Okay, I don't know if this goes here or in Original Fiction...I guess the mods can move it if they see fit...
Anyway, this is a radio script I wrote a long time ago (either 2003 or when I was 13; I know there's a 3 in there somewhere). I've been meaning to publish it/get it aired, but then, I've been meaning to do a lot of things.
Well, I just showed it to Julie on IRC, and she gave me 48 hrs to post it. Far be it from me to procrastinate on such a thing (me listens to the guffaws) so here it is, in all its "glory":
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Powdermilk Biscuits Presents:
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Narrator: Quicker than an exploding hand-grenade...
(Sound FX: Explosion) Stronger than a loaded school-bus...
(SFX: Horn honking, kids yelling) Able to jump really, really high...
(SFX: Sproing!) Extra #1: Hey, look at what's in the air!
Extra#2: It's a blimp!
Hero: Who're you calling "blimp"?!
Narrator: No, It's not a blimp! It's that champion of justice; that daring, brave hero; that fearless wonder; that all-around really swell guy...
Hero: Aw, stop! You're gonna give me a swelled head!
Narrator: It's The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! Yes, the Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel; the man of the future, the strange visitor from Michigan who watches over humanity!
People: (cheering)
Narrator: In this episode, The-Man-Who's-So-Incre---oh, forget it--- our hero, in his clever guise as a mild hotdog salesman named Manny Strongsteel---
Hero: Get yer mild hotdogs!
Narrator: ---tries to make a date with the beautiful Doris Dane---
Hero: Wanna go out tonight, Doris?
Doris: Drop dead.
Narrator: ---but fails miserably.
Hero: Aw, Doris, how come you never give me a chance?
Doris: Oh, Manny, you're a sweet guy and all, but you're just a mild hotdog salesman! The only way I could love you is if you were so incredibly strong it was almost like you were made out of steel!
Hero: You mean like The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel?
Doris: Yeah, him! (sigh) You just watch; someday I'm going to marry that man!
Narrator: Unbeknownst to either of them, they were both being watched at that moment from a distant telescope--- a telescope in the possession of our hero's arch nemisis: Lax Loather!
Henchman: Lax! Hey, Lax!
Lax: What is it, Henchman? Did you get the xylophite I wanted for my plan to stop The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel?
Henchman: Got it right here, Lax! See?
(SFX: Xylophone music) Lax: You idiot! I said xylophite, not xylophone! Xylophite is the one substance that can stop The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! I must get some!
Henchman: Sorry, Lax!
Lax: Now go get some Xylophite, and don't come back until you have what I need!
Henchman: Yes sir, Mr. Loather, sir!
(SFX: Door slam) Lax: (Sigh). Henchmen!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in nearby Gotbeef City:
Extra #3: Egads, up on the roof!
Extra #4: It's Dracula!
Extra #3: No, it's a Mouseketeer!
Narrator: You're both wrong! That strange, dark-as-night figure on the rooftop is none other than Blotman!
People: Ooh.
Rooster: Blotman! Blotman!
Blotman: What is it, Rooster?
Rooster: Blotman! I know where the Heckler is hiding, Blotman!
Blotman: Excellent! Where is he?
Rooster: He's down at the old abandoned theater on the other side of town!
Blotman: Good work, Rooster! You can go home now.
Rooster: Go home?! But aren't I coming with you as your loyal and fun-loving side-kick?
Blotman: Not anymore, Rooster. You see, I have a new side-kick now. Rooster, say hello to Pete.
Peter Lorre: We go to find the Heckler now, boss?
Rooster: You're replacing me with the ghost of old-time actor Peter Lorre?!
Blotman: Afraid so, kid.
Rooster: But that's not fair!
Blotman: Sorry, them's the breaks! Come on, Pete!
Peter Lorre: Coming, boss!
Rooster: I don't believe it! This is the worst day I've ever had in my life!
Narrator: While meanwhile...
Lax: You are the worst henchman I've ever had in my life! This isn't Xylophite; it's a piece of granite that's been painted green!
Henchman: I know; the store was sold out. Do you think you could just pretend?
Lax: (Sigh). Alright. (clear throat). At last, I have the xylophite I need to defeat the Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! Now, let's get to work on our trap!
Narrator: Back in Gotbeef...
Rooster: Sidekick for hire! Sidekick for hire! Hey, you, do you need a sidekick?
Extra #5: No thanks, kid.
Rooster: Darn! Nobody's hiring sidekicks these days. Hey, it's Joe, from Rocks R Us! Joe, how's it going?
