I am SO sorry for the delay---I just moved and only got hooked up to the Internet TODAY! Anyhow, here I am--back in action for the homestretch of H&S!
Thanks for your patience!
--WD
LAST TIME...
Lois stood there motionless, except for the quiet tears streaming down her face. She studied Clark. In this state, it was almost impossible to believe he was Superman. Why had he lied all along? He could have told her when he began spending the night. Instead, he made a fool out of her, and hurt her in a way that might not be so easy to repair.
“Goodnight, Lois. I love you,” Clark whispered, before pulling the door shut behind him.
* * * * * NOW READ ON...
Lois stood there, numb and cold and stunned. Surprise and shock hit her a few minutes after Clark had shut the door.
*I love you.*
He’d said ‘I love you.’
She walked over to her door and cautiously bolted all of the locks. After that, she made her way to the window and checked to see that it was locked. She pulled the shade down fiercely; it was not cooperating, and she very nearly broke it. Frustrated, she retreated into her bedroom and sat down on the bed, indian-style. Resting her elbows on her knees, she thrust both hands into her hair on either side of her head and made herself think--*really think*--about what had just transpired.
Alone in the darkness maybe things would become clear.
‘Clark Kent is Superman. He loves me. *Superman* loves me. Clark and Superman love me.’ Her head was pounding with a wicked headache. How was this possible? How hadn’t she seen? She was friends with both men; she’d even kissed both of them before. She worked with Clark day-in and day-out... Why hadn’t she made the connection? They were never in the same room together, come to think of it. At least this explained so many of Clark’s lame excuses that had left Lois standing there alone with half a sentence still waiting to be said...
She shook her head. ‘If I hadn’t seen it, I’d have never believed it...’ She was plagued by the image of a forlorn Clark Kent kneeling before her, his half unbuttoned shirt revealing the Suit he’d kept hidden from her for so long.
“I love you, Lois,” he’d said. On bended knee. Holding her hands gently in his...
People that love each other don’t lie to each other. But then--
He had his reasons, didn’t he? She tried to put herself in his shoes, tried to imagine what life would be like if she were Super. Her mind drifted from dramatic rescues, to being fawned over by fans. And then she thought of something she hadn’t before...
‘If I was Super, and Clark was just a man... What if he only liked me as SuperLois? And as regular Lois, he acted like I didn’t exist?’ With that realization, her heart ached more than it ever had. Her eyes stung with tears as she sat there, contemplating in her dark bedroom. She racked her brain, thinking back on all of the times she’d ignored Clark, mooning instead over his alter-ego.
“God, how it must have hurt,” Lois whispered aloud. ‘If he loves me like he says he does...’
She thought also of how she’d treated him since her assault. She’d hurled hurtful accusations at Superman, inadvertently to his *face.* When he was *right there,* taking care of her, supporting her, never leaving her side...
Clark Kent--Superman--whoever he was, he was the best friend she’d ever had, and she’d turned him away. She cast a glance around her room now that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. Beside her on the bed was the black-and-white teddy bear he’d won for her. Over on the chair was a crumpled-up garment--Clark’s Metropolis Tigers t-shirt he’d slept in. Hesitantly, she stood up and took the soft shirt in her hands. She held it to her chest, breathed in his scent.
God! How had she not realized! The shirt, it smelled like Clark... and Superman.
Lois curled up in the middle of her bed, hugging the t-shirt closely. In the morning, she would talk to him. Hopefully it would not be too late. She closed her eyes and willed sleep to come.
* * * * *
Clark had never felt worse in his life. He felt like talking to his parents. He looked at his watch. No, they’d be asleep by now. He didn’t want to upset them. Maybe tomorrow he’d pay them a visit.
He walked home dejectedly. Lois was right. He’d lied for too long. But there were reasons. He wished he’d had time to voice them. His main reason was to protect Lois; the secret could potentially make her a target. His more selfish reason was because he’d loved Lois from the start, and she’d been infatuated with only Superman. Was it so wrong for him to want her to love him for who he *really* was?
A thought crossed his mind: if she stayed mad at him, she could expose his secret to the world. She wouldn’t do that... would she? Surely their friendship meant *something* to her...
