Table of Contents It's midnight in Western Europe, which means it's already April 2 there. So I'm posting part 1 of this now. Happy birthday, Kaethel!! 
~ When You Say You Love Me ~
A Birthday Story for KaethelWhen you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
~~ Josh Groban A knock sounded on his door. Clark glanced at his watch. Who on earth would be calling after four in the morning? Who would even be awake? He wouldn’t have been awake himself, but it had been one
weird night...
He pulled down his glasses to take a look. Why had he even wondered? Of course it was Lois. He strode over and pulled the door open. “Hi.”
She’d changed out of the low-cut black evening dress she’d been wearing earlier. She’d looked stunning in that. Every time he’d caught a glimpse of the lacy bra she’d been wearing, or worse, of creamy cleavage, he’d thought that if he’d been a normal man his blood-pressure would have skyrocketed. As it was, he’d been consumed with jealousy at the knowledge that she’d dressed like that for Luthor. Now, in jeans and a sweatshirt, with her hair tied back in a scrunchie, she looked beautiful. “Hi, Clark. Can I come in?”
A week, two weeks ago, it wouldn’t even have occurred to her to ask. Regret coursed through him at the realisation. Had their friendship really regressed so far in so short a time? He stood back. “Sure.”
She followed him down the steps and into the apartment. “I was hoping you’d still be up.”
He turned. Gave her an enquiring look. “I thought you’d still be at the hospital.”
She shrugged. “I’m not needed there.”
Clark raised one eyebrow. She flushed slightly. “I’m not! Lex got the dispatcher to call his staff when we were on the way to the hospital. Nigel and Mrs Cox arrived not long after we got there, and they’re taking care of everything.”
No doubt ensuring that the great Lex Luthor got only the best of VIP treatment. Suddenly, he had a sour taste in his mouth.
“Anyway, they’ll be releasing him soon and he told me to go home and get some sleep,” she finished.
A reluctant grin curved around his mouth. “And, being Lois Lane, you couldn’t do as you were told?”
“What do you think?” She was wandering around his living area now, brushing fingertips across this and that item, picking up an ornament and glancing at it briefly before replacing it and moving to something else. The clearest possible sign that Lois Lane had something on her mind.
“So, what is it?”
She turned and met his gaze. “What’s what?”
“What brings you around here at four in the morning? Instead of doing what any normal person would and getting some sleep? Stopping
me from getting some sleep?”
The bite in his tone surprised him, but he couldn’t find it in him to regret it. She hadn’t a clue what she’d put him through tonight, in all sorts of ways. He’d been worried sick about her, of course, especially those times when her reckless side had reared its ugly head. Too many times for his sanity. There’d been that attempt to pretend that Perry was having a heart attack, which had almost got the editor killed. She’d kept butting heads with their captors. And then had insisted on being the one to access the files for the ringleader, leaving him stuck inside the conference-room practically biting his nails. And having to watch Lex Luthor bleating loudly his concern for her.
Then, of course, having so blatantly brought herself to their captors’ notice, she had to be the one taken hostage at the end. She’d almost got herself killed twice falling off the roof. In the end, he’d caught her with seconds to spare.
If he had a few dozen more grey hairs, he’d know who to blame.
But that hadn’t been the worst of it. Oh, no. The worst of it had been watching her with
him.
All evening. The two of them, so clearly a couple. Touching. Exchanging glances. Lois smoothing her hands over Luthor’s shoulders in the conference-room in what was so obviously an automatic, unconscious gesture. Lois looking to Luthor, rather than to him or even Perry, for leadership, for support, for ideas to get them out of there. Lois joining with Luthor to put
him down.
Lois walking away from him outside the Planet building to be with Luthor.
No, she wasn’t really his favourite person right now.
He’d get over it, of course. Not that he’d ever get over the sick feeling he had inside every time he saw her with Luthor. Every time he knew she was out on a date with the man. Every time he thought of that man’s hands on her, his lips on hers... No, he’d never stop the wrenching, churning sensation those thoughts provoked inside his gut. But he would get over his anger at Lois. Come tomorrow, come Monday, he’d be his usual easygoing self with her.
But not now. Not when she’d caught him with his guard down, in the early hours of the morning after a night when he’d had the life scared out of him time and again. When his nerves were shot to pieces because he’d thought that his closest friends were going to get killed and there was nothing he could do to save them. When he’d found himself helpless, powerless to do anything to get Lois out of danger.
He couldn’t be mild-mannered Clark for her tonight.
She was twisting her hands. “Well, I notice you
are still up and dressed, Kent.”
