d said.
Just how *stupid* had she been back then? How stupid did she have to be in order to deny having the most precious thing in her life? When she was a little girl, she had been so envious of her friends’ families, and she had wanted to have a family like theirs when she grew up. However, her priorities had gotten messed up somewhere along the way and, instead, she had decided to be alone, without a man, without kids.
So, naturally, when she had her chance of making her first dream come true, she had blown it altogether.
The tears were flowing freely now. It wasn’t her fault things hadn’t worked out in the end. She had just been so restricted after Jon’s birth, it had all been too much to handle.
So, much as she loved Clark, they’d had to break up. Of course, she had kept Jon’s custody. He was only a year old when the divorce took place. And Clark came to see him every day for two hours, and could keep him if she had something else to do. But at least now she only had one relationship to take care of, not two. Things were easier now.
Yes, she had made the right choice, no doubt about it.
But then, why was she feeling so empty inside?
-----
Leaving the house, Clark stared back at the door wistfully. Four years ago, behind that door had been his most favorite place in the whole world.
Four years. In his mind, it looked like four minutes. In his heart, though… it felt like four centuries.
He missed his family. Not the remnants of it that was left, but the real family, where he was the Daddy, Lois was the Mommy, and together they enjoyed their son’s first attempts to speak.
If Lois could get that silly idea out of her head… How could she feel restricted?
Clark sighed. It was all his fault. He had, in a way, taken advantage of the circumstances, asking her to marry him nearly right after her almost-wedding to Lex Luthor. Unfortunately, though, despite her excitement at that moment, Lois still hadn’t been ready to get married.
The mistake had been made nevertheless… and it hurt twice as much now, because, in addition to Lois, the judge had also decided to take Jon away from him, as ‘too little to be away from his mother.’ The arrangement was so that he would visit Jon every day, of course, but was that better? Sure, he loved seeing Jon, and they always had a terrific time together, but... that meant that he saw Lois every day, too. And if being away from her was frustrating, seeing her on a daily basis under such circumstances was unbearable. He kept visiting as arranged, but he could feel it was doing him no good. Instead, he should stay away from her for some weeks – months, even – so that he grew out of this crazy, unreachable longing. This was the only way to forget her.
Forget her.
He laughed at himself ruefully. It had been four years they were apart and he hadn’t forgotten her yet. By now, he seriously doubted that he’d ever do that. Flames like the one burning in his heart never cooled down.
-----
Jon hid his face in the pillow. He wouldn’t cry this time. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t…
He did.
He couldn’t understand why this was happening. Mom had said that she and Dad didn’t live together, so that they wouldn’t fight all the time.
And what had Dad said, when he’d asked him? Oh, right.
‘Some Moms and some Dads just don’t live together, Jon. They think it’s better this way.’
He had thought that not living together was better, if it meant that they wouldn’t fight all the time. Usually, Mom said one thing, Dad said another, and you put the two together and you had the answer.
But then, why did they fight every time Dad was here? Maybe it would be better if Dad didn’t come here every day?
Or maybe Mom was wrong, and this wasn’t why they didn’t live together. Besides, lots of other things weren’t right with his parents.
He only knew two kids whose parents didn’t live together. And nothing about them was like in his case.
Ann didn’t have a dad at all. She only had a mom. This was a bit weird, because Dad had said that kids always have a mom and a dad. But he didn’t ask him how could Ann only have a mom. He had asked Ann instead, and she insisted she didn’t have a dad. If she had, there should be photos of him at home. Her mom should mention him from time to time. But there was nothing. So, she had no dad at all, unlike him.
Ike did have a dad, but he was in jail. They put him in there last year because he hit his mom and Ike. This wasn’t like Mom and Dad either. They yelled and fought all the time, but they didn’t hit each other. Okay, sometimes Mom hit *him*, but it was only when he did something *very*, *very* bad. Ike’s dad hit Ike without any reason.
Ike’s mom had told Mom everything about Ike’s dad. Ike said Mom had put his dad in jail, and he’d said it was better this way, because he didn’t love his dad anyway. So, this was different from his case, because he loved Dad and didn’t want him to go to jail.
Ann and Ike had something in common. The problem was with their dads. He, though, had no problems with his Dad.
Maybe Mom had problems with Dad?
Since they didn’t live together, they didn’t work together either. Mom had said this was so that they wouldn’t fight all the time. Dad had said that, after all that had happened, it wouldn’t be easy for them to work together. So it wouldn’t be easy for them to work together because they’d fight all the time. That’s why Dad now worked for the Metropolis Star.
But what did this mean? Maybe both had problems with each other, not only Mom with Dad?
He sank under the blankets and pulled them tighter around him. It was his only way to escape from this reality, where everything was just so confusing…
-----
More than two hours had passed, when the phone rang. Lois lowered the television volume, rose from the couch and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lois, it’s me, Terence.”
She grimaced in disgust. “What’s up, Terence?” she asked, pretending that she cared.
“Fine. Look, tonight I’m going to that new French restaurant, L’ Étoile, to write my review. Wanna come with me?”
“I’m sorry,” she quickly replied, “but I have no one to take care of Jon.”
“Call your ex. He won’t say no.”
“Sorry, Terence, I can’t. Another time, maybe. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go, I have another call.”
“Okay, Lois. I’ll see ya.”
“Bye,” she said and hung up. She didn’t really have another call; nevertheless, the phone rang again just seconds later.
“Hello?”
“Lois, what’s up?”
“What do you want, Clark?” she asked back without too much courtesy.
“See, I was thinking that it’s Saturday night…”
“Yeah. So?”
“I’ve invited Jimmy to my place to watch basketball, and I thought that I could take Jon too, since I’m staying in… Maybe you’d like to go out.”
‘What the heck, has he bugged the phone or something?’ she wondered nervously. “Nah, I’m not going anywhere tonight…” she said, indifferently.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Thanks though.”
“Okay. Can I talk to Jon?”
“Sure.” She covered the phone with her hand. “Jon!” she called. “Pick up the phone!”
“’Kay!” the answer was heard from upstairs.
“Goodnight,” she said to Clark.
“Goodnight.”
She hung up the phone and sank on the couch, turning up the volume of the TV again.
Three minutes later, Jon came down the staircase yelling.
“Mom! Mom! Mom!”
“Yes, Jon?”
“Why can’t I go see Dad and Uncle Jimmy tonight?”
“Jon, you can’t just go over to Dad’s whenever you want to. We’ve been through that a thousand times.”
“I want my Daddy! We’ll have pizza with Uncle Jimmy and we’ll watch basketball on the TV! Why don’t you let me go? You’re bad!”
Lois got mad. It wasn’t so much the complaining, as for the ‘you’re bad’ that she couldn’t stand at all. She had practically raised him on her own for four years, sacrificing all she had, and what was his way of paying her back? By preferring his Daddy and accusing her of being ‘bad’? That was more than enough!
She got up again and walked to the phone. Almost trembling from the tension of her feelings, she grabbed the phone book and, after searching for a while, she dialed a number.
“Terence? … It’s Lois. Is the invitation still open?”
-End of part 1-
