Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments: Sunrise, Sunset

I was wondering whether Alysse Smith was a nom de plume<g> "Smith" is a nice touch

The story is beautiful, Hazel - so reflective, a tribute to two people who are different in so many ways, and yet have achieved that quiet symbiosis that some couples achieve. So very Martha:)

btw, I'm hearing this song in my head - Sunrise... sunset - do you know it?

c

What a lovely vignette, Hazel.

The contrast between the morning and the evening, and the daily life on the farm was a strong one.

I could picture Jonathan taking a moment to look at the sunrise, a moment of private prayer, appreciating something far greater than the hauling and mucking around him on the farm.

In the same way, I could picture Martha taking a moment in the evening and, as her day wound down, saying her private prayer for the end of the day.

But most importantly, at times, the two shared their moments with each other. Isn't that what it's all about?

BTW, I had no problem figuring out who the characters were.

Thanks for that special moment,
gerry

"Sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days." IIRC it's from "Fiddler on the Roof". Less famous than "If I were a Rich Man."
Yeah, being more of Martha's age than Lois', I really enjoyed the vignette. And in the desert we get really nice sunrises and sunsets.
I too am a sunset person.

Artemis

What a lovely picture you've painted, Hazel. I love the contrast between Jonathan and Martha in that they each love sunrise and sunset respectively - different but together creating a whole. And your descriptions evoke such a strong image in my mind - the stillness of the farm at sunrise and Martha stopping her evening routine to catch the sunset. There's such a sense of solidity and assurance in the routine of two people who've spent a lifetime together.

Very nice vignette. Bravo.

Lynn

Wow, Hazel!

Absolutely ditto Gerry and Lynn. This is a beautiful piece, with wonderful imagery making me reel with envy. I can just picture Martha going about her routine tasks, thinking of the man she loves with fond affection in her heart. I was in awe throughout at your use of language to paint a picture, but I think this para shows it most clearly:

Wow. I'm with the judge who picked out that final sentence! (I read your Merriwether scorecard before posting this).

Now, I had no difficulty at all in working out that this is Martha thinking about Jonathan. And I think it would have spoiled the effect if you'd ever spelt that out for the reader. But, in my opinion, that doesn't make this vignette 'vague' in any way. Using names would, I think, patronise the reader, suggest that we weren't capable of working it out for ourselves. So don't be tempted to change that based on the Merriwether feedback! Go with the judge who liked it just as it is.

Oh, and congrats on the Honourable Mention. Couldn't find any! There's only one typo that I could see:

One use of 'aside' needs to come out. But nothing at all that I could see wrong with your punctuation. I wonder if you might have had a transmission glitch like Lynn did?

I'm in awe of your way with words, Hazel. Your writing is very spiritual - it resonates deep inside me.

Not my usual compliments but heartfelt.

Irene

Beautiful Hazel. One question, though. <puzzled> I got that it was Jonathan and Martha, but I don't get the whole pot-over-the-fire bit. I don't remember seeing any pothooks in the Kent farmhouse....

Laura

I interpreted that to mean that sometimes Martha would remove a pan from the burner on the stove where she was cooking. I just assumed that Hazel had a slightly different way of phrasing it to show that Martha would stop her chore of cooking to watch the sunset.

Lynn

Love the song, loved the story. As others have already said, your use of language is beautiful, Hazel. Lovely imagery, with bone-deep, spiritual feelings conveyed in a deceptively simple manner - yet so effective.

Thank you for this insight into Martha's love for her husband and the powerful ties that bind them together.

Yvonne

And it probably makes more sense if you envision them having a gas stove -- there's actual fire involved, in those

Hazel, this was lovely. Given that it's L&C fandom, I figured this'd have to be Martha & Jonathan, but I wouldn't have minded a few more subtle clues.

PJ

Thanks, Artemis, for placing the song for me - that's the one.

There's a lovely rhythm to Hazel's prose and by the end of reading it, I could hear the echo of the song. (which Hazel has probably never heard and I'm imagining the whole thing. )

c

I will bet money that Hazel has heard the song.

The song is a favorite of mine, and this vignette certainly does capture its rhythm and poetry. Just lovely.

Hazel

WOW! This is beautifully written.
Congratulations on your Honourable Mention!

Tricia

It was beautiful Hazel

I loved it

Karla

Rich, gorgeous, and amazing.

I feel tongue-tied trying to comment on it.

I'm so glad you posted this. It is unlike any L&C fic I've read before- and I say that in the most complimentary of ways.

Truly original and poetic.

These remarks don't do it justice!

CC

Hi Hazel,

I'm late as usual with my comments, but not short on praise.

This was a lovely story told with such picturesque artistry. Thank you for sharing.

Yours Jenni

Wow!

I'm really touched that so many of you enjoyed this exploration into Martha's and Jonathan's outlooks on life.

Carol, Artemis, Rivka: Yes, I have heard the song "Sunrise, Sunset." I didn't have it in mind when I started writing, but once I'd chosen the title, I couldn't get it out of my head; it was a bit alarming to see how well it fitted! So, Carol, if the song echoed in your head afterward, I don't think I mind too much.

Yes, Gerry, I'd say it is.

Regarding the subtlety, or vagueness, however you prefer it: I was actually surprised that there was anyone who did *not* realize it was Martha and Jonathan. Aside from the references to farmwork and Martha's incessant projects, there was this: That is a very specific reference to M&J's childlessness before they found Clark, and it also specifically sets it at the time of the show. As Wendy observes, there's no need to patronize the reader and spell everything out, is there? I think that's a matter of personal choice, and I wouldn't change it just because two of the Merriweather judges couldn't figure it out. I *am* a bit confused about the Nightfall reference...

Nominate for a Kerth? In WAFFy? Don't you think the world might come to an end?

"A pot on the fire" is a very common reference to something cooking on the stove, LauraBF. I grew up with an electric stove, and my mother used the term constantly. Gas stoves are even more obvious, of course, as Pam points out.

All of you gave me such lovely compliments! Your imagery, I think, is better than mine.

So... Carol, Gerry, Artemis, Lynn, Wendy, Irene, LauraBF, Yvonne, Pam, Rivka, Tricia, Karla, CC, Jenni, and Emily -- thanks so much for your lovely FDK. You really made my day!

Hazel

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity, Hazel.

and thank-you for the beauty of your story - just reread it.

c

Lovely

Jose

Sorry I'm "late," Hazel. I'm seriously behind in my reading. I just wanted to drop by and say... well, actually, I think Gerry, Lynn, and the others have said everything I wanted to say, and better than I would have, too. So, mostly, this is just a "me too" post. Very beautiful. Great flow. Loved the imagery, and most of all, the feel of the story. It just carried me along.

Personally, I wasn't at all confused about who was speaking, but then, I'd seen the discussion before I read the story. I'd like to think it would have been clear, anyway. The narrator's voice had a very distinctively homey, motherly feel to it.

About the title... It immediately made me think of the song, and that personally made me a little wary. I've always thought of that song as fairly sad (actually, I have a memory of being told as a kid that it was a sad song). It is very apt, of course, dealing as it does with farm life and sunrise and sunset. It's just that the song has a different mood, I think. <shrug>

Anyway, lovely story. Thanks for sharing.

Paul