Okay. So she wasn’t actually keeping him from his bed. “Yeah.” He sighed. Okay, so he really didn’t want her here right now, but that didn’t mean he had to be rude. “I guess after the night we had I just felt kind of... restless.”
Her voice was soft. “Me too.”
So that was it. She’d wanted company. And. since her boyfriend was in the capable hands of his trusted staff, she’d decided to fall back on good old Clark.
Oh, what was the point in getting mad at her? He could put up with her for half an hour or so, couldn’t he? “So, we’re both restless. Want some coffee? Or hot chocolate, maybe, before you go?” He walked into the kitchen; she followed him.
She trailed her fingers across his countertop. “I love your hot chocolate. But I don’t know... I mean, it’s great for relaxing me, but I don’t want to be relaxed right now. I kind of feel I want to stay alert. Oh, I know it’s after four, but that’s closer to morning than it is night, if you know what I mean...” She broke off abruptly, eyes widening as she caught his gaze. “I’m babbling. Sorry. Coffee would be nice.”
“Coffee it is, then.” And at least it gave him something to do. “So,” he added as he spooned grounds into the machine, “was there some particular reason you came to see me? Other than taking the chance that I might be awake too?”
“Yeah.” She crossed to the table and began to examine the wood-grain closely. “I wanted to thank you. For tonight.”
He shot her a brief glance, then returned to his task. “For getting us out of there? That was a team effort.”
She studied him for a moment. “I’m not so sure.”
He looked at her again, sharply this time. “What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “Just that you’re the one who seemed to keep your head while everyone else - me, Jack, Lex - were losing ours.”
He breathed again. “It was a tough situation. It’s hardly surprising tempers were on edge.”
“Yeah, well, you stayed calmer than most. But that’s not all I wanted to thank you for.”
“It’s not?” He flipped the switch to start the coffee brewing.
“No.” She paused, and he looked over at her. She seemed to have been waiting for his attention, for she continued. “I wanted to thank you for helping Lex. I think you might have saved his life.”
He probably had. Without attention, Luthor could have bled to death from that bullet-wound. Shrugging, he said, “It’s only what anyone would have done.”
“Anyone with your skills, I mean.” She traced a figure of eight on the table. “And I know you don’t exactly like him.”
“So you think I believe not liking someone means it’s okay to let him die when there’s something I can do to help?” Incredulous, he stared at her.
“Of course not!” She gave him an impatient glare. “I just meant... I know he’s not exactly top of your list of people you’d rush to do favours for.”
“I still wouldn’t let him die, Lois.” He rolled his eyes; did she have the first clue about him as a person?
“Well, anyway.” She pulled a chair out, then pushed it in again. “Lex asked me to thank you, too.”
“I don’t need his thanks.” It was ungracious, but he didn’t care. The last thing he wanted was Lois conveying messages to him from Luthor.
“He knows you saved his life. He’s grateful.”
“If all you came for was to thank me for helping your boyfriend, then consider your mission accomplished. You can go now.”
Her eyes widened, and he thought for a second that there was a flash of hurt there. Quietly, she said, “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“No? Could’ve fooled me.”
“Clark!”
He sighed. “What?”
“Does it have to be like this?”
The weariness in her voice got to him, and he sighed again. He could have pretended not to know what she was talking about, but that would get them nowhere. “No. It doesn’t.” He turned away for a moment, using the time to take mugs out of a cupboard. By the time he turned back to her, he felt calmer, able to talk about Luthor for once without losing his cool. “And I don’t like it either. I... Lois, I’m sorry, but I don’t trust the guy and that just makes me hate seeing you with him. I know you don’t like the way I feel about him, and I’m sorry about that, but that’s just the way it is.”
“And it’s ruining our friendship.”
Her simple statement made him grimace. “I know.” He poured the coffee and brought it over to the table. “I have some of Mom’s cookies if you’d like them.”
Lois’s eyes widened, this time in delight. “Martha’s home-made cookies? Oh, wow! Yes, please!”
The time it took to transfer the cookies from their airtight container to a plate gave him time to plan his next words carefully. “I hate what it’s doing to our friendship, too, Lois. But you have to know that I wouldn’t be like this unless... well, unless I thought there was a good reason.”
And not just because he was jealous, right? Of course, that would be her next line of attack. He steeled himself in preparation for it.
Lois cupped one hand around the mug of coffee, reaching for a pecan chocolate chip cookie with the other. “Yeah, I know, Clark. I... I know I haven’t done a very good job of trying to understand. I’ve just accused you of... stuff... and resented you for it.” She took a bite, then chewed for a few moments. He waited, sensing that she had more to say. “You know, Clark, if you could just give me a
reason...”
Yeah, she’d asked him that before. But it wasn’t a reason she wanted; it was proof. And he had none.