He made his way up the stairs and dropped his overnight bag just inside the door of his apartment. After a few moments, he spun into his Superman suit and flew out the window at high speed, his cape billowing behind him. He felt like flying hard and fast, with no real destination in mind. He soared skyward, letting the cool air make him temporarily forget what was bothering him.
Of course, that didn’t work for long, and he was soon spiraling down towards Lois’ apartment. He thought if he could just see any small indication that she was awake--a light on, the sound of her television or CD player... Maybe she’d want to see him. Perhaps they could talk.
Superman hovered just outside Lois’ fire escape. Her shades were pulled all the way down and the room seemed dark. He peered through the shade with his x-ray vision and saw Lois all curled up on her bed. This was a bad idea. He wouldn’t wake her up.
In a way, he was rather hurt by the fact that she could sleep soundly after all that had happened. He knew he certainly wouldn’t. And after all she’d endured, the troubles she’d faced with sleep since her attack... Sleep did not come easy to her. Why of all nights, did it come easily *now*?
Superman flew to his apartment, not feeling nearly as much relief as he’d hoped to feel from his brief flight. Once home, he donned a pair of sweat pants and sat on the couch, brooding.
‘I told her I loved her, surely that means something,’ he thought sadly. He took his glasses off and pressed both palms to his face. Then another thought crossed his mind. Maybe confessing his feelings had scared her away. She hadn’t yet recovered from her attack. They’d just gone on their first date.
‘Stupid,’ Clark thought to himself, ‘way to push her away when she needs you.’ The date was *his* idea. He’d been pushy. She probably wasn’t ready, even though she said she was. But then...
That couldn’t be true, could it? No, he decided, not when he saw the pained look in her eyes when he broke off their kiss and dashed off in the other direction. The image still haunted him, every time he closed his eyes. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t confused or shocked. She was simply alone, and profoundly sad. He hated the idea that he’d made her feel that way. If only he had told her sooner.
He thought about it for a long time. So long, in fact, that two hours passed before he even realized they did, and he was still wide awake.
* * * * *
Lois lay curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed, still clutching the wadded up t-shirt. She laid there, motionless, but sleep never came. Her eyes were wide open, staring at small shadows in the corners of her room. Her mind had not ceased going over and over what had happened, playing out different scenarios in her head and imagining how both she and Clark could have handled it differently. It felt useless. She couldn’t change the past.
She looked at her digital alarm clock. The numbers cast a red glow in the room, brightly proclaiming 4:02 AM. God, and she hadn’t slept a *wink*! Her headache had subsided just a little bit. Ever so slowly, she sat up and stretched. Then she stood, and opened her dresser drawer. Grabbing a sweatshirt, she sat on the edge of the bed and began to get dressed.
She couldn’t take it any longer. She needed to talk to Clark.
* * * * *
Clark was still on his couch when he heard the soft, hesitant knock on his door. He jumped a little as he was broken out of his deep thoughts. “Who’s there?” he called, already sure of the answer.
“Clark? It’s me, Lois...” she called softly.
Clark was at the door in a flash, and opened it to reveal Lois clad in an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. She looked so exhausted, he observed, his hand still lingering on the doorknob. Then he realized he must not look much better. He answered the door sans glasses; what did it matter anymore? He’d been thinking about Lois all night, and now, faced with her, he wasn’t quite sure what to do or say first.
Lois solved that problem for both of them; after about ten awkward seconds, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Clark returned the embrace just as passionately. He buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head.
“My God, Lois, I’m so glad you came,” he murmured. “There’s so many things I should have told you--”
“Clark. I’m sorry. I didn’t even give you a chance,” she interrupted, still clinging to him tightly.
Clark pulled back a bit and looked her in the eyes. He grinned. “We can talk all night if you want... But come in.” He realized they were still standing in the doorway and guided her inside. “I’ll make some coffee if you want.”
“Sure. I can’t believe how late it is... I didn’t sleep a wink. I tried pretty hard, but I couldn’t stop thinking about... everything,” she said with a sigh, and sank into his couch exhaustedly.
