|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 543
Columnist
|
Columnist
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 543 |
What a delightful piece.  I enjoyed it very much. Generally, I'm put off by first person narratives, but this one didn't turn me off. First, it was about a specific moment, rather than a long-winded introspective. Second, the use of sound (as many others have said) and the short, descriptive paragraphs heightened the sense that we were only looking at a moment. I know others have been clamouring for a sequel and perhaps you're planning to write one, but I'd like to suggest that you turn your talents to a new fanfic of whaterver type you want to experiment with. Does it really matter what Lois thinks at this point? Does it really matter what happens afterwards? Sometimes, the moment is all that's important. That's my humble opinion.  But, whatever you do, keep writing, David. You're approach is fresh and delicious. gerry
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 199
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 199 |
Everyone already said what I wanted to say but I might have to repeat everything here. That was so sad, poignant and extremely well written and I felt like crying while reading it  Cheers, Raquel 
"It's not the years that count, it's the moments, right now as they happen." (Clark Kent to Lois Lane - Brutal Youth - S4)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 184
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 184 |
You can claim what you like... but if you're not a writer then I must be on the wrong planet.  This was good, really good. Thank you! Helga
Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit.
Intelligence is not putting them in a fruit salad.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457 |
I thought I should come back and say a big thank you to everyone who has left comments since my last big thank you. So, thank you! Helga: We're obviously on different planets - you're on Venus and I'm on Mars :p I have no plans to do a sequel to this, like Gerry pointed out this was about the moment. (And I'm sticking to that defence  .) I'd be happy to explain why I thought Lois would be nervous, if anyone really wants to know, but I don't think it's all that important. Or mysterious. I've been bribed into writing another, longer HoL story (25 pages, 25 pages!  ) and I've got a deadline on it. So a sequel (if I ever decided to write one) would have to wait a few stories, and since I'm *not* a writer, here, on my planet Mars, that may take forever! [What would you call a sequel to a story named 'Echo'... 'Silence'? ] David (P.S. Thank you!)
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 430
Beat Reporter
|
|
OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 430 |
You could call it "Echoooooooooo". 
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
The title to a sequel of 'Echo' would, naturally, be 'Feedback.' What other choice would you have?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
It's nice to see another male participating on these boards. There are so few of us.
Nice fic all around. I've never had a problem with first person stories but find they can be a bit harder to do.
Looking forward to your next fic. Keep the flame alive.
Tank (who wonders what happened to the other 'guys' out there... David shouldn't have to carry the load alone)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
Whee! I'm *finally* catching up... even though I'm nowhere close. *sigh* Anyhoo... seeing as I've heard everyone rave about this story, not to mention I've read the first bit and have now clue what happens or who David decided to have behind the door... (/me sneaks a quick peek even though she hates reading ahead... *whew* Can you believe he was debating on putting Lana or Mayson in there just to be evil?! Honestly... I think he's spending a little too much time with... er... Sorcha. And Kae. ) he loves her that he'd know the sound *one* pair of her shoes makes. You see how you are, David. This is why you're having trouble with those 25 pages, you just do it so much better when you're succinct.  I’d practiced.
‘Hi Lois, how have you been?’
I’d rehearsed.
‘Have you seen Perry lately?’
I’d stood in front of the mirror.
‘Nice weather, isn’t it?’ AWWWW!!! Poor guy!!! I can just see him doing that. And I can feel his emotions, too! (Does this mean I'm way too into this? Too emotional lately? ) Safe topics. Safe. Not Lex. Not wedding. Not love. Not you. Not me. Nice!!!! (<-- See, I can be succinct too. ) I walked back inside slowly.
I’d give anything. To take it back.
-fin- ACK!!!  *snuffle* You kill me, David, you really do. I saw mention of a sequel when I peeked at the feedback folder... tell me there's going to be one? Sara (who gets to tick one more thing off her to do list now )
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
Aww, rats! I forgot to say how totally brilliant it was of you to write a story with such a huge emphasis on sound. Inspired, really, especially as it's something so important to Clark. Even more so when he's just starting to get his powers back! Excellently excuted in that respect!! Sara
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457 |
Once again, thanks for the fdk! I've had this open for twenty minutes and I'm still not sure what to say, so I'm going to stick with the tried and true: thanks "Echoooooooooo" - why can I almost hear you saying that? Carrying the load? Happy to for now. But we're in a world of trouble if I'm the only representative. And Sara... Originally posted by KSaraSara: (/me sneaks a quick peek even though she hates reading ahead... *whew* Can you believe he was debating on putting Lana or Mayson in there just to be evil?! Honestly... I think he's spending a little too much time with... er... Sorcha. And Kae.  )...Yes. Right. Because it's not like *you* voted for Lana or anything. :p Don't forget to polish your halo. David (Sending a special thank you to his most wonderful of BRs  )
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
|
|
|
|