Joe: Pretty good. Some idiot came around looking for xylophite but I was sold out, so I sold him a piece of granite painted green.
Rooster: Xylophite? Isn't that the one substance that can stop The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel?
Joe: Yeah, I think so.
Rooster: Who would buy that stuff?
Joe: Hm, let me check; I have the name written down here somewhere---Ah, yes! Here it is: a Mr. Henchman.
Rooster: Henchman?! That's the guy who works for Lax Loather, the arch enemy of The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! He must be getting ready to lure The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel into a trap! I'd better go to Moofopolis and try to find Lax's secret hideout! Bye, Joe! I am off to save the day!
Joe: So long, kid.
Narrator: So Rooster headed to Moofopolis to try to look for Lax Loather's hideout. Meanwhile, the villains continue with their nefarious plot to destroy our hero!
Lax: Excellent! My trap is complete! Now all I need is to lure him into it!
Henchman: Are you going to kidnap his girlfriend, Doris Dane, and use her as bait to lure The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel?
Lax: No, Henchman, I have a better idea: I'm going to kidnap his girlfriend, Doris Dane, and use her as bait to lure The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! Now, Doris Dane is pretty smart; so we're going to come up with a ploy that's really clever and original!
Narrator: Later that day...
Doris: (SFX: Knock on door) Now, who could that be?
Henchman: (muffled voice) Pizza.
Doris: Pizza? I don't remember ordering a pizza...
(SFX: Door opens) Hey! You're not the pizza guy! Who---
Henchman: Gotcha!
Doris: (struggling)
Narrator: So Lax Loather's henchman kidnaps the beautiful Doris Dane and takes her to his secret hideout so they can use her as bait to lure our hero into their deadly trap, while on the other side of town, our hero, in his guise as Manny Strongsteel, attends to the customers at his mild-hotdog cart.
Hero: Here's your mild hotdog, sir.
Man: Thanks.
Extra #1: Hey, look in the air!
Extra #2: Is it The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel?
Extra #1: No, it's a sky-writer!
Hero: (reading): 'Attention, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel: We have captured Doris Dane and are holding her hostage at the abandoned warehouse on the corner of 5th and Maple Avenue, right across the street from Gary's Bait Shop. Come and rescue her, if you dare. Ha Ha Ha. Sincerely, your arch enemy, Lax Loather!'
Oh no! I have to go rescue Doris!
Rooster: Aha! So Lax Loather's secret hideout is at the corner of 5th and Maple Avenue! (pause) I better go find a roadmap...
Narrator: While Rooster goes off to find a roadmap, our hero, who already knows how to get to Gary's Bait Shop near the corner of 5th and Maple, takes off to rescue Doris Dane from the villainous clutches of Lax Loather! Soon...
Hero: (SFX: Crashing through wall) Alright, Lax! Where's Doris Dane?!
Lax: She's tied up right over there, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! But I doubt you'll be able to rescue her. You see, you have walked right into my trap! Now I'm going to stop you once and for all with this! Xylophite!
Hero: Oh no! Xylophite! I--- hey! That isn't Xylophite, it's a piece of granite that's been painted green!
Lax: I know. Could you maybe, just, pretend?
Hero: Okay. Ooh! Ouch! The Xylophite is affecting me! I can't--go on--much longer! Aargh!
Rooster: (SFX: Crashing through wall) Don't worry, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel, I'll save you!
All: Rooster!
Rooster: That's right, now take that!
(SFX: banging and crashing) And that!
(SFX: banging and crashing) And that!
(SFX: more banging and crashing) There!
Hero: Rooster! You've saved my life! Now I can rescue Doris Dane! Just let me get this rope---there! You're free now, Doris!
Doris: Oh, thank you, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel!
Hero: And thank you, Rooster, for saving me!
Rooster: No problem, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel! Say, since I saved your life and all, can I be your new sidekick?
Hero: Sorry, Rooster, but I already have a sidekick!
Rooster: You do?
Hero: Yep. Rooster, say hello to the ghost of old-time actor Peter Lorre.
Peter Lorre: We go to save the world now, boss?
Hero: I just hired him fifteen minutes ago. Blotman fired him for drinking on the job.
Rooster: I don't believe this. Hey, wait a minute! If he isn't Blotman's sidekick anymore, then maybe Blotman'll take me back! I'd better hurry back to Gotbeef. Goodbye, Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel!
Hero: So long, kid!
Narrator: And so ends our little adventure! Tune in next week and every week for the further adventures of The-Man-Who's-So-Incredibly-Strong-It's-Almost-Like-He's-Made-Out-Of-Steel!