So she *hadn’t* been asleep.
“I haven’t been sleeping either,” Clark admitted. A thought hit him suddenly. “You should have called me. I don’t like the idea of you being out alone at night--not with the rapist on the loose...”
“I know, Clark. But we need to talk,” Lois said. “Things got crazy before. I overreacted. I just never expected--”
“I know,” Clark said gently, as he started some coffee. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until today. There are so many reasons...”
Lois nodded silently, looking down at her clasped hands.
A few quiet moments passed while both collected their thoughts. Clark poured two mugs of coffee, fixing Lois’ just the way she liked it. Soon after, he was sitting beside her gently. He gave Lois her coffee, steadying the mug in her hands. She took a small sip, withdrawing when the liquid was too hot.
“Clark, I need to tell you how I feel--” and “I have a lot to explain to you, Lois--” came tumbling out at the same time, both of them needing to talk more than anything.
Lois laughed a little. “You go first, Clark. One at a time, or we’ll get nowhere.”
Clark nodded and took a deep breath. “Lois, I’ve wanted to tell you about... Superman for so long now. I was born with these gifts, and all my life I struggled to find a way to use them. I didn’t find a real way until I came to Metropolis...”
Clark told his story carefully, not neglecting a detail. Lois studied him, riveted. Now that she knew the truth, she could see Superman’s familiar expressions and gestures in Clark. It made her wonder just how blind she’d been. Yet at the same time, as Lois listened to how thorough Clark had been in making his secret identity as foolproof as possible, she was taken by his keen intellect and creativity. Rather than feeling completely oblivious, she was able to realize how hard Clark worked to keep her and the rest of the world from knowing.
“I wanted to tell you, most of all,” Clark admitted. “I just had a terrible feeling that if someone found out you knew, or realized we were close, they might--” His imagination went haywire whenever he thought of the possibilities. Images of all of his worst nightmares flooded his mind: Lois, bound and gagged in a dark room--Lois, held at gunpoint--Lois, abused and tortured for information... Clark shook his head. “My fear is that you’d become a target, Lois. People would kill to know what you know now,” he said softly. He knew it was true. God! Why had he put her in such a position?!
Lois took his hand in hers. “Clark, I would never tell your secret. Even when I was upset, the thought never even crossed my mind. I care about you too much.”
“Please listen, Lois,” Clark continued, grasping both her hands and searching her eyes deeply. “That means so much to me. You have no idea. But I want your safety more than anything. If you’re in a situation where you’re going to be hurt because of my secret, or harmed in any way, you need to tell it. My secret identity is not worth your life, Lois.”
“But, Clark--!” Lois started to protest.
“Lois, if something happened to you, I’d be completely and utterly lost.” He stared tenderly into her eyes, gently lifting a hand to her face to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I’ve waited so long to tell you about this because I know how dangerous it could be. Please,” he urged, “promise me.”
Lois felt her eyes become glassy with tears. “I promise,” she whispered.
Clark breathed a sigh of relief. “There’s another reason I didn’t tell you,” he continued, clearing his throat. “I’ve had feelings for you, Lois. For a long time. Since I first met you.”
She looked at him, ashamed. She knew what was coming next, yet she needed to hear him say it.
“You weren’t interested in me, and I knew it. You only had feelings for Superman. I guess what I’m trying to say is, all I wanted was for you to want me for who I really am. Not just the powers and the suit...”
That very nearly broke her heart. “God, Clark, when I think of the ways I must have hurt you...” Her mind wandered to the countless times she’d put him down one minute, worshipped him the next--all because of a simple change of clothes. And then! And then when he held her as she cried about her attack, she’d bad-mouthed Superman for not being there for her--when she was in his arms the whole time. How could he ever forgive her?
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she managed at last.
“Don’t be. I know for sure that things are different now. You don’t know how amazing it felt to be wanted by you, when you kissed me for the first time--me, *Clark,* not Superman.”
Lois reached out to him, touched his face tenderly, and drew him close for a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Clark, I don’t know exactly when it was that I fell for you, but I do know that it was before the attack.”
“It was?” Clark looked genuinely surprised.