“I think he’s not what he seems, Lois.” He’d told her that before, and she’d refused to listen. “And, no, I can’t give you proof. Or even much evidence. If my instincts aren’t good enough for you...”
She was silent for several moments, playing with her coffee. Then, slowly, she said, “I’d expect you to trust my instincts.”
Yes, she would. And had, on many occasions. Did this mean she was actually starting to believe him?
“Okay. So suppose you’re right and he’s not as clean-cut as he seems. I mean, I know he can be ruthless. But that doesn’t make him a criminal, Clark!”
Clark looked away. He should have known better than to bring that subject up again.
“”But you’re saying that he might be,” Lois continued. “Well, maybe. Or maybe not. But don’t you think I can look after myself?”
He had to roll his eyes at that. “Lo-is. How many times has Superman had to save you in the last six months alone?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but those were exceptions.”
He raised his eyebrows. She flushed. “Okay, a few. All right, several,” she amended as he continued to look at her. “And, yes, including tonight. But, Clark, even if Lex was what you suspect him of, he wouldn’t hurt me.”
Was that true? Clark had seen a different side to Luthor tonight. Well, a couple. The man had, for the most part, behaved precisely as he would have expected: arrogant, needing to be in charge, showing off and playing the commanding leader for Lois’s benefit. But he’d also shown courage, despite the foolhardiness of his stupid escape attempt, the one which had resulted in him getting shot.
The bullet-wound had to have hurt. Pretty badly too, by the way it’d looked when Clark had examined him. But Luthor had brushed it off as just a scratch, and hadn’t said a word about being in pain. Yet he’d actually passed out - whether from pain or blood-loss Clark wasn’t sure. Somehow, he would’ve expected a pampered, privileged guy like Luthor to have complained and whined about being injured.
Luthor had put himself between Lois and the gunmen on a couple of occasions. When the gang had started firing after they’d first burst into the Planet, Luthor had also thrown Lois to the floor and covered her with his own body. Later, when Lois had been out in the newsroom accessing the blueprints, Luthor had shown genuine fear for her safety. Looking back, he was sure that, if he hadn’t talked Luthor out of it, the man would have done something stupid in the name of protecting Lois. Later, when the leader had stated his intention of taking Lois as a hostage, Luthor had attacked the man to try to save her.
On at least three occasions, therefore, Luthor had shown a degree of bravery he wouldn’t have expected from a man like him. Even if his behaviour had been reckless in the extreme and had put others in danger. It chagrined him to admit it, but Luthor had seemed to show little concern for his own life in his desire to protect Lois.
And that was the other thing he’d noticed about Luthor for the first time. The man did seem to care about Lois. Up until now, Clark had assumed that the billionaire’s interest in her was mainly usurious and only partly based on sexual attraction. Lois was the top investigative reporter in the city. If anyone were going to ferret out the truth about Luthor’s activities, it should be someone like Lois. So what better way to neutralise her than to court her? Ask her out. Sweep her off her feet with expensive dinners. Lavish entertainment. The best seats in the house at the opera - where they should have been tonight. Make her see Luthor as a charming, cultivated man instead of a potential story.
He still thought that played a large part in Luthor’s interest in Lois. Yet tonight had shown him that there seemed to be more than that. Why would Luthor put his own life on the line for a woman he had no feelings for? Or for whom he felt mild attraction or saw as convenient entertainment?
So perhaps Lois was right. Perhaps Luthor wouldn’t hurt her. On the other hand, Lois had said it herself. Luthor could be ruthless.
Was ruthless. Would a man like that - cold, calculating, hard-nosed, callous - really allow his personal feelings to get in the way if Lois became a problem? If his suspicions about Luthor’s relationship with Antoinette Baines were right, Luthor hadn’t allowed the fact that he’d been sleeping with Baines to stop him killing her.
An impatient cough interrupted his thoughts. Lois was looking at him expectantly.
“Sorry. Maybe you’re right and he wouldn’t hurt you. I don’t know. I still think he’s dangerous, Lois.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But, anyway, like I said, he’s not my boyfriend.”
He gave her a challenging look.
“He’s not! Okay, I’ve been out with him a few times. But it’s not a
relationship! He wants a date for the opera, I go. Or, if I’m not available, he asks someone else. Or he asks someone else in the first place. I’m sure he’s got a black book bulging with phone numbers.” She made a vague gesture with her hands. “Look, I like him, that’s all. He’s charming. Cultured. He can be very good company, Clark!”
He couldn’t prevent the sceptical look which appeared on his face.
“He can! Look, okay, I know he was a bit boorish once or twice tonight. But you two just seem to do that to each other. I don’t know why it is, but you don’t seem to be able to be in the same room as each other without circling each other like two territorial tom-cats.”
