The next day, right after he left Jon at school, Clark went to Lois’s.
“Good morning,” she greeted him and urged him in. “Sit down,” she said nervously. It all felt very awkward, and she had a feeling that things would get worse once the conversation was started.
He sat on one side of the couch, and she sat on the other one.
“So?” he asked.
For a brief moment Lois wondered where to start. She finally decided to begin with a prologue. “Look, Clark, as I told you on the phone, Jon is completely out of control. I hardly dare talk to him because he’ll start complaining out of nowhere. He’s turned into a very spoiled kid, and I think it’s your fault.”
“My fault? Why?”
“It can’t be mine! There’s discipline in this house. Or, that’s what I try to compel. But every day he just gets more disobedient and grouchy.”
“Lois, he’s growing up.”
“He could grow up *calmly*, and listen to me when I’m trying to teach him some manners, instead of being rebellious and do as he wishes.”
“It’s a normal reaction...”
“No, it’s not!”
“It’s normal for the divided environment Jon lives in.”
“It’s not ‘divided’! Just because we’ve gotten divorced doesn’t mean we’re divided. There’s no hatred between us. We just don’t live together, that’s all.”
“But we’re constantly fighting,” Clark reminded her.
“We’re not fighting. We’re arguing,” she replied, her voice somewhat low.
“A five year old can’t tell the difference.”
“I think you’re underestimating him. Do you know why I spanked him yesterday?”
“I didn’t touch the subject. Nor did Jon want to talk about it.”
“I scolded him for tearing my newspaper, and you know what he did to take his revenge on me? He pretended to have fallen from the stairs and gotten hurt!”
“Really?” Clark asked in shock.
“Really!”
“Then he deserved it.”
“This means nothing. I don’t like spanking him, and I don’t like having to spank him. Make sure you fix this situation.”
“Me?!”
She stared at him disapprovingly. “It’s not like you to avoid your responsibilities.”
“I bear no responsibility here, that’s the problem.”
“You are the father, of course you do.”
“Lois, you’re missing something here,” Clark pointed out in displeasure. “The only one responsible for this is Jon.”
“He’s just mimicking…”
“Let me finish,” he cut her. “Jon is in the same class with, how many? Fifteen, twenty children? He talks to his friends every day, he sees their families through their eyes and he compares them to his. And he gets hurt about it. He finds his family ruined.”
“We’re not ruined!”
“Yes, we are. Maybe from your point of view we aren’t, but Jon looks at it more closely. Dad and Mom live separately. They keep fighting. They don’t love each other. That’s it.”
Lois didn’t answer. Clark’s words had touched something inside her.
‘They don’t love each other…’
‘No! That’s a lie!’ she mentally protested. ‘I *do* love Clark!’
Yes, she did. But what difference did it make? They were divorced, they fought all the time... yeah, what a great way to show your love for someone.
Oh, God, if Clark was right, the mess was even bigger than she had thought it was.
“Lois?” Clark, concerned, tried to get her attention. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s not fair…” she stuttered.
“What? Jon feeling like this?”
“Huh?” Lois came back to reality. “Yeah! And how would you know anyway? Did he tell you?”
“No, but he doesn’t have to. It’s obvious.”
“Then how come I haven’t seen it?”
Clark’s gaze fell on the floor. He was feeling too uneasy to look at her. “What I’m telling you now is the conclusion I drew from what you told me. I didn’t even know Jon behaved like this. No one’s omniscient, not even where their own family is concerned. That’s why there are two in a couple, so that the one can complement the other. What we have is abnormal.”
“No, it’s not,” she mumbled, turning her eyes away from him. “So many divorced couples...”
“A kid needs...” he began, but stopped as he saw she wasn’t paying attention to him.
Lois was feeling desperate. She couldn’t understand what was wrong there. Jon was disobedient, all right. What had affected him? The divorce? But there was no way he could remember his life with his parents together; he was one year old when they divorced. By now, he should have adjusted himself to the fact that his parents didn’t live together.