“I woke up in the hospital, and all I wanted to do was see you,” she explained. “My feelings only grew stronger when you started spending all that time with me.”
“Mine, too, Lois. You have to realize how terrible I feel that this happened to you. Please know that if I had any idea you were in trouble, I would have been there. I just... had no way of knowing.”
“I know that now,” she said softly. It was selfish of her, really. She hadn’t thought of Superman as a person with a family, with traditions, with a home. And now that she knew, she was upset with the way she’d complained to him about Superman’s so-called ‘lack of action.’
A thought-loaded moment of silence passed, and finally Clark asked, “Do you want to tell me your side of everything?”
Lois nodded. “Things had been going so well with us. I felt something between us; something strong... And even though I was confused as to when I’d be ready to act on my feelings, I knew I wanted to.” She hesitated for a moment.
“Go on. It’s okay,” Clark urged gently.
“Well, when you asked me to the movies, things seemed innocent enough. And I knew I wanted to go out with you. I thought, ‘Why not?’ I was excited... and you seemed excited, too.”
“I was,” Clark admitted with a bashful smile.
“And everything was great, and that kiss--! I wanted it so badly, and it felt so good, and so right...” Lois explained wistfully. “Then--all of a sudden, you’re making up excuses and running in the other direction. What was I supposed to think?”
He shook his head, ashamed.
“It hurt, Clark. A lot.”
Clark could hear the pain in her voice. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered.
“And all I could think,” she continued, “was, ‘What changed?’ And then I thought about everything that happened. I thought that you might not want me in the same way, now that you know what I’d been through--what he *did* to me...”
“Don’t you *ever* think that. I know it looked bad--me running off like that--but I would never feel any different about you because of something that happened,” Clark said emphatically.
“What if--” Lois averted her eyes for a second. “What if he *had,* you know, done what he wanted to with me? How could you want me after that?” She stared at the floor.
“Lois, look at me,” Clark said, tipping her chin up with gentle fingertips. He waited until her eyes met his before continuing. “Nothing changes how I feel about you, or how attractive I think you are, or how much I want to be with you. Understand?”
She nodded.
Clark reached out and drew Lois close, his hand entwined in her hair, cupping the back of her head. He pressed her close to his chest; she could hear the comforting sound of his heartbeat. “God, Lois, these feelings I have for you...” he murmured, so full of love for the woman he held, he felt he might burst. “I’m sorry I confessed how I feel about you--I know you’re not ready to hear all that, it must have scared you, and I don’t mean to be pushy in any way--I’ll back off, I promise.”
“Don’t, Clark,” Lois stated firmly. “You’re not being pushy. It feels good to hear how much you care.” She drew back enough to look him in the eyes. “Go ahead, say it,” she urged.
Clark watched her, studied her. Those stunning eyes were looking up at him with anticipation. “I love you, Lois.” There. He said it. He stared at her in awe and amazement. She *smiled.* And God! What a beautiful smile it was! It felt so good to say it, and to know that she wanted him to. “I love you, I love you, I love you!” he added, returning the ear-to-ear grin.
Lois giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I love you, too, Clark,” she said, her breath warm on his ear. It was almost too much to bear!
Almost.
Hearing her say it back was quite possibly the greatest moment of his life. She pulled back enough to look in his eyes. “I love you... so, so much. And yeah, it scares me. But *we* are something I really want to take a chance on.”
Clark was filled with an incredible warmth he couldn’t explain, nor did he want to. “Me too, Lois.”
Lois beamed. “So... where do we go from here?”
Clark glanced at his watch. “Do you see what time it is? I’ll tell you where we go from here.” He stood up from the couch and offered Lois his hand, helping her up, too.
“To bed?” Lois asked, quizzically.
Clark shook his head, no. A small cryptic smile spread across his face. Then, before her amazed eyes, he spun into his Suit. And seconds later, he’d gently lifted her into his arms.
“Where are we going?” she questioned.
“Well, we can’t be up *this* late without staying up a few more minutes to see the sun rise...” Superman--Clark--said, smiling lovingly at her. “And I know just the spot.”
* * * * *