“You don’t know why that is, Lois?” He stared at her, eyes widened in incredulity. Then, as he realised just what he’d revealed by that, he stifled a curse. Why give her any more ammunition to accuse him of jealousy?
It was because he was tired. Worn out, in fact. He couldn’t remember when an incident had last drained him as much as this one had. His closest friends’ lives in real danger. The threat of a nuclear bomb in the middle of Metropolis, with all the damage that would have done. And he trapped as Clark Kent, unable to get away to be Superman. Prevented from using his powers by one mishap after another. And distracted by the sight of Lois with Luthor. Plus the Jack thing. Yes, he was exhausted, not thinking straight. And not guarding his tongue as a result.
He waited for her to tell him that he had no claim on her. But, instead, she ducked her head, stared down into her coffee and chewed her index finger.
It was time to change the subject. But, as he tried to think of something innocuous, she raised her head and spoke again. “Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about Lex.”
“Oh?” He gave her a sceptical look. “I thought you said you came to thank me for saving him.”
She flushed. “That was just an excuse.”
“I know I’m going to regret asking this, but... why did you come, then?”
Whatever this was, he had a suspicion that he wasn’t going to like it. She was nervous. Very nervous. Even if her increased heartbeat hadn’t given it away, he’d have known from the way she was playing with her hands.
“I... realised two things about you tonight.” She spoke jerkily, not looking at him. “Well, one of them’s more about me than you, but it still concerns you. And... and I’ve spent the last hour, after leaving the hospital, trying to decide what to do about it. And in the end I decided that I had to come here and talk to you. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t.”
What on earth was she talking about? His earlier suspicion returned briefly. Was it possible that she’d guessed?
No. No, she couldn’t have. After all, if she hadn’t guessed in all this time, it wasn’t likely that she’d have figured it out tonight of all nights. Not when she was hanging on Lex Luthor’s arm the entire time. He let out a breath and nodded at her. “Go on.”
“The first thing I realised - that’s the one that’s more about me than you - I want to tell you that first. But I’m scared that once I tell you the second thing you’re not going to believe me about that. So...” She chewed her lip. “I’m going to start with the second thing and take my chances.”
Clark rubbed his chin. Why did Lois always have to babble when she got nervous? There were times, and this was one of them, when he wished she’d just spit it out. He saw her steal a glance at him and realised that she was waiting for some sort of sign from him. “Okay. I’m listening.”
Lois freed her hair from the scrunchie and began to play with it. Had he ever seen her this on edge before? Reluctantly, he reached out and caught her hand in his. “Take it easy, Lois. This is me, remember?”
“Yeah, and we haven’t exactly been friends lately, have we? That’s what makes this so tough.”
“Yeah, we haven’t,” he acknowledged softly, and squeezed her hand briefly before releasing it. “But, you know, it doesn’t have to be like that.” Sighing, he continued, “I’m not denying that part of it’s my fault, but it does take two.”
“I know.”
“So talk to me. I’m listening.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “This is going to sound weird. Damn, it sounds crazy to me. But I’ve been over it and over it and it just seems to... fit. Though if I’m wrong you’re going to laugh yourself silly at me.”
“Quit stalling, Lois.” He softened his impatient demand with an affectionate tone.
“Okay. This is it, then. Tonight... I spent a lot of time watching people. You included. I’m a reporter, Clark. It’s my job to observe. I guess I don’t always do a very good job of that. I don’t notice enough about people around me - you especially. Tonight... I’m ashamed to say that I started off thinking like Lex, that you were afraid to do anything to help us. That you didn’t have any ideas about how to get us out of there. But as the hours ticked by I realised how wrong I was. I realised that you were trying to keep everyone safe. And you did - you saved Lex, you went after Jack when he made a run for it and brought him back safely, you tried to protect me and you even got up on the roof after me, though I hadn’t a clue how you managed it.”
So, she’d underestimated him. It was good to hear, even if it did feel like something of a consolation prize from the woman he loved but who was dating Lex Luthor. She’d actually noticed his efforts. He didn’t want any recognition, but... well, it was nice.
“Yeah, okay, but anyone would have done that.”
“That’s not the point, Clark. Okay, I know I’m doing a lousy job of getting to the point, but this is it. I’ve been very,
very unobservant where you’re concerned. And that’s what I finally figured out. I’ve spent hours tonight putting the pieces together. And I’m still not convinced that I’m right, but... it fits, Clark. It just fits.”
Now he was the nervous one. He took a sip of his coffee, hoping that she wouldn’t notice his unease.
“I think you’re Superman, Clark.”
...tbc