What had Clark said? It was the comparison to the other families he knew about. Perhaps he had a point. But, hell, why should it be *that* difficult to Jon? Throughout her life, she’d seen many kids with divorced parents and no one of them had had so much trouble adjusting to this environment. *She* was one of these kids, for crying out loud! And yet, she had grown to be a normal, happy woman, with a family and a job...
...Who was she kidding?
She obviously hadn’t forgotten what her life had been like when she was a kid. The memories and the experiences were very alive in her subconscious, and she’d somehow managed to pass them on to Jon. Without realizing it, of course, but she had nonetheless.
Or maybe it was just plain natural. She couldn’t remember for certain, but, knowing herself, Jon’s behavior should be very close at her own behavior at that stage of her life.
She suddenly became aware of Clark’s worried voice calling her.
“Lois, what’s wrong?”
She bit her lip. This conversation couldn’t go on. She needed time to think.
“Clark, can you go?” she timidly asked.
“Lois, if you’re feeling sick...”
“No,” she said, in a low but firm voice. “I’m fine. I just need some time to think.”
Clark wondered what she wanted to think about, but preferred not to ask. “Okay.”
“And, do me a favor, please.”
“Yeah?”
“Pick up Jon from the kindergarten in the afternoon. I’ll stop by your place later to take him home.”
“All right,” he smiled.
“Thanks.”
He got up and left the house, leaving Lois sitting on the couch, troubled.
She looked at her robe. She needed to get dressed and go to work; she was already going to be late. Unfortunately, though, her head was spinning pretty badly. Going to work would be of no use today.
She walked to the phone and dialed a very familiar number.
“Daily Planet,” a female voice answered.
“Hey, Tina, it’s Lois. I want to talk to Perry.”
“Sure, Lois.”
Lois waited for a moment, until Perry picked up the phone. “Lois? Why are you calling?”
She hesitated for a moment. “I... I have a problem, Perry.”
“Problem? What problem? Can I help?” He sounded concerned.
“Not really...” She breathed heavily. “Look, I just don’t think I can work today. I’d rather stay home and... do something I should have done a long time ago.”
“If that’s what you think, then it’s all right. And call me if you need anything, y’ hear?”
She smiled. “Thanks, Perry.”
“Anytime, honey.”
-----
Lois made herself a cup of coffee and sat in the kitchen table, absently playing with the spoon.
She now felt stupid. What was there to think about, really? It was all obvious now that she had finally opened her eyes.
She was responsible for everything. The failure of her marriage. Jon’s bad behavior. It was all her fault, one way or another.
And now what?
She couldn’t change the past. As for the present... it was heavily affected by her past mistakes. Jon’s negative attitude was the biggest problem. How could she change this?
Well, Clark knew how to keep him happy. If they re-arranged Jon’s custody, so that Clark could spend more time with him?
It wouldn’t work, most likely. Clark wasn’t only a parent and a journalist, he was Superman too. Sometimes he had to leave for days, and Jon couldn’t be left alone.
Taking a sip of her coffee, Lois remembered Clark’s words from earlier this morning. What he’d said, about the divorced family being abnormal and all... Could he be suggesting that they could be back together? That they should, even?
She wasn’t so sure. Clark had never talked about it, but she now strongly suspected that she’d hurt him. It was like Clark to get hurt by such a behavior. He’d been hurt that day in the park when she’d rejected him, she remembered it very well. It wasn’t long after that she agreed to marry him, only to reject him *again* a couple of years later. Yes, didn’t he have all the right in the world to be hurt?
And now, after all this chaos she’d caused, what could she do? Apologize? Say ‘Clark, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you’? Not very helpful.
The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to go back to Clark and ask him to start over. However, if before she wouldn’t do that because of egotism and stubbornness, now she wouldn’t because of fear. She wouldn’t be able to handle a no – which was, very probably, what awaited her if she dared do so. If he didn’t want to be with her again, she’d have to keep on living this imitation of life she was living for the past few years.
Then, again, if she didn’t ask him, the result would be just the same. If she hadn’t learned how to live without him in four years, chances were she’d never learn.
This was leaving her with only one choice.
She glanced at her watch. Nine o’clock. She still had plenty of time.
-End of part 4-
